Yesterday on the drive home from a workout at the gym I randomly thought, “I need to focus on losing weight.”
Then I thought, “Wait, what? How much do I even weigh?”
I spent about five minutes trying to remember where on the spectrum I was because I honestly had no idea at that moment. I couldn’t remember the last time I had gotten on the scale. I suppose it was for my weigh in last month when I posted on this blog. Since then? Haven’t really thought about it or jumped on the scale every morning like I once did.
Yet…. I’ve still gone to the gym and done cardio daily.
Yet… I’ve still made myself pretty healthy meals.
Yet… I’ve still made time for relaxation and gratitude.
Yet… I’ve still drunk a ton of water every day.
Yet… I’ve kept doing all the healthy behaviors and routines…. just because.
I’ve just done all these things because they make me feel good and because they are good for me. I’ve taken vitamins and taken yoga classes and spent time in the sunshine because I know these are things that will benefit my overall health and make me feel happy. Just because. Not for any end goal.
Oh shit, I am I normal? It feels really nice to not have that obsession over a number or clothes size in the back of my mind these days. It frees up a lot of room for other things like working hard at my day job and side gigs, being there for people I care about, and just enjoying life.
Mimi, my comment vixen as I like to think of her, brought up some interesting points on my last post about how my blog was boring to her and she had lost interest. She suggested maybe I just give up and journal privately or do something else. She had some great points and hit on something I’ve thought about myself.
What is the point of this blog? Where is it going? What am I writing about? What am I passionate about now?
Honestly, I don’t quite know. I like to think of myself as a pursuer of passions but lately I haven’t felt passion for much of anything. I’ve been a bit unsure of what to do with myself and where I want my life to go. Last year was a ridiculous year with so many huge changes in such a short time that I simple had to hang on and see where I ended up. Now that I’m in a relatively stable place I think, “So now what?”
You might want to know where the blog is going. Me too. I don’t know.
When I originally started this blog I gave it the name “A Merry Life” so I could talk about anything in my life that made me happy. I was more of a 20-something wanna be traveler when I started than I was a weight loss blogger. I simple ended up talking about weight loss so much because for a while this was weight loss because it was something I needed and really wanted. That ended up growing my blog and finding an audience but it also pigeonholed me into thinking and talking about weight loss and food more than was really healthy for me.
So now I’m left with the process of figuring out what I want to blog about, if anything.
Here are a few things I’m enjoying right now and might share more about.
- Style. I’ll admit for the majority of my life I didn’t really have a style and it’s something I still fight against. There is part of my brain that insists because I’m fat I should hide myself away in hoodies and jeans and become invisible. I hate this so I’ve forced myself to start paying attention and dressing better. I’ve got a lot to learn about what looks good but I find it interesting to develop a personal style which may or may not involve a lot of ModCloth outfit inspiration.
- Travel. Like I mentioned, I started this blog as a travel blog back when I got home from studying abroad in college. I wanted to share more of my travel tales and photography and bits of my life.
- Memphis. Y’all, I really dig my adopted home city (my first blog was originally a Memphis photo blog!). There are a lot of great things here and even more developing under the radar. It’s becoming one of the types of cities I really love being in with a creative class, tons of bike lanes, parks, and a whole lot of people that want to make the city better.
- Other things! Juju, adventures, new restaurants, gym classes, local 5ks, self-care, good books, crafts, etc.
So basically, just things in my life that make me happy. Which is what this has always been about. And always will be. Maybe it’s narcisstic and maybe it should just be a private journal, but I still really enjoy sharing things I like with others. Maybe no one will read, but that’s okay. I’ll still be writing randomly for a while.