Let’s just get right to it, shall we?
Previous Weight: 241.8
Weight Loss This Week: +.4
Weight Loss Total: -9.6
Grr. I’m not all that surprised considering what I’ve eaten the last couple days and my lack of quality workouts. It’s not surprising, but once again I would like to state it is annoying. It is annoying to work several days to lose one pound then gain 2-3 in the matter of a couple bad meals. I HATE that. I totally thought I would be down this week and then I let the sugar, booze, boredom eating begin. (Please don’t leave nice comments about how it is just a fluctuaion. I appreciate them, but it’s not. I was down a couple days ago so this is a gaaaaaaiiin. )
I want to start walking before I go in to the craptastic job. I think it will help improve my mood while I am there so I can be my normal self instead of dreading those hours. The problem with this is I need to wake up an hour earlier. I don’t want to wake up an hour earlier. I like my sleep and therefore hit the snooze button or change the alarm to let me sleep to the last minute.
This happens to be my problem for EVERYTHING. I know what works but I won’t do it unless I get someone other than myself to force me to. I know what I need to eat, what I need to do, etc., but if there is some kind of obstacle in my way I won’t rise to defeat it. I will immediately claim failure due to difficulty. But if I get someone to tell me what to do (even though I already know what to do) I will do it.
For instance, I know that waking up an hour early and going for a walk will make me happy and help me achieve my goals. However the obstacles of lost sleep and laziness are in my way. Will I defeat them and go for a walk? No. I tried this morning and slept in. Would I have gotten up if someone had called me and told me to go walk? Yes. When other people are watching me or telling me what to do I do better. That is probably why I blog, although if you’ve been around for a while you’ve not seen much success even with all the added scrutiny from readers.
Right now my facebook status reads, “Mary has stopped caring at all about what other people think.” In some ways that is true. However, it feels like a huge lie. I still care about what people think. I want them to like me and think I’ve done cool things more than ever. I want to lose weight so people will think I’ve done a good job. (I want to lose weight so I think I’ve done a good job.)
I feel ever more like a failure because I can’t defeat obstacles on my own. I feel like a mess because I can’t control my own mind sometimes. The habits I long ago developed with food and laziness are always right there waiting to jump in at my weakest moments. And when that happens I do care about what other people think because I still don’t want people to think badly of me.
So I’ve fallen to a couple obstacles this week and had a slight weight setback. It took me two freaking months to lose 10 pounds and now I’ve dipped back under that marker. Oh well. Next week will be a better week… as long as I get rid of the cake at home and figure out a way to beat the lazy/sleep obstacle. I just looove sleep so much, ya know? I’ll let you know how it goes!! :-)