Lately I’ve been taking the time to think about the last year I’ve spent at home. As it is coming to a close and a new chapter in my life is starting I want to make sure I look back at this time to understand it, good and bad.
Looking back I realize that living at home was in many ways for me, an escape from real life. I spent 16 years in school putting off “the real world.” When the time came for me to get a job and start living like a grown up I ran back home scared. I knew I would have a place to live with my family that would be easier than trying to make it on my own. I wasn’t necessarily happy to be doing that, but I did it anyway.
When I moved home I convinced myself it was so I could finally lose weight and get healthy before moving out on my own. I’m not quite sure how I convinced myself this would happen, since the only place I’ve ever gained weight was at home. When I lived on my own during college I lost weight and lived a very healthy and active life. During the year I’ve lived at home, until recently, I spent most of my time bored, depressed, eating poorly, and being lazy.
Basically in the year of living at home I accomplished none of my goals. I’m heavier than when I started. Thankfully I’ve lost a bit of weight recently and am closer to where I started. Perhaps breaking even on the scale will be a victory after all.
I am sad to say that this experience was just one example of how I’ve been stalling. I keep waiting for my life to begin, thinking somehow it will magically all start when I lose weight. So I’ve used the excuse of being fat to stop me from doing many of the things I’ve dreamed about. I’ve let my weight get in the way of fun, work, experiences, etc. I’ve let let my weight dictate more in my life than anything else.
I’m so tired of it. I’m tired of waiting for my life to begin. I’m tired of waiting to lose weight before I try to find a job. I’m tired of waiting to do things because I know I will face discrimination (while often slight, it is there). I’m tired of waiting for my life to begin because I still can’t get my weight under control.
What in the world was I thinking? What in the world was I waiting for? It all seems so silly when I sit back and reflect on the decisions I made over the last year. I always went with EASY instead of RIGHT. That is where a lot of us go wrong, unfortunately. Easy over right, when it really should be doing what is right instead of doing what is easy.
From now on I promise to do what is right. (Or at least what seems right to me.) I promise that even if things are hard – like losing weight and keeping it off – I will keep trying to do them instead of falling back on what is easy. I promise that I won’t give up or give in until I have done all of the things I want in life. I will no longer wait for things to happen. I am not waiting for my life to begin any longer.
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Well said! This post stirred up a lot of emotions in me… I’m going to have to think them over a bit.
It hit me very hard when I turned 39 that I had been fat for 14 years. I’d been checked out of my life for most of that time. That realization has galvanized me… and these days I’m doing much better.
I’m so proud of you for being pro-active about this and going out there to LIVE your life. Good luck!
What an amazing post! Well, it did one thing for you, got you to really understand that you need to move on & do right for you! Do it now while you are young! I can say from experience that I am not sure I ever did it but being with a lot less money by not going back to a job I know I will hate is one step for me…. will see if I can be like you & move in the right direction. Thx for sharing!
That’s great! :) im always putting things off and procrastinating and I get really frustrated with myself over it. It seems like you’re really jumping into life, moving and getting a new job! Good luck! :)
Great post. I’ve been the same way, waiting to lose weight before I do anything. I need to step up into the real world, as apparently life doesn’t wait :D
You can do it, you are doing it! Kia kaha :)
FLG’s last blog post..Weekly Weigh-in: Ah-choo!
Isn’t that such a struggle, starting a diet on monday, working out tomorrow. You are so right. Today is the day to do things!
MackAttack’s last blog post..Rain on me
Wonderful post again. And again, more for me to think about. I do more pondering after reading your blog than any other. Thanks for that. :D
Art’s last blog post..Monday Softball!
such an amazing post and IMO what you did —the waiting and watching–is something we all need to go through to TRULY be ready to spread our wings and LIVE.
and EMBRACE LIFE.
Im so excited for you to start this next part of your life’s journey.
Miz’s last blog post..Clarisonic Update (video/giveaway post).
You are right on! I too kept waiting for my weight to be at the place where I wanted it to be before trying to accomplish certain things, but like you realized that I needed to live life in the now, and not wait for the perfect time! I lived life, had children, made friends, and along the way lost my 150 pounds.
Weight loss is technically about food intake, but successful weight loss is also about attitude, and the conquering of emotional demons. It sounds like you are there! Keep up the good work.
Diane Fit to the Finish’s last blog post..Let’s Not Use Food As a Reward
Mary, while you may not believe it, I totally understand where you are coming from. It sounds as if you have reached a climatic point in your life where something is going to change. That, my friend, is awesome! BTW, I have a post coming tomorrow morning (I think) that should really resonate with you.
South Beach Steve’s last blog post..Day 358 – More Fresh Garden Veggies!
Mary, these younger years of yours are very precious. Yes, live them with joy no matter what the scale says today. And I gotta ask, have you ever considered writing a book about your journey? Think about it. Seriously!!!!
Yum Yucky’s last blog post..6 Cruel Signs You Ate Too Much
Wow….this is very profound, Mary!
Like you, I put off really “living” for so long because of my eating disorder. That was the reason I wasn’t in a relationship, that was the reason I didn’t like my job (or aspire to find my “dream job,”), that was the reason I avoided hanging out with certain friends….it’s just much easier when you have that excuse in your back pocket.
You sound like you’re at a real turning point!! I can’t wait to follow you on your journey. :-)
Holly’s last blog post..When Hard Work Pays Off
@YumYucky
A book? Glad to know at least you would read it. :)
Merry Mary’s last blog post..No More Waiting For Life To Begin
good post. Yeah, procrastination is a biatch and losing weight was always an “oh I can wit till tomorrow” to start kind of thing–except, really, waiting leads to failure. Now is the time to get things done.
Tony’s last blog post..Back to the Top
I wish I could adopt that mentality. I want to embrace life but it that feeling never comes. something or nothing happens and I just go back to fat sorry for myself loserville.
wildfluffysheep’s last blog post..the no longer dreaded weigh in
I can relate, I know that I had previously put my life on hold.. foolish I know but I thought I was protecting myself when in reality I was hurting myself.
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