Update: This is a great post and came from a really honest place but things have totally changed in my life. I’ve learned that everyone is loveable no matter what they weigh or what they look like. Sure it might be hard to find love as a fat girl sometimes, but we all deserve love. So find the person out there that can love you no matter what – you are worth it no matter what the scale says. :)
Of course. How ridiculous is it to assume that love doesn’t exist for bigger people. But that’s exactly what the show does and how it makes me feel after I watch it (I admit- I’m still watching). The theme of the show seems to be – other men in the world just can’t love a fat girl. I always end up thinking, “I’m alone right now. It’s probably because I’m still fat. Dang. If I could just not be so fat, I could find love! Only .0005% of men like bigger women, obviously, because all those crying women say so!”
But it isn’t that simple. Love and relationships are tricky at any size.
I’ve only been dating for 3 years, so I’m no expert. For the longest time, i.e. up until the middle of college, I never had a date. I didn’t think anyone would even want to date me. I was fat, in a bad way, as my brothers liked to remind me. Self-esteem and I weren’t accquainted at the time, so I never thought any guy would think of me as anything more than a funny fat friend. I was resigned to wear the label of “just friend” because it was all I thought I deserved.
When I went to college and lost 55 pounds and found exercise + healthy eating, I gained some of the self-esteem and acceptance that I had missed out on in high school. I’ve been down and up (currently) weight-wise since then but I’ve only continued to become more comfortable in my skin. I’ve had dates, psuedo boyfriends, boyfriends, weird relationships, and such in the last few years of dating.
Even though I’m still a bigger girl, I’ve abandoned the idea that no one will want me. That’s just not true.
Maybe no one wants me right now, but that is not the end of things. I still think someone awesome will come along.
But here’s the thing: I’ve dated a lot of crappy guys. I’ve had guys trick me, lie to me, cheat on me, etc. Every time my mind would land on the fact that it was at least partially my fault.
They would do something wrong, but I always would think it was me because I wasn’t pretty or thin or good enough in some way.
Because I’m overweight I tend to think it gives some excuse to the guys that have treated me poorly. I mean, who can love someone that wears a size 16, right? I can’t help having these thoughts even though I know they are complete lies. My size 2 friend has had the same luck with guys that I have had. Maybe I’ve never been in love like she has, but we’ve both dated losers. She has had more bad boyfriends than I can remember and been cheated on more than I have. Size doesn’t discriminate when you aren’t dating good people.
The reason I always tend to fall back on the I’m-fat-so-it’s-my-fault line of thought is because that is what guys have told me. My brothers, my guy friends, they’ve all said something like, “Guys will put up with a lot from a hot girl that they wouldn’t from an ugly girl. If she isn’t hot, that shit won’t fly.” And it’s true.
I’m sweet. I’m fun. But I’m not hott. When I make a mistake or act bitchy (hey, it happens) I’m immediately cast aside where a hott girl would have more leeway. For most guys my age this is the case. The hotter the girl, the more room they have to act terrible.
Me? I better be 100% amazing all the time or I’m out. It’s like they think it is so nice of them to be dating me that I should just be grateful all the time. (Listen, I know this isn’t the case for all guys. I’m only 23, so the guys I know and spend time with are similar ages and some still act a fool.)
But because my mind always wanders back to thinking that the failures – both in finding guys and keeping them – are because I’m fat, I sometimes think I’m like those girls on More To Love.
Waaah, I did go to prom alone. Waaaah, I don’t get as many dates as my thin friends. Waaaah, I’ve been the fat friend more times than I can count. Waaaah, why doesn’t anyone love me. Waaaah, can anyone love me if I’m still fat? Waaaah, the world sucks because you just can’t love a fat girl.
I’m not proud of those thoughts, but they exist in my mind sometimes. I can’t seem to shake them or the idea that you can’t find love as a fat girl. So maybe if I throw them out there to the world here on this blog they can get beaten into submission. I’m a fat girl and I just want to be loved.