I’m starting to get those compliments. If you’ve ever lost weight you know the ones. They are the sweet compliments noticing your smaller size or “how good you are looking.” I’m happy to be getting them, don’t get me wrong, but they always leave a bitter aftertaste both because I think I looked good before and this weight loss process isn’t new to me.
I’ve lost weight before and I know how I look with 30 extra pounds and without it. And because I’ve lost this weight before I’ve been thinking a lot about the times I’ve lost it. I realized that I have a pattern of weight loss and gain that is quite simple. I move out of my house and I lose weight. It doesn’t matter if I live on my own, with roommates, in a foreign country… I lose weight. And then if I move back home again I regain part of that weight.
I lost about 60 pounds when I went to college. Then I went home for the summer and regained about 20 pounds. I went to a different school the next year and lost that. Then I went home and regained. Repeate. Study abroad I lost 20 pounds. Came home and regained it plus a few. Move out and I lose weight. Move back home and I regain the weight and struggle to take it off.
Seems pretty obvious what the problem is, doesn’t it? In the home where my family lives, I developed a lot of bad habits to cope with the verbal abuse I endured there. I ate based purely off of emotions, with a wide variety of reasons causing me to eat or even binge on food. After 8 years living in that house with all the bad memories, bad habits, and depression I finally moved out to go to college and discovered I could be different. I could have different habits. And in the last few years I’ve developed a lot of healthy, positive habits. But those things were always overshadowed by the bad habits that still stuck around and reared their head when I went home to my family’s house for summers/holidays/theyearaftercollege.
Every time I went back home the bad stuff seemed to win out. I’d always end up on the verge of depression, eating when my brother yelled at me, trying to keep up the good habits I had when I lived on my own but always failing to make any sort of difference on the way things at home went. I sort of always thought that I needed to stay away just so I wouldn’t get caught in that process every time but it didn’t cement in my mind until this last month or so.
One thing that helped make this fact clear was a discussion I had with Connie during our second week here at Green Mountain. I was telling her a little bit about living at home and how things had happened. She listened and understood that I had developed habits, or addictions, in that house that I couldn’t shake. She compared it to the difficulty drug addicts have when they have to go back to that same environment after they’ve been away for treatment. Just being in that same environment triggers things that are hard to control. For me, being at home triggers all the bad habits I had that led me to obesity. For me, I have to stay away from that environment no matter what. (Sorry Mom, I will still come home for holidays!)
The simple act of getting out of that environment breaks so many bad habits for me. So now that I’m gone I’m once again losing weight. The compliments are pouring in once again. I’m enjoying hearing them, but each time I do I realize that I can never go home again. I can never allow myself to go back to that place that triggers those addictive and miserable behaviors. I have to be an adult, be my own person, and stand up for myself to do what is best for me. That makes me a little sad when I think about it, but I’m worth it.
Meals:
Not pictured: extra slice of toast with jelly at breakfast and a glass of milk, extra slice of red pepper pizza at lunch, and an extra half glass of milk at dinner. Yummy yum yumyums!
Moves:
1.5 miles walked
30 minutes yoga
30 minutes upper body weights on my own
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I love the compliments I’m getting now, but I always keep in mind the converse: that the people who are telling me how great I’m looking are the same ones that will keep mum if I gain it back. What does that mean? It means appreciate the nice comments, but remember that you’re on your own when it comes to keeping it off.
Amazing post. Thank you for sharing! I love that you said that you have to stand up for you! Keep that thought close & dear to your heart. Make it your mantra if necessary.. do not let it go. Keep standing for yourself!!!
Mary, I think that as time goes on you will get to the point where you are strong enough to be strong for yourself wherever you are. Either at home for a visit or away. I know in my own life there were a lot of issues that caused me to eat, and working through those issues really helped me learn to be strong on my own, without allowing circumstances to affect my choices. Not an easy path to be sure, but worth every bit of effort.
I think it’s an important part of the process when you can recognize your past behaviors. It’s only when we can learn from them that we can work toward changing them. Do you take yoga classes or practice on your own?
@JackSht
It is funny how those people who give compliments on the way down never say anything when you gain it back. So funny. That’s why although I appreciate comments, I don’t put much stock into them. My opinion is the only one that matters.
@Diane
Circumstances only affect my choices in one place. So I’m just going to not go to that place any more than I have to. So that’s that. Thanks for the input though!
@Couchspud
So true, so true. I take yoga classes right now but I want to start doing it on my own as well, once I’m more comfortable/familiar with the poses. It’s so wonderful!
you are right about toxic environments…sometimes the toxic environments is the environment you have created and one you have to face and undo. I am glad you are able to move out of yours. Keep up the great work. Weight loss is 90 percent mental and 10 percent physical, that being said…50 percent of statistics are fabricated.
Hi Mary–just getting caught up on reading blogs as I’ve been tied up with work and haven’t had much time lately. Looks like you are having a great experience. I love the food shots! Sounds like you are making some very important discoveries that will help support you when you return from this adventure. I agree that its best to avoid environments that bring out our unhealthy coping mechanisms. Easier said than done. Thanks for sharing your journey!
I know what you’re saying… I am 40 years old and interacting with my family can cause me enough stress to send me into a binge. I tread very carefully around them (and they’re not bad people, they’re just not good for my equilibrium).
Im starting to read posts like these with different eyes…eyes which PRAY I never “accidentally” do to my daughter what so many moms (perhaps unknowingly? perhaps THEY THOUGHT outta love?) have done to their girls.
I pray I create an environment which allows her to thrive, to know she can thrive , and one which she leaves spreads her wings and WANTS to return to some day.
xo xo,
Carla
I don’t know what to say. I think it’s good you’re coming to conclusions, or clarifying your understanding of things. I think it’s sad that it has to involve not feeling at home… at home. But you have to do what you have to do, I think. So, yeah, I guess I’m just saying I support whatever you feel you need to do.
Also, nice job getting in some upperbody weights on your own! :)
Remember this! Stand up for you. Do what you need to do to avoid going back into the environment that is unhealthy for you! Short visits will be plenty!
I do understand, I was there remember, I have my own battles to win because of 22 years of it. The sooner I put the house and its memories behind me the better. The years in Franklin are the ones I like to remember when you kids were little and I was there with you, we had a great time. I know what it is like to leave home and not want to go back because of bad memories, I just hope that someday we can both put it behind us.
I love you, and I am very proud of you!
Mom
@Hanlie
Yeah, family time can be very stressful no matter how old you are!
Miz
I’m sure you will create that environment for your daughter. In so many ways it was not my mom’s fault. At all. But she didn’t have control of the place and still kind of doesn’t, so it’s a place I don’t belong. It’s almost as much to do with just being in that particular house… its so full of bad memories and bad energy you can feel it when you walk in and its depressing.
@FLG
Yeah, I think a lot of the ideas I’m writing about lately are thoughts that have been in my head undefined for a while and I’m just getting clarity with them. It does suck to not feel at home when you are at home. I feel at home with my family when we are all together, I just don’t feel at home in that house. I just don’t belong there anymore. Thanks for your support. <3
@MaryFran
Yes, avoiding an unhealthy environment is best for me. It might seem “weak” but it’s what I need to do.
@MOM
Yeah, I know you get what I’m saying in this post better than anyone. Soon we will both be moving on from that place, and we will both be better for it. Love you so much!!
Wow! Thank you for sharing. Understanding one’s bad habit triggers is the first step to eliminating them.
I’m not as fortunate as you. My major trigger is not location. It is stress. I’m a stress eater and my life has been and continues to be extremely stressful. Its hard to avoid, but I’m finding more and more ways to cope.
I am happy you and your Mom are moving on. I wish you continued success.
If you’re over 18, definitely don’t move back in! Sounds like a place that doesn’t work well for you. I think going back home post-graduation is negative in a bunch of ways — better to make your own life.
You have very hard determination and strong will power to lose the weight. That time is not so far when people will you compliments. Carry on.
OMG – this is me. I soooo understand what you’re saying. I can’t stand all the “compliments” I’ve been getting. Someone actually said to me last week “so, really, be honest. did you have weight loss surgery? you’ve lost a tooooonnnnn of weight” I lost 35 freakin’ pounds people, not 100!
Excuse me for saying, but you are f$*#)*$ gorgeous.. not just cute.. and will get more so as you age.. and as for your family situation I hope you get your voice. You deserve good things. You seem like a lovely joyous person who gives to people and wants the best for them and you don’t deserve that shite. I hope the day comes. You stand up to those people like an amazonian princess and tell them what is what about everything with such dignity and authority, they really see what they’ve tried to do to you. Finding your voice is an amazing experience. Good luck bella
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