Today I was going through notes on my computer to clean up things and I found something I wrote down months and months ago about my emotional eating:
I eat to numb out. To zone out. To not feel what it is that makes me feel bad or sad or crazy. Food is easier, quite simply.
I’ve grown a lot since I wrote that and for the most part I’ve moved passed doing that blind emotional eating to smother what I’m feeling. But I haven’t completely eliminated that line of thinking and actions from my life yet.
The last couple days I found myself eating way more sweet snacks than I should. It’s not even that it’s more than I should eat, it’s more than I even wanted to eat. But they were available and thinking about food constantly gave me a break from thinking about the other stressful things. It might seem surprising, but life actually feels more stressful now than it did when I was in Tennessee. Funny how that works. Funny how easily I can slip into using food as something to zone out with instead of dealing with the emotions I’m feeling.
But like that phrase says, food is easier. It’s something to think about and obsess over and then consume that doesn’t hurt anyone else and doesn’t force me to be self aware. If I put all my focus on food I don’t have to acknowledge what is bothering me, right?
That line of thinking has some logic to it, but it also leads straight into compulsive thinking and obsession over food. I wish that obsession could be for broccoli or some other vegetable but it’s usually just for anything with enough sugar to mess with the chemicals in my brain. Food gives me something to focus on, zone out with, and feel good from.
Food is easier to deal with when I’m stressed out or otherwise emotional, but in the end the consequences (blood sugar spikes, weight gain, etc.) just make things more complicated. I know that but it’s easy to silence those concerns in the moment. After the fact, sometimes hours later or even days, I wise up to the fact that I should have just dealt with the situation and/or feelings instead of using food. But in the moment I sometimes just go straight for the food because I don’t want to feel bad or sad or crazy or stressed.
I struggle with this type of thing much less often than I used to, but it still is a problem occasionally and this week has reminded me of that fact. Stopping it from happening to be self aware and examine what I really need to be feeling is not always fun and sometimes I just let it go and go for the food. I hate it and wish I had never learned this particular coping mechanism. I wish it was something that was easily conquered. I have lots of wishes but not many solutions.
I’m still working through things and learning how to respect my body and treat it well. I love myself and want to treat myself well, but sometimes I forget what that means and like I did this week, I fall back on old habits. I’m continually striving to be better and completely break free from emotional eating and other crippling habits. That won’t stop.
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I think emotional and mindless eating is something we all struggle with. I will all of a sudden snap out of it, and realize what I have done. In the past, I would have said “oh well, this day is shot” and continue on. However know, I can acknowledge that it happened and be more active in the choices I make. I have found since being more aware of the fact that I do emotional and mindlessly eat, I am doing it less and less. I try to find other avenues for emotional eating (going for a walk or calling a friend) and I typically did my mindless eating in front of the tv. Now I catch up on twitter/blogs and drink my water ;-) It’s all about the action plan and being aware. It’s never too late to re-start and be more aware!
Thank you for sharing. It’s a rough boat but sometimes it’s nice to know that I have friends there with me who can throw me a life ring if I need it.
.-= Cassie´s last blog ..Weigh In & F R I E N D S =-.
Awareness is definitely one of the keys to stopping it. I agree.
I’m here to share. We all are. It’s nice to know you aren’t alone. ;)
You got me thinking with these words, “But like that phrase says, food is easier. It’s something to think about and obsess over and then consume that doesn’t hurt anyone else and doesn’t force me to be self aware. If I put all my focus on food I don’t have to acknowledge what is bothering me, right?
That line of thinking has some logic to it, but it also leads straight into compulsive thinking and obsession over food. I wish that obsession could be for broccoli or some other vegetable but it’s usually just for anything with enough sugar to mess with the chemicals in my brain.”
I’ve been on this path to health a long time, losing and keeping off over 100 lbs has not been an easy road, but I took it up to find health and happiness and get away from feeling trapped inside myself. These days, I eat right. I eat clean and healthy and I rarely diverge from the path. Even in the most difficult situations, I find a way. That worked for weight loss, and I needed to do that. But lately I find I CAN’T diverge from the path, and I obsess over food in the opposite manner. I will go to ridiculous means to AVOID food that is not part of my plan, talk about compulsive. I will choose to go starving rather than choose to eat something I “shouldn’t.” I will plan for weeks in advance if I have a trip or an event where I have to “eat socially.” There we are with the obsessive. I feel broken, and scared, and alone when that happens…which is more and more frequently, and honestly – a little bit like a failure. From one extreme straight to the other.
This is different from the intent of your post, but in many ways the same. There’s planning and awareness required from both ends of the spectrum, or we get lost in our unhealthy behaviors…”crippling habits” as you termed it (agreed). Until I read your words here today, I couldn’t figure out why…but I think you nailed it – “If I put all my focus on food I don’t have to acknowledge what is bothering me, right?”
Your post is timely for me, I only recently (this past weekend) admitted any of this to myself. But I guess that’s the first step in the right direction – awareness. I also placed a call for help…another step on the path.
Not sure here what to say really, just thank you for providing some perspective back from the other side of things. I probably won’t open up much about this on my blog, I do try to keep it fairly training focused. I know they’re related, maybe I’m just scared. Thank you for the venue anyway :) I wish you the best on your journey, I’ll be following along :)
Cathy
.-= Cathy´s last blog ..(Slightly) Bigger Bench =-.
Its hard to forget old habits and coping mechanisms…at least it is a lot less frequent now, also I bet you recognise it quicker now too. I rarely find myself bingeing emotionally now but it still happens… I try to walk it off now, or drink a bigass glass of water instead but it doesnt always work.
.-= misssarahlou´s last blog ..Catch Up and Weigh In #72 =-.
I do. It’s waaay better, but it’s still something that isn’t completely gone yet, so it’s frustrating. Walking it off is a good idea… except when it’s raining and late at night and cold. Haha.
It’s something we all struggle with at times. You will get past it!
Thanks. :)
I can really relate to this post. Unfortunately too much so.
I am so there with you on that one. Just last night I was angry at my roommate for allowing herself to be in a certain situation instead of DTMFA for real. but I had already voiced that opinion, and so I was sitting there, angry for no reason. It took every single ounce of will power that I had to only eat a 100 calorie snack, and then force myself to go to bed.
I know I’m better for it, and had this happened the same day last week, I would have eaten the two remaining brownies on my counter, plus a bag of popcorn, the rest of my cashews, and a chimichanga. I’m so glad I’m paying attention to how I feel and how I react to those feelings now. Its not healthy.
.-= Lily Fluffbottom´s last blog ..Body Fat =-.
this is such a tough one and one I wonder if we ever conquer?
Did you happen to see OPRAH when she had Geneen Roth on ? the short version is O talked about eating an entire head of lettuce with lemon (?) when she was stressed and went on to say essentially IT WASNT COOKIES BUT THATS STILL EMOTIONAL OR STRESS EATING.
Its a journey and all we can do is get up eat morning and recommit.
xo xo
.-= Miz´s last blog ..MizFit + Biggest Loser finale + Subway Fresh Fit = =-.
I missed that episode but read lots about in the blogosphere.
I don’t think conquering happens. Some days it just is going to happen.
Thanks for commenting on my blog! I really appreciated your comment.
I can totally relate to this post. I use recovery from anorexia as an excuse, like “Screw it, I need to gain weight anyway” and end up eating so much that I feel sick. I didn’t realise that I was just stressed and when I wrenched myself away from the food, I went upstairs… and just like that I didn’t want to eat anymore. Not only was I not hungry, I was just feeling sick and bloated. Emotional eating isn’t helpful, ever, and there are much better ways to deal with emotions.
Thanks for posting this. I can totally relate to it… And again, thanks for visiting/commenting on my blog! :)
Wei-Wei
Once I taste sweet, I can’t stop. I know that now. So, most often I don’t start. Or I determine ahead of time when I will stop. Usually, it’s easier not to start. Gradually, I think you’ll find that the times you do use food to zone out, you’ll be able to stop yourself sooner. With every good choice you make, you are creating a new inner voice, whether you realize it or not. You’re doing great! Keep at it.
.-= Nancy B. Kennedy´s last blog .. =-.
I usuallly don’t start either. but you know, it happens.
I’ve admitted it here before but still haven’t addressed it really — I definitely am an emotional eater at times. And sometimes I have food cravings that I always wonder are sparked by a nutritional deficiency of some type or an emotion. But the number one food I crave is peas. I like comfort foods like mac & chs, and various baked goods, but I can eat more peas in one sitting than most people can imagine. And while peas are very far from the worst food choice I could make, emotional eating still probably isn’t a good idea.
Something else I just noticed recently is that when I’m injured and bleeding — as in, when I’ve fallen while running and scraped up my knees badly — while bandages are being applied and the wounds are being cleaned, all I want is a big, big glass of milk. So strange since that is pretty much the only time I’ll drink a glass of milk. I’m fine with milk in cereal and stuff, but I tend to choose water or juice as my beverage of choice. I’m guessing it somehow relates to my childhood. I have vague recollections of my mom talking about milk making bones stronger and she must have had me drink it when I fell when I was little. Anyway, it’s still not a horrible thing to consume from an emotional standpoint, and not anything I’m going to worry about since I seem to fall and get scraped up less than 5 times per decade.
But I do need to think more about controlling my emotional pea consumption. Even if it’s only once a week or once a month, it’s something I should control better.
Mary: Now that I have lost my chef, I do lots of mindless eating, I think that is what we all do sometimes. I use to love to cook, but now cooking for myself stinks, especially on crutches. You have come so far, with cooking and what to eat, don’t let a little setback steer you off your path. Many paths lead nowhere, but the one you have chosen will lead you to the true happiness you deserve..
Love
Mom
That is why this is a life long journey… learning at every corner & every day. Even after all these years, I fall into this trap to Mary.. yes, I do! The thing about it now is I catch myself early & I may have something & stop OR I may just talk myself into something healthier but still meets my emotional needs. I just went thru this yesterday so reading this today, it hits home….. THX!
You can do this Mary… just don’t give up. A journey it is!
.-= Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Protein Cookies =-.
Emotional eating is a relatively new term and highly misunderstood. What’s important to realize is that there was programming done at a very early age driven by the fact that the brain has two primary directives–pleasure seeking and survival. Early on we learned to associate food with survival and pleasure seeking. The good emotions such as happiness, joy, elation and so on are obviously associated with pleasure seeking and frustration, boredom, confusion, anger, depression and so on are associated with survival.
The sad news is that most programs to lose weight or deal with binging focus on food and never deal with emotional programming.
The bottom line is that focusing on what you do or do not eat to control or lose weight is like trying to fly by flapping your arms. To be successful it’s important to focus on the stress of the emotion and learn to take it straight rather than diluting with food.
Now for the misunderstanding: Those who provide direction on dealing with emotional eating usually focus on the stress that led to the emotion or provide advice on how to reduce or avoid the emotion. But that’s not the answer. The answer is to learn how to actually feel and embrace the emotion and articles giving you six or ten steps to conquer emotional eating is like expecting a first grader to pass the high school equivalency test. The result is that 95% of all diets and eating programs fail—even those focusing on emotional eating.
It’s funny, I am the exact opposite. When I get stressed, sad or angry I get sick to my stomach. Seriously sick. I can’t eat or anything.
.-= Diana @ frontyardfoodie´s last blog ..Pregger Pic Week 25 and a Beautiful Saturday =-.
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