I’d be hard pressed to find anyone who would call me skinny. I weigh 207 pounds and at 5’2″ that classifies me as severely obese (or obese class II) with my 37.86 BMI. I wear a size 14 or 16 depending on the brand, and I’m nowhere near my goal weight. But despite all that, I feel skinny.
I do. I feel skinny.
I didn’t say that I am skinny. I’m obviously not, considering the circumstances. But I feel skinny. I’ve lost a chunk of weight and my body shape is different from the shape it began in. And because of all those changes, I feel skinny.
It’s a strange feeling to feel skinny when you are not. I’m aware that I’m not actually skinny. I’m aware that some people are horrified to find themselves at my current weight, or even my goal weight for that matter. I’m aware that most people wouldn’t look at me and think skinny. Gorgeous, maybe, but not skinny. And even knowing all this my brain still tells me that I look and feel skinny. I am lighter and smaller than I once was, and in my head this translates to skinny.
I know I’m not alone in this thinking. I think a lot of us that have lost weight eventually feel this feeling before we have reached our goal weight, before we have completely changed. Perspective is a very strange thing. We can feel skinny but still be obese. We can feel fat but actually be skinny. We can feel a lot of things that aren’t necessarily true.
The mind has the ability to think many things, and I think it’s our job to train it to think the things we want. For example, I want to think and feel skinny after all of my hard work losing weight and because of that desire and the actions I take to make it a reality I often do feel that way. I want to feel beautiful which is why I often look in the mirror and think that about myself. These aren’t things that I have to think or that come naturally (far from it). I could just as easily take the attitude that I’m still fat. I could easily think about how far I have to go. I could easily think about how my face isn’t perfect, or how my hair is not so great, and a million other little flaws could be amplified in my mind to the point where I can’t see my overall beauty. I could easily tear myself down and allow myself to think and feel negatively about my body. But I refuse to do that. Instead I latch on to these positive feelings. I encourage them. I take days where I don’t feel positively as an opportunity to train my brain and make it focus on the positive. It might seem silly to repeat things to yourself over and over again, like “I’m thin and healthy” or “I’m beautiful”, but the more you tell yourself these things the more naturally they will feel to you. You will believe them, think them, feel them.
So I’m not skinny yet. But I feel skinny. I think I’m skinny. I tell myself that I am skinny. I’m going to act like I am that, because it feels like a very good thing to be and I know that eventually it will be true. My body just keeps feeling better and better the lighter that I am. Maybe people who pass me on the street don’t have the same assessment of my body, but for me? I’m feeling skinny now. ;)
How about you? Do you/have you felt skinny before actually being skinny?