I’m feeling so much better after just one day of healthy eating. Seriously. Just one day without eating sugar, drinking lots of water, and lowering the amount of sodium in my food. It’s been good.
Today I wanted to address a comment left on yesterday’s post about getting back on track with healthy living:
Hi Mary. I hope you’re having a great road trip. First time commenting, I just had one question. You wrote:
“My normal way of eating involves not eating sugar on most days, not eating fried foods, not eating fast foods, and eating more veggies and fruits. This is not how I’ve been eating on the road trip, so I find a need to get back to it now even though we have a week of roadtripping left.”
I’m confused. Just a week ago, you wrote:
“There are a lot of things I normally wouldn’t eat that I’m going to eat while I’m traveling across the US with my boyfriend. And I’m going to enjoy them all. I won’t feel guilty and I won’t stop myself from eating them.”
It seems maybe you’re feeling a little conflicted. Originally you said you weren’t going to feel guilty about indulging, but it seems you ended up feeling guilty anyway. Maybe you can share what you’ve learned, and why you appear to have reversed your original commitment to “enjoy them all,” guilt-free? Is it not as simple as merely “deciding” not to feel guilty, but rather trying (and failing) to suppress guilt that we know we SHOULD be feeling, even though we don’t want to?
I hope it doesn’t end up being too much of a distraction from your trip, and I look forward to reading about how you resolve this inner conflict and seemingly inconsistent attitute toward food and your road trip.
Thanks for the comment that sparked a blog post Kevin! I found it interesting that my decision to start eating healthy again (for me that means less sugar, less sodium, less fast food, more water) was interpreted as feeling guilty about what I was eating the week before. I found it funny because that’s completely not what I feel. (And since the comment asked nicely for my thoughts I figured I would share a few!)
For me, even though our road trip is continuing for a week, I’m done with everything new and exciting. I’ve been all throughout Tennessee and North Carolina, so nothing here is something I haven’t had a chance to have before. It’s new and exciting to Kepa, but for me it’s just the normal stuff. So for me there is no point in continuing to eat the way I have been up until this point.
This doesn’t mean that I didn’t enjoy everything previously. I did. I don’t feel bad about anything I ate, nor do I regret any decisions I made. I’m in no way conflicted, as it may have seemed in my posts. I most definitely do not believe that I should be feeling guilt over eating food, as that comment suggests. I’ve spent many years of my life feeling guilt over food – guilt over compulsive eating, guilt of secret eating, guilt over eating foods that tasted bad but were eaten just to eat something to soothe an emotion. I no longer believe that I should feel guilt over food, even if my choices aren’t necessarily “healthy” ones. My overall attitude towards food has changed so greatly in the last few years that guilt is something that I feel no longer belongs.
I suppose gathering a thought here and there from hastily written personal musings on a blog is not the best way to determine someone’s philosophy and inner feelings toward food. But for me there is not inner conflict or inconsistency. I ate delicious things that I probably won’t ever get a chance to eat again and I’m grateful for the wonderful opportunity I had to do so, not guilty or upset that I chose to indulge myself and enjoy the experience. I’ve had the things that I normally wouldn’t eat. I will always remember those meals and probably still mention the memories of some like the shrimp po-boy in New Orleans or BBQ in Texas, amazing meals I shared joyfully with Kepa. There is no guilt associated with any of those meals. For me it really is as simple as deciding not to feel guilty, which in this case is extremely easy to do because it was all worth it.
Things have happened exactly like I thought they would on the first part of our trip and they are happening like I figured they would on the second half of the trip. If we were headed to New York like we had planned at one point, then I would still be planning on eating local treasures with abandon. Because our trip is now going through parts of the country I already know well, I’ve decided it’s not worth it for me to continue that course (except for White Castle here in Nashville and BBQ in North Carolina that I still plan to dominate). This inconsistency has more to do with the change in plans for the road trip rather than inconsistency in my food philosophy.
Additionally, deciding to go back to my healthy eating for the most part has a lot to do with how eating all these fried and sugar/salt/fat/grease filled foods made me feel. I’m not someone who counts calories or follows a diet plan, so I generally base my food decisions on how it makes my body feel. I try things, I see how they work for my body, then I adjust depending on the results. While eating all these things is fun and initially gives you a boost, after a couple weeks I’ve found myself completely out of whack physically. I’ve wanted to snack more, I’ve been so tired I’ve crashed mid afternoon and had to nap, I’ve felt slow and gross. Those feelings are something I don’t enjoy and want to eliminate to fully enjoy the rest of my road trip and the remaining time I have in the States. Going back to my normal way of eating is an obvious decision, and an easy one now that we aren’t going to the Northeast (I wish we were though!).
Hopefully that clarifies? No guilt here at all. All things were enjoyed guilt-free and very happily. Now I’m transitioning back to my normal way of eating as much of possible with a few great things thrown in.
Guilt and food is such an interesting topic, I think. I’m curious to hear what more of you think…
Do more of you think you should feel guilty over foods you eat? Do you feel guilty when you eat high-calorie/not-on-your-plan foods? Or do you allow yourself opportunities to indulge and enjoy without any negative emotions attached (please, please some of you say you do)?
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{ 72 comments }
Great topic! Yes – I sometimes feel guilty still. My goal is that I eventually get to a place where I can indulge upon occasion and not feel guilty. I think a treat now and then, especially in special circumstances and social settings, is a great way to bring balance to our healthy eating. I’m working on it:)
Karen@WaistingTime´s last [type] ..A Dog Eat HotDog World
Great post Mary!
I think the basis of my problem with food comes from guilt. To think that one day, I’ll finally be guilt free over food? I don’t think so!
You see, I think guilt is not a collateral of being overweight, but one of the reason that lead me to it.
Let me explain: Since I was ashamed of the things I ate, I did it alone. When I was with people, I “faked” the way I ate because I thought this would made me accepted by them. So when I was finally alone, with that forbidden food, I overate it. Because I did not know when I’d be able to eat it again, or simply because I was hungry!
When you lose weight, you also do something wonderful: you learn to know your body. I learnt that I have a massive appetite, and starving myself was never a way. I also enjoy a lot of “forbidden food”. But by integrating them in my daily diet, instead of making it ccompletely off limit, it kinda relieved the guilt around it, and in a way, made it less apealing.
At the end of the day, I did lose all these pounds, and I did eat all that Ice Cream.
Do I still feel guilty when I eat some kind of foods? It depends .. when my day balanced it out, no. It’s a question of balance!
Feeling guilty will never help anyway … so screw it!
Marilou @ Mostly Healthy´s last [type] ..Tapas and Thunderstorms
I love your comments. They pretty much mirror exactly the processes I’m going/have gone through. ;)
When I started feeling guilty over food choices that were still within a “normal” range I knew I had to make a change. When I was purposefully working out so that larger calorie intake could happen (normal behavior) and then having emotional break downs in grocery stores because I felt guilty over wanting something (abnormal behavior) I implemented the change. I was so consumed by calorie intake that I forgot that I this journey is also about learning to listen and trust myself.
I stopped counting calories during the weekend (fri – sun) and it has been liberating. Taking the proverbial training wheels off is allowing me to see that I can be conscious without the obsessive tracking.
Awesome post!
Tara´s last [type] ..Run- Tara- Run – The red box – Inspiration
Great post. I know for me my emotions & self esteem are very tied into how much & what I eat, which puts food into 2 categories: foods that make me feel guilty and those that don’t. But it’s such a blurred line, isn’t it? Can’t my good choices for the day offset the decision I made to have ice cream after dinner? Realistically, they should. And I tell myself prior to eating that ice cream that’s ok to have it. However, I’ll still feel guilty after I eat it. I’ll still beat myself up instead of allowing myself a little leeway. I’m hoping eventually I can separate those feelings and realize that I’m not a terrible person just because I ate a little (or a lot) too much 1 day.
Enjoy the rest of your trip with Kepa! xoxo
I hope that you realize you aren’t a terrible person for those things too. Because you most definitely are not. How much or little you eat does not determine your worth as a person. You are awesome!
I’ve finally learned that Mary’s blog is where I go to find out how not to do things the right way.
You want someone that inspires healthy living? Then by all means go follow Kepa’s blog or any number of weight loss bloggers. You want to be stuck in a rut? You’re in the right place.
I agree that many people are more inspiring than me, especially the people that lost weight faster. Kepa’s blog is most definitely very inspiring… check it out here and read through the archives: http://thefatlazyguyslog.blogspot.com
But I disagree that reading my blog will get you stuck in a rut. You can read blogs all day or not, that doesn’t determine your own success. The only thing that determines your own success is YOU. You can read inspiring blogs or blogs of people who fail or blogs of people who struggle – it doesn’t affect you as much as what YOU do for yourself. Just a thought.
Wise words, Mary! (Not to mention a classy response. Good heavens, someone was feeling harsh that day.)
Pubsgal´s last [type] ..Weekly Update- 7-21-10
Then why are you back reading the blog if it disagrees so much with you? Prehaps you should follow some simple advice ‘if you don’t like it, leave.’
As much as I’d love to say I never feel guilty for something I’ve eaten, I still do if I know I ate something to try and relieve stress. If I did it just for the taste and the atmosphere and the moment, I am much less likely to feel guilty. If it is just mindless eating, then the guilt comes rushing at me.
Rachel´s last [type] ..Days of Grace- 276-365
Hi Mary, it’s me again, the Kevin who wrote the original comment.
Thanks, that actually makes a lot of sense and cleared it up nicely. I know exactly what you mean about how gross and “slow” you feel after you’ve been eating junk for a few days. At our cottage last year, after 4 days of hot dogs and potato chips, I realized I was craving a grilled chicken breast and a huge plate of steamed broccoli. How weird is that! I NEVER would have imagined I’d have a craving for broccoli!
Anyway, thanks for answering my question.
Glad at least I cleared up the question. It was quite clear that I needed this after Kepa and I both went crazy over delicious broccoli (boring steamed without seasoning broccoli) when we ate some the other night. Sometimes your body does just crave broccoli. ;)
Interesting! I wrote about something similar just yesterday. I also subscribe to the eating without guilt philosophy. Mostly, I try to eat what works for my body, my health, and my brain function but I don’t beat myself up over the occasional bowl of ice cream or piece of fried chicken because I go right back to my usual, healthier eating patterns. But I was blindsided by a most unlikely food this week and I was shocked. Luckily, my body told me it didn’t like this, so I’m back on track again.
Sayre´s last [type] ..Danger! Danger- Will Robinson!
This post made me consider a few things, and one of them is that I don’t feel food guilt, even though I eat sweets or salty snacks nearly every day. The reason I don’t feel guilty is that I have a concept of how I want to live the rest of my life in regards to food and it includes small portions of such things and large portions of healthy foods. Sure, I feel dissatisfied if I eat more of those things than I believe I should instead of eating more nutritious food, but I never feel guilt.
When my husband or I do something which upsets the other person, I often say that guilt is not a constructive emotion. In fact, all it is is a form of self-flagellation over something that cannot be changed. I also believe it is something which is often externally defined. That is, we don’t feel guilty because we think we should most of the time, but because of larger messages about how we “should” live our lives. I don’t listen to that. I know how I want to live, and that’s how I live. And you should, too.
Frankly speaking, I think we need to assess our relationship with food and the power it has over us. Guilt over bad eating is the flip-side of pride over good eating. How we eat is not a proper well-spring to derive pride from, nor something to beat ourselves up about. It simply is either conducive to our desired lifestyle and healthy goals or not.
I think the guilt you feel is another part of the way in which you may sometimes empower voices other than your own. You are judging yourself because others judge you. People make you think you’re bad if you are fat and eat ice cream, so you think you’re bad. You have integrated those voices and act on them, but they do not serve your goals at all. They merely serve to reinforce your low estimation of yourself, and no one deserves that. Guilt will only tell you that you did a bad thing which in turn makes you seem less capable of being “good” and achieving your goals.
Give yourself the power to neither feel “good” (pride) nor “bad” (guilty) about food. Approach it the same way you approach other aspects of your lifestyle. Sometimes you take a shower which is utilitarian and accomplishes the goal of cleanliness. Sometimes you take a long, relaxing bath with scented bath salts and candles for the pure pleasure of it. Utilitarian eating and pleasurable eating practices should be held in similar regard. Sometimes you indulge. Sometimes you do what has to be done. This is part of the beauty and diversity of our lives. Embrace it, and empower yourself in the process.
Screaming Fat Girl´s last [type] ..A Boring Bookkeeping Post
Great comment.
Love.this.post.
Rock on, lady.
Guilt for food majorly sucks! My philosophy is food is calorie free until you load it with calories of guilt, shame, embarassment and lack of awareness. Guilt caused me to overeat, binge eat and gain weight. It has no place in a healthy diet.
I don’t think you should feel guilty per se. I guess the only thing that I sometimes wonder about (with respect to your blog) is why would you eat “with abandon” something you say makes you feel slow, lethargic and generally not great? You say you feel much better when you eat healthy and seeing as you actually recognize that fact, logic would say that you’d continue to do what feels good.
It does come accross a little that you’re a bit confused with the philosophy you are going by. On one hand it seems like you are taking an unapologetic, I am who I am, I’ll eat what I want and I refuse to deprive myself in the name of being thinner because that’s not how I want to live life stand. But then on the other, you DO want to lose weight and that in and of itself means that you are not happy with your body/health. Before everyone jumps down my throat, I said happy with your body/health not happy with WHO YOU ARE. It’s perfectly normal to like yourself as a person but not like one aspect or ther other.
Anyway, to me that seems to be were some of the defensiveness I sense in this blog comes from. How do you balance being the positive I love myself and I’m great just the way I am attitude with wanting to change?
I’d recommend you read this book called slim for life by Jason Vale. I’m not a raw food advocate but he does present some interesting ways to consider one’s relationship with food. For example, he talks about getting free of the diet mentality. Actually, if I keep going this might end up being a (very) long post. I’ll probably just make a blog post about it. Read the reviews on amazon, it might be something you’d like.
Mimi´s last [type] ..No- it is NOT brave-courageous- its STUPID and Dangerous!
Well said! I support Mary 100% and hope she continues on her journey to good health and happiness.
Well, to be honest, I didn’t eat with abandon. That was a lovely phrase that seemed to fit the idea, but in actuality, even though I ate more abnormal things for myself I didn’t go crazy. I wasn’t sitting at buffets stuffing my face. I chose small portions or halved things if they were massive. I split everything sweet with Kepa and always took the smaller (usually 1/3) portion. I might have eaten things I don’t normally eat but I still tried to keep things reasonable and that is how I enjoyed them without guilt or any other negative emotion.
Yes I feel good when I’m eating healthy and that’s my path I want to continue forever. But I also feel good when I eat a burger or a bowl of ice cream. Those aren’t things that I want to do every day, but they are things I enjoy. Logic is something that’s not always strictly helpful in things like eating, especially if you are using the logic of what makes you feel good (because there are things that make you feel good temporarily and those that make you feel good long term).
I don’t think I’m confused with my philosophy. It’s just that I have one overarching philosophy, the eat better to change my life and body, and one that is only applied for special occasions like this trip: “I’ll eat what I want and I refuse to deprive myself in the name of being thinner because that’s not how I want to live life stand.” I don’t want to deprive myself in occasions like the road trip because that won’t be repeated ever. Ever. But do I “deprive” myself of things other times? Obviously yes. On an average day in my life I don’t eat a lot of things that I’d probably temporarily enjoy. To me there is no confusion, but obviously I’m not very good at explaining how I go about things.
I think that getting over food guilt is one of the biggest steps in adopting a healthy lifestyle (as opposed to a “diet”). I still struggle with this sometimes, but less and less as time goes on. Guilt only leads to negative feelings about yourself which could lead to treating your body poorly which leads to more guilt.
Liz´s last [type] ..Weekend Recap- Summer in DC Edition
Hi, Merry! I am @biffster and @weightjournal on Twitter. I am working on writing a blog post on weightjournal.com about this very topic. I’ve made very, very bad food choices over the last few months, and I feel a *lot* of guilt because of these choices. And well I should. I am eating emotionally, pure and simple. That’s never, ever good.
le sigh
Hope you have enjoyed Nashville. I love it here :)
And great post!
Sarah´s last [type] ..Randomness
I do too! I grew up in Franklin, so I love the area. :)
I have a terrible time of dealing with guilt and food, and it’s something that I’ve struggled with for a really long time. After going to a Christian counselor for 2 1/2 years, it has helped me a lot, but it’s still something that’s an ongoing “battle” for me. Thanks for the post. :-)
I looooooooooove the idea of permanently disconnecting food from guilt. When I first wandered into the blogosphere a year and a half ago, one of the first people I encountered was Dinneen DIette over at http://www.eatwithoutguilt.com. I was like, hahahahahahha! Eating Without Guilt! NEVER in a million years! And yet here I am. I’ve reached my goal weight AND enjoyed foods of all kinds (s’mores cupcakes, anyone?) – REALLY enjoyed them – in ways I never thought possible. Before, all of my food came so heavily dosed in guilt I never even tasted them. Now, ALL food I eat is amazingly delicious. Part of it comes from making a conscious choice rather than a closet, half-unconscious binge.
And one of the things that has helped me MORE with the guilt/sneaky/mindless issue has been Mary showing me how she photographs and blogs her food. WOW what an amazing tool. I can truly say it has transformed my eating, especially around the guilt issue!!! (thank you Mary <3)
I can't even count the # of times I feel "guilt" and "food" and "ate" in the same sentence. Would love to design a contraption so that whoever says those words together gets an electric shock. Never again!!
Foodie McBody´s last [type] ..Week 2 of Foodblogging- What I’ve Learned- Part 2
I totally understand the points you are making with your response to the comment.
I allow opportunities for indulgences and have learned to turn off the “guilt” cycle that I used to get trapped in. Took a lot of work to get there but it is possible.
CertifiablyFit´s last [type] ..Your Goals –Are They Yours or Are They Someone Else’s
I think the key here is knowing that there’s a big difference between feeling emotionally bad (guilt) and feeling physically bad. Good job Mary!
KCLAnderson (Karen)´s last [type] ..It’s A Matter Of Self Trust
Oh most definitely. Sadly food can make both of those feelings happen!
I tweeted u about this, but I agree with you that guilt is not an emotion I want to feel in connection with food anymore. Feeling guilty or ashamed led me to do most of my unhealthy eating in private/secret. Secrets have too much power – when you instead bring those “secrets” out into the light, you lessen their power over you. Eating, for me, is no longer a moral issue. If I make a less-than-healthy food choice, it’s a mistake – not a moral failing. So I can regret a bad choice without feeling guilty or ashamed over it. I can also, like you, make decisions that a vacation like you’ve been on is worth splurging, and that’s a good, healthy way of living! How many healthy-weight people do you know would go on a road trip across the country and not indulge? Or would go to France or Italy and not indulge? I don’t know anyone like that! I’ve come to a point in my journey where I realize that I don’t want to live a life of extremes in any way. For me, that means that I won’t be giving up ice cream and when I travel to France or go on my honeymoon, I will be sampling the local fare. I’ll also probably get up and go running in the mornings, but not because I’m trying to “make up for” overeating – because doing it makes me happy and makes me feel good! So, all-over-the-place comment, but you get my drift. Right? :)
seattlerunnergirl´s last [type] ..Monday and a Blogging Award
Right. Most definitely right.
Nice post, Mary!
It seems to me that your philosophy on eating during your roadtrip is just like what a lot of us do once or twice a week, just over an extended period of time. I allow myself a splurge meal every so often…last night I ate a (veggie) cheeseburger with fries AND I had a skinny cow ice cream bar afterwards. Not my typical meal. This morning I ate fruit for breakfast and I’ll have salad for lunch. Is it because I feel guilty for last night’s dinner? No…I enjoyed my burger and fries and ice cream immensely. I’m just getting back to my normal eating state. I want to be able to enjoy my food and not deprive myself, but also I want to step on the scale this weekend and see a loss. It’s all about balance.
I applaud you for giving yourself the space to enjoy all of the culinary delights of your trip! And I applaud you even more for knowing yourself well enough to know when it’s time to take a step back and get back on the track that you know is best for you, food wise. Nice! :)
Hi Mary,
I think you have it right! :) Half the fun of traveling is the food. The time, expense, and energy is all the more enjoyed through local delicacies. You were and are being very intentional in your eating on this trip – and intending to ENJOY it all too! :) I think you are being responsible, conscious, and practical with your decisions on how you handled the first leg and now the second of your trip. :) That’s what vacation is for anyway, enjoyment! :)
Kim´s last [type] ..Weight Watchers Friends
Feeling guilt over the food you eat is what perpetuates the emotional eating cycle, I think. Personally, I think it’s best when you feel no guilt about what you eat, that way it’s easier to stop yourself, look at food objectively rather than punishment, and decide whether you really want to eat that, considering everything rather than saying “I should/shouldn’t eat that.”
There are no bad foods. No foods that should make you feel guilty. It’s all your own mental games that make you feel guilty about what you eat.
Kepa´s last [type] ..Besties and Olive Garden
“It’s all your own mental games that make you feel guilty about what you eat.”
So true.
I find that after a trip [and eating spree] like that, it’s not that I feel guilty that I consumed so many fattening or out-of-the-ordinary things, I just feel physically disgusting. And when I feel gross [because I haven't been taking care of myself] I feel a little guilty because I have been treating my body a little recklessly. Long story short – I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. I’m in need of a little sugar/sodium/wheat free day with lots of water. Thanks for the reminder ; ) Hope you’re having an AMAZING time. xo.
marzipan´s last [type] ..learning to dwell in the realm of possibility
Heeey. I wish you were coming to the Northwest, too! :) We could eat pizza from my favorite mom and pop shop. Yanno, the one I ordered from on Sunday. Yanno, when I ate 1/2 large cheese pizza by myself. Guilt-free!
There no doubt that finding that balance is hard, but it’s essential. ‘Health’ encompasses so many different aspects and facets and ‘nutrition’ is just one of them. I don’t know how many times I’ve said this, but I am a firm believer of it: if we all spent a little more time looking inward instead of outward, we’d be living in a much happier and healthier place.
Rachel´s last [type] ..Baker’s Dozen
I don’t think I feel guilty – but I am not sticking to a plan (I am in WW at work, but I am doing the very slow and steady route). I count points during the day and dinner I don’t. I think I get more mad at myself than guilty. There are times that I plan to indulge and I enjoy it. We go out to eat so infrequently that I don’t try to eat healthy while we are out. But when the unplanned indulges continue on after the special meal or the mindless eating sneaks in,then I get mad at myself for not being in control. But I wouldn’t say I feel guilty.
And by ‘northwest’ I REALLY meant: NORTH EAST.
Rachel´s last [type] ..Baker’s Dozen
I have felt guilt in the past, yes, and I think that has been the catalyst in all of the up and down cycles.
I have completely disconnected eating from guilt now. I am 100% responsible for my choices, so why should I feel guilty? I wanted them, I chose them, I ate them and most of the time I enjoyed them. If I didn’t enjoy them, then I chalked those choices up to experience and MOVED ON.
There is absolutely NO ADDED VALUE in feeling guilty about what you eat or drink. So I just don’t go down that road anymore.
This is LIFE Mary – it’s not every day you are on a road trip across the US with your boyfriend who lives in NZ! Enjoy the time with him, the sights, the sounds, the smells, the FOOD, the drink. Enjoy it and build wonderful memories! You know yourself best when you are ready to have some healthy goodness, which is exactly what you are doing!
Renée´s last [type] ..Sugar Doll Blogger Award
“I am 100% responsible for my choices, so why should I feel guilty? I wanted them, I chose them, I ate them and most of the time I enjoyed them.”
That’s probably the best thing I’ve read in these comments. Personal responsibility goes a long way – that’s one of the lessons I’ve learned. YOU are the one making the choices. So make them and live them, good and bad. No reason to feel guilty about anything. Just move along.
As someone who was raised Catholic I understand feeling guilty about stuff even when I don’t want to (not to feed into stereotypes about religion, but…yeah) but I can honestly say I don’t guilty about anything I eat. If I eat a load of junk, I’ll feel physically bad like you said — tired and lethargic — but it just makes me want healthier food even more. Balance is restored. Also, if I find if I’m very active I don’t even feel physically bad about eating a lot/eating stuff that isn’t that great. Like I went camping and ate a lot of what one might call ‘crap’ but I was super active so I felt great the whole time.
The other thing I want to say is that it’d be so narrow-minded and sad if you felt so guilty that you couldn’t eat what you wanted on your roadtrip with your boyfriend, a once in a lifetime opportunity. That some people think you SHOULD feel guilty over all the cool stuff you ate is a total buzzkill. I’m glad you had a good time.
janedog´s last [type] ..From Obese to Overweight
My religious upbringing (and own choices to attend church in high school/college) is part of the reason why I think I got stuck in the guilt/secret eating/binge cycle. I know that somehow the farther I got away from religion, the easier it has been for me to not feel trapped in those feelings/situations. I no longer feel guilty and instead base my decisions solely on how they make me feel.
This was a great topic and just look at how much response it got!
I don’t know that I feel quilt over eating anything anymore but I do sometimes regret having waisted my calories on something that just wasn’t worthy after all. It has taken years to get to this point.
We all have to find the path that works best for us and you have found yours! I applaud you for being able to find your balance.
I am continually amazed at how much better I feel, think and perform when I eat healthy food.
We did the same thing when we went to Memphis or Hawaii, you enjoy the local food and immerse yourself in culinary delights you may not get to have again. If you don’t, I don’t think you’re enjoying all that particular place has to offer since food can be so deeply regional. The hubby and I give ourselves one high cal day per week to eat what we want guilt free. We’re both down 140 lbs so yeah, I’d say it works. ;-)
Guilt and food, maybe especially women, guilt and food ….. what a gigantic, big-deal topic. We all have something to say here, really, and I guess it’s at least a past factor in what many of perceive as our weight problems. I like to think I don’t ever feel exactly guilty about what I’ve eaten, but that’s not truly the case.
Ten Pounds´s last [type] ..Oooh- oo oo oooh- the final countdown
I hope DONE WASTING MY TIME does just that, because no one needs to hear from them again. The very idea of putting you down like that, I could pop him or her which ever the case may be, right in the snoot. If you can not say something good then stay off the web page, Mary is so inspirational and writes from her heart, she has more ability to write than “done wasting my time” ever thought of having.
Sorry, but it upsets me when people write stuff like that.
MOM.
I know. I love you mom! :)
You know, lately I have not been feeling guilty over bad or odd choices. I had a massive dinner last night, and I felt great about it. Haha. I definitely have a long history of the guiltiness you talk about here. I have done a lot of emotional eating, a lot of beating myself up over what I have eaten… It wasn’t until I read this post that I realized that it has actually been quite a while since I felt that way.
Art´s last [type] ..Reason to Smile 83 – Redbox
Great post Mary. I was looking forward to this one. In the post, huge guilt issues and I always did while I was heavy. It was all a very emotional thing and it was hard to separate any food I ate from an emotion. They were all braided together for so long.
Now, I have days when I wish I made a different choice but that’s just because I end up feeling less than ideal afterwards. Sort of like buying a shirt you love and then finding out there was a rip in it. It was good at the time but some things cannot be anticipated.
I big part of remaining thin for me is that the two things, food and emotion are separate now. They still run beside each other and get really close sometimes but I’ve managed to be present enough, most of time, to keep them apart or at least be aware of the relationship now.
Rita @ The Giggly Bits´s last [type] ..First Time Triathlon Finisher – The Bike
I like the analogy of a shirt. That’s not a bad thing – sometimes we eat something that we think will be okay and then it makes you feel terrible… so obviously it wasn’t worth it. But guilt? Nah.
I definitely think keeping food and emotions separate is the key for people who were/are emotional eaters like me. I’ve come a long way and I’m getting there. Like you I keep them separate for the most part and at least acknowledge it now when it’s going on.
Wow. What a great post! I think all of us who have struggled with weight “issues” also struggle with the guilt factors when we sit down for a meal. For a long time I would deprive myself of something I used to love just because I couldn’t bear the guilt of eating something that I knew was not healthy.
However, now that I seem to have a handle on healthy eating, I don’t wig out because maybe some day I want some ice cream or a cupcake. I allow myself to eat the food that may not be great for me, simply because I have learned to enjoy the experience. It’s not ruining my daily healthy diet, it’s a treat. It’s not a way of life!
Well, there’s been so much said here and of course, I think it’s a GREAT topic (well., obviously…).
The reason I call my company Eat Without Guilt is because as a weight-loss coach I found so many people (and especially women) have a LOT of guilt with food. We’re often tormented by food, controlled by food, or angry at food (well, for eating too much or for eating the ‘wrong’ foods)
That said — and as there are so many other really good comments — I’ll get right to the point: Oftentimes the “guilt” we feel over food has nothing really to do with the food. Food doesn’t have a power over us….WE give food the so-called power.
The reason so many people have Guilt with food is because of their relationship with food. When you learn to honor it, respect it, and treat it right — AND honoring *yourself*, respecting yourself, and treating yourself right — food loses it’s power.
Learning to truly Eat Without Guilt is like learning to breathe again….you are living so you think you are breathing correctly, but once you see the light you realize you’ve also been holding your breath for too long — and when you can let go and eat without guilt, you start to breathe deeply, live deeply, and BE who you are at the core…..a wonderful, loving and deserving person. And you can live fully and be whole again, inside and out.
Dinneen @Eat Without Guilt´s last [type] ..Black Bean and Corn Salad
I think that the idea to develop a eating style that allows me to stay at a comfortable weight and feel good. I used to eat chocolate bars and chips daily – now I have a few chips very occasionally and don’t have a desire for them anymore than that. Chocolate bars – have not had one in years. Other things that would cause me to gain weight if I ate in large quantities, I have small amounts. I have no desire to even have some of the foods that I used to indulge in and when traveling think that can still find ways to eat mostly good food – and certainly should not feel guilty :)
Darleen´s last [type] ..Breakfast Egg Poof
I just wanted to let you know I left you a versatile award on my website. Your an awesome lady! I hope you will stop by and pick it up when you get a chance ;-)
I hope your doing well!
Shannon – The Me Within
Thank you so much for the award Shannon! I really appreciate it!
I used to not feel guilty but since my high cholesterol I’ve had some moments when I have felt a guilty pang about the food I’ve put in my mouth. Except on holiday ;)
Anne @ Food Loving Polar Bear´s last [type] ..Indulgence at Côte d’Azur
I don’t want to feel guilt about my food choices or any other choices. If I eat too much or too poorly, I move on. Better next time. Rehashing old decisions doesn’t get me where I want to be.
The Merry´s last [type] ..A letter from food
I have enough guilt in my life without letting myself feel guilt over food. I have before, and probably will again, but it’s definitely something that I am consciously try to resist!
Lately, I’ve been trying to accept the role that food should play in my life. It’s meant to be fuel for my body, NOT my emotions. When there’s a celebration, there’s food. A funeral? food. Holiday? food. Heartbreak? food. A meal should be more about how that food is going to physically help/hinder your body…rather than what it will do for your emotions.
Josie´s last [type] ..Week 42 – Weigh-In and a 10 Week Challenge
I like the idea of food as fuel and that is at it’s core the basic function. But in a way it robs it of the complexity. Food shouldn’t but a substitute for feeling your emotions but it definitely is part of celebrations. I think that is actually a good thing. Enjoying a good meal with friends and family is a great joy! I think we all just have so many issues with how we handle food that we rob ourselves of being able to appreciate that.
Guilt over enjoying food, whether its a special occasion (like a vacation!), a treat, junk food (or just too much of any food!) is one of the ways we punish ourselves emotionally.
Look at how we talk about it: sin, guilty, forbidden, bad, etc…!
I am an almost-vegetarian with a very sensitive stomach, but when I was on vacation this month out West, I thoroughly enjoyed the best steak and buffalo ribs on the planet (even though I knew the next day I might have some digestive issues, it was so worth it!)
I made an illustration and blog post about this exact same topic, which seems to be universal among all the women I know! Food for Thought
elizabeth´s last [type] ..6 Ways to Stop Hating Your -
I have to work VERY hard not to feel guilty about what or how much I eat. Part of that is what I like about my food blog, though… it helps me to feel that it’s OKAY to eat this or that. It’s a reminder to not feel guilty.
Sagan´s last [type] ..Product Review- Align Digestive Care Probiotic Supplement
Mary – what a fantastic post – I have loved going through the comments and reading the discussion it has generated. I’ve been relearning how my relationship with food works, and I’ve spent a fair amount of time learning that living life well and eating healthy doesn’t mean deprivation – it just means balance. That includes enjoying the foods I love that aren’t 100% “good for me” without feeling guilty. Thanks for generating such great discussion here in blog-land!
Meegan´s last [type] ..Perspective & Weight Loss
My pleasure! I didn’t really expect it to generate so much talk both in the comments and in the form of other’s blog posts! Obviously it’s a hot topic for those of us trying to lose weight and create healthy eating habits.
You are right…balance is the way to go! (Even though it’s hard to find.)
As a former bulimic, on the path to learn how to listen inwards rather than hold on to a complete model of how I “should” eat, I can completely relate to this. Yes, eating used to be all about guilt and punishment, but now as I´m learning to listen to myself and what I need, I understand perfectly well!
Mary, I want to thank you for this post. Guilt and food is something I’ve been really struggling with recently. I mean, I’ve been doing it to myself for a long time, but I’ve only recently come to trying to overcome it. And I can say that, yes, over the last week, I have allowed myself (a few times) to eat things that weren’t strictly on my plan. I did it because (on one occasion) I felt like it was what my body needed and (on another occasion) because I liked the taste of it. And I didn’t make myself feel guilty about it at all! It felt great. Then, when my next meal came around, I just went back to my plan. No guilt, and in the long term, I’ll be eating healthily and achieving my weight goals.
At other moments, there were the guilt trips, but I had an epiphany last night. I realised that beating myself up about eating something I “shouldn’t have” is the easy way out. It’s the cowardly way out. It’s always easier to beat yourself up (because you’re defenceless) than to think maturely about how to deal with it and what your long term objectives are. Once you’ve self-flagellated, you feel that you’ve repented, great, and now I can go back to doing whatever I was doing before (eating more and more…). Also, making yourself feel guilty just makes your self-esteem plummet and then you end up reaching out for the comfort food. I’m coming to the conclusion that self-love is where it begins.
Thank you for your post, for being open. It made me happy to read about someone who is able to love herself enough to allow herself the pleasures of life without feeling guilt and without allowing it to destabilise her. All the best!
Resonance´s last [type] ..Frustration and taking a deep breath
You have a great topic here. I too feel guilt after eating food I shouldn’t, but for me it’s hard. I’ve tried the salad, chicken, or fish diet but I can’t. I love food. It movitate me after reading blogs like this to really eat healthier.
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Take care and good luck!
Nancy
Great Post
Keep up the good work!
Cheers
Coach Cris
Lose Belly Fast Fast´s last [type] ..Several Effective Rules Of Healthy Dieting
My husband and I have a date night once a week, that is my indulgence day. I don’t feel guilt over what I eat on that day, instead I enjoy everything without going overboard. The only time that I feel guilty about my food choices is if I do it too often and feel out of control.
shelly@campinggirlchronicals´s last [type] ..Shopping and Car Shows
Your decision makes perfect sense to me!
LOL I had the same reaction to that comment as your mom. I like your mom.
No, i don’t think i should feel guilty over what i do or do not eat, and i almost never do. i eat what i want, how much i want, when i want it, and that philosophy has kept me very healthy physically and mentally. :)
merri´s last [type] ..4 Yrs Ago 7-27-10- Babies
Great topic and a great philosophy! Feeling guilty over what we eat is totally counter-productive. I actually have a lot of thoughts about this, so I think I’ll write a blog post in the near future…
Hanlie´s last [type] ..What an interesting day&8230
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