I’m trying to stay upbeat still but having trouble with it. Even though I’m mostly better and we are entering spring here, I’m missing home. Fall is my favorite season and full of things I love: holidays, good food, seeing old friends, family dinners, college football, foliage. There is so much to love about the season and I’m realizing now that I’m going to miss it all.
I knew moving to another country would not be easy all the time. I’m trying not to miss my best friends and my mom and even all my brothers that much, but it’s hard when I want to talk to them and realize that it’s the middle of the night for them. It takes a lot more effort to get in just a phone call. It makes me appreciate so much how Kepa and I managed to talk every day while we were apart. So I’m trying to settle for random phone calls and lots of Facebook interaction. That’s enough, right?
I’ve been super emotional over the last week between being sick and homesick and being frustrated with life in New Zealand.
I cried after the lady at the post office embarrassed me and forced me to sign my debit card to use it.
I cried when I realized I wouldn’t get to help my mom move out of her house.
I cried when I realized I probably will never be able to afford trips home more than once a year or two.
I cried when I couldn’t get medium warm water to wash my face, only cold or hot.
I cried when I couldn’t find any of the things I wanted in the grocery store, because they don’t have them here.
I cried before I wrote this post because staring at my computer for an hour with no idea what to write can be terrifying and it’s just enough time to bring up the memories of all the previous things.
This week has brought on a lot of tears for me. It’s been hard and stressful on so many levels, and despite my desire to stay positive sometimes I just needed to cry. Once you get in a good cry you can move on and start feeling better about things.
In my past life, which now seems so long ago, instead of crying I would have eaten. I used to think crying was the worst possible thing that could happen and felt almost ashamed whenever I would cry. Instead of crying I would empty my mind by turning to food But I’ve embraced it and now I seem to cry easily instead of trying to muffle my emotions. And I might not be eating perfectly, but I’m not using food for anything other than food. I’m letting my emotions exist and be real instead of stuffing them with food. Because I’m a freaking crybaby now, not an emotional eater.
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A good cry (or 2 or 3) is just something that we need to do to make us feel better. Be that cry baby! If it helps, then it’s worth it!
Oh Mary, I cried SO much in the first few months I had moved away from home to London. I still have my moments, nearly three years later in fact! But it does get easier and you WILL one day be surprised when you find yourself calling NZ “home”. It’s a strange feeling.. but a good one. x
Aly @ Breathe Gently´s last [type] ..Operation Healthy- Two Months In
I know I will. But it’s difficult at some moments. One day I’ll be happily a part of this place, but for now it’s growing pains that are difficult.
I’ve done this before, on a shorter term, so I know how it goes. At least I haven’t gotten on a bus at night and ended up stranded at the end of the route yet. That was my one major breakdown when I lived in Austria – cried the entire 2 hour walk home.
I want to tell you how much I love this post without you thinking I’m glossing over your difficult time and emotions. This is a victory story as well! I hope that sooner rather than later you are able to fill some of those emotional voids with meaningful work and relationships. I know it’s hard, I’ve lived overseas (short term stints) as well. It’s definitely worth it, just not always an easy adjustment. I hope your cry helped you release and you are able to see life even brighter today!
Mrs. O
Mrs. O´s last [type] ..Weigh Down Wednesday
Bless your heart. When I was 18 years old I moved from the United States to Zambia, Central Africa. I didn’t get to come home for 3 years. And I brought an 18 month old baby – my family’s first grandchild home with me. It WAS so hard… at first.
I don’t want to sound like I’m glossing over your tears but I want you to know that it probably will get a lot better – and faster than you think. As you build your new life (and you get to do it with someone you really love) a lot of these homesick feelings will eventually just fade. Yes, you’ll still feel some of this but it won’t be as intense.
Hang in there honey. Hugs.
Helen´s last [type] ..Celebrating an Anniversary- Sort Of
I’m so sorry that things are are a little hard right now–adjusting is hard and feelings of being homesick certainly make it harder.
‘
Hang in there–things WILL get easier.
Lisa @ I’m an Okie´s last [type] ..I don’t want to be a “Food Blogger”…
Crying doesn’t add inches to the hips so cry away! ;-) It’s to be expected, you’re undergoing a massive life change. The first 2 weeks of my marriage though I love my hubby with all my heart, I would cry a little and think “I want my mommy!” and she lived 5 miles away. You’ll get through the transition and find your new normal! ((hugs))
Awww, hehe. I think missing my mom is what makes me the most homesick.
Big changes like this for you.. they can be so hard for a person & especially with family far away. As much trouble as you had with them while there.. they are still family & it is tough.
Cry away as much as you want & I can tell you that working out with weights is a great way to blow off stress & feelings!!! :-)
Jody – Fit at 52´s last [type] ..Bucket Lists- Dreams- Fear & More
It totally is. I’m headed to the gym tonight to meet with a trainer and then I’m picking back up the weights (I may or may not follow the trainer’s advice/plan hehe).
I can relate to this so much. Just be glad his family is supportive and loving. When I moved to the UK a lot of his family, including his Mom decided that I was just a fat American and they didn’t even give me a chance.
I missed my favorite foods too. I was trying to make Thanksgiving dinner for us and they didn’t have poultry seasoning, I had a meltdown, thank goodness I wasn’t into pumpkin pie because there certainly wasn’t canned pumpkin. I cried a lot too but you know, eventually I learned to embrace my surroundings, I took a lot of pictures, explored a lot of little places and made some very good friends.
I think the most important point I’m getting at here is that what you’re feeling is normal. Its culture shock. Its normal and talking about the differences is a great blog topic, you can look back and laugh.
My assignment to you: go to the grocery store and take pictures of all of the strange foods. It will be fun for all of your family, friends and readers to see.
Just take it slow and easy, you’ll adapt and adjust, you’re a survivor and once everyone there gets to know you, they’re going to consider you a treasure just the way we all do! Sending big hugs your way.
Diana the Scale Junkie´s last [type] ..Healthy You Challenge Check In Week 35- 2010
Haha. Thanks for the assignment. I’ll actually do that eventually for when I can’t think of anything else to blog about. ;)
That’s the hard part about not binging, it forces you to actually feel your feelings instead. It sounds to me like you’re dealing with things in a really healthy way. Crying when you’re feeling sad about things doesn’t make you a crybaby, it makes you an emotionally healthy person who is dealing with her feelings rather than hiding from them. Good for you!
Desert Agave´s last [type] ..“It’s like an itch”
Hehe, it makes me a crybaby only because I cried A LOT this week. ;)
But yes, it’s waaaaay more emotionally healthy to cry than to not (and eat).
Lemme just tell ya, I’m feeling you girl. I’ve had a lot of changes going on myself. Granted, I didn’t move to a new country or anything as drastic, but I’ve had lot of friends move away as of late and a few other things pop up unexpectedly. I’ve been struggling to keep my blog positive too.
I hope things go better for you. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. :)
Thanks Hope. I really hope things go well for you too. <3
I always feel better after a good cry! I hope you do, too! You’ve had a lot of changes all at once, which takes some adjusting. Much better to laugh and cry your way through it than to eat. Well done, for noticing the difference. :)
Cammy@TippyToeDiet´s last [type] ..Sharing the Road
Aw, it’s normal to cry in these circumstances! And don’t we all have awful no good days like that once in a while? This is what I was talking about the other day when I said that you’re always positive. You could be absolutely miserable right now (and you probably are), but you’re looking on the bright side too! You’re not binging, crying isn’t fattening, and you’ll get through it.
Tomorrow’s another day.
It is okay to cry – much better on the waist-line. You are going through a lot of changes. Moving overseas has got to be hard – I’ve been out of the country at 6 week stints and it is hard. But when you feel like crying, hit the gym. It will get better, but it could take months. But you are working through it well.
It’s like Natalie Portman says in Garden State, ‘Sometimes you just need a good cry!’
Sooooo true! I’m glad you’re a crybaby now and not an emotional eater!
*hugs* Things will be better, just stay positive.
Watch this video, it will put a smile on your face. I promise. :)
http://bit.ly/ap95ss
Yes! I love that movie, btw.
Thanks for the video, that was fun. :)
It will be fine baby, crying has always been my way of coping, don’t feel bad to cry, even the bible tells us that Jesus wept, and we all have times when weeping is just what is called for. I love you so much and I will always miss you, but as we are apart we grow closer. I have much emotion now too and just reading your post makes me tear up, but since I must work, I will wait until later to let the tears come. You are a blessing to so many where ever you are, and this is your time to bless the people in New Zealand and your new extended family. Home is where your heart is, and your love and caring for me will always be with me, and your heart is now with Kepa, so love him even more and settle into a life long committment with him. You will find that you will see the same beautiful seasons there just in a different time and way.
Love always,
Mom
Even your comment made me cry mom. Thanks. LOL.
I love you!
Sometimes you need to cry. If you hold it all in and bottle it up, it makes it worse. In time, the tears will stop falling. They will. But it’s okay to cry right now. xoxo
One time I cried so much I literally ran out of tears. I got all cried out, never knew that could even happen. And then it got better.
Yum Yucky´s last [type] ..I Will Feed You Some Lazy Man’s Mexican
Oh Mary, I loved this post!! Well, not the fact that you were feeling sad and crying, but that you were able to feel the feelings and not eat them. WOW. That is HUGE!! I have always used food for comfort, so I can relate to how important of a step this was. So proud of you and glad you were able to get it all out and move forward. Transitioning to a whole new life is hard and crying is definitely to be expected! You’re doing great. Hang in there :)
Marisa @ Loser for Life´s last [type] ..Let’s Get It Started
Well, here’s one more thing to cry about: turns out I’m not going to be able to do a medley of cowboy yodelling songs at the wedding after all. My daughter Pisa informed me that I’m a horrible singer (who knew?). Maybe you can get that John Mayer dude… I know he was your second choice.
Jack Sh*t´s last [type] ..The Faternity Rules
I’m crying on the inside over this.
Aw, sorry. I can so identify with crying in the grocery store. For me, it’s like looking around the shelves and not even recognising anything that’s there. All the products are different. You can hardly tell what stuff is supposed to be in this aisle. And it’s way sadder than it should be when you can’t find what you think is a perfectly normal foodstuff. Ridiculously stressful. I cried when I couldn’t find what I call “normal milk” in the US.
Ten Pounds´s last [type] ..Creative September 1- blackberry icecream
I’m sorry you are having such a hard time. It’s 100% normal though and you’ll get over it in a bit. Once you have a routine in New Zealand it will be great!
Lisa´s last [type] ..Hood to Coast- After My First Run
That’s a BIG step! Congrats on not turning to food for comfort. And you have every right to cry. You’re going through some big changes!
Tina´s last [type] ..it’s pouring – my heart- soul- and emotions
…….well, progress is progress! Cry lady, cry!
I am going to download Skype onto my computer this weekend, maybe we should skype on Monday and I can walk you around my house…to help you feel like you are here, in the U.S.? is that a lame-o idea?
Aw, that’s a fun idea. I love seeing other people’s houses (I watch way too many house selling/home improvement shows)… and I love seeing you!
I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time, but definitely look at the positives here. You are letting yourself deal with your emotions rather than just burying them with food!
Beth @ Beth’s Journey to Thin´s last [type] ..Breakfast Couscous and CSA Day
That is really cool (not that you are crying a lot) but because you’ve learn to deal with your emotions rather than just stuffing yourself with food to mask them. Bravo!
Tiff´s last [type] ..Days 242 & 243- WI & Much Needed Encouragement -
I am TOTALLY with you on the cry baby thing. I moved to Canada almost two years ago and right now am getting ready to move back home to England. This I can tell you, IT WILL GET EASIER!!!! I promise! I found it sooooo hard to adjust at first when I moved away but I know now that I am returning *home* I will find things just as/almost as difficult to adjust again. Change is always difficult, I have found that people are generally nice if you tell them up front that you are having difficulty with something then they will help you out – nasty lady in the post office obviously isnt one of those people! You can do this though!! You will get through it, and Kepa will help you all he can :) Stay strong girlie, and dont worry about crying, crying = natural!!
misssarahlou´s last [type] ..Hi from San Francisco
I’m glad that I’m not the only one who cries over the little things! Although…I’m not glad that you’re feeling a little down. Hang in there! Sometimes when your overwhelmed or in a totally unfamiliar situation, the tears just come. It’s not a bad thing…and KUDOS to not turning to food! That is a victory in itself.
Sending you good vibes from the US. :)
Melissa @ Journey to Marvelous´s last [type] ..Tasty Tuesday
Moving countries is a huge stressor, absolutely, especially when nothing is the same or comfortingly familiar. We moved to NZ three and a half years ago–I cried a lot (and ate a lot, sadly). I remember sobbing in Countdown because I couldn’t find the right sort of oatmeal or coffee or peanut butter. I’ve always thought of crying as a good emotional release-valve–huge kudos to you for not reverting to emotional eating! Chin up and I hope things start to look sunnier in the coming weeks. I can feel spring just hovering, so it’s a good time to be here :)
Cilla´s last [type] ..Dinner- Risoni with roasted vegetables and goats cheese
I’m a crybaby, too. Actually I’ve been crying about an assortment of things for the last 2 hours and now I’m crying again. It feels good to let it out, though. Hugs.
jord´s last [type] ..not running
Moving far away from home is hard. Dealing with a big time difference is hard. Not being able to buy the food you want and know is hard. Not being able to see family when you want is hard… I moved to another continent twenty years ago, and it was hard. I can very much relate to you! And I’m so proud of you that you allow yourself to cry frequently!!! And it will get easier!!! :)
Andrea@WellnessNotes´s last [type] ..More Veggies- Vegetable Lentil Stew
You went through a major life upheaval. It’s okay to cry and be homesick for a little bit.
Lori (Finding Radiance)´s last [type] ..Hills and more hills!
I’ve been there done that. I moved 3000 miles from home (England to Canada) and I was a disaster. I hated it, I wanted to go back and nothing was ever as it was “at home” but it has become an awesome adventure. It will be an amazing adventure for you too. You and Kepa together! Just remember you’re starting a new amazing chapter!
Suzanne´s last [type] ..Can’t Believe I Missed Fitblog
You poor thing! I’ve done my fair share of crying in grocery stores but you know, what? Who cares?! Be proud of yourself for feeling what you’re feeling rather than stuffing the feeling away with food.
Everyone has said it before me, change is hard but it will get better. You and Kepa are so lucky to have found one another. Have a wonderful time being together but also make sure you take the time to find your own space there as well. You’ll get there!
Yay! I cry as well! I have no shame. I even cry in public. Like at the airport. Let is flow and you will feel better. Do you have skype? It will help!
Sana´s last [type] ..Eight is Not Always Enough
I got on FB this morning, looked at my little niece who is FIVE and I cried. I am missing so much by living in Oz..and sometimes it’s more apparent then others.
I think, though, that I am becoming less scared of my emotions. I got into my pants today and they are TIGHT. I would have normally FREAKED out and started ‘pseudo-dieting’ again. BUT, I stopped and thought to myself ‘this is a manifestation of over-eating, eating your emotions and not being efficent w/ your time’.
So I guess we’re both moving towards being with our emotions and not eating our emotions. Sometimes, I have noticed, that the reality of my situation is a bit more than I want to handle. BUT subsequant ’bouts’ seem to be less severe.
Hugs. I know how it goes. But you’re doing amazing with where you’re at.
I can sympathise completely. It reminds me of a post I wrote several years ago not long after I first moved to the US. {hugs} Believe me you’re doing much better than I did at the time, crying is the healthy way to deal with it. I cried AND ate!
It was all the little things that I found the most upsetting and unsettling; not knowing names of things, things that are similar but not quite the same, meat/cheese/milk etc all taste different. I actually think in some ways it was harder moving to another english speaking country, because somehow your brain and emotions don’t expect the culture shock to be as bad, when it is.
And to this day I STILL move to the wrong side of the sidewalk to get out of someone’s way.
The funny thing is, I bet when you eventually move back to the US that you’ll find you miss things about NZ too. ;)
Best of luck getting through this, it’s hard but oh so worth it.
Kada´s last [type] ..Distraught
Awww. This post makes me sad. I can totally imagine how you must feel. Adjusting to life in a new far away place must be difficult. Things WILL get better. Hang in there!
Jenn´s last [type] ..A Beauty or a Beast My RKC Experience
I envy your ability to cry. It’s interesting that I happen upon your post today. I’ve been going through stuff and numbing my emotions with food again. I’ve been numb for a couple of weeks now, and then this morning at 4 a.m. it just all came out — I finally cried. And I felt better.
It’s wonderful how aware you are and that you can cry to relieve the stress.
I married a pilot, and I remember when I first moved out of my home state. It was exciting, but I did miss my family greatly. I missed funerals, too. Being an adult sucks at times, but there are beautiful exchanges and blessings, too.
Gina Fit by 41 Maybe 42´s last [type] ..Hes Only Just Begun
Those are hard times but you’ll get through them. You have a wonderful fiancee who I’m sure supports you and all this will make you stronger and more independent. Some day you’ll look back and think about this time and smile, because the beginning is never easy but once you get going it gets easier :)
oh I have been there in a way.
feel free to email me as…I have been there in a same but different and ALONE BUT NOT way.
MizFit´s last [type] ..I’m your TRIBE LEADER… giveaway
I read somewhere that healthy women need a good cry about four times a month, so when I’m having a meltdown and my husband asks what’s wrong, I sob “Just trying to make my quota.”
McKella´s last [type] ..The End of Books
I totally understand your crying since I’m two days from my due date and everything has the potential of making me cry.
I just want to say that actually crying and not eating to cope is a huge step and I’m so proud of you!!!
Diana @ frontyardfoodie´s last [type] ..Orange Peel Candy
I get into cry mode too. Sometimes you just need to cry. I’ve recently changed birth controls, and now my crying mode is more scheduled, but more intense (go figure, lol).
You’re under lots of stress with the moving and all the changes, and crying is a much healthier way to deal with it than eating or bottling it up. So vent, and cry, and feel better.
Oh Mary! This sounds EXACTLY like my week. I even dissolved into tears at the post office yesterday. And my new apartment is barren, and my new neighborhood scary and unsafe feeling. Driving around Boston yesterday I felt like everything was all WRONG and I just wanted to go home. Next week is going to be better. Really. I’m crossing all my fingers and toes. xoxoxox
I am a huge proponent of crying…it really is a shame that, for whatever reason, we’re taught that it’s not okay to cry. And then think of the poor men!! It’s even worse for them! Anyhoo, I think this is an awesome post because you’re feeling your feelings. I want to share this: “Radical aliveness is the art of saying ‘yes’ to life; to remaining fully open to all experience, whether pleasant or painful. It is the one thing–and the only thing–that can guarantee that our lives will be suffused with joy.
The idea is not new. The concept has formed part of the world’s great wisdom traditions for thousands of years. The term ‘radical aliveness’ is just a new way to express it.
Radical aliveness signifies the full embrace of everything on one’s own experience, rather than the judging of some parts of that experience as bad and some as good. It demands a willing acceptance of our pain and confusion and all the other negative feelings and an acknowledgment that they are as meaningful, relevant and full of learning potential as our joyful ones.
The pain and uncertainty of life is not wrong. It is as right as the joy and wonder of life. The only thing we can do is knock upon all the doors. This is radical aliveness.
According to this view, whether something that happens to us is pleasant or unpleasant is irrelevant. Only aliveness matters. Opening, saying ‘yes’ to every experience that comes our way, creates a steady state of joyfulness that shows up like a permanent watermark on every page of our lives, regardless of what else is written there. It does not negate the transient pains and pleasures that are part of each waking day; it transcends them.”
KCLAnderson (Karen)´s last [type] ..Whatever “Works”…Right
Hi Mary,
I just wanted to offer some sympathy. Remember to be patient with yourself. It is hard!
I was an exchange student to the South Island when I was 16, and I got terribly homesick. I was in a very rural area (a dairy farm) and going to an all-girls school, which I had never done before. I thought it was really difficult to break into the friend groups that were already established. I actually came home earlier than I was supposed to. I ate a lot to cope and broke out in tons of zits! I look back now though and wish I had maybe given it some more time. I think even though the Kiwis are very lovely, it does take some time to really get to know them, but I’m sure at this point I’m preaching to the choir.
Anyways, it will get better and better the more time passes. Don’t be too hard n yourself.
Best wishes!!!!
I always feel so much better after a good cry. Stuffing myself with food to hold back the tears only made me want to cry more.
I hope you feel better soon. Keep thinking of all the reasons you wanted to move there and know that everyone “back home” still loves you no matter how many miles away you happen to be.
Have a great weekend!
Moving abroad is tough, it’s great but it’s also hard. I did it twice, for a year each, and while moving to the US was easy for me, Spain was a lot harder, culturally etc.
I knew, though, that I would be going back to Germany after a year so I suppose your situation is a bit different, but I think what you are experiencing is completely normal. Now I am torn between wanting to move to the US again (not right now but at some point), and not wanting to leave my life here behind. A move for a year is fun and all, but if you know you’ll ever only get to go back home once a year at the most, it’s tough. I wish we could just have it all, don’t you?
Are you planning on living in NZ after your wedding?
You have turned your life upside down and gone on a HUGE adventure! I think that it is perfectly understandable if you are finding yourself a little more emotional than normal. Love yourself, because you are wonderful. Take the time you need to cry. Things will get better. You will become accustomed to this new world you’re in, and at the end of the day you’ll soon see what amazing growth you are having!
Sam´s last [type] ..Acceptance
Living in a country other than your own can be hard. Even if you want to be there, you know its where you need to be, and the person you live is there. Even if you like the culture and are trying your best to embrace it.
I know, I’ve done it. Not for a whole year, but I can still relate to the feelings.
When I finish this program, my boyfriend wants me to move to the UK (“permanently”) with him. Scary right? In international couples, one of you is always on the wrong side of the pond. It sucks. But being in love with someone from a different country dosen’t suck so much, keeps things interesting :).
Anyways, this post is a bit old so I hope you’re adjusting well and I hope you’re keeping your chin up my dear!
I’m still reading!
xxxxx
Amanda´s last [type] ..new things- big ramble
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