This is a post in my series about attending therapy for disordered eating. You can read about my decision to begin therapy here.
Deciding you need therapy takes the longest amount of time in this process… at least it did for me. I probably should have started therapy for binge eating when I was in high school because that’s when it started and grew out of control. I probably should have started when I graduated college and battled with it once again along with depression and anxiety. Basically there were a thousand probably should moments during the last 12 years or so were I could/should started therapy.
But I didn’t until now. That’s okay because NOW matters most.
The actual process of finding a therapist didn’t take me long at all. It took 30 minutes from the time I finally decided therapy was necessary to decide on a therapist and contact her.
How I Found A Therapist
How does one find a therapist? Like with everything else, I googled it. I searched for eating disorder therapists in Memphis and landed on a page with several listings. From that list I narrowed it down to the ones who specialized in this area and from there I chose one based on what they wrote about themselves on that site and on their website.
When looking for a therapist it’s important to keep a few important things in mind like
- What do they specialize in? Is this the area you need help with?
- Are they accredited? Do they have a PhD or other degree? How long have they practiced?
- What techniques do they use? Are you comfortable with their method?
- Where are they located? Can you get to appointments easily and on time?
- How much will it cost? Will insurance cover it? Will you pay out of pocket?
I used these questions and criteria to narrow down my search and choose a therapist from the ones available in my area. Depending on what is important in your search you can use these questions or others to help narrow down the search for a therapist.
First Contact
Once I decided upon a therapist I grabbed her e-mail address from her website and sent her a quick e-mail about my situation. The e-mail sent on Friday night around 10 pm. The next morning I had a reply from her about setting up an appointment and attending her support group. Her quick response encouraged me that I made the right decision and things would work out.
Setting Up An Appointment
By Tuesday we had e-mailed a few more times and I called in to set up an appointment. I chose the first appointment available though it’s three full weeks away – June 14th.
She walked me through the new patient checklist of things I need to do before the appoint – fill out new patient paperwork, talk to the lady who handles insurance, etc. Doing all this before the appoint will save time for an actual appointment.
Thoughts On The Process So Far
Everything is going smoothly so far. I wish there had been a closer appointment because three weeks is a long time to wait. I usually like to have appointments and meetings asap so I don’t let anxiety build too much. In the past I’ve allowed that to happen and ending up canceling things at the last minute. I refuse to let that happen this time but I wish I didn’t have such a long waiting period.
Luckily though I can attend the free support group and meet the therapist in a less formal setting in just a week. Though the group setting frightens me (a ton!) I’m excited that I get a chance to meet her first in that setting so the actual therapy meeting won’t be so awkward for me. Also, the second meeting of the support group will be the day after my appointment so that will be good.
What If It Doesn’t Work Out?
There is always the chance that even after finding a therapist you might not click with them. I’ve been told this happens. It’s important not to give up on the idea of therapy but to find another provider. Personally I think my first choice will be great but I still have a backup option as well. You can always ask you therapist for referrals to other people or ask around if you need to find someone else. Or just head back to Google and start the search again. It is important to find a person that you are comfortable with so you can really work on your problems.
Have you ever seen a therapist? What factors did you consider when choosing a therapist?
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{ 11 comments }
Hi Mary,
I live in Australia so I’m not sure if these things are relevant to Memphis, but psychologists often have a cancellation fee if you cancel 24-hours before an appointment. If you are in serious need of an appointment as well, you can ask the receptionist if they have a ‘waiting list’ and if you can be put upon it. This way, if anyone else cancels an appointment and it is at a suitable time for you, they can ring you straight away. Doing this myself, I have frequently had an appointment within 2-3 days where I would have had to wait about 3 weeks.
Also, many psychologists(/therapists? Not sure if they are the same term?) require a referral from a doctor, so if people are concerned about their eating and/or body behaviours and thoughts it’s best to talk about it with your doctor (yes, the process is very scary but well worth it and they are very understanding… just blurt it out!). If you also have a co-morbid illness (e.g., depression, anxiety) and are currently on medication, you may even wish to see a psychiatrist to discuss your current medication and whether you can be prescribed something that would, perhaps, assist you better.
And finally! I know you said this – but please make sure your therapist has the correct qualifications. In Australia, to be a fully registered psychologist requires at least 7 years of study and registration with the Australian Psychological Society. In America, registration is with the American Psychological Association. Both websites have a ‘search’ function so you can check whether your therapist is registered or, if you are still not sure, it is more than acceptable to ask the receptionist what their qualifications are.
I hope these points were helpful and are not completely useless to the US!
Love your blog Mary, thanks :)
Hey! So many things to address!
Good idea about the cancellations! I am actually okay with waiting 3 weeks because since I first contacted her I’ve stopped binge eating so it’s not an immediate need.
For me therapist and psychologist are interchangeable, but that’s just me. Haha. The lady i will see has a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and is accredited and part of all those groups including the American Psychological Association. Believe me, I did my research. I chose her because she did have those qualifications and others didn’t.
Though I have anxiety and deal with PMDD I don’t take medications for it (been down that road, didn’t like it). So that’s not an issue. Also she didn’t need a doctor’s referral so no worries about that. But I’m pretty sure because she is in private practice this might be different than a big clinic or a hospital setting.
Thanks for this post! After having a negative experience (revolving around being given misinformation by the therapist himself regarding billing and insurance) the one and only time I’ve had the guts to try to start addiction therapy myself, I’ve honestly been wimping out and trying to get the guts to try again ever since. I think it’s fantastic you have found someone who seems to fit what you are looking for, and can’t wait to hear how it goes for you!
The one other thing I ever tried was OA a while back, and although it ended up not being the right fit for me either, it was the first time I’d ever been around a group of strangers who I didn’t feel judged by regarding eating issues, which was a real eye opener. The best thing about this blog community is it gives that same feeling but so much more, at least in my opinion!
Hope it goes great :-)
Amanda´s last [type] ..Breaking out of the rut with breakfast eggs!
I’ve seen a therapist 2 times. First, it was for my trichotillomania (OCD, pulling hair) and anxiety. I specifically wanted a women, and she needed to be specialized into OCD’s and easy to get appointments. She was a psychologist, so Phd was necessary.
The other time, it was after my accident, I wanted someone who could work with post traumatic stress, but specifically who was using the EMDR. I didn’t mind that she was 1h30 away from home or just a social worker. Having 25 years of experience and being able to see articles from her helped a lot.
For both, I needed to feel comfortable talking about everything, without judgment, but to know they wouldn’t spare my feelings either!
Both helped me tremendously… Even if it ends up being expensive, I think it’s the best gift we can give ourselves. At some point, we all need external, professional help to keep growing.
Good luck!
Mylene´s last [type] ..What’s blogging for me
In Massachusetts, MEDA (http://www.medainc.org) has totally helped me if people are looking for resourses.
Jen´s last [type] ..Miami- the Good- the Bad and the Boas
I haven’t seen one but my best friend has. They got a lot out of it but when it came time to end the sessions (both had agreed to) the therapist tried to bring up other non-issues to keep them in therapy. That stunk because the experience was really positive for my friend up until then. I’m not saying all therapists do that or anything, just be aware it could happen and be prepared to stand up for yourself if you’ve gone as far as you’d like. It’s about you and what you want out of it, not them.
The Mrs @ Success Along the Weigh´s last [type] ..Bento Egg Mold Giveaway
I go to a therapist and a psychiatrist and am so glad that I do. I had been to psychiatrists off and on for years, and could never find someone I clicked with, or someone who I thought was really helping.The best advice I can give is persistence. If you don’t click with someone, continue searching out one until you find a good match.
Emily´s last [type] ..Goals
I think all your tips are great for people trying to find therapy.
I go to a therapist as well. She’s a licensed psychologist w/ a PhD. I found her by Googling; I looked for therapists with experience treating depression (which is super common so this wasn’t difficult to find.) Some of the choices seemed lame; one woman specialized in dream analysis and I just didn’t vibe with that. It was also important to me to go to a woman, because I felt I could talk more easily. So I picked a few I wanted to try, called my no. 1 pick, she called me back and left a message b/c I was out, then I called her back and never heard from her. I was annoyed and eager to start therapy so I called my no. 2 pick and here I am, 4 months later. It’s worked out great.
I think one of the main things is to check via your state certifying board to see if the therapist’s license is valid and if any action has been taken against them. Another thing to remember is that a lot of therapists offer sliding pay scales. My therapy is not covered by insurance. She charges up to $135 an hour, but on my first visit I told her how much money I made per year and my other expenses and she offered $100. It’s worth it. It’s great to have someone to talk to with no judgement, no emotional stake in what you are saying. You can tell them whatever you want and they will not judge you.
Another thing about therapy is to be patient. My first three weeks were spent just telling my therapist about myself. Also, I think many therapists follow a patient-directed model of therapy in that the patient makes the decisions about what to discuss, etc. I think a good therapist will not give you homework or tell you to start doing this or that unless you say you’re ready for it (because they know they can’t force you to change behavior unless you are willing.)
Also, sometimes therapy can be painful because you’re dealing with negative emotions. I don’t always walk out of a session feeling happy or unburdened. Sometimes I feel worse than before. This is not uncommon (but something you want to tell your therapist about.) If you are affected like this, it can be good to schedule your therapy session in the afternoon or after work, instead of before, so you don’t have to go focus on something else afterwards.
AND then I guess the final thing I want to add is to not feel ashamed of going to therapy. I know I struggle with this — even though I know my going to therapy is a good thing, a sign that I am making steps towards healing, a sign of my maturity and love for myself. We have such a stupid, pointless, hurtful stigma against mental illness and emotional problems in our society. Can be difficult to overcome this, but you’ve just gotta give the finger to the stigma, I think.
Sorry for long comment but this is something I think about a lot!
Mary – so impressed that you’re taking this step! The best encouragement and advice I could offer you is not to back out at the last minute! So many people do, because of the built up anxiety as you described, but if you get over the fear of the first few sessions, it’ll be worth it :)
A few people have talked about methods and approaches too. If you see someone worthwhile, they will listen to any requests or suggestions you have about the things you want to address and the way you want to work. Some people hate homework between sessions, some people thrive on it because it keeps them on track and helps them integrate therapeutic content into real life. Some people prefer to raise things as they come up, with little structure week-to-week, others like to have a highly structured treatment plan for a set period of time. The more information you give your psychologist about what works for you will better help both of you get the most out of treatment. Having said that, they are the expert, and there are times when trusting their expertise will serve you better than following your own instinct, because our own instincts are often driven by fear and ignore the wider perspective.
Re: Bronwyn’s comment. I am an Australian psychologist, and just want to make a quick correction, in case anyone reads the comment and bases their actions on it. To be a qualified, practising psychologist in Australia you need to have a 4 year undergrad degree + either 2 years postgrad (Masters or equivalent) or 2 years supervised clinical practice. There are a few different pathways to become qualified, but the important thing is to make sure that the psychologist is registered with the Psychology Board of Australia. The APS is professional membership body, but not the official registration body, the equivalent of which is the APA in the US. Plenty of qualified, registered psychologists choose not to join the APS. I believe the US has state based registration boards, but I’m not 100% sure on that point.
Long comment, sorry. I’ll be quiet now!
Thank you so much for sharing that info!
I saw one a few times a few years ago, soon before I moved to SF. It was not a useful experience for me because: I went because someone else wanted me to go, not because I wanted to, and I didn’t have a good therapist. At the time, all the regular doctors in the area were filled up, so my regular doctor was just a so-so one that happened to be able to take me on, based on my insurance. When she referred me to a therapist, she just picked one that my insurance would pay for. She wasn’t even an actual therapist with a phD (which can be fine, my current regular doctor doesn’t have one either), and didn’t actually do anything, or bother to learn much about me. I think the whole $ thing factored negatively in my case. Even though I had a bad experience, I do believe that therapy can be really useful given the right circumstances and right person/people.
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