Here’s some honesty for you: I’m stuck.
I want to step back on the scale and get back to weighing in regularly until I hit a healthier weight that starts with a 1 followed maybe a 6 or 7. I want to get back to actual weight loss now that I’ve got the time and ability to focus on my health completely.
But I’m not sure that is the best idea. At least not the scale part.
During my therapy for binge eating my therapist supported my avoidance of the scale before the wedding. I decided not to weigh in for a few months before the wedding after reading another blogger’s decision to do the same. In the end it was a smart idea because I didn’t worry about my weight at all during an already busy and stressful time in my life. I still ate well and exercised 5-7 times a week leading up to the wedding without knowing what my weight was. My therapist said weight didn’t matter because you either know you are doing the right things or you know you aren’t. I was doing all the right things so knowing my weight didn’t matter.
I was doing the right things without weighing in and those months in therapy and away from the scale helped me a lot in more fully conquering the binge eating I’ve struggled with on and off for years. Today I’ve been binge free for months. I haven’t been binge eating or abusing myself with food. My relationship with food is a lot healthier now and for that I’m grateful.
My therapist suggested in our last session that I should continue to stay off the scale. I should continue to not weigh myself because it wouldn’t help me accomplish my goals of being healthier.
I was fully prepared to do as she said. I don’t know what I weighed at my wedding. I don’t know what I weighed in the weeks after. But I noticed in the last week or two as I’ve been trying to get back into a fitness routine that without a wedding to prepare for I haven’t been very motivated. I’ve been feeling slumptastic because there is nothing to push me to work hard to lose more weight. Without any goals or motivation I’ve let the post wedding indulgent eating continue longer than it should have and not been exercising as much as I could have.
Sure losing and keeping off 40 pounds is great, but I could stand to lose another 40. I want to lose another 40. I do. But how do I motivate myself to do that now? My thoughts are to hop on the scale and start tracking allowing the number be a motivator. I could set goals like losing ten pounds by the end of the year and reward myself with things I want. This would most likely work but I’m having trouble committing to it because of my therapist’s recommendations not to use the scale.
Basically I’m stuck. With conflicting desires about where I want to go from here, I’m not sure what to do. I know weight isn’t the only indicator of health. Actually by all accounts I’m rather healthy (just ask my doctors!) and strong even at this weight. But I know I’d prefer to lose weight before eventually one day getting pregnant and starting a family so there are less risks involved. I’m just unsure of how to motivate myself right now to do something that will benefit me *one day* in the future, especially with the consideration of what my therapist mentioned and not using the scale.
To weigh or not to weigh? That’s what I’ trying to figure out now along with how to motivate myself to really get this thing finished after enough stalling and time passing without falling back into binge eating and other bad behaviors. I don’t have answers right now, but I’m hoping to soon.