I’m giving myself an extra day to rest my ankle. It felt sore all yesterday and still ached a bit today so I’d rather be safe than sorry. Rest, ice, elevation. I’m totally bummed because missing scheduled workouts makes me feel like such a bum but I know I’ll go back tomorrow and feel better.
For now? Brussell sprouts! (Our ice pack is not frozen.)
A couple days ago I attempted to do deadlifts for the second time. I wanted to see how heavy I could lift, which was probably pretty silly. Kepa encouraged me though and with his guidance I hit the gym to test myself.
I’ve never, ever tried to lift as much as I possible could in one exercise. That is a new thing for me and I went into the deadlifting session both excited that I would do well and terrified that I would hurt or embarrass myself.
I started with 135 lbs and did a few reps trying to focus on form then moved up then moved up again. I eventually hit 198lbs and deadlifted that once. I really felt annoyed when I worked out the conversion and realized I was 2 pounds away from lifting 200. So then I tried to lift over 210… and failed. Failed hard.
I’ve never failed like that before. I’ve never let myself fail.
I just couldn’t lift the weight. I got it up an inch and realized my body just couldn’t do it. At all. It was SO FRUSTRATING! I hated the feeling so much.
That moment made me realize why I’d never tried to list as much as possible before: I was scared of that failure. I’ve never failed like that before. I’ve never let myself fail. If I stayed safe and lifted easier amounts I would never fail. This obviously translates into so many other areas of my life from weight to career to a hundred other things. I’ve been really safe and very scared of failing.
If you don’t try you won’t fail. It’s the safest way to insure you don’t feel that most annoying feeling of failure ever.
But if you don’t try to fail you can’t see how far you can really go.
I never thought of it in those terms before. I always thought of failure as something to be avoided at all costs. That mindset is starting to slowly get chipped at and fade away as I realize “failure” is something that means I’m pushing as hard as I can in everything I do. It means I’m living the way I actually want to live, instead of being scared and always taking the safe route. I’m going to have to start applying this lesson to other areas of my life and truly go for the things I want.
Who knew you could learn so much from one gym session?
Despite the failure and all that it brought up in my mind I’m still MEGA PROUD of myself for deadlifting 198 lbs. That’s almost my body weight and that was my second real go at deadlifts so I’m pretty sure I’m going to get a lot better over time especially since failure isn’t quite as scary anymore.
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{ 14 comments }
Why is there failure? You walked in now knowing what you can do. The win is that you did it and should be happy with what you did. Then in your head you decided there should be a ceiling or number and when you hit your head on it, you called it failure. Why not just call it a goal and be happy with that? No failure. Keep doing it. Keep moving. Sorry about the ankle, take it easy on it. I exercised on a sore foot for 4 months not realizing that I made something easily treatable at the time into something harder to heal.
Well failure in the terms of you can’t do it anymore. That’s a failure. It was bound to happen at some weight and I didn’t know what it was. For me that’s big because I generally never go until actual muscle failure because I’m scared of that as I’m scared of almost any type of failure, whether it’s real or just a label. You might not understand that concept but it made sense to me, haha. ;)
And like I said in the post… I’m very happy with what I did. Mega happy and proud. I’m awesome. Win!
198 is a lot! Great job!
Thanks! :)
I like it! Pushing yourself to failure makes you want to work harder for to make that failure easy. Or at least I’m thinking something like that :D
Also, YOU STRONG! It was so fun getting to see you push to your max. It was seriously impressive, and I can only see you getting stronger! :)
So true! I can’t wait to push past that point and get to where I fail at a higher weight and that 200 lbs seems easy (ha). <3
Good for you for testing your limits! You’ll be lifting 200 in no time just be careful! Now you have me craving brussels sprouts!
The Mrs @ Success Along the Weigh´s last [type] ..How important is sleep to weight loss?
I will! I won’t be testing my max again any time soon. I’m going back down to a lower weight for actual working weight so I can work on form and practice a lot more. But yeah, 200 and over is within reach. :)
Mmmm, brussels sprouts! I’m having some tonight!
You are one strong lady!!! We all learn the hard way at one time or another Mary – good for you for trying & not giving up. Feel better soon!!!!
Jody – Fit at 54´s last [type] ..No Excuses – No "I Can’t Resist"
*applause* great post. all around.
I love this post! I can relate so much. There are so many metaphors and parallels that I have drawn between working out and just every day life. Every time I come out of an intense workout session I can feel that I grown in other ways besides physically. I used to be obese and extremely sedentary so it makes me appreciate the feeling even more after knowing what feeling weak and exhausted for years feels like. WTG on the 198! That’s amazing!!
Hey Mary! Congrats on lifting 198 lbs!! Reading your entry reminded me of another blogger I read. His entry talks about if your scared than your doing it right. You talk about how you were scared to fail. Well that means you’re doing something right! you’re moving in the right direction because the only way to succeed is to learn from your failures. You may have failed in lifting 210 lbs but you succeeded in knowing that you could lift 198. And with that, you now have a set goal you can reach to. What a great accomplishment! Keep up the good work, and get some much needed rest for that ankle! :)
http://www.joelrunyon.com/two3/if-youre-scared-to-death-youre-doing-it-right
Thanks Manda. That’s a great way to look at it and a great article. Thanks for sharing!
holy cow! let me tell you thats a heck of a lot more than I and many of us could do..glad you felt proud of it in the end. :) I know exactly what you mean about the fear of failing. And how could we not..who really enjoys the feeling they can’t accomplish something right? You are doing so great though..so.. Keep at it!
Cheers!
Kari´s last [type] ..Somebody’s in troubleee…