A Merry Life - The Pursuit of Healthy & Happy » Ask Mary Anything

Ask Mary Anything: Everything Else

Mary — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 10:00:30 +0000

Hello final edition of Ask Mary Anything for this year! I’m so glad to be done with you!

Will you ever move back to North America someday? – M

Yes. As much as I like New Zealand, the USA is my home and I really do love and miss it. Kepa luckily loves it too and wants to live there as well. However, Kepa still has five(ish) years of finishing school and necessary teaching here, so we won’t be going back anytime soon. That makes me a bit sad, but at the same time it motivates me to get my finances in order so I can afford more trips back home. And of course the plan is to move to the states but who knows where life will actually take us. I’m proof of that.

What ate your favorite blogs to read? Top 5? - The Binge Diary

I read so many blogs it’s ridiculous. I have no set blog reading schedule anymore so most I get to when I can and catch up on back posts. There a few I do manage to read pretty much every day lately, so I’ll share those.

Meals & Moves

Heather Eats Almond Butter

Prior Fat Girl

MizFitOnline

Skinny Emmie

And there are countless more that I read very regularly, if not daily. I love a lot of blogs. I also read a ton of blogs outside of the healthy living niche. ;)

I used to keep a blogroll but unfortunately it was too sad to keep it updated and delete people when they fell off the weight loss or blogging (or both) wagon. So I stopped keeping a blogroll for that reason.

I only had two anonymous questions on Formspring, and unfortunately I deleted them. I apparently am the world’s worst Formspring user. I have NO IDEA what happened. So I’ll try to rephrase the questions here and answer them.

Are you a good dancer?

No. Not at all. I have no clue what I’m doing and dancing used to cause me a lot of anxiety so I just didn’t do it. But I really enjoy dancing, even if I’m not good at it which is why I like taking Zumba classes and dancing around for fun at home. :)

Will you stop begging on Twitter and your blog so much? It seems sneaky, but it’s not and most people can see right through it. Even your boyfriend is doing it now with the New Balance thing.

I thought about not addressing this question, but what the heck, might as well. Personally I don’t think I beg for anything at all. You might interpret things I say that way but I can’t help your perspective on life. If you are referring to me asking companies for products for review (since you referenced Kepa doing it) – that’s a legitimate thing bloggers and companies do. You might not like it, but that’s how this works and I’ve never done it unethically or begged for every single thing possible (I’m actually much more judicious than lots of bloggers). Additionally, I don’t control Kepa or what he does – he decided to do that on his own without my input. But no, I don’t think I (or Kepa for that matter) begs for anything, so I can’t really stop, now can I?

You are my favourite blogger called Mary! Are the questions you get ever so intrusive (or the answers so embarrasing) that you wish you had not invited people to ask you anything? - Yolande

See the above question.

Haha.

Not really. Most questions make me think and I consider that a good thing. Nothing embarrassing came up this time. :) I like letting readers ask me anything they would like, even if it’s negative. People might disagree with things I do or not like me, but those people still tend to read my blog and deserve a chance to ask too.

Who’s your favorite blogger named Jack? – Jack Sh*t

Why can’t you ask better questions? Or say things like Yolande? I’m the favorite blogger up in here!

Uh oh… ummmmm… who’s your second-favorite blogger named Jack? -Jack Sh*t

Okay, I give in. It’s you. But actually I know your real name so you don’t even count as a Jack. But then again you are the only blogger I know that goes by Jack, so I guess that means the answer is you, Jack Sh*t. Congratulations. *confetti*

And that my friends, is that. :)

Ask Mary Anything: Everything Else is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

AMA: Love Edition

Mary — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 11:00:19 +0000

Are you tired of me answering questions yet? Well never fear, this is the last week of Ask Mary Anything posts! Today is the second to last one with another coming on Thursday. Plus this one is fun because it’s relationship based and y’all are my best supporters of all things love (seriously, the response to both of my engagement posts blew me away). So let’s get started.

Okay. I’m not sure if this is really a question but I’d like to read the whole story of how you and Kepa met and fell in love. I found your blog rather recently and you two were already dating. If you have a post on that topic already feel free to email me the link. I’d love to read it. :) – Jenn

The whole story in a nutshell… When I started blogging about weight loss in 2008 his was one of the first blogs I started reading. I don’t know how it happened since there are so many weight loss blogs out there, but his was one of a handful of Kiwi weight loss blogs I read (shout out to Andrew and Marshamallow who were part of that group I’ve read for years now!). We commented back and forth supporting each other and eventually began emailing sometimes to talk abut blog and weight loss related stuff. Eventually we began talking more often and then on Twitter and eventually that turned from blogging buddies to friends to flirting to dating long distance (which started while I was in Vermont last year) via phone calls and video chats. After my time in Vermont ended I went to visit Kepa in New Zeland for a month. At that point we had been dating for four months but had not met in person. It was an awesome month and confirmed what we both already knew about our relationship. I made plans to get a visa and move to NZ temporarily so we could at least be in the same country. After that we waited five long hard months to see each other again when Kepa came to the US for a month (two of which we spent roadtripping). At the end of that month he proposed and we both went back to New Zealand. Now we are engaged and happily planning our wedding next year. :)

I also chronicled our love story on the blog in three parts if you would like to read those entries:

Part I: Because You Just Can’t Love A Fat Girl, Part II: Okay, Maybe You CAN Love A Fat Girl, and Part III: Best Proposal Ever.

Apparently there are 6 subjects that are the most likely cause of marital discord — which one do you think will be your toughest issue, and how do you guys plan to address it? (The 6 are money, chores, in-laws, sex, kids and habits; this is the link that describes them more: http://advice.eharmony.com/article/peacekeeping-tips-for-the-most-common-marriage-arguments.html ). Maybe that’s too personal though? Feel free to ignore if it is. I would say ours is either chores or habits (or both, it’s his habit to ignore spilled raisins on the countertop forever, but if I had to pick one, it’s probably more about chores since we both work and I feel like I do more cleaning). But fortunately we deal with it fine and I wouldn’t trade my hubby for the world! Though I’d love him just the same if he randomly decided to vacuum every month… - Carina

Ooooh, Carina you know how to ask the hard questions!!

This is tough question because I feel like all of these things could be a problem at one point or another, or never be an issue. For example, right now kids are a distant thought even though we already casually discuss how we will raise them. Money is tough because we don’t have much, but instead of fighting about it we seem to work as a team to make things work because we have the same ideas and goals related to money. Most of these things are unlikely to cause issues since Kepa and I have very similar values and want the same things out of life.

So basically the answer to this (in my opinion, Kepa might disagree) would be the same as yours: chores and habits. Chores because I’m not a fan and tend to not do them quickly enough and habits because I’m weird and have a lot of things that bug me. So really, both of these are on me. Does that mean I’m the trouble starter? Oops. We have already encountered a few friendly disagreements regarding habits. I try to be nice about things and understand that Kepa has his habits and I have mine. I don’t want to be a nagging wife or start fights over petty things, so I make sure if I do bring something up it’s in a nice way. Basically it’s all little things that if I really wanted to I could change about myself or ignore about Kepa (I mean really, I could just put the toilet seat back down myself each time), so I won’t be bringing them up over and over again… if it’s adressed but doesn’t change I’ll just deal with. Life is too short to worry about the little things.

That’s it! I love you Kepa! :)

If anyone has any more questions, just ask in the comments. ;)

AMA: Love Edition is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

AMA: Food Edition

Mary — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 10:00:59 +0000

Over the last year I’ve gotten a lot more comfortable with thinking and talking about food. Keeping a food blog has taken away some of the weird thought patterns I had surrounding food and made me much more of a normal eater. So in celebration of food and food related things, today’s Ask Mary Anything edition is all about food. ;)

So do you have garden space available where you are living now? If so are you planning on planting your own vegetable and fruit garden there? - Lauralee Hensley

I actually already answered this before and if you read my post about moving to a new place then you already know my answer to this. ;) But I’m excited about it so I wanted to mention it again.

There is garden space available to me now. I do plan on clearing it out and planting some fruit and vegetables. I’m interested in gardening and growing my own food but it’s been a long time since I’ve grown anything. I’m not quite sure how that adventure will go but I’m looking forward to trying. Right now I’m in the “research” stage of the process and am learning what kinds of plants are best to grow here and what I need to make them flourish. In the next month or so I should start working on the garden and will update about my progress as I go.

My question, because I don’t deal with this well AT ALL is: How do you deal with cravings at “that time of month”? – Elle

I’m not sure I deal with it well, but what works for me is just giving in. Seriously. If you are craving something – for me it’s always chocolate – it’s a lot easier to say, okay I’m craving chocolate so I should eat some. Personally if I give myself something small that I’m craving (a small caramel slice or single cookie) it stops me from a) going crazy and b) eating a whole chocolate cake. Since it only happens once a month (for that reason) it’s not going to completely ruin you. This is just the way I deal with it though and other people might have better suggestions.

The following questions are all from A.M. Osnot, who loves to ask a lot of questions. ;)

Are you still following a special diet to prevent kidney stones, and how is that going?

I’m not necessarily following a special diet, and never was. It was just a few guidelines from a RD. I do a few things that could be attributed to just eating for good health but are even more important regarding kidney stones. 1) I don’t eat a lot of salt. Hardly any. 2) I drink A TON of water. The number of times I fill my water bottle each day is slightly ridiculous. 3) I try to avoid eating a lot of red meat and instead try to eat more veggies and high fiber foods.

In some of your photos, it looks like your food has been cooked in lots of fat (for example, fried eggs, and cooked veggies). Is that just an illusion created by the camera?

Usually I don’t usually cook veggies in fat or oil, except for a light drizzle of extra virgin olive oil when roasting them. As far as fried eggs and other foods, they do get cooked in oil. This is simply because they taste good that way and it’s the only thing I have available. Kepa cooks using oil and I’ve adjusted to doing that too. Before I moved here I actually used a zero calorie cooking spray for everything but that is not available to my knowledge in NZ (I’ve looked) so oil it is for some things. Sometimes I miss my zero calorie chemicals, but they don’t like fake things here which is probably for the best.

Have you ever tried (or considered) eating sandwiches without cheese?

Cheese is the one thing with sodium that I definitely won’t give up. I like cheese. Cheese is good. I don’t think I eat too much, so I continue to put it on sandwiches. I do sometimes skip cheese if the sandwich won’t benefit from it or if I have a better substitute. But generally cheese makes things better. ;)

What are your goals for daily nutritional intake, and how did you choose them? (calories, protein, fat, sodium, fiber, calcium, etc.)

The main ones for me are calories between 1800 and 2000 per day (based on weight and activity), and 2,300 mg of sodium and 25 g of fiber (kidney stones recommendations from a rd).

Since I don’t really count calories or track nutrients (sometimes I try), I don’t always do a great job of hitting these marks. I try, but obviously have room for improvement.

Do you use canned beans or cook your own from dried?

Currently canned. I would like to cook my own from dried but I haven’t done it yet. Maybe soon?

It looks like your sandwiches are sometimes made from cold cuts. Is that true? Have you looked into the ingredients/nutrition content of them? For my sandwiches, I boil a boneless skinless chicken breast with onion, garlic and a few spices that I like. At $2 per pound on sale, I think it is much cheaper than coldcuts (and to me it tastes better).

Sometimes it’s true! Sometimes it’s not. Generally though the only cold cuts I use is shaved turkey. This is because I can’t buy and cook a turkey myself for a reasonable price yet I like to eat turkey sandwiches. I’ve done the whole cooked chicken thing occasionally and it is definitely good option, but not for turkey. As far as other cold cuts go I rarely buy them because I don’t eat ham or bologna or really anything besides chicken and turkey. Maybe one day I’ll branch out.

Do you have access to a gas or charcoal grill?

Not really. We have a grill but I am not a fan of using it because of the bugs I’ve seen on it. ;)

What do you dislike about soup? Have you ever tried black bean soup, with plenty of jalepeno?

I’m not sure. I don’t dislike ALL soups, just MOST soups. I’ve had black bean soup before and I enjoyed it. I like some creamy soups and I like the idea of tomato soup with grilled cheese sandwiches. However things like vegetable soups and broth soups (generally the healthier options) are things I dislike. I’m not sure why or when that started, but my brain is a strange thing when it comes to food. I’m still pretty picky and some thing just gross me out for no reason whatsoever!

That was fun! I’m a bit of a picky person, so my eating habits are sometimes peculiar. Thanks for the questions and if you have any more I’ll answer them in the comments! :)

AMA: Food Edition is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

AMA: Privacy

Mary — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 10:00:46 +0000

Do you have any advice on privacy? obviously, my weight is visibly a problem, but often it’s hard for me to blur the line between what’s fair to write as far as it applies to others–and by others, i mostly mean by parents. i love my mother, she’s given so much for us, but over the years she’s said unkind things about my weight, and my father i’m estranged from (his idea, not me or my siblings). i believe that my parents directly or indirectly have much to do with my disordered eating. i like to think that we are so much more complex than words on on a page, so i wonder: any advice on how do i stay true to myself, but respect their privacy, their reputation, and all they have done for me? thanks!- Alexia

This is a tough question and even my answer might not be right for you. It’s a very personal thing and every blogger has to draw their own line and decide what they want to share and what they don’t want to share.

Much of my disordered eating was caused because of a very dysfunctional family life. I had no idea how to cope with this so I somehow managed to pick emotional eating as my comfort. The weight I gained only made things at home worse, but since I had no other way to cope the cycle continued endlessly until I went to college (but of course even then it wasn’t over). I still struggle with learned behaviors and habits that I feel like were directly or indirectly caused by family members. So I understand exactly where you are coming from.

For the most part I’ve forgiven my family members for their role in things. I wish things had happened differently, but I am over placing blame on them. It sucks, but at some point moving on and letting it go is the only option. That being said, because I write about weight I sometimes want to write about the causes of my weight gain. Since family members played a huge role in this I want to write about that and have done so in the past. It was part of my personal healing process in getting over things and reaching the point where I didn’t blame anyone. For me it was extremely helpful to look back on those experiences and figure out what went wrong and why.

Writing about my family’s role in that was helpful, but I know it hurt my mom some to read about those things on my blog. At the same time, I’m pretty sure the experiences she watched me go through (obesity and all it’s ugly cousins) were just as painful. She knows I love her, but she knows that she did play a role in my disordered eating and obesity. Sometimes honesty hurts, but our relationship was strong enough for it.

What has worked for me is writing about people either as concepts instead of specific people and situations, or just flat out asking if I could write about them. My mom doesn’t mind if I write about her, for the most part my brothers don’t care. If you know that your parent(s) don’t want you to write about them, then don’t. It’s not worth it to ruin a relationship by writing negative things about them. I believe you can still write a lot about disordered eating and your personal experience without pointing fingers directly at your parents. And if they accept that it’s something your need to do to move on, then go ahead and write what you need to write. Deciding what’s “fair” to write about might be easier if you discuss it with them (or it might be harder, honestly).

That being said… it’s tricky. Every blogger has to figure out what to share and what to keep private. We all have areas of our lives that we just don’t blog about. I assume as a blog reader that bloggers do this. I have a million blogs yet I still keep a lot of myself and my life offline. Being true to yourself doesn’t mean you have to disclose every detail – you can keep things, people, and experiences in your life private from what you share on your blog. That doesn’t make the story you share any less valid, but it might keep some relationships intact.

The most important thing to consider is the fact that your blog is public. Anyone can find and read it. What you want to write or feel that you need to write about can be found by anyone. The first time I found out my dad read my blog I wanted to quit blogging. That relationship is broken beyond repair and I didn’t want him to have knowledge of anything about my life. So for me that’s where I know how to draw the line – I don’t write anything I want him to know. He might read, he might not, but I have to remember that my blog is public and accessed by thousands of people each day – it’s not just my private journal. If I don’t want it to be seen, I just simply can’t write it.

If you still feel the need to write about these experiences, your parents don’t want you to or you think it would hurt them, you could always do it anonymously or in a protected environment. You could write password protected posts or something along those lines if you feel it’s vital to share but you don’t want specific people to access the information. That’s another option that I haven’t utilized but think might work in certain situations.

That’s a bit of my take on privacy and how to handle writing about other people, especially parents. Does anyone else have some advice for Alexia? I know a lot of you will have great thoughts on the subject, so please share in the comments. How do you handle privacy issues as a blogger?

AMA: Privacy is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

AMA: Money and Work Edition

Mary — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 10:00:11 +0000

Okay, this is such a long post! I didn’t intend for that to happen when I started… oops? Enjoy learning way more about me than you wanted to know. ;)

Q: Maybe I missed this on your blog (but I did look), but how were you able to afford your time in Vermont? I would like to be able to do something like that but financially that seems difficult or even impossible. – Sarah

A: I don’t think I discussed it in depth, so you wouldn’t be able to find it on the blog. My time at GMFR in Vermont was not all fun and games – it was actually a work experience, something along the lines of an internship. I went to GMFR to work and go through the program. I exchanged my expertise in blogging and marketing and random office work ninja skills for the opportunity to go to Vermont and go through the program and learn about it from both sides. This was a mutually beneficial arrangement since they were looking for someone with the skills I had and I had been looking for something to do with my life after leaving my previous job with the YMCA. It was an amazing experience and I really love the people that I met during that time.

I was lucky in the experience I had and I admit that I probably never would have gone if I had to swing the money myself. The programs are quite expensive because they are pretty intense (and the food is delicious). I would say though to not give up hope totally because I know GMFR offers discounts throughout the year and they may be able to work with you regarding the financial aspect if you talk to them. Don’t rule anything out especially if it’s something you think you would benefit from!

Q: How much money do you earn from your blog in a typical month? How many blogs do you have now, and much time do you spend on them in a typical week? – A. M. Osnot

A: I laughed at this question at first because a typical month is such a funny concept. The income varies each month and can vary widely. I’ve debated back and forth on giving actual numbers, but for personal reasons I’d prefer not to disclose that online (sorry!). Altogether I’m definitely NOT getting rich from blogging and while it’s my primary income source currently it’s definitely not as much as I could make doing something else. What I do make from blogging I supplement with other writing jobs and other online work.

But really I don’t blog for money. I’m happy to make some cash to support myself but I would be doing this whether or not I made a dime. I blogged for years without making any money and I’ll continue that if I stop earning an income from blogging. Blogging is more about me and my compulsive need to write and share. ;)

I actually have a ridiculous amount of blogs, some of which I don’t update often, some that I started then lost interest but never deleted, some of which I blog anonymously, and some of which I’ve created and sold or plan to sell. The ones I update regularly and care about number 4.

As far as time spent on blogging, it really depends. I can spend 50 hours a week some weeks and less than 10 other weeks. It just depends on how I’m feeling, what else I have going on at the time, and what needs to be done.

Q. What interests do you have in addition to blogging, cooking and crafts (and your sweetie)? If money were not a limiting factor, how would you spend your time? – A. M. Osnot

A: Aww, you know all of my favorite things! Hehe.

If I didn’t have to worry about money I would still do all of those things because I enjoy them. The number one things I would say is that I would also travel a lot more than I’m currently able to do. I absolutely love to travel and explore new places, but it’s a very expensive interest.

My other interests:

Reading – I love to read!

Snowboarding – Soooo excited about going in NZ soon. I wish I could go more and own a board/gear.

Photography – I want to keep learning and getting better… and buy nicer lenses and equipment.

Going to the gym – Seriously, I enjoy exercising. I really want to get into triathlons eventually too.

Q: Will you be getting a job in NZ? If so what type of work do you want to do? – Tami

A: I do plan on finding a job here in NZ if for nothing else than to have people to socialize with outside of Kepa and people he knows. I’m limited in the kinds of jobs I can get here (because of my visa) and the location (because I don’t have a car). So that means I’m really not picky. I’m just applying to anything that I can realistically get to without relying on someone else. It’s less about what type of work I would like to do and more about what is available, easily accessible, and will hire me!

Q: After Kepa graduates and you guys return to the US, do you ever plan to get a more traditional job so you’re able to take vacations/travel/raise a family/whatever, and if so, what? Most of the time I’ve read, you haven’t liked your financial situation, but you’re young and weren’t in a great position to get a traditional job (bad economy, upcoming move to NZ, etc.). And obviously your blogging job has tons of benefits like flexibility, etc., so you might very well want to do something like that forever. Just curious if you’re ever planning to be a 9-5er, and if so, doing what. – Carina

A: I don’t ever plan to be a 9-5 er, but I would consider it if an opportunity came up. I worked what was more or less a 9 to 5 job in a windowless office for the first year and a half after college and it literally sucked the joy out of my soul. Perhaps it was just the job that was wrong for me, but either way it put me off the cubicle work. I enjoy the flexibility of what I’m doing now and while money is tight for the moment, things are going pretty well and shaping up for the future. I think I’ll be able to do all those things you mentioned even without a “traditional” job. I do plan of working at least part time outside of writing/blogging though, because it turns out I’m happy when I have multiple different jobs and some social interaction. :)Q: If you could have any job in the world what would it be and why? – Caitlin

A: Figuring out what I want to be when I grow up is something that I’ve struggled with for the longest time. I’ve never known an exact answer like other people seemed to have. I changed my major in college so many times and considered so many careers thinking about it still makes my head spin. My first thoughts when I read the question: I don’t know! I’ve always been better at ruling out careers I hated rather than settling on ones I want to do.

If I’m being realistic? I’d love to keep doing what I’m doing, write more, create products to sell, spend my time being creative. If I can find a job where I can write, use design skills, create things… I’m all over it. On a slightly different note I’d like to also be a photographer, which I’ve moved towards doing in the last few years with learning and doing sessions for friends.

If I’m being at least somewhat realistic? I’d also love to work in a museum or be a librarian or a historian(my degree is in history) but that would involve more schooling which I’m not willing to take on currently and/or moving to a different city. Also, I’d consider real estate agent/house flipper – I was looking into becoming an agent before I went to Vermont and things changed, but I love houses.

If I’m being unrealistic but truthful? Storm chaser (slightly obsessed with weather and tornadoes), pilot, artist… this list could go on and on. ;)

It’s so hard because I have a ton of interests! Choosing just one thing seems crazy!

…..

I was surprised by how many questions were about work and money! I didn’t realize I had talked about that stuff so much here. But I think it’s cool that you all want to know and gave me an outlet to discuss things! Thanks! :)

AMA: Money and Work Edition is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

AMA: Living With Kepa (And Sugar)

Mary — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 10:00:57 +0000

I’ve decided to start answering Ask Mary Anything questions now instead of waiting. There were so many good questions and many were about things I was already planning on blogging about! So today we will begin with two of those questions which are pretty similar…

Q: Is living with Kepa making eating healthy easier or harder? Since he has been through the same kind of journey as you, I wondered if the two of you together are just unstoppable! Has he reached his goal weight, and if so, is he eating more sugars and things than you normally would when trying to lose instead of maintain, and does this affect you? I noticed when you were talking about going to coffee shops you said that he and his mom normally get sweets, and that is what made me wonder these things…

- Morgan

This has kind of been touched on, and is also kind of personal, but I thought I would put it out there anyways. What are the challenges of being in a relationship while taking care of yourself, and how do you deal with them? Especially since both parties have had challenges specifically with food. For example, in my last relationship, I was with someone who could eat whatever they wanted and not worry about it. I had to sit him down and explain that if I ate like he ate, I would be huge! So cooking together was difficult, and the simple act of eating had to always be a compromise. It seems like there would be pluses and minuses to being with someone who can understand the issues, but how do you handle it when you are in different places in your relationships with food?

- Nikki

A: I thought coming to live with Kepa would make all my problems go away. I mean, dude lost so much weight! I would just come here and hop on the Kepa diet and lose the rest of my weight no problem.

Obviously that hasn’t happened.

In fact, I’ve struggled just to maintain my weight.

Kepa lost all his weight by figuring out the calories and then eating the same thing every day (with 7 dinner rotation) for two years. As much as I love him I could never do this. I crave variety. I have to eat different things. The reason why I hate spaghetti is because I ate it too much as a child. If I eat something too often I get bored of it and then start to hate it. So I couldn’t do the same things Kepa did to lose weight. That’s okay because everyone is different, but it does present some interesting situations now.

In a way, it’s a lot easier. We make a lot of our food at home from fresh ingredients. We eat a lot of fruits and veggies. We both love to cook and we often cook together as well as taking turns cooking dinner. We are pretty conscious of what we are eating and the meals we make are pretty balanced and good for us.

But it’s also been a lot harder than I expected. Kepa and his mom do like to go to coffee shops and order both coffee and cake. This has been a struggle for me because it’s something they like to do several times a week. It’s something they can do several times a week. Kepa can do this and still be fine since he is more or less at his goal weight. When I join them in this lovely ritual I fair a bit differently. I don’t lose any weight and worse might gain from adding a few sweets into my diet for the week. Before coming here this is something I never did both because of money and because it’s pretty counter-intuitive to my goals. But it’s pretty awkward to go and sit with them while they enjoy things I love to. Sometimes we go and they just have coffee and I order tea or water, but this is something I’m constantly struggling with and have debated just not going with them anymore.

Kepa can eat more sugars than I can because he is at a different place. I know that e is never trying to put me in a bad situation but he often suggests it when I would rather not indulge. Since we spend pretty much all our time together the result is either we both eat something or he eats something while I don’t. Sometimes I’m okay with this and sometimes I’m not. I wish it didn’t bother me, but it does, and I’ve often tried to get him to only eat sugar when we aren’t together, but that hasn’t worked out well.

Kepa also likes to eat out more than I do. (But I think everyone actually likes to eat out more than I do. I remember when I lived with Jessi in Oregon I went out to eat more than I would have originally planned. Maybe it’s just me?) On the weekends he likes to get kebabs or sushi or some sort of fast food. I enjoy these things to, but I probably would never suggest them. I’d rather stick to the meal plan if I made one for the week or just whip something up at home. While I don’t think eating out is bad, I definitely do it a lot more now than I would have thought or would like regarding my progress.

To be honest I’ve felt like a horrible fiance for this issue. I feel bad asking Kepa to not eat things because I can’t/shouldn’t eat them as often as he does. But because we are at different points in our journeys it has become difficult for me in certain situations. I’m definitely not blaming him for anything. It’s my own personal decision whether I participate in these situations and what kind of food I eat. But that’s easier said than done.

This is something I’ve been thinking about for a while and something we’ve discussed over and over again without yet figuring out the best solutions. Kepa has the same issues with food so he understands my struggle and that’s very comforting. It also helps because we don’t keep any sweets in the house and we make healthy meals during the week. So having someone who understands and is full of compassion about the issue has been a huge change that really makes me feel like I’m not crazy for having these issues in the first place.

Right now I’m happy maintaining my weight for now until I figure these things out and figure out how to enjoy my life here and with Kepa while still losing weight. I promise that we will eventually figure it out!

AMA: Living With Kepa (And Sugar) is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

AMA: Life In New Zealand Edition

Mary — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 10:00:34 +0000

I was going to wait and do all the Ask Mary Anything posts later in the month or in November, but I got really excited about answering all the cool questions! So instead I’m just going to answer them in posts when I can. Like now. Because it’s fun.

This batch of questions is all about life in New Zealand. :) I hope you enjoy!

On a scale of 1 to 10 how fantastic are those Kiwi accents? – Tracey @ I’m Not Superhuman

Pretty awesome. The funniest thing is that to me Kepa no longer has any accent. He just sounds like him, not a Kiwi. But he also barely has an accent and sounds more American to being with (not fully, but sort of). But sometimes people have such strong Kiwi accents that I can’t understand them. They are speaking my language but I’m completely clueless.

How cold does it get in Auckland during the winter? Which I suppose leads me to my next question–would you want to meet up with us at some point? :-D – Lori

Not cold enough to snow. That’s all I need to know. ;) And … of course!

My question is…what is your favorite thing about your new location? – Lindsey

I have a few favorite things!

Living closer to the beach. & Many beautiful beaches.

Laid back culture.

Lots of pretty places to see.

The ability to walk (and eventually bike) almost everywhere.

Easily accessible public transportation.

Nice, friendly, happy people.

Cultural diversity.

Yeah, New Zealand is a pretty awesome place. ;)

What if anything to you view differently about Americans now that you have spent an extended amount of time in NZ? I’m an anthropology nerd who hasn’t really gotten out of the US yet (shame!) so this is always an interesting subject for me. – Amanda

I have to admit, nothing new comes to mind. I’ve spent a good chunk of time outside the US before when I lived and traveled in Europe and I’ve traveled to other countries, but living here is still slightly different. I think if anything it’s more the island lifestyle that’s changing my views. Living somewhere that has a very, very laidback culture where people can do things like grocery shop without shoes (and do anything else they please barefoot) just makes me think Americans are very uptight rule followers. Everything here is much more casual and laidback, so the contrast between life here and life in the US is interesting. (For the record, most people do where shoes.)

How does life in New Zealand compare to the US. Do you have similar access to groceries, shopping, etc like you do in the US? That’s two questions, but I am always eager to hear about that kind of stuff. :) – Jasmine @ Eat Move Write

I do have access to most of the same things. But definitely not everything. I miss a lot of my favorite restaurants and food places. I don’t have access to anything like Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods (there seems to be a place like those that’s an hour or so away but I haven’t been). I’m still learning what is around and where I can shop for things like household items (don’t have a clue about clothes since I rarely buy or even look at new clothes). What I do have access to tends to be more expensive than what I would have paid in the states, ranging from 1.5 to 5 times the price of items.

You have said that milk is expensive there. How much does yogurt cost (both Greek style and regular style nonfat plain yogurt)? – A. M. Osnot

Greek yogurt does cost more than regular yogurt here too. However I only buy it when it’s reduced for quick sale. I can’t justify buying it at full price and it’s still good and I eat it fairly quickly, so I only pay a few bucks. I’m not even sure what the real price is to be honest.

Do you have access to a means of transportation (a car you can use yourself, bicycle, public bus)? Is your driver’s license valid there?

How far are you from the city? Are you out in the countryside, in a suburb, or in the city itself? – A. M. Osnot

I do not have any personal form of transportation here, which makes life a bit difficult. I can use the public bus system or walk places, but so far I haven’t bought a bus pass or anything and won’t until I figure out if I actually need it. Kepa and his mom share a car so I’m pretty much the third less important share of the car as well now. My driver’s license is valid temporarily but I’ll have to eventually get one here, meaning I’ll have to learn all the roundabout rules.

We live in a southern suburb of Auckland (technically a suburb of a suburb) which is about 30 minutes outside the city center (that’s going to be different next month as we will be incorporated into the supercity and will technically be in Auckland the city). To get to the city when we do go we take a train or drive.

So do you have garden space available where you are living now? If so are you planning on planting your own vegetable and fruit garden there? If you have no land available to plant and grow you own veggies, is there a community garden there that you could join? Sucks, I should have first asked if gardening was something you were even interested in, sorry. – Lauralee Hensley

I am interested in gardening. I enjoy it, actually, but haven’t had a garden since I was in middle school. We are moving to a new place in a couple of weeks and I won’t have much garden space if any (I don’t think) so if anything I’ll just grow a few potted things. I may carve out a tiny bit of space in our new tiny backyard to grow some thing we can’t get here or that are very expensive, but I’ll have to check to see if that’s allowed/possible.

This might seem totally random, but I was wondering if you were planning to celebrate Thanksgiving in some fashion this year? – Kerry

We are! And I’m totally excited about it!! Mishe from Eating Journey is actually coming over from Australia to celebrate with us (she’s an American) and I’m excited about it! It’s going to suck to be away from my mom and the rest of my family, so it will be nice to distract myself by being with other friends. :)

How do you spend a typical day there? – A. M. Osnot

Currently it’s not very exciting. When Kepa is working I wake up at the same time he does or I sleep in. Then I make and eat breakfast. After that is emails and blogging work. Sometimes mid morning I’ll either go do the grocery shopping with Kepa’s grandma or I’ll go to the gym alone. Then I’ll come back and eat lunch. Then I’ll work on other writing gigs/finding writing gigs/looking for work here in NZ. I also usually call my mom every afternoon and some days I’ll call other friends to talk for a bit. When Kepa gets home from school we hit the gym together. Then when we get home one of us or his mom makes dinner and then we eat. In the evenings it depends but we don’t do much (usually watch tv or movies, blog, sometimes go for coffee or to see someone). Life isn’t super exciting, but the weekends are better. Eventually this will change when I find a job and work my schedule around those hours.

Thanks for asking the questions everyone! I really enjoy talking about New Zealand, so I’m glad you like to hear about it! :)

AMA: Life In New Zealand Edition is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!