A Merry Life - The Pursuit of Healthy & Happy » Body Image & Positivity

Clothes, Style & Body Confidence

Mary — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 22:06:42 +0000

Today I’m feeling rather amazing.

Yesterday I decided I was going to start dressing up for work again after a few weeks of working in pajamas and gym clothes. I kept it simple and just wore jeans and a tshirt but even that made a difference and made me more productive.

At the end of the day though I ended up on some style blogs (via links from comments on this blog) and after a bit of blog surfing I realized I want to dress better. Develop a personal style. That kind of thing. I’m a bit tired of being the girl in jeans and a tshirt.

I spend 95% of my time in jeans and a tshirt or in gym clothes. That’s not a horrible thing since I love working out but I feel like I could dress better and represent myself better by wearing different clothes.

Style is something I’ve struggled with because I’ve never felt like I have enough money to spend it on clothes or a body worth clothing *that* well. I still don’t feel like I have the money but I want to make it a higher priority because dressing better makes me feel better. It makes me feel more happy and proud of my body. It’s the same feeling I get after a tough workout but all it takes is putting on the right clothes.

You know how I used to write a lot about loving my body? Well today I do. A lot. Why? Because I put on a cute green shirt, looked in the mirror and thought, “Damn, I look good.” Even without any makeup or doing my hair I still felt amazing just because I was wearing cuter clothes. Dressing better instantly made me feel more body confident.

There is a link between clothing, style, and body acceptance that I haven’t explored enough. I tried before but ending up giving up because of time and money. But I feel like now is a good time to revisit these topics in my own life and explore how they affect me.

For instance, how will buying clothes now and wearing what makes me feel good affect the rest of my life? Will I really be able to get past the idea of waiting to buy clothes until I’m skinny? How can I find the clothes that fit my body and personality (er, without going broke)?

There is a lot to explore here. I think I’m going to tackle it in a few ways:

Look for clothing/fashion inspiration online.
Evaluate what I currently have and can work with.
Decide on a few pieces to get first.
Go thrift shopping here in NZ and hope for the best.
Start putting together outfits that make me feel my best.
Eventually sew some new cute things (once I learn how!).

I’m probably not going to be posting outfits/clothes here but I think I might post them somewhere on the interwebs since this feels like a project to me. It will probably be sporadic and maybe just in monthly updates on my other blog or here. I don’t know.

I have a few questions for anyone who would like to share their experiences:

What would you describe your personal style as?
What draws you to certain clothes in the first place (color, shape, size, price)?
Do you buy clothes to fit and flatter your current body? Or do you wait for “when you will be skinny”?
Also, where do you shop/where should I look for cute but not terribly expensive clothes?

Clothes, Style & Body Confidence is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

“At Least I’m Not Obese”

Mary — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 22:47:17 +0000

It’s been on several blogs and fitness news sites now, but in case you haven’t already heard: a new Gallup poll of over 1,000 adults found that the average American weighs about 20 pounds more than the average American did 20 years ago.

Surprised? I wasn’t. And I don’t think you were either.

The study explained that not only has the actual weight increased but so has our perception of what our ideal weight should be. That has increased almost 10 pounds over 20 years, possibly in part to the actual expanding waistlines.

I wasn’t going to write about this little nugget of news because I don’t find it particularly helpful or anything. But I do find the questions attached to it interesting… mainly this one:

Is being overweight more acceptable today?

The answer in my opinion is yes. Although some people are unluckily judged and teased for being overweight I’ve found that in general it’s more accepted these days. Perhaps it’s because so many of us are overweight that culturally we have shifted to accept a few more pounds on people (this isn’t everyone as some people are and will always be judgmental and rude about overweight people).

I think this cultural shift can be summed up in one single phrase that I’ve heard hundreds of times from many different people from many different walks of life:

At least I’m not obese.

It’s the ultimate justification for an overweight person. It’s also an example of how being overweight is more acceptable today. It’s okay to be overweight now for this reason – while it was previously looked down upon it is now accepted because there is the much worse condition of obesity.

Is being obese or super obese more acceptable today? NO WAY. Not even close. Watch The Biggest Loser for one season and you will see the major contempt for obesity on display even from the obese people themselves. There is a new villain in society – obesity – that lets us all feel better about being *just* overweight.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the phrase “At least I’m not obese” lately. I’ve read it on more blogs than I can count. It’s generally used when a blogger gains a few pounds or comes to realize they don’t want to push themselves to lose the last five vanity pounds. People usually always agree with the statement and with reason, as the person might be overweight but usually isn’t faced with major health risks.

Personally, I hate the phrase and mentality of “At least I’m not obese.” Perhaps it makes overweight people feel more accepted in society or happy with their own bodies but it is also a jab at those of us who are or were obese. It’s a subtle way to insult obese people in an effort to make everyone else feel better about themselves. How is that a good thing?

I don’t know, maybe I’ll feel differently when I’m finally not technically classified as “obese” from my BMI. Moving from morbidly obese to just obese was pretty exciting, so maybe the jump to just overweight will have me screaming from the rooftops “At least I’m not obese!” Or maybe not. Actually, definitely not because I wouldn’t want to say something so insulting.

What are your thoughts on the study? Do you think it’s more acceptable to be overweight these days? Do you ever use the phrase “At least I’m not obese”? Why?

“At Least I’m Not Obese” is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

New Hair & Tattoo

Mary — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 04:08:50 +0000

I mentioned before that with my changing identity came a new look. After the wedding I felt like making some physical changes that made me feel almost like a new person.

New Haircut

Despite getting my hair cut almost a week ago I’ve still not shared a photo online. Oops?

Well here it is, via the very first phone photo!

I’m back to the short hair that I’m more comfortable with. My hair was the longest it has ever been – ever – for the wedding. I like that but in practice spent most of my days with hair in a ponytail or bun because it took too long and too much to style it. I much prefer short hair because it’s easier for me to work with and it better fits my quirky, fun personality.

The only problem I have with my hair now is that it is an awkward length for working out. I can’t quite put it in ponytails and I hate it flopping around in my face. So far I’ve just bobby pinned it back but I’m going to try to figure out better solutions.

New Tattoo

My other new change is my new tattoo.

I’ve wanted a tattoo for ages and this one felt appropriate after the wedding.

Cute, right? It’s our symbol. Internet heart. :)

It is on the inside of my wrist so it’s available for me to see or show people at any time but it’s not immediately noticeable. It’s also very easy to cover with clothing or makeup and jewelry in case I’m ever in a situation where it needs to be covered. That seems unlikely given my career path but I did give it some thought when I decided to get a tattoo in a visible place.

I actually gave this tattoo a lot of thought. I’ve wanted it since getting engaged really but made myself wait to make sure I really did want it. My rule for tattoos is to make sure you wait at least 6 months after the first idea for the tattoo and make sure you still want the same thing. I still want one other tattoo (three stars on my foot or ankle representing my mom, grandma, and half sister who have all guided me and taught me life lessons that carry my forward) but I’m waiting for that one.

The only person I was worried about when I got a tattoo was my mom. But when I showed it to her she said, “You know I wouldn’t get one but it looks good on you. It looks like it’s drawn on and you draw things on yourself all the time. I like it.” She was won over very quickly which is great because her opinion means a lot to me.

New Look

Overall I feel very confident and happy with my new hair, tattoo, and look. It feels very cool and very authentic to me. A lot of my own journey to health and happiness is letting go of what I *should* be or *should* do and just doing what feels right to me. This was a big step in exactly that.

New Hair & Tattoo is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

Which Body Shape Are You?

Mary — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 16:45:09 +0000

After all the talk yesterday about booty, body shape, and body image, I’m curious… what body shape are you?

(No clue the original source of the sketch. Found it on Tumblr.)

I love this sketch that illustrates the different body shapes. Apple. Pear. Hourglass. Rectangle.

Which body shape are you? Do you like your body shape I’m clearly a pear and I like it. ;)

Which Body Shape Are You? is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

I Have A Big Butt, I Can Not Lie

Mary — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 16:45:24 +0000

Between burpees and extra squats yesterday… my butt is sore this morning.

Really, really sore. I’ve been stretching the muscles back there and dreaming of a foam roller.

I’ve been thinking a bit about my butt lately because it’s been looking… good. Squats do very good things to your butt, I think. They might make it bigger but they make it more shapely and nice looking. My butt has undergone major improvements lately.

Remember when I posted that picture of myself a week ago? I got quite a few comments and messages about my backside.

My favorite was from Diana at Front Yard Foodie:

Oh my gosh you looks SO good! All flat up front with a sexy badunkadunk. hehe

Her comment made me giggle. (It also made me feel strange about talking about my butt on the internet. But here I am, dedicating a whole post to it. My life feels strange sometimes.) But her comment also made me happy because it’s totally true.

I’m never going to have big boobs unless I go the surgery route (and I highly doubt that will ever happen). I’m never going to have a small booty either. My pear shaped body likes to keep a little extra padding on my lower half. I’m okay with my shape despite the general media consensus that it’s a horrible shape to have.

Seriously, I’ve never understood when girls ask “Does this make my butt look big?” They want the answer to be no but why not let it be yes? What’s so wrong with having a big butt? Or a butt at all? Aren’t there whole songs dedicated girls like us? Sure not everyone finds this body part super attractive but with 6 billion people in the world you will never, ever be attractive to every single one of them. And with curvier role models (loose term by all means) like J Lo and Kim Kardashian (see what I meant about the term “role models”?) the body shape with a bigger butt isn’t all that crazy anymore but instead reached a place of seeexi.

Maybe I watched one too many tv shows recently with the same played out comedy routine of a girl asking if something made her butt look big. I’m over that question being in the media and in our minds. Positive body image is hard to keep a hold of when you are the girl at home watching tiny girls on tv asking why their very small butts look big. That’s part of why I don’t watch much tv anymore and why I’m all about drawing some positive energy from the gym and the blog.

Every body type is awesome, small butts and big butts alike.

I’ve ranted long enough about butts and body image. Now it’s time for you to do something. Or three things.

1) Leave me your thoughts in the comments.

2) Go do some squats.

3) Watch this video.

Have a great day! Don’t sit on your butts too much!

I Have A Big Butt, I Can Not Lie is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

Realistic Expectations

Mary — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 16:45:51 +0000

My body is starting to feel more compact. More solid. More capable. More of everything I want it to be.

Except maybe skinny, but honestly I left that idea in the dust about 5 years ago.

I have realistic expectations about my body and what it can do and what it can be. At least, I try. Catch me in some weak moments and I might not be so sure… but for the most part I’m very realistic about things and just want to be healthy and active.

That’s why it makes me sad to sometimes see things like this.

I know this cartoon is supposed to be a funny joke, but it makes me sad.

I know a lot of people who feel like this.. trying so hard to be something they never can be. It’s important to keep realistic expectations about your body!

It’s awesome to try your very best to be the best version of you. We should be doing that! We should always be striving to look/feel/be our best. But sometimes we have to realize that you can’t change everything. You can’t be something you just aren’t meant to be, no matter how much you want it or how hard you work for it. Maybe you want to be a 5’11″ model thin woman. If you are 5’2″ and 200 pounds, that isn’t going to happen, no matter how much work you put in. You have to be realistic sometimes.

Do you struggle with realistic expectations?

Today’s Workout

I’m posting my workouts on this workout page, but I figured I could share them on the main part of the blog too. This week is a bit off from my normal routine but it was good anyway.

Bench Press: 45 – 12, 85 – 5, 5

Lat Pulldown: 40 – 12, 80 – 9, 9

Reverse Lat Pulldown: 40 – 12, 80 – 9, 8

Shoulder Press: 25 – 12, 50 – 6, 5

Cable Upright Row: 30 – 12, 60 – 9, 8

Tricep Pushdown: 40 – 12, 70 – 12, 80 – 7

Cable Bicep Curl: 30 – 12, 60 – 7, 6

I also warmed up on the bike. I had to cut the whole workout a little short so I could stop by the store to pick up some healthy eats for today. I bought a fruit salad with seasonal fruit, baby carrots, organic mixed lettuce, grilled chicken, and black bean and corn salsa. Delicious!

Today at lunch I’ll go for a walk and maybe after work too. Today is an awesome day full of healthy things! Have a great day! :)

Realistic Expectations is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

Reading For Six Year Olds: Maggie Goes On A Diet

Mary — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 23:27:22 +0000

Someone on Twitter or Facebook (I forgot who…?) linked to something about a book on Amazon called Maggie Goes On A Diet.

The description of the book:

This book is about a 14 year old girl who goes on a diet and is transformed from being extremely overweight and insecure to a normal sized girl who becomes the school soccer star. Through time, exercise and hard work, Maggie becomes more and more confident and develops a positive self image.

Apparently this book written by a man about a young teen going on a diet to reach the land of happiness and self esteem is available for pre-order for the price of $10.85.

Please, for the love of all things holy, don’t buy it.

I obviously haven’t read the book yet since it’s not actually available. But the tags on Amazon from others who have noticed this book’s existence say all there is to say about it:

teaching kids to self-hate(42)

give your children neuroses(38)

sexist drivel(35)

if you hate your daughter(32)

anorexia bait(29)

body fascism(29)

dangerous abusive(28)

talentless hack writer(21)

sick(19)

waste of a good tree(17)

I agree with every single one of those descriptions. A book like this is a horrible idea when it’s targeted toward 6-14 year olds (and possibly younger since the reading level is 4-8) audience. Those girls already have enough problems and worries about their changing bodies. They don’t need to read books like these that give them even more complexes.

The author and publisher probably thought they were doing a good thing. You know, helping all the sad fat little girls caught in the obesity epidemic. But the cover of the book along with the title are enough to make me want to cry for the children who will be forced to read this. Even if the contents do talk about healthy food, exercise, and positive self esteem (all good things!) the packaging and extra messages will speak louder than any words inside the book. It takes very little to trigger an eating disorder and this drivel has the ability to do that in many children.

Dieting is not a healthy choice for growing children. It’s just not. Even throwing the word diet out there to them is unhealthy, in my opinion. If you want to help with the child “obesity crisis” then target the parents. Teach them to make better choices – don’t start shaming children.

Another point that the book seems to make is that weight loss = happiness and success. That is not the case. I know lots of people who’ve lost weight and felt robbed because nothing really change. Happiness comes from the inside, not from your looks.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my future kids and what I want to teach them about being healthy. I want to teach them that food makes your body feel and work good when you make healthy choices. I want to teach them that exercise is fun and something you can enjoy. I want to teach them that no matter what their body looks like, living a healthy lifestyle is still worth it. I want to teach my future kids that self-confidence comes from being a good and strong person, not from what you look like. I want to teach them all the things I had to teach myself, growing up obese in a diet obsessed world.

Since I’d rather look for solutions and what I’d do instead… How about instead of Maggie Goes On A Diet you write a different book?

Maybe…

Maggie Tries New Foods (about eating new healthy foods)

Maggies Plays Soccer (about discovering soccer and becoming a star without dieting)

Maggie Makes Friends (about an overweight girl NOT ashamed of her body, but popular)

I believe it’s possible to teach kids about living a healthy life without shaming them or pushing them towards an eating disorder.

Don’t make or read a book for pre teen girls about body image and dieting. Just don’t.

What are your thoughts on this new book?

Reading For Six Year Olds: Maggie Goes On A Diet is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!