A Merry Life - The Pursuit of Healthy & Happy » Emotional Health

Finding Excitement

Mary — Tue, 22 May 2012 22:36:46 +0000

Thanks for all the support on my post about depression and PMDD. I can’t say I’m actually feeling any better yet, but working out what’s going on how I should fix the situation has helped. I once again see the light at the end of the tunnel which is important considering how easy it was for me to spin from this type event to an actual extended period of depression previously in my life (not fun).

I’m trying to be proactive and remember that eventually I will feel better. Part of that includes forcing myself to do things I might not really feel like doing. Fake it until you make it, force it until you feel it. Sometimes that is necessary for me.

So in part with that I made a list today.

Things I’m excited and/or thankful about:

Living in Memphis. I enjoy life in Memphis. I get to do more, can afford to do more, and have more people to interact with. It’s nice being in my adopted home city.
Speaking of which, Memphis was named most improved for bicycling! Awesome. My new goal is to bike every day. I’m not biking to work daily because it’s a hassle sometimes especially if I want to look decent for meetings later, but I’m definitely biking everywhere else and at least once a day.
On Friday I’m going to dress up like a zombie and walk through the streets of Memphis. Fun, right? I think so.
I’ve started looking at apartments/houses for rent since we are moving this year. Also looked at tons of diy projects. I’m unbelievable excited about having space that’s my own to decorate and enjoy.
Listening to music I used to LOVE in high school and college but forgot about for a while. It’s made my work day better.
In just a few weeks I will see my amazing husband and our super cute puppy. Video is nice and all, but I am very excited about being together!

I guess I can gather up some excitement if I really need to do so! And to be fair I really am excited about all those things. Life really is good and only going to get better. :)

Finding Excitement is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

Back On Track

Mary — Tue, 08 May 2012 22:34:02 +0000

TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY PEOPLE.

Seriously. I feel pretty good about things.

What things? Let me tell you.

I’m back on track.

After finishing LiveFit then freaking out over my mom’s cancer then moving back to the USA I let myself completely derail from the healthy living thing. I wasn’t out there eating twinkies and chugging soda, but I wasn’t paying attention to my food and I wasn’t exercising much at all.

Frankly I felt awful last week because of it. A few weeks of that made me feel just AWFUL.

I can only go so far off track these days before my body screams at me to stop it and treat it better. Better food, more movement, more positive thinking. Those things are the important things to me and make me feel better. It’s important for me to feel good, to feel strong, to feel capable. So I’m shaking off the last few weeks and getting back on track.

That means:

Taking my lunch to work most days. (Started today!)

Going for a walk before/after work and during lunch. (Also did today!)

Tracking what I’m eating in some way. (Back to MyFitnessPal counting today!)

Forcing my thoughts to the positive. (Harder, but I’ve tried today to banish the downer vibes!)

It’s pretty damn annoying to go through this process so many times (and probably more annoying to read for those faithful reader who want to shake me sometimes). You know… I get to my healthiest point and then for whatever reason slide into less than healthy behaviors. Here’s to hoping one day this isn’t something I do anymore.

But for now I’ll deal with the reality of the situation. Taking it one day at a time. Small healthy behaviors lead to bigger changes, right?

Go team Merry Life. (Maybe we need to work on the team name, hehe. Suggestions welcome.)

-

All The Other Things

There’s a lot of stuff happening in my life right now that I’m not talking about and might not for a while.

Doesn’t matter though… I feel good about the things that are happening behind the scenes. Life is good.

Back On Track is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

What I Need

Mary — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 05:14:58 +0000

I miss the gym.

In the last day I’ve wanted to do a couple things: hit stuff or lift heavy things.

Neither has happened even though those two things are the best way I know how to release tension and make myself feel better at the same time (violent much?). I’ve been trying to stay active without a gym membership doing things like walking and biking and stuff at home. But it’s just not the same when I need to clear my head thoroughly and get out the aggression and anger that has built up.

I’m not joining a gym when I go back to Memphis because I know I won’t have time. Committing to a bootcamp class that meets twice a week is going to be perfect and about as much as I can handle considering the other commitments I have.

But yes. Today, I really miss the gym. I can’t seem to find the thing I need outside of it. Maybe I wouldn’t find it there either, but an epic session in the gym followed by a long hot shower sounds nice.

All I know is I don’t want to crumple in on myself, for any reason. That happens to me sometimes when I’m faced with life changing or just depressing thing (or depression for no reason). There have been some warning signs that I’m on the brink of that happening this week. A binge with most of a pizza and 2 bowls of cereal. A lot of tears that can’t be stopped when my mind wanders. Anxiety crowding out my rational side to jump to worst case scenarios.

I’m not letting that happen. I’m going to be strong, for myself and others. I’m going to take care of myself. I’m going to blog here if I’m feeling down or overwhelmed. I’m a grown up and an awesome person and damn it I am worth taking care of!

So tonight I’m making a healthy dinner despite not wanting to cook anything. And I’m going to hang out with Kepa and watch something funny enough to make me laugh out loud. I’m going to give myself the things I need because I deserve them and denying myself doesn’t help anyone other than the twisted part of my brain.

Anyway, I’m just one day + one day of traveling away from seeing my mom and my very best friends. I’m counting down the seconds because I know once I see them all things will be better. Can’t wait!!!!!

What I Need is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

The Highlight From A Bad Day

Mary — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 21:00:55 +0000

This was the highlight of yesterday:

Obviously there weren’t many highlights.

It was a bad day. Emotionally I fell over an obstacle and scraped my knees. I felt like a 5 year old.

My anxiety kicked itself into overdrive. Sometimes I want to rip that part of my brain out.

But I’m moving on. Today is and will be a better day. Things heal and get better.

Taco salads help.

The Highlight From A Bad Day is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

When Things Get Off Schedule

Mary — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 20:33:59 +0000

The weekend did NOT go as planned.

We didn’t go to the rugby game.

We didn’t go on a long walk with JuJu.

I didn’t meet up with Rachel and Lily for another walk with JuJu.

But I did…

Get a tiny bit sick.

Skipped the gym both days.

Ate out every night.

Hmmm. Things didn’t go as planned now did they.

It’s harder to stick with planned things when weather messes everything up. The “weather bomb” (aka storm) that happened this weekend brought cold and wind and a cold for me and Kepa and canceled some of our outdoor activities. So I spent the weekend mostly in bed with the sniffles.

Eh.

Despite having good reason I felt really bad/guilty about missing days of my workout. I know I will eventually finish the workouts but I still felt bad about getting “off schedule”. Again.

I’ll most likely get back in the gym either today or tomorrow so it’s not a big deal. I just hate when things are planned out so perfectly and do go the way I want them to. But that’s life, right? Things rarely go exactly like we plan them. You just have to adapt, adjust, and get back to striving for your goal after the dust from the changes settle.

Hurray for Mondays with fresh starts!

When Things Get Off Schedule is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

Saturday Night Emotional Overeating

Mary — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 08:49:03 +0000

I ate too much today. I engaged in some major emotional eating that I shouldn’t have.

Blah.

I spent the night alone at home while Kepa was out with friends and I just got really down about the situation. I had a little pity party featuring multiple snacks that weren’t needed. It was easier for me to deal with overeating (what I’m used to) rather than deal with the actual emotions I was feeling (what I’m not used to). After I finished eating and came to my senses I wrote about it. I wrote down all of my thoughts before and after, emotions, all of it. I decided I wouldn’t post it though it did help me move on from the situation.

I have moved on and I’m focusing on the positive. Things aren’t all bad living here (basically my pity party involved being sad about living here and having no friends… lame). Last time I was living in NZ I had a really hard time adjusting but this time does seem to be better. I have a job, a dog, a lovely husband. And truthfully I’m actually starting to make friends here. Even if I don’t have besties I see every weekend I still have a few people to grab coffee with or go for a walk occasionally. Things are slowly improving and I’m making friends and that’s great. I guess I went temporarily insane and turned to food when I shouldn’t have.

It happens.

It happens much less frequently than it previously did.

Progress, not perfection. Right?

The good things about the day: I finished a killer leg workout in the morning, I ate a salad with grilled chicken for lunch, I drank tons of water, I ate multiple veggie servings, I caught up on Project Runway & Glee, I found a cheap sewing class to take and I made plans for next weekend.

Overall, even with the day ending in being alone and overeating, it was still pretty rad. Moving on because tomorrow is going to be a better day (just like the rest of this week that was pretty awesome!)

Saturday Night Emotional Overeating is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!

When Things Go According To Plan… And When They Don’t

Mary — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 21:57:40 +0000

All is right in the world today.

For me, part of recovering quickly (after some tears) from things that are hard or sad or just don’t fit with my plans is accepting that some things I can’t change. I’m getting better at that and accepting that even if I make lots of plans things won’t always go according to my wishes.

Also helpful? Making silly faces before working out.

Things that did go according to plan this week:

completed LiveFit workouts every day

bumped up weights in certain exercises – stronger all the time!

brought my bike out and rode it a few times

only ate out once this week

ate multiple servings of fruit & veggies each day (mmm, nutrients!)

Not on my plan exactly but other good things from this week:

Greatist featured my blog in their 60 must-read health and fitness blogs. I’m pretty honored to be on a list with such great company!

Got some super cool stuff from Polar which I’ll post about later. (*disclosure: I’m a Polar Ambassador*)

JuJu & Kitty are getting along:

So yeah, things are great really. Active, eating well, hanging out with the hubs, pets are getting along, weather is nice. I really can’t complain and focusing on the positive (and the funny) helped me get over my negative feelings yesterday.

Sometimes when things don’t go according to plan – dinner fails to come together or I miss a workout or a bill wipes out my savings account – and my first reaction is to be and stay upset about it. I come from a family where things get beaten into the ground and if you are mad/upset you stay mad/upset for hours or even days (not my mom, because she is cool). It’s in my nature and my habits from the past to stay upset for a LONG time once I get upset, but that really doesn’t do me or anyone around me any favors. I’m working hard these days to let myself feel my emotions (be upset) when things don’t go according to plan but not wallow in it for longer than I need to. Moving on is important and something I’m getting better at honestly.

How do you react when things don’t go according to your plan?

When Things Go According To Plan… And When They Don’t is a post from: A Merry Life! If you aren't reading it via RSS or on amerrylife.com it has been stolen!!