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A Merry Life

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Thoughts On FOX’s More To Love

July 29, 2009 by Mary

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for details.

Last night More To Love came on and I tuned in to the last 30 minutes of the show. I am always interested in watching something that relates to size and possibly fat acceptance. At least I thought the show might touch on those subjects, since it bills itself as “one regular guy’s search for love among a group of real women.”

The women on the show are overweight, sure, but they are all quite pretty. I know several guys that would love to date any one of them. I liked the fact that the women were all so cute, since it shows women of all sizes can be beautiful, which is something I firmly believe. That was my initial reaction when I turned the show on. Any positive feelings for the show quickly disappeared as I continued to watch.

While the show features normal, or even plus size, women it does little besides exploit their size. There is no size acceptance, unless you count the guy on the show who says things like, “Every girl in this mansion is totally my type.” One would hope so, since you are on this show with the intentions of proposing to one at the end. The man might accept their size, but the producers and even the girls themselves have trouble with it.

Let’s look at the shows creators/producers first. In their infinite wisdom they decided it would be a smart idea to not only list the woman’s age but her height and weight when she was talking to the camera. I honestly have no idea what they were thinking when they made this decision. Did they think it would be a good thing? Did they think the women would be proud to own their weight? Did they think no one would notice that this would NEVER fly on a show like the Bachelor? I’m not sure how this idea got approved.

It is clear by looking at the women on the show that they are bigger than most on television. There is no need at all to post their height and weight stats when they speak – except to bring the show’s focus back to weight and keep it firmly rooted there. If the producers wanted to have a show that was in fact a dating reality show for “average” people they could have done that without listing everyone’s weight. Instead they decided to focus the show on how big these women are, which is exactly why the women have had such trouble with dating in the past, or so they all say.

Speaking of the women on the show… please. I’m not sure if they possible could have found any women less secure and uncomfortable with their bodies. They must have screened women for a) beauty b) lack of confidence. For instance, the same girl that looks at the camera to say that the women on the show are there to show how beautiful, sexy, and attractive bigger women are later is saying, “You only have underwear? I have spanx and underwear.” Her attempts to show confidence earlier are completely negated by the later talk about her body and covering it up to make it more attractive. And she is one of the more confident ones. Other sad comments from the women included “I must look like a beached whale,” from the woman who jumped in the pool and “I think they are men out there that are man enough to say, Gosh I love that girl, even if people look at her funny” from a girl who had never been on a date. The lack of self-confidence among the women on the show is shocking. (Once again this falls partially back on the producers who no doubt found every body loathing comment they could to include in the final edit of the show.)

Even more shocking is how desperate all the women seem to find love and how critical they believe this reality show experience will be for them. The girl who had never been on a date combined lack of confidence with the desperate desire for love when she said, “I’m always scared its going to be a joke. I’m scared they are going to be doing it out of meanness.” [talking about going on a date] “This is my one chance to feel like I can be loved. If I get sent home I will get my heart broken.” Her one chance. As if this doesn’t work out there will never be another man to love her. The other women sounded similar: “I’ve struggled to find someone to love me as I am.” … “I’m always the bridesmaid, never the bride. I’m always the friend to the guys.” … “This is my last ditch attempt to really find love.”

The women who weren’t chosen the first round left the show in tears, talking about how they hoped they would find love one day despite this. With the majority of women on the show so strongly clinging to the idea that this is their LAST CHANCE, I wonder how they will ever survive once they are kicked off. Even on the first round of eliminations there are more tears shed than the late episodes of the Bachelor. Women who immediately get rejected on that show in the first round usually just chalk it up to life experience and move on. The women on More To Love are all balls of insecurity that have decided they will not find love ever if not for on this show.

My heart hurts for them.

Honestly, it does. I’ve been the insecure girl wondering if she would ever get a date or fall in love. I’ve also been the girl who came to her senses decided that the world would not end if that did not happen. I’ve been the girl that realized there are actually quite a few men who want to date me, bigger size and all. (And not just big guys either, which apparently the producers don’t think is possible.) I’ve been the girl that realized confidence is more important than size. Sure, I’ve been hurt and I’ve been rejected because of my size too. But I’m currently still bigger than all the women on that show and not at all worried about the fact that I’ll never find love. It would be quite a depressing life to quit my job to go on a reality dating show as my last ditch attempt to find love.

Even though I have been there I don’t completely understand these women. I just don’t. I don’t understand why they think the sleazy (he basically demanded kisses after just meeting the women) guy on this show is their last shot. He isn’t! He isn’t even cute! I don’t understand why they would break down crying on national television over this guy or any other reason. I want to go talk to all of them and tell them they can and will do better in life. I want to go and tell them that by acting the way they are they are reinforcing the stereotypes people have of the fat, lonely girl crying in the corner while comforting herself with food. All of us aren’t like that and it angers me to let these women perpetuate the stereotype.

But that is just my opinion, for what it is worth as a woman that is the relatively same size as contestants.

And now, I want to share some of the tweets I read while watching the show. This is a sampling of the ones I read.

@TiaPANJ More to Love is horrible. all big girls ain’t desperate, crying about some man, not confident. how dare they! and why dude ain’t fine???

@mwilliott Did anyone else notice that on ‘More to Love’ that the ladies who claimed they loved their bodies were all bawling their eyes out?

@wyattte  This “More To Love” show has a good idea in theory, but it’s a bit too pigeonholing. And possibly too proud of itself.

@rockpapergoat  “more to love” alternate title: fox lets d-bag chubby chaser exploit women with low self esteem

@panayiota  Ugh. Watched ‘More to Love’. Not sure how I feel about this guy. And all these depressed women makes me depressed for society.

@sassyshortgirl  Just watched “More To Love”… it’s refreshing to see REAL sized people on TV for a change instead of size zero barbie wannabes.

@neenerspb  My prob. with More to Love is that they don’t have a mix or sizes. Or, why not a thin guy with heavier women?

@nicolevins  “More to Love”: boring like “The Bachelor,” but with promise rings and exploitation of overweight girls. I am not comfortable with this!

@Meeshelmybell  Those broads on “More To Love” all need some serious therapy. C’mon gals a little self love puhleeze!

So in the end I think the girls need to love themselves a little more and learn to show it, the producers need to ease up on the weight focus, and the sleazy guy needs to be replaced with someone cooler and much hotter. Once again, that is just my opinion, based entirely on the first show.  What’s yours?

Filed Under: Books, Magazines, TV Tagged With: fat, fat acceptance, Media, Obesity


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Comments

  1. Yum Yucky says

    July 29, 2009 at 9:04 am

    I missed the show, but judging from your commentary, the producers (like on any othe show) have to go for what sells. I wonder if it’ll get a Season 2??

  2. Jen, a priorfatgirl says

    July 29, 2009 at 9:25 am

    PREACH ON LADY! I couldn’t have said it more perfectly myself! I like the fact that producers have begun to recognize that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes but I find it ironic that, in todays world, with so much talk about acceptance and really moving towards valuing who we are uniquly, that we still continue to allow for stereotypes to be so blanatly broadcast. Why do we want to send a message to “average” or “normal sized” women by saying that they cannot compete for the same mans attention that the “skinny” girls are getting. Why isn’t it possible to have a show where we don’t have to play into stereotypes? I really think I need to dedicate my own post to this or I will take up your entire comments page. But just know, you took the words out of my mouth.

  3. Hanlie says

    July 29, 2009 at 10:02 am

    It sounds awful and demeaning! I don’t know why they have to make a laughing stock out of larger people…

  4. Miss Lori says

    July 29, 2009 at 11:02 am

    While we should celebrate that love can be found no matter your shape or size, I do wonder about the exploitation factor of this show. It remains to be seen if it will do more harm, more good, or simply fade away. It’s up to us as the consumer television viewer to make it known how we feel about the show and the subject.

    There is such a thing as weight discrimination in our country. Most of our National advertising makes those of us with frames larger than a size 6 feel unworthy and unattractive. If it affects adults, know that it affects children 1000 times more. We need to provide our young people with the foundation they need to love themselves from the inside out without requiring validation from a bachelor, on TV or otherwise.

    SMILE On!

    ML
    http://www.MissLori.TV
    http://www.MissLorisCAMPUS.com

  5. teetee_71 says

    July 29, 2009 at 11:04 am

    I missed the show & glad I did! Horrible! I heard thet originally called the show “The Fatachelor” but changed it due to FCC pressure. U wrote a gr8 post. I hope these ladys find in themselves what is really there and learn 2 love themselves because that must come first before someone can love them or they love anyone else! Self love is priority!

  6. Sunny says

    July 29, 2009 at 11:15 am

    those women aren’t/weren’t exploited. NO ONE forced them to go onto the show. In my opinion, they are every bit the media attention ‘hores’ that you find on any other reality show with uber skinny chicks. (and guys of all sizes.) Media attention starved, every single one of them. You can’t exploit people that beg and sign up for the process.

    Plus, the whole bachelor/ette concept sickens me. It’s all about “playing the field”, i.e., dating/kissing/having sex with multiple partners. Not a prude by any stretch, but I’ve never considered THAT entertainment. sowee.

  7. She-Fit says

    July 29, 2009 at 11:18 am

    I missed it! I saw the previews and wanted to see it. WOW… this is sad. I don’t understand why they post their weights… they don’t do that with the skinny girl on similar shows like the bachelor… so why do it with this one!

  8. Fran says

    July 29, 2009 at 11:48 am

    May I say that it sounds like a stupid, stupid show? I’m Dutch so I can’t see it and hope they will not air it either in the future.

    As for you: you’ve written a great blog and I’m sure you’re a beautiful big woman who many guys sure would like to date!!

    xxx

  9. Merry Mary says

    July 29, 2009 at 11:50 am

    @Sunny
    In a way I agree with you, because the women did sign on to be on a reality show. Even the best reality shows make caricatures of the participants. So in a way they were signing up for this and it cannot be called exploitation. But at the same time I feel the image of all bigger women is being exploited by the way all the women are being represented.

  10. merri says

    July 29, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    Well I have to say that the people on these dating shows are never really well adjusted people. They are always saying theyre gonna find love on a show which is pretty obviously not true. The producers tend to pick messes cuz its more entertaining. No one wants to watch well put together people, there’s no drama. That’s why almost all the girls on vh1 dating shows are total alcoholic messes wearing the worst clothes ever and really no self value. But its entertaining. So some of the desperateness is probably nothing to do with the weight aspect. Daisy of love just picked (SPOILER ALERT) the loser guy that everyone hated and warned her about, after acknowledging that he was her worst bet but she wanted him anyway. Reality show people are just in need of a life fix, maybe a therapist, or something, else they wouldn’t be on there anyway. Still I cant believe they put their weight and height up. Ew! I am not overweight in the slightest bit but I would still feel very self concious if every time I talked there was a bubble under me with my weight (or my age for that matter but all those types of shows do that). Actually, why do reality shows put people’s ages even? Hmm. Very good show synopsis, mary. :)

  11. healthy ashley says

    July 29, 2009 at 12:56 pm

    I really renjoyed reading your thought on this unnerving show. I watched the whole thing last night and couldn’t get over how degrading they were and how far they pushed the “desperate, insecure fat girl” stereotype. Honestly, I don’t think they couldve even made the show any worse.

    I hope everyone boycotts this crap show and the producers get the message.

  12. Jenn says

    July 29, 2009 at 1:35 pm

    Thanks for the great recap! I didn’t watch the show specifically because I figured it would be exactly as you described.

  13. Diane Fit to the Finish says

    July 29, 2009 at 2:58 pm

    I have to confess I hadn’t heard of this show, but from your description it sounds like I’m gonna take a pass! Women have a hard enough time accepting themselves without television shows adding fuel to the flames!

  14. Heather says

    July 29, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    TOTALLY agree with your thoughts on the show. I was really disappointed and saddened as well. I think you make an excellent point that they dont show the weight of girls on other shows, so why this show? its like they have to prove that these are bigger girls. some of them didnt even look overweight to me and sure when you saw their weight they obviously were overweight, but to me, its about how you carry yourself and present yourself. one of the taller girls looked like she was 170 and she was over 200! why even go there with her weight?

  15. Jennifer says

    July 29, 2009 at 6:28 pm

    I have to agree I only caught a lil bit of the show last night untill cable cut out. The women that I did see you could so see that they were “trying” to be someone they hoped they could be, and when the non interview parts were going on their true person came out. I do hope that people stop tuning in to see this, and the woman with her full hopes of this being the last chance doesn’t get her hopes crushed on national t.v.
    stupid show

  16. Jody - Fit at 51 says

    July 29, 2009 at 6:35 pm

    I know about the show but did not have a desire to watch it. I don’t watch the Bachelor or Bachelorette either. I am wondering if they are going to do the surprise sh*t & bring in pretty thin women down the line & see what happens. That would prove the show is slime.

    Based on your review. I will not even give it the time of day!

  17. wildfluffysheep says

    July 29, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    I’m glad its not on here. I hate dating shows in general and this one sounds just as frickin’ bad. but I’d probably watch it…. im like that!

  18. Daire says

    July 29, 2009 at 8:53 pm

    Yikes, am glad we don’t have that one here! They aired one episode of “Dance your Ass Off” over here before it got canned. Yup, rated THAT badly.
    You’ve made some good points there though and I can’t help but wonder why the women are pinning all their romantic hopes on a TV show. Surely there is aomeone out there for them and it’s sad that they’re reduced to tears and desperate proclaimations on national televsion.
    I always felt awkward dating guys because I was ashamaed of my size. Someone them were OK with it, others… well lets not go there. I had one guy tell me that “You’d be a lot happier if you’d just run the pork off you.”
    *rolls eyes* reeeeeaaallllyy??? Bachelor number 1 you are the weakest link… Goodbye! LOL

  19. Christy says

    July 30, 2009 at 12:21 am

    I didn’t catch last night, but I had been planning on it. I didn’t realize it was debuting so soon. That really sucks though. I was hoping it was going to be woman who are proud of who they are and realize they are not a number on a scale. We should start our own reality TV show. :)

  20. MB says

    July 30, 2009 at 5:10 am

    This show should have been called “More to Hate.” I can’t believe they had the women’s height and weight displayed. I’ve never seen that on the other dating sites. It would have been nice to treat this women like REAL people and not insecure criers who are desperate to be loved. UGGH! I won’t be watching again.

  21. Chubby Stubby Kay says

    July 30, 2009 at 6:57 am

    Happy to see that many people share your opinion on “More to Love.”

    I found the show to be absolutely terrible. I hated everything about the show. Especially how they displayed each woman’s height and weight. Completely uncalled for!

    It truly sadden me how little those women thought of themselves. I wanted to shake each one of them and say “Wake up! You are beautiful!”

  22. Lara (Thinspired) says

    July 30, 2009 at 7:16 am

    Hi Mary! Thank you for visiting my blog!
    I have never seen this show, but everyone is buzzing about it! I have to admit, the concept itself is a little unsettled to me, anyway. It seems hugely stereotypical AND discriminatory!

  23. Bill says

    July 30, 2009 at 11:44 am

    I LOVED the show and it’ll get nothing but better as each week progresses! It was one heck of a guffaw watching these ladies and their tear-stained proclamations about “being such a good person”, “having so much love to give” and “wanting someone to see past the weight and love me for me”. Gotta be the funniest stuff to hit the airwaves this year!

    The desperation, instability and low self esteem rolling off of them was thicker than a deep dish at Gino’s East. Best part is that it’ll do nothing but increase week by week as these young ladies progressively fool themselves into believing that THIS is their only chance at happiness. And when that gets yanked away from them…I’ve gotta be there!

    Keep it up FOX and I’ll be anxiously awaiting “More to Love 2”!!

  24. Leah says

    July 31, 2009 at 8:54 am

    I saw this show too, and new by the previews that it was going to be a show that is really making fun of overweight people. Look a the title for gods sake. “More to Love” is the essential joke insecure overweight people make about themselves. I found most all the women on the show to be pathetic, and I am sure this is due to a lot of crafty editing my the shows producers. This shit is really damaging our society, why can’t we have a show where we get to see these poor women’s inner struggle and their quest to love themselves, not seek love that they are not even opening themselves up for. Thank you media for allowing the world to think it is ok to exploit and laugh at people’s health and emotional issues.

  25. KK @ Running Through Life says

    August 3, 2009 at 5:02 pm

    Yikes! I haven’t seen this show and don’t plan on watching it. From your comments, I will continue to skip it. People can find true love at any size. Weight shouldn’t be the factor.

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