Hello friends! I’ve decided to blog today. Surprise!
Meghan left a comment on a recent post that I wanted to share and respond to:
I don’t mean this to sound offensive, but is this really you?
All these posts lately, with the slogans and the repackaging of news articles and public service type information- and so impersonal! Seems so uncharacteristic of the way you write. Makes me wonder if someone hasn’t taken over- maybe even something automated to get clicks or whatever.Everything is still really well written. And again I don’t mean to offend. Even if this style of post isn’t my cup of tea, I’m sure other people like it. It’s just so weird that I have to ask if it’s you at all…
She made such a good point. Thanks homie! I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a while and this comment sparked the direction of this post because she was completely on point. I tried posting a few “impersonal” style posts about health and fitness. They were quick to write and easy and so fucking boring. Devoid of personality. Devoid of my style. I know. If I have any readers left here it’s probably a miracle.
I’ll be the first to admit that this decision wasn’t the best. Except the workout motivation post because… I really love stuff like that. It’s why Pinterest is one of my favorite hobbies. Pretty and motivational stuff? Yes please. The rest? Meh. But let’s move on from it, shall we? Let’s look at what is going on instead.
Privacy
One problem with these posts is privacy.
I used to write really, really honest posts here. Frankly, I was a bit of an over-sharer. It happens sometimes when you blog since it doesn’t always feel like this information is going out there on the internet. You create a little space online and get responses but it doesn’t always feel real and tangible. I didn’t mind sharing so much about my personal life because it didn’t feel like there were any real consequences.
I also loved the connection I had with so many people around the world that shared the same struggles and triumphs. I loved sharing about things I did and hearing that I inspired people to try something new. However, while looking for a job and dating and doing all these new things, being so easily google-able made me panic. I freaked about the fact that I had all of this really personal content online. Did I really want future employers and coworkers to know all this information about me? Did I want my boyfriend to know how much I cared about losing weight in the past?
So, I over corrected. If one direction is wrong, why not turn and try something completely different. Right? Well in doing so I lost a lot of what was awesome about this blog. I retreated to being very private and not wanting to share anything at all. I skipped right over the middle ground that exists.
Weight
Another problem is weight.
I used to write a lot about weight and it was one of the main goals I wanted to achieve. I admit that I did well and got under 200 lbs and about halfway to my original goal. Then? It stopped. It became less of a priority. Then as time passed, I felt like a failure. When I think about my weight loss and this blog, I think of it as a failure. Instead of being able to see how far I came and how much I’ve achieved, I can only see what I haven’t done. I can only see the last 35 lbs I want to lose. I can only see how I didn’t achieve my ultimate goal. I know some of you might agree with me and have previously left comments to that tune.
To be fair, weight loss hasn’t been a priority in my life for a while. I’ve been exercising and trying to eat well and still have a social life and work and do all those things. I make smoothies and go for walks and do a lot of active stuff. However, I haven’t really tried to lose weight in… a long time. Part of me wants to go back and try and the other part of me is happy where I am and living a healthy life at a size that’s smaller than I used to be and not quite as small as I wish I was.
Should I give up the “weight loss” moniker? Move on to a lifestyle blog or a healthy at every size blog? Those are things I can believe in and perhaps they won’t make me feel like a failure every time I want to blog about something cool I’ve done. Maybe that would allow me to keep going with my healthy behaviors and blogging about them without feeling like I’ve failed every time I look at my progress page.
Direction
The last problem is direction.
I need something to work towards. I’ve been directionless with this blog which is why the filler content came in. I didn’t know what direction to take or what to write about so I simply put in some filler pieces so I could delay thinking about it.
I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do in this space. Keep it going? Change the name? Change the direction? Which direction? HAES? Lifestyle? DIY? Does it even matter? The questions only bred more questions. Without a certain direction I simply didn’t want to think about it.
This problem is a bit symptomatic of the other problem in my life: I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. My career path has never been a traditional one but over the last couple years that has been even more true. It’s been a lot of ups and downs and confusion. Even while my personal life and support system grew into these amazing things thanks to staying in Memphis, I struggled with the idea of what my career and blogging life would become. I still don’t know! Direction is something I’m still working on in those areas. I’m honestly still trying to figure that part out but I know I need to settle on a direction and move towards it. Simply delaying and ignoring things doesn’t make anything happen.
This lack of direction is also true for exercising. While I’m still active, the lack of sports and canceling my gym membership last month really threw me off course. I know I need a goal or something to work towards in this area of life. I will exercise just to keep myself from going crazy, but it’s so much more satisfying with a direction or goal like a triathlon. Maybe that’s something I need to get back into or pick up a new sport or try something else. It’s another area of direction that needs to be looked at and decisions made.
What’s Next
So that’s where I’m at with …. everything! This was incredibly long and rambling and I have no idea what reaction I’ll get, if any. I just wanted to share what’s been going on with any loyal readers who might still be around. I hope you all are doing well!!
As for what’s next? I’m not sure. I want to keep blogging and figure out how I want to use this space. Now that I’ve got real life blogging friends it’s even more exciting in some ways. So we will see where this goes!
Still here , still reading , still luvin your catch ups especially with juju the kiwi dog ????. Take care and be you Mary
Donna in nz
JuJu the Kiwi Dog. HAHA LOVE IT! I actually just took her on a run/walk and she was very appreciative and happy. I’ll post about her soon. :)
I totally get this, Mary. I think part of it is just what happens when you’ve been blogging for a long time. I know that I’ve struggled with the whole blog identity issue myself, which is why I hardly blogged at all last year! I used to be a weight loss blogger then struggled to stay motivated to blog about that as my weight loss slowed, and then I got diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, so I struggled with how much of that to write about. Now I find myself 30 pounds heavier than I want to be, but I don’t really want to go back to just blogging about weigh ins and workouts. But know that whenever/whatever you write, I’m reading it! :)
Thanks Erin! I’ve always appreciated your insight. :) I guess this is a common problem for those of us who have blogged a long time! Ps – love the blog name. :)
Thank you for being so honest – I am a long time reader and was wondering what direction you were headed, but didn’t consider unsubscribing. In the past I have enjoyed your posts about everything from exercise to traveling.
I am at a crossroads with my old recipe blog, and my solution has been to completely ignore it. Not a great solution! At first people asked me “what’s up with the blog?” and now they’ve stopped asking… But blogging has brought a lot of great people into my life, and for that reason alone I think I want to get back to it.
All the best as you find your direction, and I’ll follow the blog wherever it goes.
That was very refreshing. You definitely touched on a lot of things that a lot of bloggers worry about. I know I definitely worry about how much I should put on the Internet. It’s scary. I want to be honest and be me, but I don’t want a random IRL acquaintance to know my deep dark secrets. It’s hard to find the right line. I also understand your direction problem.
Just keep doing you (and what works best for you).
I have felt this same way about my blog. I want to blog about things other than weight loss, and so I do sometimes but I’m not sure my audience cares. I don’t want to let go of my blog yet but I know I need a new direction.
I have always enjoyed your blog!
Thanks Alissa!
Ahhh…breath of fresh air. Do your thing, girl. Change is healthy. <3
I can soooo relate to this. Used to blog publicly but privacy issues (for myself, family, and career) stopped me. I’ve re-started blogging anonymously this time….the writing is cathartic and so much less time consuming.
Thank you Meghan for saying what I’d been thinking for a while – I was almost going to ask “what have you done with Mary?”
Glad to read that the real Mary is back – kinda, sorta. Do whatever makes you happy kiddo.
The real Mary appears …. Love it!
I have missed you and your down to earth,
personal writing but have been checking your blog
waiting for your “return”.
You have many loyal readers, but the majority of us
totally understand that privacy is a right you always have,
and I am happy you were able to exercise that right
perhaps at a time when perhaps you needed it most).
Love that you are “back”, but reading about a blogger’s life
and thoughts is a gift you share with us and never,ever feel
obliged .It’s your life Mary (and happy to hear that things
are well with you !)
I never ever liked exercise ,and finally in this past year have found something
I absolutely LOVE and it has changed my whole attitude .It is a YMCA Bootcamp
a few times a week , and I have met new friends at it as well as slowly getting stronger and fitter ( I just have to modify exercises where needed!) I never thought this would happen but becoming part of a little community has made me look forward to the class and feel sad when I miss. But it is a Bootcamp where there are mixed levels and a great coach who always has us listen to our bodies rather than forcing things .
Could you check out something like this as a thought ? I highly recommend it and wake up very early in the morning for it before work !!
( plus my class includes cardio and body strength and sometimes free weights !)
A loyal reader wishing you all the best ,
M :)
M!!! You are a loyal reader and I’m soooooo happy you found some exercise options that you like! I’m so excited for you. I’ve been thinking about doing something like this actually. I like classes but my gym wasn’t great at them. Now that I’ve moved on from that gym I have the money to look at some different options so I might do this! I’ve enjoyed working out in the morning lately too so it might be a good idea. Again, so happy for you! :)
Thanks Mary :)
Best of luck on your search – again I am
totally in love with my morning bootcamp class-
it has actually changed my life ,taken me out of my comfort
zone and opened me up to bravery in other areas of my life too !
Go Mary go!( some bootcamp instructors are much better than others,
so if you don’t like the first one or two you try ,don’t give up- keep
hunting :)
((((YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!))))
I will admit I read your posts but usually not in it’s entirety. Well I read this whole post for sure! The personal element is What grabs me as a reader so I’m Super Happy you will get a Little (not too much) personal on here again! Yay for new directions!
You da best, homie! :)
I still read, and I see you!! Hi!!! :-)
hurray, thank you for this! I had been wondering the same thing. I assumed you were trying stuff out for SEO and maybe ad revenue, which is totally fine but I missed the old style of posts. I’m still reading and glad to be :)