Penny is 4 months old now! We’ve visited the doctor and gotten our shots, so now it’s time to tell everyone how we are doing.
Baby’s outfit for this month was provided by Mimi, who bought this super cute romper!
Baby’s Eating Habits
For the last month Penny has been fed roughly half and half formula and breastmilk. I have kept up nursing and pumping longer than expected, to be honest. She’s gained weight well and is now clocking in at 14 lbs 15 ounces.
The doctor said we are good to go on starting her on foods now that she is four months old. We will start with rice cereal first at her recommendation. It’s not got any nutritional value, but it’s unlikely to be an allergenic. Then we will enter the wonderful world of yellow vegetables, green vegetables, and fruits!
Baby’s Sleeping Habits
Penny is still napping well during the day with max awake times starting to go longer toward an hour and a half or so. She’s also sleeping well during the night. She goes to bed usually between 8 and 9 and then sleeps most of the night. Sometimes she will wake up at 4 or 4:30 but quickly goes back to sleep. She sometimes sleeps all the way until 6:30 when I wake up and nurse her before work. She’s a great sleeper.
Baby’s Developmental Milestones
This month Penny went from rolling over just tummy to back to now rolling from her back to her tummy! She got so good at tummy time that she apparently just wanted to do it all the time. She basically mastered the skill overnight! We put her to bed one night unswaddled and woke up to her face down in her crib. It startled us since we didn’t know she had figured it out yet but since that night she loves rolling over to her tummy and loves sleeping on her tummy! I’ll miss the days of her being my little swaddled burrito, but it’s exciting to see her learn how to do new things.
Mom Pospartum Update
Two steps forward, one step back. Last month I was feeling better after starting to get treatment for PPA symptoms.
In this past month I did start looking for therapists and went to see one that specializes in postpartum issues. I’m still trying to decide on who to use but I know that therapy will be beneficial to my situation now. Letting my anxiety go unchecked during pregnancy and immediately after childbirth was a mistake given my long history with anxiety and mental health. I regret letting go of my healthy coping habits and am happy that I’m trying to get this ship back on track. As the therapist said “it sounds like anxiety is driving your bus right now.”
I’ve also start some other helpful activities including relaxation techniques like diaphragmatic breathing and and meditating. I’ve found some awesome Christian meditation resources and a couple regular meditation apps that have helped bring me moments of calm during my day. They don’t last forever, but those brief moments of peace and calm are beacons of hope to me.
It turns out, I don’t know how to relax or calm my own body so the stress and constant worry just compounds. Since the third trimester I’ve been go, go, go daily and once I went back to work I burnt out quickly. I’m still working on learning to calm myself down enough physically to hear the messages I need to hear right now. It’s hard and I’m not great at it but I’ve heard it’s a practice and something I can grow. I know that being able to relax and rest and calm myself will benefit me greatly and Penny even more as she grows.
I’ve also been walking more to get more sunshine and exercise in my life. I’ve upped my dosage of Zoloft. I’m working on ending our breastfeeding journey. I started journaling at night. I’m taking my vitamins again.
I’m doing all the right things, or at least that what it feels like. I’m hoping my mind, body, and spirit eventually catch up to my actions. Right now it feels like that will never happen and I’m doomed to be trapped in my anxious mind, with the intrusive and distressing thoughts that plague me.
TLDR: Penny is doing well, Mama is struggling.