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A Merry Life

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Beating Fear & Paralysis (Literally)

February 13, 2013 by Mary

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for details.

Today was emotionally draining for me.

I woke up early for an appointment at the dentist. I’m getting all my old filling replaced (bye yucky silver fillings from childhood!) so I went in to get one side of my mouth done. Since I’ve had bad experiences in the past my dentist made sure to give me lots of medicine to numb my teeth.

My awesome dentist understood my fear and didn’t want me to have any pain. She gave me so many shots half my face went numb, up to my eye.

After my appointment this was my best attempt at a smile. Not so good.

My face was halfway frozen for most of the work day. It wasn’t so bad since I mostly work at my own computer, but in the afternoon I had a client meeting scheduled. I thought the numbness would wear off before l but 30 minutes before my meeting I still had a crooked smile and was talk out of the side of my mouth.

My anxiety got the best of me.

I panicked.

I freaked.

I wanted to cancel my meeting and go home to cry.

It was an uncomfortable situation in my mind because it brought back a lot of fear from previous experiences.

When I was in 8th grade I had Bells palsy. That is a facial paralysis that makes one side of your face frozen/paralyzed. It happened to me almost instantly, during band, where I was playing my trumpet one minute then have trouble the next. It was an uncomfortable experience that took days to figure out and then I was told it might never go away. Luckily it did go away after a few months but the experience was awful. I was a shy 13 year old who suddenly had a funny frozen face and couldn’t speak properly. I avoided people and public speaking for months, and it’s one of the main reasons why I fear public speaking.

Today reminded me of that experience when I was faced with speaking in front of coworkers and clients. I felt like I was 13 years old again. I wanted to avoid and run away.

As an adult, I didn’t get the choice. Someone had to lead a meeting and that person had to be me. I told myself I had to do it and I could go home later and cry if I wanted to still do so. I went to the meeting, explained the situation, and made my way through it. It wasn’t bad because once I got started the fear dissipated and I focused on the work.

In a way, today was a major victory for me. I basically faced down one of my biggest fears and nothing bad happened.

Small steps, small steps. 

Filed Under: Emotional Health


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Comments

  1. Rachel says

    February 13, 2013 at 10:56 pm

    Good work – I hate public speaking too and even worse when something is wrong or not quite right…and that drives up my anxiety. I usually cope by drawing attention to it and making a joke… “Promise to let me know if I start dribbling” or something

    I went to the dentist for the first time in 6 years recently – and I ended up with a smile just like you after 6 injections. At my follow up visit a week later the dentist only gave me the one injection (probably the number I should have had the first time) after asking me what time my face came right – 8 hours later was clearly a little extreme.

    Good on you!

    • Mary says

      February 13, 2013 at 11:00 pm

      Same! Yeah I might mention next time that it took 8 hours to get back to *mostly normal*. She did it because I have major dentist anxiety after bad previous dentists, including one who did a filling without numbing me enough so it was majorly painful. But maybe next time I can do with a few less shots. It’s probably not normal to be so numb for so long!

  2. MIz says

    February 14, 2013 at 6:13 am

    big steps.
    big steps.

    xo

  3. Elizabeth says

    February 14, 2013 at 7:26 am

    Way to overcome your initial fear! Sometimes even just reassuring yourself that once you get through this big tough thing, you CAN have a breakdown, I find that I cope better with the struggle ahead. But the icing on the cake is normally by the time it’s over I’m far too proud of myself to have a pity party :) Way to go!

    P.S. Love the blog, this place you’ve created is wonderful.

  4. Mrs. O says

    February 14, 2013 at 9:18 am

    Yay Mary!! I know you’re so proud of yourself for pushing forward through the fear! Definitely a big victory! I had Bell’s palsy in my late 20s so I know what it’s like dealing with that in a work environment.

  5. Alejandra @ wishfulshrinking says

    February 14, 2013 at 11:13 am

    OMG the dentist freaks me out like nothing else can! I got all 4 wisdom teeth out in the fall and everything unfroze except half of my lips. It was a real treat trying to find a spoon to my mouth!
    Happy recoveries!

  6. Alyssa @ DoubleChinDiary.com says

    February 14, 2013 at 11:56 am

    You GO girl!!! It’s things like this that might seem small but are MAJOR victories. I am working on my anxiety too and this week, I had the beginnings of a panic attack after my allergy shots (long story short, I once had a horrible reaction that ended up knocking me out for like 5 days). I could feel my throat closing and my body getting warm and I started thinking all the scary thoughts about what if i die, what if i’m going crazy, blah blah. I stopped, remembered what my therapist said “Pause and Plan, this is just a physiological response to fear”, took some deep breaths, and miraculously, the panic symptoms went down. WHEW.

  7. Emily says

    February 14, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    Bravery looks good on you, my friend. :)

    • Mary says

      February 14, 2013 at 2:33 pm

      Thank you, thank you.

  8. Deb says

    February 14, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    I had a dental appointment yesterday and also had a filling replaced- it was my semi-annual cleaning and it was busted, so one more silver filling replaced with a pretty white one! I’m on the other end of the spectrum though. The dentist is actually interesting for me and not really nerve wracking at all, but speaking in front of people? I can’t do it. I freeze up, my chest locks up, I can’t breathe, and most of the time I end up crying. Good for you that you made it through the meeting in one piece and without too much anxiety!

  9. Biz says

    February 14, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    So sorry it brought back such painful memories, but so proud of you for sticking with it!!

  10. Eating as a Path to Yoga says

    February 14, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    Remind the 13-year old girl, that you are not 13 anymore. Listen to what the 13 year old has to say, and then infuse your present day Self and experiences to her.

  11. Rachelle says

    February 14, 2013 at 4:07 pm

    It’s great that you beat the fear. I had bells palsy when I was 18 and I wanted to hide. It’s one of those things that you fear will come back. Hope your freezing is gone by now!

    • Mary says

      February 14, 2013 at 9:25 pm

      It’s gone now. :) I do fear it will come back permanently at some point but fingers crossed it doesn’t happen.

  12. Jody - Fit at 55 says

    February 14, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    You can always do it Mary – congrats!!!!

  13. Caitlin Spear says

    February 14, 2013 at 7:44 pm

    Hi Mary, I have recently started following your blog and you are so inspirational! I just wanted to say good on you for overcoming this situation. It is so hard when you have a fear like this because it so is all in your head. I think I would have also explained the situation first and they would have understood but it is easy to be embarrassed. Next time you have to do speaking like this, you can look back and think ‘if I did it with a half frozen face, I can do anything!’
    Good on you!!

    • Mary says

      February 14, 2013 at 9:23 pm

      Hey Caitlin, thanks for the nice words. Obviously I did explain that I had been to the dentist. We all laughed about it and shared some dentist stories. I guess I didn’t mention that. But yeah, even with explaining why it was happening it was still uncomfortable and I tried to look the other direction. ;)

  14. Cassie says

    February 14, 2013 at 8:33 pm

    What a great post! My sister had bells throughout her entire pregnancy and was so upset because she couldn’t do any beautiful maternity photos or even have photos taken of her at her shower. Thankfully it went away right before delivery as we got shots of her with her baby

    • Mary says

      February 14, 2013 at 9:24 pm

      Oh, that’s a total bummer! I’m glad it went away though and she got a chance to take photos with the new baby.

  15. KCLAnderson (Karen) says

    February 16, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    OMG…I had no idea when I commented on your FB photo that you, too, had experienced Bells Palsy. I had it when I was about four years old. I am so glad you were able to move through your fear!

  16. Chanelle says

    February 21, 2013 at 9:41 am

    Hey Mary,

    I don’t usually comment but I read this and it (kind of) reminded me of when I got my last wisdom tooth pulled over a year ago.

    You may want to watch out for persistant numbness in your gums. I seem to have the same issue with Novocain (I almost always feel SOME of the drilling, etc.). But over a year later of getting my tooth pulled, I still have numbness in my last two teeth. To be honest, my dentist is awesome and he also told me that type of thing could happen if I chose to get more shots, so it totally doesn’t bother me, but I could imagine, because of the Bell’s palsy incident, it may bother you if you did experience persistent numbness.

    Also, my best friend just called me yesterday to tell me her dad was in the hospital because an incidence of Bell’s palsy, so it was comforting to see that it you went through it and it wasn’t permanent :)

    • Mary says

      February 21, 2013 at 4:39 pm

      Interesting! I’ll keep an eye out for that. I’m pretty sensitive to anything weird happening on that side of my face because I’m always paranoid the bell’s palsy will come back. But yeah, I’m glad it wasn’t permanent and I hope your friend’s dad’s isn’t either!

      • Chanelle says

        February 23, 2013 at 5:52 pm

        Thanks Mary! Good luck :)

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