You never look as good on video as you do in photos.
At least that’s how I’m feeling today after making a very random vlog that is totally unrelated to this post topic.
(I’ve probably been inside too long. I’ve lost my marbles.)
Funny enough after I finished my vlog I started reading blogs in my reader. My friend Skinny Emmie had a post this week about how the had a little meltdown after seeing herself on video. She picked herself up afterwards and made a great exercise video that made her feel proud of herself again, but the thoughts about body image and video got stuck in my head because they were exactly what I was feeling.
Looking at myself in the video above makes me feel pretty down. It’s not just the fact that I’m not dressed up or didn’t have on any makeup… it’s just a general feeling of negativity toward myself and my weight and how I look.
In the past I generally feel pretty good about my body. I have clothes I like and could make myself feel pretty. But as soon as I see myself on video those feelings go away. Almost every single time I start to criticize my looks and my body and feed upon the negativity.
After reading Emmie’s post and the comments I realize I’m probably not the only one who does this. So at the very least I have solidarity with others in this.
However, I wish it wasn’t happening and if I’m honest I’ll admit that it’s happening more and more regardless of video. It’s a lifelong struggle I guess (it’s poor body image is a familiar topic).
I’m a bit unsure right now if I need to change my mindset (probably) or my body (probably). All I know is that I know longer feel complacent and comfortable. I feel… the same as I did at my highest weight. Gross, huge, like a failure. I guess two years of not losing weight and still being too large will do that to you? My efforts a shot of adrenanline to the heart right now because I just feel like something needs to change.
Writing this post honestly raised more questions for me than it answered. Funny how that happens sometimes.
I work from home as well and yesterday I had to move my car to keep it from getting towed while road work was going on so I told the guy I’d move it and we talked for like 5 minutes, I went back inside and looked at myself and was horrified. I looked like I hadn’t brushed my hair (I did), no make up, bummy clothes on, etc. I do think even a small bit of effort into just looking a way you wouldn’t mind other people seeing you if they stopped by unexpectedly could go a long way. (Saying that for me as much as for you. HA!)
I couldn’t stop laughing at Juju following you while you paced. “Is there a treat involved? No? How about now? No?” You always wonder what they’re thinking!
You make a good point. I never think about seeing people unexpectedly until it happens and then I’m not prepared. I guess because I’m not in the office I just don’t make as much of an effort but I should!
Yeah JuJu paces with me sometimes. She thinks it’s a game that will involve treats. Or play. Or something fun.
That’s EXACTLY what happened. I was just a life blogger, not a weight loss blogger. I think at one point I even took most references of weight loss off the blog. I was more focused on other things in life and I guess that showed on the blog. Glad you kept reading though… I honestly thought I would have lost you as a reader long ago!
I do get sensitive about comments but this is actually a GREAT comment and I really appreciate it. I haven’t been working out lately… just got out of the habit when I was in Memphis and didn’t have a gym. I like working out but won’t do it at home.
I think I probably am 211, a bit scared to weigh in as I haven’t for a while. It seems to be the weight I fluctuate back to without trying. So yeah, I’m going to try. Because exactly what you mentioned about gaining weight and getting pregnant has freaked me out recently. I don’t want to get back to my highest weight ever (around 260) and have to redo everything. And it’s not healthy at all to be still this overweight and I’m scared of the extra complications. So I’m going to try Feel free to stick around and keep commenting, you’re actually pretty encouraging! (And I’ve gotten a thicker skin or at least I’ve tried.) ;)
You are SO NOT ALONE in this (obviously, I’ve shared my thoughts already)! I’ve had some rougher patches lately now that I’m working from home. There are days I wake up and don’t change out of my pajamas and spend all day in them, wondering why I feel like crap. Know why I feel like crap? My oily face needs to be washed, I am avoiding the mirror, have no human contact outside of the computer, and am slouching around in clothes I wouldn’t normally be seen dead in.
I went to a happy hour event last night for an organization I belong to and I swore it was like I was afraid to approach people. Human contact! What is that?! Thankfully, I got over it and had a good time.
Perhaps we need to just put some things in our day that will make us feel good. Whether it’s slapping on some lipgloss or running to Starbucks for an hour to be around human beings.
No matter what, you’re awesome.