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A Merry Life

Healthy Living & Budgeting Blog | Health, Wealth & Everything Else

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Dear Obese Person, Ew. I Hate You! XOXO, Fatty Hater

August 21, 2009 by Mary

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for details.

Surf the internet long enough on weight loss or fat acceptance sites and you will encounter hatred and discrimination that is hard to believe. Fat hating is one of the last forms of accepted discrimination and it’s even making its way into newsprint.

Daily Mail columnist Amanda Platell, wrote a column recently in which she proudly claimed to be a fat hater.

“I am a fattist.  I find obese people unappealing in almost every regard. They are physically unattractive, they lead unhealthy lives, they take up too much space on public transport, and (most of all) they are a strain not only on their clothing but on NHS resources. The secret of their size? Their outsized appetites are matched by a lack of self-control and even less self-respect. There, I’ve said it.”

OMG.

The problem is, a lot of thin people agree with her.  I know a lot of them that think this but either would not or can not publicly share those views.  And worse?  For part of her argument I actually agree with her.  I understand the part where she writes about her “pet thesis that, far from being a complex social problem, weight comes down to a simple equation – energy in (food and drink) versus energy out (exercise).”  For me this is the reason I am obese and I feel that it is the same reason for many (not all) no matter how much they want to deny it. Calories in and calories out sounds dull, but it usually is just that simple.

I also find it fascinating what the obese people she interacted with said about their weight and who’s responsibility it was.

“The story was the same whoever I spoke to. Yes, people worried about their weight, but said they didn’t know how to lose it. They wanted help and saw it as the Government’s responsibility, not their own.”

I’ve seen this myself before.  While I am willing to take responsibility for my weight, others aren’t.  I will say, “I eat too much in the past and still.  I am not consistent in exercise.  I know why I’m fat.”  Others will say, “Oh that’s not my problem at all!  I’m fighting against my genes!  It’s not my fault I’m fat.  Someone should help me lose weight.”  Really?  Not your fault?  Not your fault at all?  Did you have no control over what was put in your mouth for the last couple decades?  Do you not have the power to change your life?

In the rant against fatties, aka her column, the author mentions the obesity problem stems from less exercise yet increased food consumption.  Sounds pretty logical. Although the facts may support her on this, no one wants to listen when the next paragraph bashes the fat people she is writing about.  The words and overall tone of the column are meant to sting and they do.  The undercurrent of anger and pure disdain colors everything she says.

She ends by saying:

“In a world where many suffer terrible diseases through no fault of their own, it’s hard to muster up much sympathy for those whose ‘illness’ is self-inflicted, who refuse to take any responsibility for their bodies and actions, who blame everyone but themselves for their misery – then leave us to foot the bill.   If that makes me a fattist, so be it.”

While I want to agree with her about those who blame everyone but themselves, I find it hard to agree with anything she says.  Her “fat-is-evil-and-I-hate-fat-people” thinking is full of hatred that leads to wrongful discrimination. There is no understanding or compassion in her words.  Obesity might be unhealthy, but does it make anyone less of a person?  Does being obese make me a dumber person?  Does being obese make me “unappealing?”  Does it mean I don’t deserve the things a thin person does?

Maybe to some people it does.

I’m happy, I’m fun and I’m taking responsibility and trying to change my life.  But does that even matter to someone who judges based purely on looks?  I guess not.  Thanks, Fatty Hater.  Love you too.

Filed Under: Healthy Living Tagged With: fat acceptance, Media, Obesity, society


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Comments

  1. Robin says

    August 21, 2009 at 12:55 pm

    I definitely need to stop hating myself for being fat, I have a long way to go.

  2. Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit says

    August 21, 2009 at 12:58 pm

    I feel for anyone and everyone on this journey, but the ones I do feel disdain for from time to time are the ones that seem to have given up, the ones who pass their fatness on to their kids as if it’s some sort of precious heirloom. Those little motorized carts at the grocery store are a particular pet peeve, because I see a lot of able-bodied folks taking those bad boys out for a spin.

    I’m getting within spitting distance of my goal weight, and maybe I’ve developed “fatnesia,” but this is serious business. We, as a nation, are getting more and more obese. You see it with more young people, and more disturbingly, small kids. Something’s gotta shake us out of this snack-induced stupor… and maybe it’s time for some tough love (and language).

    Good post.

    P.s. I shot you an email about tweeting up.

  3. Yum Yucky says

    August 21, 2009 at 12:59 pm

    My worst thought against an obese person (and I’m talking like 400 pounds) has been: “Why did they allow themselves to get to that point?”, but it’s just a question, which does have an answer. This Amanda chick is big time hate. Her proud words will come back to bite her, with sugary sprinkles on top.

  4. Kat says

    August 21, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    Wow. Great post Mary. Being obese myself, it makes me so sad that people judge me so harshly and negatively based on my looks alone. I am finally learning to not give a damn what other people think of me, it is a process though.

    I have worked as a corporate recruiter for the past 15 years and have been amazed at the blatant discrimination against fat people in the workplace. I have initiated many uncomfortable conversations with hiring managers who overlook candidates based on their (the manager’s) prejudices. Sometimes I have been able to persuade them to do the right thing and hire the best candidate, but many times they will choose the more “attractive ” and less qualified candidate who they feel is a “better fit” for the job. It isn’t my job to make the hiring decisions, I just need to put the best qualified candidates in front of the managers to make their decisions. It burns me.

  5. Matt says

    August 21, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    Wow, great post, There is a lot of hate out there, I keep seeing getting worst each year.

  6. Hanlie says

    August 21, 2009 at 1:22 pm

    Her argument falls totally flat with that last statement. Almost all disease is caused by indiscriminate living – if not yours, then your parents’. Not all people who eat unhealthy food and don’t exercise become fat. I know many, many people who eat terrible diets and haven’t lifted more than an eyebrow for decades, but are by no means obese. But they are all at risk of contracting dread diseases. So, she’s talking absolute nonsense!

    I think we have to accept that we can’t change the way people feel. Some people are offended by fat. It hurts! I’ve been on the receiving end of that in my professional life, so I know. And of course, I was single and fat for many years. Not fun.

    I’m offended by bigotry and stupidity.

    The problem is that I know I am fat, but most bigots and stupid people don’t know they’re bigoted or stupid. They’ll just continue to spout their stinking thinking and you can’t argue with them, because they’ll shout you down.

    Of course, when you label people the way she does, you close your heart to what makes us all human – our compassion.

    And yes, some fat people are lazy gluttons, but some fat people have turned their lives around and are losing weight. How does she know that the fat person in line in the grocery store hadn’t already spent 2 hours in the gym that morning. That person may have transitioned to a raw vegan diet and may even be healthier than she is, despite still being fat.

  7. janetha says

    August 21, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    wow, those are some gnarly words that chick is writing. not too stoked on all that.

  8. Jenn says

    August 21, 2009 at 3:53 pm

    So, I guess she hates all smokers and drinkers, too? Where was her disgust and loathing for those people? Aren’t they doing the same thing – self-inflicting cancer, liver and heart disease on themselves, blaming the advertisements, media, etc for getting them “hooked”?

    With her mentality, I think she’s going to be hating most people sooner or later.

    That being said, I feel somewhat sad for those who are obese, because I do feel that they have given up in one way or another. But hate? Nope – the only people I hate are those that refuse to walk in other people’s shoes and instead make assumptions about things they no nothing about.

  9. Erin says

    August 21, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    Well, I hate ignorant people, so if that makes me a ignorist, so be it! I wonder if she realizes how uninformed that article made her sound? Probably not…

  10. South Beach Steve says

    August 21, 2009 at 5:04 pm

    Wow – I am stunned. I have to second what Hanlie and Jenn wrote. This gal has some real issues.

  11. Marshmallow says

    August 21, 2009 at 5:53 pm

    Great post, Mary. (I always read, by the way, but seldom comment now that I can’t access blogs at work!)

    I get frustrated because I eat healthily and exercise like a madwoman NOT because I’m trying to lose weight, but because I enjoy it and feel great for doing it, yet because my size hasn’t reduced I’m still lumped into the category of being a candidate for ‘obesity related’ diseases and being a drain on health service resources.

    Given the hatred and lack of support out there, and that obese people feel like they ‘owe it’ to society to lose weight, it’s easier to give up, while it is ‘their fault’ in some ways, I understand why they would do so when the task is so insurmountable, provides little instant gratification, is SO uncomfortable and there is so much hatred for just being you.

  12. Diane, Fit to the Finish says

    August 21, 2009 at 6:13 pm

    Having lived as a morbidly obese person for 10 years, and then as a “normal” weight person for 12, I can readily see the discrimination that occured, both way back then, and today.

    It makes me mad everytime I read something like this. I did accept responsibility for my weight, although I secretly hoped there were some non-serious, easily fixable medical problem to blame. There wasn’t!

  13. Amy H. says

    August 21, 2009 at 6:25 pm

    Self-inflicted still deserves compassion. Her disgust disgusts me.

  14. MackAttack says

    August 21, 2009 at 7:33 pm

    Gosh, seriously? People that blindly hate usually just suffocate on it. And some people have insulin resistance and thyroid issues. Some people are equally unhealthy but have awesome metabolism and are just lucky to be thin. People like that must not like themselves much.

  15. Liz says

    August 21, 2009 at 10:52 pm

    Wow! That article is shocking to me. Not because of what was said but by how publicly it was said which makes it seen more ‘ok’ to talk like that when it’s not. I know for me now that I have come to this realization about wanting to get healthy and how to do it I do think to myself about bigger people I see. Bug what I think is ‘when’ are the going to realize what they are doing to themselves. Granted I think similar things about skinny people I see eating 3 big macs in one sitting too. I think more public talking and acceptance of being, eating, living & exercise healthy rather than ‘dieting’ would do a lot of good.

  16. Shannon Fab FATTIE says

    August 22, 2009 at 7:42 am

    I am a little shocked! Not that there are people who really do not think fat people are attractive but that she is so full of disgust and hate. I am fat myself and I do not find it attractive all of the time either but there are exceptions as with anything, Mr. Fabulous is large and that is very attractive to me I am personally not attracted to skinny men. Does that mean I should go around spewing hate and disrespect about skinny men? I think not!
    Seriously her words say so much about her. They tell me she is a hateful person, if you are her friend she will probably stab you in the back, and she is probably sad and does not like herself very much.
    Good, forthright, happy people just do not go around saying things like that. Everyone is entitled to an opinions, but common courtesy should help you understand how to voice your opinions properly.

  17. Scale Junkie says

    August 22, 2009 at 10:06 am

    I know why I’m obese, I’ve been obese since I was a child when I learned to use food as a drug to numb the pain from the multitute of abuse I was facing. I hope Amanda hates smokers, drug users, drinkers, gamblers and shopping addicts with equal zest, maybe she should petition to have them branded on their forehead so all will know them on sight since they don’t wear their addiction on the outside.

  18. Dinneen - Eat Without Guilt says

    August 22, 2009 at 12:17 pm

    It’s is truly amazing that we live in a society that still judges people by their weight. It’s unfortunate, but yes, it is the (sad) reality.

    It’s true that weight is about calories in & calories out. But it really isn’t that simple for a lot of people. Many people eat for reasons other than hunger. That, in addition to the fact that there are many processed foods that are addictive (has been proven many times), it’s easier said than done.

    Food is like a drug for some people (not everyone).

    One addicted to alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes can say: I’m never going to touch that (alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, etc) again– but FOOD is a sustenance of life. We need and must eat to survive. Sot it’s not so easy. (For those w/other addictions: I am aware that there are both physical & psychological reasons addictions and they too are not easy).

    There are a myriad of reasons why people eat too much, eat the wrong foods, and/or don’t exercise enough. I do agree that one can change their life — but the KEY is getting the right support to help you along the way.

    And for those who are overweight: love yourself now, no matter what anybody else does or says. Yes, do try to be healthy — but DON’T look at yourself as bad, lazy, or lacking self-control. You are wonderful and just as beautiful as any other woman out there….thin or fat.

  19. Lisa says

    August 22, 2009 at 2:10 pm

    OH! You should see the haters on my YouTube video! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zg2SMhZWW0). Sometimes I can just let it slide off me like water on a duck’s back. Or someone will say to take it from the source, that the commenter was an idoit. But sometimes I just cry. What’s the damned difference what shape my body is?? I’m a human with feelings. I try so hard not to judge others on their appearance. It sucks when they won’t do the same. We need to love ourselves to set an example of how others should love us. Fat Haters are haters. We need to armor ourselves against them!

  20. She-Fit says

    August 22, 2009 at 4:38 pm

    I hate when people have this mentality as if they don’t have a heart, personality, and feelings. If anything they are more compassionate and understanding than thin people because they have been judged their whole lives. Awh… I’m getting so angry just thinking about this!

  21. Sagan says

    August 22, 2009 at 4:46 pm

    I can’t BELIEVE her! Is that article for real? That’s such a terrible way to think and an equally horrible thing to say.

    Personal responsibility is, of course, very important, but what Platell has written is simply rude, ignorant, and entirely uncalled for. And, like some of the other commenters have said, nearly every kind of illness/disease/injury/what-have-you is a result of SOME kind of personal infliction.

  22. Nicole says

    August 22, 2009 at 6:13 pm

    I recently injured my knee by stepping up into a boat wrong. It could have happened to anyone. I am still amazed at how many comments I received that were underhanded insults. Almost every person I came in contact with was sure my injury was b/c of my weight, and they made sure to let me know, whether by saying my recovery would be longer than a friend of theirs because their friend was fitter, or by saying they were making an effort to exercise more because they didn’t want to end up in the pain I was in. The irony of it all is that my injury is one that is very common to more active people, rather than obese. I definitely learned how a lot of people really felt about me through this process.

    Hopefully, my post made sense. I’m still a little high on pain medicines.

  23. Mary says

    August 22, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    @Nicole
    You made perfect sense.

    And I think that kind of underhanded, more subtle discrimination is what most of us encounter as opposed to the blatant hatred of this columnist. It’s fascinating how people will wrongly attach stereotypes to someone who is overweight – your weight caused the injury or made it harder to heal quickly. All BS but still acceptable and very common. People feel like it’s fine to tell someone these things and frankly it’s not. If they aren’t a doctor and don’t know your situation they should just STFU.

  24. cmoursler says

    August 22, 2009 at 7:53 pm

    Wow, how funny…cause I just hate people named Amanda, I mean, they come across as pathetically small minded and judgemental. Bitter, scrawny and lonely individuals who spend way too much time nit picking the foibles of others that they can’t see the plank of unpleasantness and hypocrasy in their own eye. There I said it.

  25. Cornelius says

    August 23, 2009 at 10:21 am

    I added your blog to bookmarks. And i’ll read your articles more often!

  26. Christy says

    August 23, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    The ignorance of some people never ceases to amaze me. I think that many people who have such a hatred of overweight individuals have had some negative experience in their past with a “fattie” and they have allowed it to control their life. I know many people who “hate” obesity but only because the long-term health effects it has on a person.

    I like the way you did your blog. You opened up to allow yourself to agree with her on some points while making your stand and illustrating your points. It shows you are a far more intelligent person that she.

    Kudos, my friend.

  27. Tara says

    August 23, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    I really wonder how this person feels about alcoholics and/or drug addicts? Frankly, their disease is also self inflicted, yet MANY people (including myself) have a lot of sympathy for people struggling with these diseases.

    I get angry with myself over how out of control I let my eating and lack of exercise get; I can take responsibility for my weight and every mouthful of food that I take in. However, I think that it’s a bit more complicated than just being “lazy”. I think there are emotional and psychological issues in the mix of the disease called obesity.

    Just my two sense.

  28. Corporate Gifts says

    August 24, 2009 at 2:32 am

    we should not hate those peoples because they already fed up with there life rather we should take inspiration from them that we will never be like them.

  29. Anon says

    August 24, 2009 at 2:00 pm

    My husband and I have both lost weight and work very hard to maintain it, and I want others to do the same. Everyone should love him/herself enough to take care of him/herself. But that applies to more than just obesity — it applies to alcoholics, smokers, drug addicts, heck, even people who speed or don’t buckle their seatbelts. Ideally, I think everyone should pay for his/her choices — insurers should charge higher premiums for people who eat poorly (regardless of whether it affects weight), who don’t get regular physical activity (regardless of weight), who drink more than whatever the current optimal amount of alcohol is, who smoke, who drive unsafely, and even go so far as to charge me more for not having children, which raises my risk of breast cancer. But since that’s obviously not how the world works and there is no way of knowing more than meets the eye, like whether the person has lost 20 pounds in the last month, Amanda’s attitude is awful.

  30. merri says

    August 24, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    I saw that article, or maybe another blog about the article, I think. Its pretty sad… for the record though, I don’t agree that weight is soley because of calories in/out as you’ve noted. It has to be genes, metabolism, luck, and other random things COMBINED with how much you eat/exercise.

  31. Lyn says

    August 25, 2009 at 9:47 am

    You know, someone like that would look at someone like me on the streets and go, “Ew. She eats too much, blames everyone else, and won’t take responsibility for her health. She is weak and lazy. Gross.”

    What about those of us who have BEEN 280+ pounds and are fighting… battling hard every day… to change our lives? Would she see me at 230 pounds and say “wow you have done a wonderful thing there, look at all your hard work”? No. She would see a fat lazy slob. Not a degree-holding mother of five who has overcome poverty, abuse, illness. Not a woman who has gone to war for the health and the rights of her disabled child and her two chronically ill children. She would not see the muscles I’ve built under the fat by strength training 3 times a week, walking and biking daily, and carrying the burdens of a single mom of five. She’d just say, “Oh, look, a fatty. Yuck.” And that is just plain sad.

    If she wrote this article about people of another race being a drain on society, dumb and lazy in general, and wishing we could “send them all back,” there would be a backlash of indignant readers calling her racist. SHe’d probably lose her job. But fatties are icky. So this is ok.

    I hope she someday comes to the understanding of the complexities of health and weight. If she ever breaks her ankle, can’t walk for 6 months and has to take steroids, she may find out rather quickly what it feels like to be the target of this kind of judgemental hate.

  32. Elisabeth says

    August 25, 2009 at 10:31 am

    Her attitude is horrible, I agree. Overweight or obese people are never any less valuable as humans, since I truly believe we were all created with the same importance. However, I have to question where her attitude comes from, and whether she is very thin herself and has been the victim of (under)weight related comments. I have been underweight my whole life, due to very healthy eating habits instilled in me since I was a child, as well as competitive running. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been out to dinner with friends or family and been told to “Eat a burger, you need it.” If I leave food on my plate because I’m full or order something healthy, I’ve been asked if I’m anorexic. More often than not, these comments come from larger people. A close friend of mine, a chronic dieter, once told me flat out that I would be so much prettier if I gained ten pounds!

    I understand that there is a difference between these types of comments and the subtle, often unproveable discrimination that overweight people face in the workplace, clothing stores and restaurants. However, it would NEVER be acceptable for me to say to a heavy friend, “You really don’t need that burger. Get a salad.” Yes, far fewer people experience my form of weight judgement. However, it still hurts just as much. I am comfortable in my skin, I eat when I am hungry, stop when I am full, and exercise frequently. That in no way merits derogatory comments, just as eating an extra slice of cake doesn’t. To each their own, whatever makes you happy.

    My point is that our society in general needs to stop focusing on other’s appearances, and start focusing on their own. If you feel healthy and beautiful, that is the only thing that matters. Fat or skinny, judging someone based on their weight is never fair.

  33. Mary says

    August 25, 2009 at 11:14 am

    @Elisabeth
    Thank you for sharing your experience. It is definitely not cool that you have had to deal with those types of comments. It’s proof that anyone who is outside the norm, whether underweight or overweight, has to deal with comments and discrimination that they shouldn’t have to deal with. People need to realize that just like commenting on people’s skin color it is not okay to comment and judge other people’s weight and body shapes.

  34. Dan Tanna says

    September 2, 2009 at 3:07 am

    I kind of agree with her! I don’t hate fat people, and I have many fat friends(who doesn’t) I believe most, not all, fat people that are fat and/or obese are either lazy, stupid, or don’t care. Just about anybody who wants to not be so fat can lose weight and keep most of it off by being active, intelligent and determined to lose weight and take it off. I have absolutely no sympathy for fat people, except ones who are fat due to very very rare conditions(less than 1%).
    Ten years ago, I rarely seen anybody at the store in wheelchairs or carts. Maybe one, almost never two. Nowadays, every time I go to the store, I see at least 5 pigs riding in motorized carts, usually more! Where did all the disabled people come from?
    The majority of them are just fat, lazy and not disabled. Sure, some are, and I do have sympathy for them.
    The truth is that fat people almost never do any kind of exercise, and hate exercise. They will even tell you that, the honest ones. Just about every fat person has an excuse why they can’t or won’t exercise. They say “I have bad knees, I have arthritis, a bad heart, bad feet”, whatever excuse they can come up with. I have heard them all!
    Anybody can become smart and do some research about why they are fat, and do something about it, but they usually never do.
    I try to tell my fat friends and acquaintences on how they can lose weight and keep it off like I did, but they almost never seem to care. It is easier for them to just stay and get fatter and lazier, and do nothing about it. Only one in twenty people will actually succeed in losing weight successfully.
    What do these people have in common? They all are lazy, or don’t learn what they need to do to lose and keep off weight, or even care to lose weight. I personally don’t care. I am thin, attractive, and am an exercise and correct diet person. I watch what I eat, I exercise at least 5 times a week, and am healthy and fit for a 45 year old male. I quit drinking sodas, processed foods, and unhealthy western diet foods and fast foods with all of their preservatives, and I watch the amount of food I eat.
    All the people I know who are fat, to a man, eat whatever they want, including sodas, chips, cookies, ice cream, candy bars, and unhealthy snack foods, and they never get any form of exercise. They watch about 6 hours of TV a day, but always complain about not having enough time to work on their weight.
    Listen, all you tubbos out there, if you would pull yourself away from the TV for an hour a day, walk down the street, you would possibly lose a couple of pounds, and still be back home in time to watch dancing with the stars, and four other hour long programs! You might even find out after losing those few pounds, that you feel better, look better, and actually enjoyed the walk! Hell, you might even decide to give up on the mindless life-wasting product-and-drug-pushing
    borefest which is commercial television and dedicate more of your time to the much more soul-enhancing activity of walking. You might even improve your diet, eating natural meats, eggs, grains, fruits and vegetables, and give up the processed garbage pushed by the idiot box, as well as fast food. You might even lose more weight, giving you time to have a more active life, try bike riding or some other participative sport, enjoy companionship with others who are active, feel better, have less doctor visits, and sleep less and more effectively!
    Of course, this is not for everybody. Obviously, just look around you. Most Americans don’t think this way. You can tell by looking at their bodies and their slow ways of moving. Most Americans are slow, slovenly, ugly, fat, lazy, and addicted to quick pleasures and comfort foods, and doing thing the easy way!

  35. Michael says

    October 14, 2009 at 7:06 am

    It has nothing to do with discrimination. Obesity is simply unacceptable. There is no reason for it and yes, fat people are terribly unattractive, actually usually downright nasty and ugly, they smell because of all the folds of fat where sweat builds up and they tend to be unhygenic. No excuses for you fat folks. Get off of your skanky fat asses and get trimmed down or you will always be hated.

  36. Diet says

    January 18, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    Fat people should simply kill themselves…

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