Yesterday at one point I was feeling just miserable. A lot of little things added up to make my outlook on the world impossible negative. It felt like there was nothing I could do to make myself feel better.
But then I hit the gym. 15 minutes of walking, lots of core work, and an arm workout later I was sweaty and tired and felt great. After the gym session my mind felt clear and I didn’t feel the same crap I had felt before.
I don’t really make it a secret that despite my general happiness and love for life, I struggle with mild depression. I’ve dealt with it on and off for about ten years. Technically my diagnosis was/is PMDD, but mild depression has also been a problem for me beyond that. For the most part it stays mild and I’ve only had one experience (in high school) where it became worse and I had to seek treatment.It generally just hangs around as a mild thing I deal with via my own treatments: exercise and stress management.
Somehow in our culture people have decided that admitting they suffer from things like depression is a terrible thing. Some people seem to view it as a character flaw. I read somewhere that people are scared to admit something like that at work for fear that it would affect their job. I wish it wasn’t that way, so that’s why I’m extremely open and honest about the fact that I’ve struggle with it. It doesn’t make me less of a person, it doesn’t make me unworthy of anything. It’s just something that is.
I think a lot of people are scared to admit things like that because maybe they think people will look at them differently. I understand that. I worry that people will look at me differently. I know they already make judgments based on my size. I wonder if people who know will look at me and wonder all the time if I’m sad or not. I wonder if because I admit things like this on my blog, will my readers look at me differently? Will they relate or not if they know I gained weight because of depression instead of just bad habits? Will they think I’m weak when they know it’s hard to overcome?
But I’m not here to debate or belabor that point. I’m just here to talk about mild depression and exercise – two things I am very well acquainted with.
For a lot of people with mild depressions anti-depressants don’t work. When you have major depression that nothing you do will pull yourself out – they work. They are the only option for a lot of people. But for the people like me who suffer from mild depression on and off? Nope. Doesn’t really do anything useful.
What does help, and I’ve found this to be amazingly true in my own personal experience, is exercise. Generally the best prescription, or the one I see recommended most on websites discussing this kind of thing, is a combination of therapy and lifestyle changes like stress reduction and regular exercise.
I’ve never really done the therapy aspect, but I’ve been a regular exerciser since I was 18. The periods where I’ve ignored exercise and skipped it for several weeks or months are the periods where I look back now and realize I struggled with the depression the most. It seems that I can’t take more than two days off before the chemicals in my brain go crazy. I need the exercise to make me feel better and keep the depression in check. Basically I can exercise and take care of myself so I feel happy and normal or ignore those things and suffer.
That’s what happened yesterday. I was starting to spiral downwards and I felt it. In the last few weeks it’s been getting worse and after skipping three days of exercise and stressing out because of the storms/floods I started to feel depressed. I felt like I was almost gone with nothing to pull me out and make me feel normal, but exercise did it. It totally saved me from slipping off the edge. It’s done this before. It’s kept me sane and happy and depression free for a long time. My entire college experience was my happiest party because college is awesome and partly because I stayed very active and worked out regularly for the entire four years. It’s when I stop exercising – like the year after college – when things get worse. When I let the stress build up and don’t exercise, it’s all too easy for me to fall back into mild depression. And it’s all too easy to go from mild to something worse.
Part of my struggle with depression has involved a very unsupportive family situation. Whenever I live at home – high school, post college, now – I struggle with this battle the most. It’s why I’ve been plateaued in my weight loss lately. It’s why I regained so much weight after college. It’s why I gained the weight in the first place. This time I’m trying to make it manageable, but yesterday I realized it wasn’t. If where I live makes so much of a difference in how I feel and how I live my life then I need to make it the best place possible. So that led me to a couple decisions I will discuss in another post. But for now let’s just say I’m taking care of myself and making sure I don’t slip any further than I already have.
So there it is. Some of what I’ve been thinking and dealing with lately. Depression is a mean ugly thing. It can take people’s lives if left untreated. Even if it’s only an occasional mild struggle like mine, don’t ignore it. Take care of yourself with exercise and stress management. And if it doesn’t get better go see a doctor. It’s not something you choose and it’s not something you can always control on your own. In a way I’m lucky that I can – if I make myself realize how important it is.I realize how important it is. I realize how I’ve had to struggle and live my life because of it and I know that I want a completely happy and healthy future – full of exercise and absent of any depression.
I too struggle with depression at times. Exercise is such a great remedy! I always feel 10 times better afterwards.
.-= She-Fit´s last blog ..Vitalicious VitaTop Giveaway =-.
Wow… you are always in my head.
That is why I gave you the Fabulous Blogger Award. Come over and check it out…
Thanks for staying so real. it means a lot to know I am not alone on this journey.
Aw thanks Hollie. ;)
I’m one of those people that needs a daily dose of miracle drug (ie Lexapro) to stay sane. Exercising does help quite a bit keeping me level, but on my bad days, it’s really difficult to even force myself to the gym. I do think, though, that the daily exercise I’ve been working on lately has helped keep the really bad days to a minimum.
.-= Lauren´s last blog ..Weekly Weigh-in #7, Weekend Warriors, and Boredom Busters =-.
i can so relate to everything you just said.
i’ve struggled with depression for most of my life as well, and periods (like the last few months) can sometimes be bad. I’m glad I talked about it on my blog, actually, no matter how embarrased it made me feel.
I’m so happy you’re doing better. Exercise really does help, and I find myself all to often medicating myself with food. Lately I’ve been walking EVERYWHERE. I spend 1.5-2hrs a day walking lately and I’m feeling 100x better.
I temporarily went on medication when I was about 15, and I found that it just made me feel void and lifeless. Maybe not depressed, but just void of any strong emotion. I then realized that how addicted to pills & medication the western world was (no, I’m not a hippie! lol). But I went off them, and I’ve been trying my best to manage my depression ever since. Sometimes, I do awesome at it, and sometimes, I don’t
Even though we’ve never met IRL, you’re a friend, Mary, and I’m always around if you ever wanna chat ( I mean that!).
xxx
P.S. you are a truly wonderful writer.
.-= amanda´s last blog ..About the new direction =-.
Dude, we have very similar stories. At least regarding the medicine thing. I went on something when I was 16 but hated how I felt – void of any emotion – so I stopped taking it a few months later. I just manage via exercise and stress relief and making myself do things I enjoy. Works well enough for the most part. ;)
I completely agree that it needs to be talked about and destigmatized. I’ve had my share of anxiety and depression (especially PPD) and it is definitely a struggle, but it can be overcome. Exercise and diet are huge factors in maintaining my mental health (therapy didn’t hurt either) and I always feel at least a little better after. The other factor that is big for me is sun. I try to get at least 20 minutes of sun exposure every day. Not always easy in the frozen north, but I take what I can get.
.-= Beth´s last blog ..Pre-Vacation Wrap Up =-.
Yes! Sun is good! I tend to be worse when I don’t have time outside/sun.
I was diagnosed with mild depression back in February…and while I know exercising and eating well have helped, I’m not going to knock Wellbutrin…it has definitely helped me do even MORE of the exercising and eating well.
I think you’re definitely on your way to a healthier happier you :)
.-= Mandy (@Fitter_Mandy)´s last blog ..This Is Why Mandy’s Fat =-.
Mary, I actually believe that more people suffer from depression than admit & for men, even more because culturally for them, it is less acceptable than for women.
Yes, I have had my times when depressions certainly set in…. it is a fight to battle it but I agree, exercise helps me for sure. Even on just regular all bad days for me, I love the gym & what is does for me & how I am in control.
When both my parents dies & other family members, the gym & exercise helped me thru. I doubt I would have got thru it the way I did without that….
Thank you so much for sharing!
.-= Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Opportunity Knocks or Does It =-.
I can totally relate. I suffer from mild depression as well. I went on drugs for about a milisecond (literally a month), during which I started dating my husband and I quickly found I didn’t need them (I laugh about how all I needed was a little “loving” *wink*) But the depression does come back here and there. Definitely in the winter. Right now I am on top of the world – the end of April, the beginning of May are my favorite times of the year. I get spring fever bad! I sometimes feel like I live the whole rest of the year as a count down to this one month, which isn’t very good. But it does put me in a good mood.
I am one of those people who KNOWS that exercise makes me feel better, but I literally have not exercised with any consistency since August 2002 (except to tone to get married – no cardio)
I KNOW I have to get back into it – just finding time is so hard. I wish I didn’t care so much about tv – even with the DVR I want to watch stuff real time. But at least in 3 weeks the season will be over and I sware I will work out then. I want to be in a good routine before the longest days of the year arrive (that day alone gets me a little depressed knowing the days will then start getting shorter)
Yeah for exercising when you were feeling down!
Thank you for publicizing your struggles with mild depression. If more people are open and honest about these things (amongst others), perhaps the stigmas attached to things that lay just beyond the ‘norm’ would disappear. I often wonder: what would happen if everyone were much more open about their suffering? Would it bring us closer together? At any rate, thanks for being real!
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..Something > Nothing =-.
I struggle with these issue myself. When I exercise daily I find myself on a more even emotional trend rather than so many mood swings. THANK YOU FOR SHARING!! Does your sharing make me look at you differently? Yes, it makes me think you are brave!
Janece
Gourmetmama
.-= Janece Suarez´s last blog ..Meatless Monday =-.
This is a great post. I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago, and I was on and off various medications and never liked how I felt on them either. As was said above, just void of ANY emotion, even the good ones! I weaned myself off everything, against my doctor’s advice, and I’ve been fine. I truly think that I don’t have depression, but have PMDD. I seriously feel like a completely different person depending upon the time of the month. I even used to tell my doctor that I only felt like I needed the medication two weeks a month. He didn’t listen.
Anyway, I agree that exercise is a great depression reliever and stress reducer. I’m going through a rough time at work these days, and I’m taken back up my lunchtime walks. It helps immensely!
.-= Janet´s last blog ..The Cooking Project that Destroyed My Kitchen =-.
I have PMDD. That’s what I was diagnosed with in high school. It sucks. It’s hard to have a week out of each month where you can’t control your thoughts. I usually just deal with that by talking myself through it – I know what it is that makes me think that way so I usually don’t let it get to me too much. But it’s a miserable thing to deal with, I know.
I also struggle with depression – more than mild sometimes – and know I should try exercise but I don’t. I deal with my depression with naps, mostly, although logically I know that there is a better way. Thanks for the inspiration. :)
I usually want to take more naps but I know it’s not the best way so I try to force myself to exercise. :)
You and I must be on the same wavelength today. I just posted about exercise and other stress management techniques. I also struggle with SAD in the winter months and exercise has been very helpful in managing the depression.
.-= CertifiablyFit´s last blog ..Exercise Keeps Me From Killing People and Other Stress Management Strategies I Find Useful. =-.
I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder (agoraphobia) 9 years ago. While some of it has gotten better with age, the best thing that ever happened to me was regular exercise. I can wake up nervous, anxious, stuttering, and unable to function. But a sweaty gym session will bring out the social butterfly I know is somewhere inside me. Working out definitely doesn’t fix all my issues, but it makes them a lot more manageable.
.-= Susan´s last blog ..The Perfect Protein Bar- One Step Closer =-.
Honestly, exercise does nothing to help my depression. In fact, since I think alot when exercising, it made it worse sometimes. The only thing that helped me was a lot of therapy and the Wellbutrin and Prozac cocktail and blogging about my struggle with depression.
.-= Jen´s last blog ..2010 Walk for Hunger =-.
It sounds like you struggle with a stronger bout of depression than what I do. There are different levels. I think once it gets to a certain point the only thing that helps is medication. And even then for some people nothing helps. :(
The effect of exercise on the brain is often overlooked in favour of its effect on the body, but it is so important for mental wellbeing. If you’re taking care of your body by exercising your mood is infinitely improved – as you have found! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences, I’m sure so many people will find them empowering.
I think you should be wildly proud of yourself for exercising when you were feeling the spiral starting, rather than eating too much/the wrong things.
Isn’t it wonderful that exercise not only helps us get/stay fit, but that it actually helps us feel more mentally well-balanced as well? The next time I’m feeling “too tired” to workout, I’m going to remind myself of that.
.-= Bella´s last blog ..HYC Update – Enjoying the “Nothingness” =-.
I need exercise in my life too to combat depression, more than ever right now. I too can’t miss more than 2 days or I am a freakin basket case of depression and moods. And you are right about the meds. My depression has never been severe enough for the meds to help so I don’t take them. Only exercise works for me.
.-= Karyn´s last blog ..Part of the anger and hatred… =-.
Oh you’re right! If I don’t exercise reguarly, I start feeling bleh. Part of that bleh is I feel all too full and sluggish, but a lot of it is that I feel down, sad, cranky, bitchy, etc. A lot of people who exercise a lot understand this, but a lot of people who don’t exercise often don’t. for instance, this Friday I have to skip the gym for some events my friend is hosting, and my coworkers know that. They are going out for drinks Thursday and said oh we know you like to go to the gym after work but cant you skip and come celebrate. But no, really I cant. Taking those 2 days off in a row will put me in a bad/sad mood the whole weekend and it’s just not worth it. On the other hand, when I’m having a bad day, going to the gym perks me up and makes me so happy! That’s also part of why I like going out dancing at clubs. Both situations include good music and moving around, and it makes me feel better. The other thing that makes me depressed is not eating. I’m a stress not eater so skipping meals may and usually do throw me into a downward spiral and at the very least make me bitchy and annoying. And exercising makes me want to eat more. I think in both cases, it’s a chemical thing. Exercising causes endorphins and if you exercise a lot, your body gets used to that feedback, and when you don’t have it, you get depressed (am I addicted to exercise?? Lol). I’ve taken depression medicine before, when I was around 22ish I think, maybe 3 different kinds. I think it made everything worse, so I stopped taking them. Usually with exercise and good eating, im pretty good, sometimes I’m not, but overall it works :)
.-= merri´s last blog ..Reasons to Blog, even with hardly any readers =-.
Depression is something I struggled with from about 12 until I was around 20. Ironically, I was on anti-depressants for most of that time, and instead of making me feel better they ended up making me feel worse. A lot worse. Suicidal even. It wasn’t until I went off of the anti-depressants and started dealing with my issues that my depression started to become less a thing that defined me. It’s a big step to admit you have problems at all, especially a problem that a lot of people don’t consider a true medical issue. That said, even with my extremely negative experience with anti-depressants, they certainly work for some people. I think, though, that it’s way too easy for doctors to prescribe anti-depressants (and other medications) to patients than it is for them to first figure out what is causing the depression. Because if it is an emotional issue and not a brain chemistry issue then anti-depressants are probably not going to be the answer. They might dull the pain for awhile, but that’s a band-aid on a bullet hole. Anyway, I think it’s great that you’ve found something to help you when you do feel depressed. It’s hard to pull yourself out of those slumps, I know.
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..All of the "gains" in the past month =-.
Congratulations to you Mary for determining what you need to be healthier, and taking the steps to achieve it.
It is unfortunate that people are often confused about mental health diagnoses. All they are, are a way of naming a cluster of symptoms to determine treatment. Unfortunately judgement, blame and fear seem to get involved with mental health diagnosing when it doesn’t with medical diagnosing. You go to the doctor with a rash, she determines the type of rash (diagnosis) so she can then know what to treat it with. No one slams you cuz you have poison ivy and receive short term steroids to treat it. If one were to look at the latest DSM (Diagnostic Manual for mental health) almost everyone could qualify for some diagnosis because life has ups and downs and our lives and emotions react to these. For some, the ups and downs are extreme or the persons biophysical makeup does not allow for resolution without some type of help. Therapy or life coaching or having good objective supports are essential for most of us to stay on track through the ups and downs.
Good luck in Oregon!
Thank you so, so much for this post! It really put a lot of things about my own experience into perspective–I also struggle with the mild depression, but I’ve never been an exercise person until recently, and it really helps.
Anyway, just thanks!
.-= Alden´s last blog ..Surprise! =-.
This is one of those lessons I have to learn over and over again. When I’m working out regularly, I feel happy, calm, rested, and generally healthy – emotionally, spiritually, mentally, AND physically. When I’m not…well, I don’t. Thanks for the reminder!
.-= SeattleRunnerGirl´s last blog ..Writing About Life versus Living Life =-.