Lately I’ve been doubting myself and my fitness capabilities.
Thanksgiving/roadtrip/celebration/myownmisdoings through me off not only my eating but my triathlon training.
Here’s a little secret: This is the 3rd week in a row that I’m repeating week 5 of my program.
The thing is, I want to do each workout to the best of my ability. For two weeks in a row I either missed workouts and/or rushed through them half-heartedly. That just won’t cut it with me so I repeated the week again and again until I could get it right. Third time is the charm because this week I’m finally getting it right (and it feels so good).
But doing this caused me to doubt myself. All those nagging fears I have about not finishing and not following through resurfaced. Would I really be able to complete a triathlon next year? Would I be able to stick with the training program? Am I just going to quit/fail/injury myself? I’ve been doubting I could do it even in the midst of forcing myself to keep going until I get it right.
Today I was thinking a lot about my triathlon dreams for next year. I think I’ve decided to sign up for at least two or three races in the sprint tri series for women. I want to do at least two because if I want to do the first one in January and I probably won’t be ready to be my best then. I don’t know if I’ll be able to run the 5k at the end since I’m a month out and can’t run it yet. I still want to do it that first one because even if I finish by walking I will have gotten it out of the way. Then I can improve. I can work harder. I can get better. I will know what to expect and then improve my time for the next race a couple months later.
I’m quite happy with this idea. This gives me something to work towards until at least April. I’m pretty excited about that.
This past weekend when everyone was tweeting about the races they were completing I was extremely excited for them and also a bit jealous. I wondered what it will feel like when I am finally the one completing a race. I can’t freaking wait for that to be me!
I might still be doubting myself and honestly probably will up until I cross the finish line. But the one thing I’m good at is persistence. I will do it, even if I doubt myself, even if it takes me forever.