Lately I’ve been doubting myself and my fitness capabilities.
Thanksgiving/roadtrip/celebration/myownmisdoings through me off not only my eating but my triathlon training.
Here’s a little secret: This is the 3rd week in a row that I’m repeating week 5 of my program.
The thing is, I want to do each workout to the best of my ability. For two weeks in a row I either missed workouts and/or rushed through them half-heartedly. That just won’t cut it with me so I repeated the week again and again until I could get it right. Third time is the charm because this week I’m finally getting it right (and it feels so good).
But doing this caused me to doubt myself. All those nagging fears I have about not finishing and not following through resurfaced. Would I really be able to complete a triathlon next year? Would I be able to stick with the training program? Am I just going to quit/fail/injury myself? I’ve been doubting I could do it even in the midst of forcing myself to keep going until I get it right.
Today I was thinking a lot about my triathlon dreams for next year. I think I’ve decided to sign up for at least two or three races in the sprint tri series for women. I want to do at least two because if I want to do the first one in January and I probably won’t be ready to be my best then. I don’t know if I’ll be able to run the 5k at the end since I’m a month out and can’t run it yet. I still want to do it that first one because even if I finish by walking I will have gotten it out of the way. Then I can improve. I can work harder. I can get better. I will know what to expect and then improve my time for the next race a couple months later.
I’m quite happy with this idea. This gives me something to work towards until at least April. I’m pretty excited about that.
This past weekend when everyone was tweeting about the races they were completing I was extremely excited for them and also a bit jealous. I wondered what it will feel like when I am finally the one completing a race. I can’t freaking wait for that to be me!
I might still be doubting myself and honestly probably will up until I cross the finish line. But the one thing I’m good at is persistence. I will do it, even if I doubt myself, even if it takes me forever.
you know,as I read this I though I TOO doubted I could run the half marathon right up until I crossed the finish line
and I think thats ok.
as long as—as you say—-we dont doubt our way into surrendering.
I love that Miz “as long as–as you say–we don’t doubt our way into surrendering” —> that is so true.
I think that for a long time I had set fitness/weight loss/gonna give up a sugar/milk/gluten/etc as a way to find meaning in life. It as if my life has been wrapped up in some sort of goal that wasn’t really what I wanted. When that happened doubt crept in, it seeped in like water and crack, froze and expanded the cracks. What happened in Vegas in that I did something that I hadn’t trained for and accomplished it. AND it made me incredibly aware my meaning is life is much more then dieting, food blogging and exercising. Although that is part of my life, so that that it is everything that I am…isn’t fair.
When I rebel, it’s usually me wanting more and being scared of what I don’t know.
But to just surrender, anyone can do that.
Reading this post, and you both (Michelle and Miz) just fixed what I’ve been nagging at myself inside my head, too. Thank you both, and to Mary! <3
Totally get this, which is why I am so glad I’ve been doing different stuff this week and not just blogging/training. I appreciate my training so much more now that I have to fight to find time to do it. Surrendering isn’t an option.
I want to like this comment. Especially the last line.
Great plan! I wish more people adopted this strategy. I mean I can see not undertaking a race if you’re a professional athlete and need a strong debut and won’t be able to hit it, but for any average joe, just get out there and do it. If it’s ugly and painful and slow, so what? It’s a couple hours out of your life and then you’ll have gotten the first one out of the way and you can work on improving. Again, great plan!
Thanks for liking my plan! I realized that if I don’t do it now then time will keep going and I’ll miss out on the season. So I’m just going to get out there and do it no matter what! :)
If you really really want it, I have no doubts you can do it. But please make sure this is what you really want. I don’t want to put my “stuff” on you, but I came to a realization over the summer that I don’t *have* to sign up for a race (or anything else) in order to get fit, lose weight or because everyone else is. Over the years I have gotten caught up in the whole, “I’m losing weight so the next thing I have to do is run” thing. It might be the exact right thing for others to do, and for a while I really enjoyed it…until I didn’t. Until I started to hurt and I started to feel “less than” because I wasn’t progressing beyond “just” doing 5Ks…I was going to do a half but the training overwhelmed me…my brain just doesn’t work that way.
I really don’t want to come across as negative here…I just want to say that there are many, many ways to get fit…and there should be no pressure or sense of desperation about it!
I totally, totally understand this. I agree with you that a lot of people try running or something that “everyone else is doing” and it’s just not for them. But for me I’ve always, always wanted to do a triathlon. It’s less about the running (though that is my weakest spot) and more about doing something amazing by completing all three things. I think my first brush with triathlons was watching Kona on tv waaay before I had a blog and way before I set out to start losing weight. It’s not something I just decided to do because other bloggers have done it. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for years.
Don’t let it get you down. My sports doc gave me a weekly plan to get back to running after my my ITB issue…I’ve been at week 4 for like 2 months. SIGH
It happens, eh? As long as we stick with it!
Hi Mary, I just wanted to jump in and give you some encouragement. I’ve worked with lots of new triathletes through their first triathlon and the doubts and fears you are experiencing are universal. If we didn’t have some doubt that we could accomplish our goals, then we wouldn’t find them so exciting and fulfilling.
Many people think that crossing the finish line is the true accomplishment, but it’s not. The real accomplishment is what you’re doing right now: getting up every day and getting your training done. On your race day, you will merely be celebrating that accomplishment. Keep on believing in yourself, you will do just fine!
Thank you so much for this comment! I totally agree – I do feel quit accomplished every day with each training session I finish. :)
I haven’t been to your blog in a few months (shame on me). I think you have a good plan to do the sprint tri even if you don’t feel ready. It reminds me of the first 5K I ran. I did it on a whim and it was HARD! But I finished. I think I walk a tiny bit due to a bad cramp but I did really well for my first time. From then I got addicted and was really empowered. I worked up to running 4 miles 2-3x per week.
It’s okay if you haven’t been around in a while. I know how that goes. :)
For the first time doing anything finishing is an accomplishment.
The awesome thing about your first race is it’s always a personal best! :) You’ll get a HUGE boost of adrenaline being at the race, and you’ll be able to go much further/faster than training. I can 99.9% guarantee it! Good luck!
Mary I totally know how you feel, I’m really doubting my ability to follow through with the 5K I’m doing in January. I’m behind on my training and it’s friggin hard. I’m trying to just keep going, though, without thinking about the future.
Mary, a triathlon is HUGE! And I think I’m letting that one go. I am just too bike and swimophobic!! For reals. So go you! I am also a huge believer in repeating training weeks as much as necessary. Feel totally comfortable at level X before moving on to X+1.
I just found an old blog post on my blog from February 2010 where I decided to switch from a half-marathon to a 5k for a San Francisco race. I was feeling kind of down about it. I just (this is so dorky) WROTE A COMMENT to my old self, saying, hey girl, you finally did your half! Surprise! Yeahhh!
Things happen in their own time. When it is your time to train and finish your race of choice, I have no doubt you will rock it and we will all be jumping up and down shrieking our support. oxoxo
That’s funny. I actually LOVE biking and swimming. I could do both of those for hours. The only thing that is holding me back really is the running portion. But I refuse to let that stop me because I know I can run, I just have to work up to it.
I am doing Couch to 5k right now and I know I will have to repeat a lot of weeks both because I’m not in shape and because of my asthma. I’m okay with that. As long as I keep at it and keep doing my best, and I’m doing SOMETHING, that is really what matters in the end. Who cares how long it takes? What is truly important is the end goal and the fact you keep striving for it.
Hi Mary!
You remind me a bit of myself before I tried a sprint triathlon. (What IS it about Kona?!? I got bit by the bug reading a Kona race report ;-) My training plan was rather ad-hoc; I just made sure I got in at least one bike, one swim, and a couple of runs per week, and I had a very fun first tri. (I had already built up the running through doing 5K races-gradually, I was too out of shape for C25K when I got back into exercise- but I also like the bike and swim parts best.). As others have said and I found true, the burning desire to do it is half the battle. Oh, and be sure to do the bricks, they are good preparation for a real race. I found that I felt well warmed up for the run part of the race after the swim and bike, it’s a different feeling from starting cold during training. Like Quix said, the adrenelin helps quite a lot during race day – feels much more fun than training.
The Holidays are always and pain in the butt. Just do what you can and starting Jan 2 put the hammer down. :-)