Bouncing around on Tumblr is this image:
Interesting! This refers mostly to Operation Beautiful, which I’ve supported since it started. Operation Beautiful is all about encouraging positive self talk and messages to others.
I think there is a lot of negative self-talk that goes on in women’s minds. All day long we berate ourselves, compare ourselves, and generally address ourselves with a negative mindset. I do it. All the time. If you are a woman, you probably do it too.
The negative self-talk is hardly ever addressed in our culture (despite advertising being built on the idea that we are not good enough and therefore need more products) so the idea behind the Operation Beautiful movement is a positive thing for younger girls who are developing their self-esteem.
However, this cartoon made me think twice about the references to weight and fat in those positive post-it notes. It does have a point.
Fat is a dirty word.
We use it as a dirty word.
I’ve always hated when I say “I’m fat” and someone tries to convince me otherwise. “Oh, you aren’t fat!” I never know what to say to those people because I’m not insulting myself – I literally am fat. Does refuting an obvious fact makes someone feel better? For me it just feels awkward.
I am fat. I am okay with that. I still want to be healthier so I can live a long life and have lots of babies, but being fat isn’t the end of the world for me. I’m still awesome. I wear bikinis sometimes. I wear cute clothes. I’m not gross. People find me upbeat and friendly and enjoy being around me. Just because I’m fat doesn’t mean I can’t be a whole lot of other awesome things.
Fat in itself isn’t negative. It’s not an insult and we should stop using it like an insult.
Fat is a descriptive word, not a bad word.
One of my favorite responses on tumblr said this: “Reject the idea that one must be beautiful to have self-worth; that women are not interesting if they are not attractive and pretty. Call it ‘no diet talk’ instead of ‘no fat talk’.”
Agreed. Diet talk needs to end. It’s the constant barrage of diet talk that has ruined a lot of women’s lives and self-esteem. Let’s end that please.
I can definitely get behind the concept of no diet talk. Let’s stop telling ourselves we are unworthy because of the number on a scale or because we ate too much at our last meal. Let’s stop telling ourselves we are worth more if we eat less calories or skip an extra helping. Those concepts do nothing to nourish us and help us live our best lives.
What are your thoughts on the word fat? Is it a dirty or negative word for you?
I have never thought of “Fat” as a dirty word. My BFF and I started using that word after we lost some weight post HS and it was always in a fun way, “my fat butt is too tired to…” never a literal, demeaning term.
It bothers me a bit that most people that say “no fat talk” aren’t fat. Easy for them to say (or not say rather)…
Haha. I actually like the fun way you mention. I totally do that too: “My fat butt is too tired to go to the gym!”
I think that’s what bothers me most about all of the post-its and “no fat talk” stuff. It’s not fat people saying it. Most of them aren’t and haven’t been fat. Even the ones who have lost weight weren’t fat so it’s hard to listen to their thoughts because we are talking about something completely different regarding the word.
I completely agree with you, Mary. As someone who participated in the no fat talk movement, but at the same time is a tremendous advocate for the fat acceptances and Health at Every Size movements, I definitely now see the contradiction that the terminology can create. I like the idea of no diet talk or no self-disparagement talk, as that is really the message that we should be advocating. Thanks for bringing this topic up – it’s really important.
In my “bio” on my blog I kind of speak to that.
“I have a lot of fat. It is everywhere. I am bloated with fat. I am not fat. I have never been fat. I have a lot of fat.”
I’ve never really felt fat, but I have always had a lot of fat on my body. It was important for me to distinguish that difference, in order to move past it. My body is fat, and I live in my body, but I am not fat.
LIlly…thank you for that distinction. I may glom onto it and post about it soon after I let it rattle around for a while. I am not fat. I have a lot of fat. I am not fat. I can’t believe how simple that is….and powerful.
Once again Mary, thank you for a great topic.
I love this process..this journey. So much to learn, so little time.. :-)
Mmmmm, for me I’ve claimed the word fat as a fact. I’m not voluptuous, I’m fat. It’s simply that. It’s not a big deal. I guess for me, I think it’s terrible to one’s self esteems to always throw the fat word or diet word around. We have to find positives ways to consider ourselves, while embracing what we are (i.e. being fat)
This is a really hard one! I have real problems with the word and it has such power over me because it has always been such a derogatory term, etched into my memory are cruel words from peers or teachers’ snide remarks in primary school even random adults throwing abuse my way on the street like it’s acceptable behaviour. As a child I would never fight back or argue with anyone because I knew they would pull the fat card and they’d win. They won because fat was always an insult to me not a description, even if they were right with the latter.
I try not to cringe when I hear the word, I try to be level headed when 3 year olds I teach comment on my fat belly or my fat bum because I know they’re right and I don’t want my problems with the word to influence how they feel about it.
It’s a descriptive word but it has so much power as an insult.
And that’s all my rambling on that topic :-)
I think I had grown to see it as derogatory until I heard my daughter use it recently.
She was referring to something LUSH and VIBRANT and FULL OF LIFE and BEAUTIFUL.*
it made me step back and realize that it can be descriptive and, to her, it was not laden with negativity.
that was my living too long and seeing too much baggage.
*and no. not a person
I think, like many words, it depends how it is used.
I love this post! Sometimes the “no fat talk” discussions frustrate me too. If we want to support positive thinking, that’s great, but make those messages about smiling, having confidence, discovering your strengths, and building healthy relationships… because I’m sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, but I AM fat. I’m cool with it too.
Um, I obviously don’t have a problem with the word fat.
I just posted about my daughter talking about big and little butts. And I loved hearing her say it because there was no negativity attached to big butt. It was simply a comparison between to asses.
You read over and over again that kids don’t hear what you say to them as much as they year what you say to yourself. If that’s true, then I’m proud to hear my kid be able to use the words fat, big, or diet (which she does hear us say in regard to what we eat, what tigers eat, what inchworms eat – their diet) without a bunch of emotion tied to them.
I just love words too much to consider a bunch of them off limits. Any word can be said with a negative emotion behind it. Think “Bless your heart” or “I’m praying for you”. Oy.
So. I don’t think fat is a bad word.
TWO asses. Not TO asses.
Damn typos.
Ok, I can see the point of this post. I even kind of agree with it a little bit. But doesn’t the term “Fat Talk” really constitute negative self talk? Sure, a lot of women have fat on their bodies and are ok with their bodies. They do not buy into Hollywood’s constant bombardment of super skinny being healthy or even beautiful. But there is a difference between referring to an overly large body part with affection, even rueful affection, and negative self image “fat talk.” Negative “fat talk” goes on every day inside the minds of many many women, both small and large, both underweight and obese. If someone says that they are fat – and it is obvious that they don’t mean it in a nice, self-loving, self-actualizing, let’s get real way – is it wrong to tell them to stop beating themselves up for it. Is it wrong to say to them – hey, stop with the “fat talk”…?
A very thoughtful post. I like it. :-)
The word “fat” was used by people in my family as an insult, so it’s taken me a long time to desensitize myself to the feeling I get when I hear it used.
I’ve come to the conclusion recently that I never felt fat until I got skinny. Reasons for this currently are mostly due to the fact that I am pregnant as there are many physical similarities and I am once again actively reshaping how I think about myself.
When I was fat it was fact like many have said above. It wasn’t something I felt (I tweeted this revelation a couple of weeks ago actually) it was simply who I was. As the weight came off I felt all sorts of things.. still fat, heavy, lumpy, saggy, droopy, still fat, bloated, puffy, and eventually thinner, small, appropriate, awesome- I felt thin! Fat was no longer a fact (and not yet a feeling) I was simply me at my happy weight (excess skin and all).
After my plastics I experienced for the first time ever period bloat. Never had this been so visible on me before and I was surprised by how it made me feel. Fat! I wasn’t but as a percentage of my total body weight those few pounds of fluid can make such a difference in how you feel, how your clothes fit and the easiest way to label that is to say- I feel fat! Even though it was no longer a fact I felt that way. I also experienced when I was a few pounds above my happy weight and in comparison I was not. I had to actively acknowledge those thoughts, process/accept them, ultimately discard them and move on.
I am working on this again. While I am finally starting to show- the physicalness of being pregnant reminds me of being heavy. I envy the always thin- they have nothing with which to compare it too. I know rationally that I am not fat, and once again I am working on actively acknowledging, accepting, discarding and moving on.
It does grate on me that the people going on and on about the no fat talk aren’t actually fat and have never been so (by a heavy girls standard) but I can understand where they are coming from. That is their persepctive. I actually think it is easier to NOT have those thoughts when you are heavy and they are easier to get rid of once you become thin. My perspective allows for this quite easily. I see so many skinny girls trapped in their own heads and I honestly feel bad for them. It’s far easier to buy into what you should be when you aren’t that far off from it I think. As opposed to being so far from it- it doesn’t really apply. I’m not sure if that makes sense.
So yeah- fat is fact and should not be a feeling. Like everything in life though– takes effort to confront and deal with it. Once you do though- you get back that head space and that is what is really important.
Fat was always a derogatory word used against me as a kid. It took a long time to get over the hurt behind the word and see it as a word itself. Yet diet for me has the same connotation. Being told you need to “go on a diet” to lose weight and not be “fat” were all wrapped up into one.
Now looking at the word fat as a description of my body size and not self worth is key. I have fat on my body but I am a person of worth. I’m not on a diet, I eat food as part of my daily diet…all food is my diet.
I think the idea of no negative self talk is better than no fat talk. Reminding us to think positively about what we can do and who we are instead of what we look like is important.
I’m fat. It is a fact, it is not a statement of who I am. I have lost 65 pounds this year, I plan to lose a whole lot more and then I will no longer be fat.
None of that changes who I am – it simply changes the amount of space I take up.
A word only has as much power as you give it and frankly I like to keep all the power for myself!
Fat is definitely not a negative word. I definitely support no diet talk and challenging the overwhelming diet mentality that makes us lose connection to our bodies. I think a lot of people may use it as a negative thing, but personally it is a description word. After following all the FA people I truly admire, I have realized what weight we put on words. It has made me more mindful and understanding of things.
Oh and I would rather promote something positive vs stopping, reacting and focusing on the negative. So I promote pro self acceptance, self love, finding our authentic self, and embracing all of who we are regardless of our weight. Finding our worth independent from all the messages in society. Health at every size for sure.
Hey Mary. I just found your blog about 2 weeks ago! I love reading it every day. You are so sweet, beautiful, and motivational! In fact, you have inspired me to start my own blog!!!
I never liked when people said to me “Oh no you’re not fat!” It just made me feel like they were lying! You made a great point!
By the way, have a safe trip back to America. I look forward to getting to know you better!
I also use the word fat as a descriptive word. I correct term for what we’re trying to avoid is “body-bashing”, something I’m definitely learning more and more about. A friend posted a picture of me (from the side) at a social event and I looked so much fatter than my mind normally tells me, but I chose to comment on my hair color. I will not bash myself!
Interesting post! I don’t think that post it saying you are beautiful inside and out means that the person is fat or not fat. I would not take it that way at all. I would just take it that any insecurities you’re feeling as you look in the mirror, which might be that you think your mole is weird or you have big ears or something don’t mean that you’re not beautiful. Hmm I guess fat would be negative only based on how it is used, and/or how it is interpreted by those hearing it. I’m not fat, so I wouldn’t call someone fat, and if someone called me fat, they would be using it as a slur, because I’m not. If I were fat and said I am though that wouldn’t be negative, unless I meant it to be. A lot of words can be like that though. I’m female, but if I want, I can turn that into a pejorative word and call something girly or say stop being such a girl or something, in an obvious negative way. Which I have done, and may not be a good thing, but that’s that.
I feel the same way about FAT. It’s an adjective, a noun, it doesn’t have to be BAD. I actually think FAT is FUNNY which is why my blog is called the Double Chin DIary. If we can remove ourselves from the negative connotations of fat, we can see the humor in it. Fat jiggles and wiggles. Kids poke at it and they giggle. It makes round bellies and big boobies and silly chins… and it’s funny! I have embraced the word fat. It definitely has a meanness about it still, but it is what it is. I am white. I am not afraid to say I am fat, as well. It’s a fact!
Yeah, there is something a little creepy sometimes about this post it
OB “movement”.
It comes from a place of good intention I know, but I don’t really think
it is the kind of world I want to live in. I don’t want post its telling me
I am great and beautiful the way I am etc. I think the positivity of it is all great,
but totally agree it is mostly slim people who are posting notes about loving
our jiggles and extra inches.
Something is a bit weird anf feels not right about this ,but I can’t put my finger on it exactly…but I do applaud OB for its original intentions.
It depends on how it’s used. Sometimes people use it as a descriptive word, which is fine. Other times, they use it as a dirty worth, as if by calling someone (or themselves) fat, they are saying that person is worthless. I remember how I used to use the word “fat”, and it was the latter. I don’t think we need to do away with the word, I think we just need to redefine it.
Very glad – again – that I happened across your blog. Insightful doesn’t even cover it. Yes, fat is, in and of itself, a derogatory word – and unfortuniately it can be used by our inner voices as well as those voices of outside observers.
What I see in you isn’t of flesh . . . it’s your soul, your feeling, how you love everyone around you, your environment. You are gifted – you are active, caring and observant.
What gifts – bringing attention to one of society’s blights (fat concepts) is an outgrowth of that creativity. Good for you.
Oooooh interesting.
I’d go a step further. I don’t think “diet talk” is necessarily bad. After all, a way of eating is a diet. And sometimes we need to “go on a diet” for health reasons and such. I’d change it to “no negative talk” or “no self-destructive talk.”
You’re right. Fat isn’t a bad word. Neither is diet, though. It’s all about how we USE those words… and therefore, let’s stop using them in negative ways.
Love love love this blog post.
This is really insightful and thought provoking – so thank you. I don’t know that I consider fat a “dirty” word, and I think you’re right in that sometimes its just a fact. But, I guess I don’t associate it with positivity or healthiness either. I am a fan of the “stop the diet” talk. Which actually makes me think of all of these posters and billboards in LA right now that say, “Diets don’t work! Get the lapband!” THAT is also really friggin infuriating – telling people to turn to surgery rather than making better food choices, which yes, technically is someone’s diet. Maybe it’s “Stop the Gimmick talk?” which so many “diet plans” seem to be – gimmicks.
Great post.
I love this post and the great discussion going on here! You ladies have such a positive mindset and I wish more women could learn to think about fat as a descriptive term and not who they ARE.
Though, I must say, it took me a while to get to this place. I actually addressed this topic in my journal/blog last night.
Sorry…this is kind of long. I can’t link out to it because it is in a private forum, but I thought it might resonate with some of the folks involved in this rich discussion:
“I am not chasing fat loss. I am sure my bodyfat is up since the contest 2 1/2 weeks ago – as it should be! And it may increase some more in the coming months. That doesnt’ concern me. I am not overfat nor overweight, nor am I likely to become so. Adipose tissue is a part of my overall body composition and needs to be part of me. I don’t fear it or hate it.
The excess body fat I carried around for years was an outcome of destructive thinking, which led to negative patterns of behavior. It was just a symptom of what was going on inside me. As long as I continue to practice positive and truthful thinking, I will be led to take actions that reflect who I am on the inside. It’s all good. The numbers on the scale go up, they go down…whatever.
Having been in a place of self-loathing and having watched countless people act out on self- and body-hatred, I have concluded that it is impossible to hate the fat off. However, I DO think it can be productive to assess how you look and/or feel about your body and think, “I can do better,” and “I will do better.” It is OK to want to improve your health and physical state no matter what your baseline is. But you can’t hate your way there.”
Fat the dirty, what a sad state I wish this topic would get easier. This is a health issue.
This is a very touchy subject for me. I have seen both extremes of the weight spectrum (high 200 and low 115) and no matter is I was heavier or skinner I still felt fat. It seemed the “fat” feeling was more of a mental state than anything else.