I have been putting off this post because it makes me sad, but it needs to go up. I need to be honest with you if you read my blog and with myself on the fact that I have a problem. So, here it is.
This is not working. My half assed attempts at weight loss are not working. (The extra 9-10 lbs I have regained is saying “No kidding! We win!”) This is the most important thing in my life currently and right now I am failing at it. I have never failed at anything else before so this is extremely frustrating to me. But I am failing at this. I admit it. And that makes me want to go eat something. Go figure.
The problem with my non-existent weight loss is this: FOOD.
I eat too much of it. Even if I eat healthier foods I still eat too much of them. And lately I have not been eating healthy foods. I have been eating junk food as well as good food. Really I have been eating any food I can get my hands on. I have been like a bear preparing for hibernation: if its edible I am going to eat it.
This has always been my problem. No matter what I do I always end up going back to old bad habits or creating new ones involving food. I abuse food. I misuse food. I choose to eat food when I really don’t want or need it. If I am bored, tired, mad, happy, sad, etc. (really any emotion or mood) I will eat. Food is a blanket comfort that once I focus on it I lose other feelings. This comes in handy with negative feelings but it is not a good thing that half the time I eat not to enjoy food but to numb some emotion or cure boredom.
Its just not fair. People who struggle with alcohol don’t have to see, smell, or drink alcohol if they can’t handle it. They have the option to completely avoid alcohol. People who struggle with food can’t do the same thing. You can’t avoid food. You have to eat to stay alive. I wish I could just go without the thing that causes me the most problems, but that is impossible. I have to eat. I have to keep food in my house. It just not fair.
So I admit this: I am failing (right now… not ultimately) at living a healthier life and food is my number one struggle. I love working out and being active but that will not solve this problem. That is only half of the weight loss solution. My job now is to figure out how best to deal with this problem so I can get back on track to achieving my goals. I can do that. :)