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A Merry Life

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He likes me? But not thinner?

December 10, 2008 by Mary

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for details.

I feel like I have blogged a lot today here and my other blog, but I am up for one more post.

I have an interesting problem that I feel like I need to talk about. At least for a minute.

This problem begins how most problems do. You see, I met this boy. And this boy seemed to really, really like me. I believed him because he says and does sweet things and honestly likes me. He likes me just the way I am.

Wait. Just the way I am?

I waited for someone to like me, fat and all, for a long time. A few years ago when I finally realized that being fat does not define me as a person I started realizing that plenty of guys liked me (I am funny and like to bake so its hard not to like me). It hasn’t been to hard to find boyfriends once I stopped hating my body and started loving myself. So it has been really nice to have a guy around that likes me for me and likes my body.

Sounds great, right? So why is a guy liking me the way I am a problem?

Well, this guy does not want me to lose any weight. When I say he likes my body I mean it. When I say he likes me the way I am I mean it. He doesn’t seem to want me to change. And the problem with that is all I want is change.

I want to change my body. I want to change my mindset. I want to change my lifestyle. I want a new me.

He does want me to be healthy. We have discussed my reasons behind what I do (exercise, healthy food, repeat) and he totally supports me in wanting to be healthy. But I can tell he doesn’t want me to lose a lot of weight. We both seem to agree that I am better with curves but I don’t think he agrees with my need to workout and train to do a triathlon.

I am in no way letting him make the decision on what I do. I plan on doing what I want to do. Guys are replaceable. I am not.

I am just … concerned. Maybe that is the word for what I feel. Or conflicted. Or … something else. I am just not sure how good an idea it is to be with someone that does not fully support my goals. How helpful will it be to have someone around encouraging me to get dessert and to skip a workout or two because they don’t really want me to lose weight. It seems counterproductive.

Then again, maybe I am making a bigger deal out of it than it really is.

Any thoughts?

Filed Under: Emotional Health Tagged With: boy, guy, relationships, Struggles, support


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Comments

  1. Kenz says

    December 10, 2008 at 9:13 pm

    Hey there – I’m a new reader so thought I’d say hello! I too have a boy who loves me how I am, which is a great thing.

    There’s two sides to this though – if the boy likes you how you are and is accepting and wants you to feel no pressure what so ever to lose weight for him, that’s the perfect response. He may just want you to feel completely comfortable that he isn’t with you *hoping* you’ll change. He just wants you to feel confident and not NEED to change for him.

    On the other side, if he strictly DOES NOT want you to change… then that’s pretty cruddy. You can change your hair colour, your taste in clothes, and your weight whenever you want to. He shouldn’t like you in just the package you come in now, but whatever package you choose. And if you choose to want to be smaller, then he should support that.

    I think he probably thinks he’s doing the right thing, and I’m sure if you lost some weight that you wanted to and were happy and confident (and wore some new sexy undies) he’s hardly going to be complaining :)

    Perhaps he’s worried that you don’t just want to lose a bit, maybe he is imagining you as a stick figure and is put off by that idea. Some guys don’t understand the grey area in between ‘skinny’ and ‘fat’

    If he really is adamant on not wanting you to lose… maybe he has issues of his own. Is he insecure and thinks he’ll have to be fighting off other men with sticks?

    Anyway. Just a few thoughts :D bye!

  2. Kelly Hensley says

    December 11, 2008 at 10:29 pm

    If he really likes you he’ll like you super voluminous and regular voluminous! Do what you gotta do! He might also be jealous of the time your training takes away from him. remind him that you are a happier and more fun person to be around b/c you feel good about yourself.

    Kelly Hensley’s last blog post..No News Is Bad News

  3. Enrique Carrero says

    December 12, 2008 at 11:08 am

    If he doesnt like you the way you are, he’ll never love you for real.

    http://www.dietworldfacts.info

  4. Allison says

    December 12, 2008 at 2:57 pm

    When I got married, I was fat. Probably somewhere between 295 and 303 lbs. After about a year of being married, I decided I was tired of being really fat, so I started to do something about it. I changed my eating habits a bit and then joined a gym. I told my husband what I was doing, but didn’t say he had to play along, or give me the green light, because I was doing this for me.
    What I’ve found, as I’ve been losing weight, that my husband really enjoys the smaller me. Does that mean he loved me less, or was less attracted to me when I was bigger? No. It just means he loves me as I am, in whatever state I am in.
    I say do whatever you feel you need to do. If your boy sticks around and supports you, fantastic. If not, then it’s probably for the best.

    Allison’s last blog post..The amount just keeps climbing

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