In a class on body image a couple days ago we had to write out two sets of words or phrases on nametags. The first was what we felt like in our bodies. The second was what in an ideal world we would feel, and partly what we felt already even if in the tiniest sense.
My first name tag was “Comfortable.” We had to go around the room introducing ourselves as that name. I went around saying “Hi, I’m comfortable.” Most people were uncomfortable or ashamed or heavy. I felt okay until someone said back to me, “That’s awesome. How?” She might have said why, I can’t remember exactly, all I remember is being questioned.
I still felt secure in my feeling about my own body, but I felt uncomfortable in that situation. I started to feel like I should have had a bad sounding phrase or description about how I feel about my body. I know most people wouldn’t consider it perfect, but it’s mine and I’m quite content with it. I felt like I was the odd one out and something was wrong with me because I wasn’t unhappy or uncomfortable or ashamed of my body. It’s sad that feeling happy with yourself or your body is something that can seem out of place.
I think more than anything the question about my nametag through me off because I didn’t know how to answer. I said, “Because I just am.” How do you put all the work and thought processes it took to get here into 30 seconds or less? It’s not possible to explain that I once was heavier and spent my entire high school life hating my body. It’s not possible to explain how I’m not perfect but I’m smaller and healthier than I was then. It’s not possible to explain that I’m comfortable because I feel good IN my body. It’s not possible to explain that it took many, many mental corrections and internal struggles to think that I was in fact not just comfortable with what I looked like but pretty. It’s impossible to explain how hard it is to change how you can feel good about your body after years of hating it.
I didn’t know how to explain how I had the feeling that she wanted, so I just said, “Because I just am.” Inadequate, I know, but I don’t think there is an easy answer to that kind of question. There are so many ways to change your outlook and not everything will work for everyone. It’s a very individualistic process as you find out what will help you change your mindset regarding your body.
Although I feel like it is different for everyone, there are a few things that I remember that helped me along the way:
- Stop reading most magazines. In high school I wanted to work for a trendy magazine, but changed my outlook after I realized the magazines I read were in no way helping my self-esteem. Once I decided I wanted to be healthier the kind of magazine I read changed and I only look at the trendy women’s magazine with a very critical eye. It’s not worth it to be told you aren’t enough every time you read something, so I decided not to do it. Getting rid of or ignoring negative influences, whether they are people or media, is very helpful in creating your own positive body image.
- Catch the negative thoughts. In the beginning this is hard because the negative thoughts are so ingrained into your normal thinking that you almost don’t even recognize them as negative. Once you start to pick them out and label them as negative you can then move on to combating them and replacing them with positive thoughts. This feels totally fake at first, but in some situations you just have to fake it til you believe it. Tell yourself something enough and you will believe it.
- Find some good role models. This might be the best tip I could ever give about positive body image. Find someone who is comfortable in their body. Even better, find someone who is comfortable in their body though you wouldn’t expect them to be. This person can teach you a lot about confidence and being comfortable in their own skin whether you talk about it directly or not.
- Move your body! This is so critical. You can’t appreciate what your body can do and how awesome it is unless you use it like it is meant to be used! Fitness might seem scary or like work or just something you don’t want to do. Get over it. Find something fun and move your body around. Go dancing. Swimming. Walking with friends. Whatever. The more you use your body the easier it is to appreciate how powerful it is. Move. Move. Move! It gets easier the more you do it and you feel better too.
Those are just a few things that helped me. Is there anything that helped you? Or if you still struggle, can you think of anything that might help?
Meals:
Not pictured: 1/2 slice carmelized onion pizza
Workouts:
1 hour upper body resistance training class
1 hour water aerobics class
I think you have some really good points here. For me, comfortable isn’t just about size, but that is a component to it. Perhaps I’m wrong to feel that way, but I do in some ways. I think also I would have been able to lose weight before I got to 300 pounds if I had more confidence in myself and in my abilities.
Wonderful post!
I struggle with being comfortable with my body every single day. For years, I have hated my body and hated myself. Trying to rebuild my self esteem has been a battle, but I am a work in progress. My weight loss journey is teaching me a lot about myself and I am slowly starting to like the girl in the mirror.
Oh, and just to let you know…You are my role model. :)
I still struggle after all these years.. really! All these great blogger friends I have found help me think more & I am getting better but have a long way to go. You help me by being you & all the great points above!
Poor body image & lots and lots of negative self talk was part of my upbringing. My mom really did not like herself & I felt it & we all kind of took on the negative stuff. I don’t blame or dislike her for it.. god bless her soul, but it was & is what is was & is. She was mentally & physically abused as a kid so she did really good with what she grew up with.. my grandmother was the abuser, not my grandfather.
Anyway, I just thank everyone out there & you for all the great words of wisdom!
Mary, what a great attitude to have. I bet you made some of the others think a little more about their answers. Have a great day Comfortable!
I think being comfortable with your body is something a lot of overweight people don’t achieve. I do feel comfortable with my body – I can dress it up, I can dress it down, I know my limits, it has never let me down – but do I LIKE my body? A whole different idea. And not liking it is what is making me go forth with change, so it’s a good motivator.
But I agree with the role model notes as well as not reading magazines. I get it. Totallly get it.
I LOVE THIS:
Even better, find someone who is comfortable in their body though you wouldn’t expect them to be.
it took me loving my fluffy body (when I couldnt button my jeans yet couldnt afford new ones :) ahhhh college) and appreciating it before I lost a pound.
I’m right there with you… I love my body! Of course I want to lose the excess weight, but that will not make me love it more… it will be my gift to my body for keeping going through all the abuse of the past.
@Chubby Stubby Kay
Aww, thanks girl. Every day that I see you say something positive about yourself on twitter on on your blog it makes me so happy!
@Jody
I think that’s great that you have come a long way and are still working it out. It’s hard to recreate self-image when your family has convinced you of you negative image.
@Tatulah
Yeah, I agree that most overweight people don’t feel good about their bodies. Why? Because they are constantly getting messages that their body is wrong, bad, ugly. I think it is ridiculous and I’d rather think positively about my body, so I do. The funny thing is I think acceptance when you are bigger is helpful. For a lot of people even losing weight changes the body but won’t make it perfect. You still could have lose skin or things that aren’t what other would find attractive. So I guess dealing with your body being different in the beginning is helpful.
@Miz
Funny, but I can’t picture you fluffy. Hehe.
excellent post missus! I love your attitude. It rocks, as always. Wish I was as comfortable in my body as you are. Slowly, slowly.
I saw you at Fit to the finish. I love this post and the fact that you are comfortable in your body. I know learning to love myself whether I lost another pound or not was key to starting my weight loss journey. And, yes, it is very difficult to explain in 30 seconds how you’ve arrived at that point.
Thanks for the great post. I may save this one or post a link to it on my blog if you don’t mind.
@wildfluffysheep
Thanks. You can change how you feel, it just takes time.
@Leah
Oh, cool! Thanks! Feel free to link to my bloggity blog at any time. :)
You put ketchup on your scrambled eggs too! Ive gotten laughed at for that, but it tastes much better that way lol… no im often not comfortable with my self as a whole, mainly because I put too much value onto others’ opinions instead of my own. That’s why you are a good role model :) reading your blog reminds me of things I already know. Its one thing to mentally know what/how you should think/do and another to believe it. Thanks mary!
@Merri
OMG I LOVE ketchup on my eggs. I’ve had people laugh at it too but I love it too much to stop. :)
Your opinion about yourself is the only one that matters! Remember that and you will be fine. Thanks for saying I’m a good role model tho… that makes me happy! :)
youre welcome. youre def the most positive person i (sorta) know! yay ketchup!
Hi mary! I was so inspired by this post that I created a post based on this one. I made referent to this post and your blog, making sure to give credit where it is due. I hope you don’t mind that I posted this before letting you know or asking you. I am very sensitive to “copyright” needs since I’m an artist, specifically a photographer and i hate it when my work gets jacked. :P
Please let me know at http://www.healthyshelah.blogspot.com if this is okay. :) or i guess you can comment below and I’ll get a notice. poohahaha. THANKS!!
.-= Leila´s last blog ..Hi, I’m SEXY………. >;) =-.