I didn’t – and still don’t – want to do this. I’ve put it off and pushed it away acting like I don’t have a problem. I don’t want to talk about how my emotions and other issues relate to my eating habits… but I need to. I wish I could just exercise away all my extra weight and forget about the reasons why I reached this weight in the first place.
But its not that simple.
Exercise makes me happier to a certain point. It gets all those good chemicals running in my brain but it doesn’t solve the deeply rooted issues that lead me to overeat. I have to do that myself by spending time with the messy, broken parts of my life. I have to explore them and try to find ways to heal those parts.
I am a person who would much rather skip this step of self-reflection and healing. I know it is important but I would rather find the right diet or exercises to keep me healthy instead. But that would cheat me out of lasting success and true health. True healthiness is not just physical but also mental and emotional. If I don’t deal with my problems and figure out why I emotionally eat and how to control it then I will just regain any weight I manage to lose.
I’ve done that once already. Regaining 40 pounds of the 55 that I lost has been a terrible experience. I never want to repeat this lose-gain cycle again. Once is enough for me so I am going to make sure I don’t repeat it. I am going to do the things I don’t want to do and finally look at the emotional side of my eating in the hope that this will finally help me to find healthier eating patterns.
I’m not totally sure where this will lead, what I will discover, what I will do to accomplish this, or what I will share on this blog. Hopefully whatever occurs will lead me to fix the problems I have with food so I can finally reach a healthy and STABLE weight. So, this might not be fun, but its going to happen.