My eating is ridiculous.
That is the only word I can use to describe it. RIDICULOUS. And it is making me very frustrated. Very, very, very frustrated.
One day I will eat well and only consume 1600 calories (my goal is actually 1800). The next 3 days I will eat 2300+ calories in one day. I’m not sure why I seem to have better control on some days than others but there is definitely a lack of consistency in my eating habits.
Sometimes I feel like I think about food too much. I’m always thinking about it. When is my next meal? What am I having? How many calories have I had? I really want something sweet to eat, can I eat it? Who brought those cupcakes? Will I feel bad if I eat a cupcake? Will I feel bad if I don’t eat a cupcake?
Its a constant stream of food related thoughts running through my head all day long. Some days I can control this stream and the result is a well planned “under calories” day. On the other days the stream of food thoughts rushes over me like a wave and I drown. I get tired of thinking about it and just give up and give in, letting myself be washed away with the massive amounts of food I consume.
Its frustrating to be inconsistent and to be out of control. I’ve been tracking, regardless of what I eat or the calories, so at least I know this. Knowledge is a good first step. And soon I will take the next steps. I will have to because I will never get anywhere with this kind of constant food thinking = eating.