I’m not very good at taking a break from blogging. It seems as if it has become part of my daily life, part of who I am, for better or for worse. I like sharing my life and my story with all of you. It’s something that I enjoy doing, even when people don’t understand what I’m trying to say all the time or think that they know more than I do. When I miss days, I miss blogging. I just can’t stay away. Plus, blogging is how I pay quite a few bills, so taking time off hurts my wallet. We don’t me to starve, do we? That’s not exactly the safest method of weight loss.
On my last post Screaming Fat Girl left a good comment that pretty much summed up how I feel and is the only comment in the last few days that actually made me realize anything about myself (yes, sometimes comments do hit things that I’m unaware of):
You feel and think like many people who have been overweight all of their lives. First of all, you are sensitive because you have been attacked all of your life. You also find comments hurtful because you place validation of yourself in the hands of others because you have been abused and judged all of your life. You are so accustomed to being evaluated and having your value attached to your weight that you take even the random comments of strangers who in no way know you or are equipped to judge you to heart. I know you do this, because I do it, too.
You’re also judging yourself and saying you make “excuses” and aren’t responsible. You are saying these things because that’s part of the judgment others heap on you. There is a difference between a “reason” and an “excuse”. There are reasons you can’t lose weight. They are not “excuses”. People who talk about excuses are only interested in blame because it serves their purpose, which is to elevate themselves at your expense. Accepting their view of you and their judgment only makes losing weight all that much harder for you. You need to understand the reasons you can’t lose weight so that you can start working on getting past them. You don’t need to see them as “excuses” because that just means you embrace the notion that you are weak and irresponsible and therefore powerless.
We, fat people, are very prone to seeking approval of others and substituting their judgment for ours. It’s the first thing we need to work on if we are ever to become whole and strong. It’s hard, but it can be done. Maybe you have to get mad first. Maybe you have to fight back, or maybe you have to grow some Teflon over your sensitivity. I don’t know what will work for you, but it’s something worth exploring.
It’s natural that you judge yourself since you have lived your life feeling that you deserve to be judged. You don’t deserve that, not from others, and not from yourself.
I don’t think I can even add anything to that. It sums me up perfectly. I’ve always looked for outside validation and quite often what I received was judgmental and negative. I have somehow allowed random strangers who know nothing about me to have the power to judge me. They may have meant it as constructive criticism, but for me it felt like a judgment. And that’s quite disappointing.
Sometimes people don’t understand or know the full picture, and they can only comment on what they see. Sometimes that limited picture is skewed by their own perspective which might be different than mine. I’m not as aggressive or obsessed about weight loss as some people think I should be. I understand that people have different ideas about life and weight loss than I do – and that’s okay! Sometimes in the heat of the moment it’s hard to remember that because they aren’t discussing ideas in theory but ideas in relation to ME. I’m moving on from all the comments from the past week because they are not what matters to me. What matters to me is that I know what I’m doing. It matters to me that I know I’m doing well and taking steps to better my life, whatever that means in regards to weight loss. I will try not to take things personally from people who don’t know me personally. It’s another evolution in my life as a person and as a blogger. I think it will be a good thing.
Other than clearing that up….
If you did the a merry workout pledge send me your photos and times/distances! Please?
I’ve been a little sick the past couple days. I’ve got a sore throat, fatigue, slight fever… good times! The plans I had for these days have been sort of a bust because of that. I haven’t felt like doing anything but sleeping it off/drinking vitamins. My takeaway for you? Emergen-C is gross. But being sick is grosser.
On Monday I’m joining the YMCA for the month that I’m staying here. It’s crazy expensive for just a month membership (I hate how gyms punish you if you aren’t going to be a long term member) but I’m drawn in by the fact that they offer both Zumba and kickboxing classes. I can’t pass that up. Two of my favorite things in one place! Plus, I love YMCAs and my workout there last week was a good one.
And now I’m going to go back to being happy and working on the healthy. Go away sickness!
this is SO FLIPPING TRUE, smart, sensible and healthy:
I’m moving on from all the comments from the past week because they are not what matters to me. What matters to me is that I know what I’m doing. It matters to me that I know I’m doing well and taking steps to better my life.
and, IMO, all that really matters.
carla
.-= Miz´s last blog ..Raising a child (or spousepartnerfriend) who likes to exercise. =-.
Great post and a great comment. Sorry to hear you’re sick, I’ve been on the Emergen-C train this week too, no fun.
I agree on not taking things personally from people who don’t know you personally, makes perfect sense to me!
.-= Lauren @ Eater not a runner´s last blog ..business dinner tips =-.
Now that was an awesome comment! In fact i think it hit a nerve with me too. I don’t know about your YMCA but here they will discounts depending on your income??
Because it’s a one month thing it’s $50 regardless. Y’s do work with income (I used to work there so I know) but because they want to get the “joining fee” they charge part of that with the one month you pay. Basically for a one month membership you pay 1.5 times the monthly rate you would normally pay.
So glad that you were able to get something positive out of the comments yesterday. :-)
It was a great comment that was left, and how could it not strike a choard. Perfectly said.
Love yourself!! You are a beautiful person inside and out, and you can’t let anyone take that away from you. I received a comment on my blog that told me I was an idiot. Litterally, that’s what it said. “You seem like such an idiot to me”. I stewed about it for two days, and finally I had to decide, does it matter what this stranger (who wasn’t even brave enough to tell me who they were – it was annoynmous) thinks of me, or does it matter more what I (and God) think of me? I came to the conclusion that one, if I’m an idiot – that’s for ME to decide (which I don’t think I am thank you very much), and two that I just need to love myself, and let the rest go. So I say to you, Love yourself!
.-= Sam´s last blog ..Blog Tour! =-.
You are most definitely not an idiot. Some comments are just silly.
Thanks Mary!!
.-= Sam´s last blog ..Blog Tour! =-.
The YMCA will usually (in Canada at least) let you join and use all their clubs – I know you’re moving on in a month, but there are YMCA’s everywhere. Maybe you could sign up for a longer term (and get a better rate) and then use the membership all across the country? Just a thought…I don’t know if it will work for you.
P.S. I think you rock. That’s all. You need to lose weight and take care of yourself the way it’s gonna work FOR YOU. It doesn’t matter that it might not work for someone else – if it works for you then that’s what counts.
I would do that but honestly I wouldn’t be able to use it the next month (July) and then I’m moving to New Zealand in August. So this is really the only chance I’d be able to use it. It is what it is.
Thanks!
Wow, that comment so perfectly describes me as well. I am going to link to your post on my blog, because what has been said is so relevant to so many people. Thank you.
.-= Morgan´s last blog ..Random things =-.
Now these are the comments to print out and read again and again.
Just because you blog about a PART OF your life does not mean that we as readers know it all. Only you do. You know what’s important, what you can do, what you want to do. The rest is window dressing.
Enjoy working out at the Y (and thanks for reminding me – I need to get back into Zumba!)
That was an amazing comment Mary!!!! It really sums it up in a manner that many of us don’t think about. Although I am fit now, I still remember vividly being judged by others not only for me weight but for my religion & beliefs. It is amazing how much an effect that takes on us.
Yes, to moving on & past this to concentrating on you no matter what others may say!
.-= Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Holiday Diet /Fitness Help; Lettuce Recall =-.
You know, I’m so glad that you’re moving on. But–at teh same time–I’m so glad that you do take it personally. This is a person journey (even if we all post about it online). ANd the fact that you care about what we think shows that you’re really trying to improve in so many aspects of your life. Really, if you just got comments and replied with, “Eff them!” I don’t think you’d have as many visitors and as rich of an online experience, you know?
My favorite line, though, would have to be: “Sometimes in the heat of the moment it’s hard to remember that because they aren’t discussing ideas in theory but ideas in relation to ME.”
.-= beej´s last blog ..Visiting =-.
Yay I love zumba and kickboxing! I miss them if I have to skip them.
.-= merri´s last blog ..The Dailey Method =-.
Good for you! I still find it hard to not allow others to judge me sometimes. But learning more about who I am helped me get past some of it.
.-= Cynthia (It All Changes)´s last blog ..Keen-what? =-.
That is one powerful comment that was left! I am so glad that you were able to really see into it and pulll out what you needed to move forward.
I am happy you are happy and thrilled that you are just moving on as you should be.
Enjoy the new workout schedlue both classes sound so fun!
XO
Its hard not to take things personal. This is a personal journey and we are overly aware of what is being said / happening around us. As a person with an acute sensitivity to every action that takes place around me I know it can be hard to “brush off” those comments that sting (even if they don’t mean too). I don’t understand why someone would say something negative about any post they read. If you don’t agree, then don’t agree and leave it at that. I’ve read things that I didn’t necessarily agree with, but I just remember that while we’re all on the same road to getting healthy and making lifestyle changes, the journeys are all different. What works for me isn’t going to work for everyone. What works for everyone, isn’t going to always work for me.
On a side note, I was so excited to participate in my first MerryChallenge that while I was jumping for joy (read: just plain old walking at the gym) I rolled my ankle (read: clumsy much?) and can’t do the challenge (read: lame ass ankles). Please do another one soon…just for me (read: yes I beg often)
.-= Tara´s last blog ..Listening to the universe… =-.
So do you get paid more when you get comments? Love when a comment sparks something I hadn’t thought of before.
.-= TB-Milwaukee´s last blog ..Why a Rummage Sale is like Weight Loss =-.
Get paid more? No. Comments/conversation has nothing to do with getting paid as a blogger. It’s just the fun part. ;)