A Merry Life

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Kat Finds Herself Through Blogging

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Today’s guest post is from my good Twitter friend Kat from Katdoesdiets.blogspot.com.

When I started blogging it was mainly to practice my writing. I love to write. Writing is my passion. I hope to do it to bring home the bacon some day (sorry for that Ryan). So I thought a blog would be a good way to make myself write. I picked a weight loss blog because it’s something I am oh so intimately acquainted with. Plus, I had just read Diet Girl and Pasta Queen’s books and was all fascinated by weight loss blogs. But what started as simply an excuse to write every day has turned into so much more to me.

I love my blog. I am proud of it. I love my new blog friends. I love the entire danged blogging community (group hug). But more than that, through blogging I am starting to love….me.

This is completely foreign territory for me. I have never liked myself, bordered on hating myself many times in my life. I never felt good enough, never perfect enough, never worthy. I was pretty accomplished at the whole self loathing thing. And if I ever did take a timid step forward, I had some people in my life ready to put me right back in my less-than place. I viewed any positive thought of myself as boastful. I won’t go into that, I’ve posted about it before. But the more I blog, the more I feel like I am healing some deeper wounds.

At first I had NO readers. Then I had a few. Then a few more. People actually wanted to read what I had to say? Crazy stuff. Not only did they read, but they left wonderful encouraging, inspiring, heartfelt comments. These were real people, real connections I was making with them. I never expected that. Each new post and each new comment boosted my confidence. I began to really delve into my issues, my struggles, my fears. The more real I became in my posts, the more changes I saw happening in my life. I was looking head on into my fears and knocking them down one by one.

I began to see that the battle with my weight was only the exterior window dressing on my issues. It was my self image and fearful attitude that were the real issues. The more I write about these things the more I DEAL with them. I have a long way to go, but with each post I feel a lightening, a freedom I have never felt before. I feel freedom to be me. Unedited, 100%, take it or leave it, me. I don’t have to put on a front or be what I think people want at the moment, I’m just me. And it still surprises me that people are OK with it. With me. Dare I say some even like me. I kept waiting for someone to push me back into my less-than place. Until now…now I wouldn’t let them if they tried!

The more I step out into this unknown territory, the more I feel like I can do anything. The more blog friends I make, the more I realize I’m not half bad really. The more people respond to my writing, the more I realize it is what I am meant to do. The more issues I confront, the more I want to conquer.

When I first began I was afraid to post my pics. I was hiding. I didn’t want people to know the ‘real’ me. I was afraid they wouldn’t like it, and quite honestly I was afraid of the negative people in my life finding my blog and ruining this safe place I’ve found. I didn’t tell anyone. Then, I told my husband. Then I just couldn’t stand it and told my sister. Then I got a little braver and posted my pic, then a video. Everyone has been so amazing and encouraging…

So I have a few things to announce.

No more self loathing. No more hiding the real me. No more fear. No more less-than. No more being what I think is expected. No more agonizing of what others think of me. No more feeling guilty for liking…me.

I LIKE this person I am finding underneath all the fear and BS I have covered her up with my whole life.

My name is not Kat. K.A.T. were my initials with my maiden name. I began my blog hiding behind that. I won’t hide anymore. Negative people bite me. My name is Kerri. And Kerri’s pretty great.

Comments

  1. Great post Kat Kerri, it’s nice to meet the “real” you :)

    Blogging has had a huge impact on me as well, which was completely unexpected. I started the blog mostly on a whim, and at first I had NO idea there was such an amazing community of health/fitness bloggers out there. Now that I have found it, I give you all a lot of credit for me continuing to be as successful as I have been so far.
    .-= Brandon´s last blog ..Weekly weigh-in #16: Physics Diet edition =-.

  2. I love this line “I began to see that the battle with my weight was only the exterior window dressing on my issues. It was my self image and fearful attitude that were the real issues.” It is exactly how I have felt. Blogging for me has also been a real eye opener. And it’s held me strong. In the past, I probably would have given up, but now I feel more accountable. Thank you for this amazingly strong post. You are a strong woman!

  5. Well, i think Kerri is pretty wonderful!!! Its so nice to finally meet you.. lol.

    Really great post girlfriend. You rock the most!

  7. Kerri, it has been inspiring to watch you go from Kerri, to KAT, to Kerri. We’re always in your corner! Don’t forget about us when you start getting shoe endorsements! Throw a few pair our way!

    Your fave BroLaw,

    G

  8. I really enjoyed the part about gaining readership, I am beginning to feel the same way.. for a long time NO ONE read my blog, and now there are people there… who’da thought?

    Way to come out Kerri! – Of course I always thought you were great (whether be Kat or Kerri!)
    .-= Cassie´s last blog ..Weekly Weigh-In =-.

  10. What a great, and inspiring post, Kerri! Thank you for introducing yourself, and for sharing your journey! My sister asked me the other day, “What if you lose all of your weight and then people just walk right up and talk to you like you are a person?” What if, huh? I am looking forward to finding out. =) I think the path to health also is in our head as much as in our body. So congratulations and GO YOU and mostly, THANK YOU for sharing your path, for letting us walk with you a while on your journey so we can be inspired for our own.

    Janece
    .-= Janece Suarez´s last blog ..A Big Baby Step =-.

  11. KERRI! Can I still call you Kat? Actually, correction. I’ll just call you Mom :) I still want those blueberry muffins sometime.

    But anyway, you’ve come such a long way, and I’m glad that blogging has becoming therapeutic for you. I put myself out there because I see it as free therapy. If I’m going to spend time writing, well, I’m going to cut the bullshit. I think you cut that too and you write from the heart. That’s why I read your posts, because they mean something deeper than just those pounds that are getting shed off. You’re shedding off the old skin, the cocoon that’s preventing the butterfly from emerging :)

    I’m proud of how far you’ve come and how far you will go!
    .-= Jess´s last blog ..Day 81: Stepping Outside the Box =-.

  14. Great guest post- I loved it! :)

    Nice to meet you Kerri! :) For a long time I too hid behind initials….

    XOXO Tracey :)

  15. I only know your name and I’ve only read the small few paragraph’s. But I can’t even begin to describe to you the weight lifted off my shoulders to know that there’s someone out there EXACTLY like me, and that they made changes. Because to me this means I won’t be trapped in self pitty ”scared to be me” self forever. Like you were, I am going to start a blog but I would never tell anyone, for fear of them looking down on me. My WHOLE life is based around pleasing the person standing right in front of me. I’m surrounded and lost in my fear, that I will never become what I truly want to become. Like you, I have a huge passion for writing which I’ve never told Anyone about because in the small town I come from, writing for a living is frowned upon, my parents and siblings would laugh in my face If I ever mention my passion to them. I once told my sister I wanted to get a major in English and communications, she scoffed and told me that I had better get a serious attitude on life and stop dreaming because NO ONE with those majors will get any where in life. The town I grew up in is small, like I said, and my family has been there for generations. For generations and generations out of an extremely large Mormon family no one and I mean no one has ever thought of becoming a serious journalist in NYC. But it’s my dream. Out of my fairly large, cynical family, none of them would ever look at me to have that sort of dream. I’m shy, timid, kind, polite, I do what people tell me to. And while those are good qualities and people have praised me for them, it isn’t me! That’s the cover I wear, I want to bust out of my shell and become the fierce, strong willed, go-getter that I am! I’m too afraid to be that person because any move I make that is strong and direct, people mistake it as ”bit*hy” and laugh and find it amusing that I could ever be like that. So I go back to being kind, polite, and shy. I even made a big move out of my small town to a somewhat bigger city so that I could have a fresh new start where people don’t know that timid, nice girl, and I could just be me! Guess again… I’ve been here for 4 months and i’m trapped inside that little girl trying to please everybody and I’ve just picked up where I left off in my small town. It even scares me to post this comment, ha ha ha, I don’t know why! But, you inspire me to start up a blog and come out of my shell, and knowing that there IS hope for me to change. So, sorry for the long comment. But, thank you didn’t seem good enough.

    • Monica. Visit my blog http://katdoesdiets.blogspot.com and read through the back issues, I have written a lot about overcoming my fears and hiding who I am. I would definitely recommend starting a blog! Even if you tell NO ONE in your real life as I did. You will find an amazingly supportive community where it is OK to be completely unedited you, it’s very freeing. My biggest piece of advice,embrace who you are and don’t let the negative people in your life hold you back. SEEK OUT positive people who will love you for who you really are.
      Our stories sound amazingly similar, small towns, people pushing us down, but I am here to tell you that I have walked out from under that and I am still in that town, I have broken out and won’t look back! I believe with everything I am that you can too.
      Leave me a comment with a link at my blog when you get that blog started!
      .-= Kat´s last blog ..The Extreme Chronicles–First Impressions =-.

  18. Awww…Kerri! Thats awesome!

    I love this, and you are 100% right, everything about blogging is basically pretty awesome, and I’ve come to feel better about myself and love myself alot more too because of it :)
    .-= Steve´s last blog ..A wee bit blah… =-.

  19. Kat! Kerri! You are pretty amazing and I feel not so alone when I read your blogs and see you opening up to this whole crazy journey. Thanks for being brave and putting a face with the name… and then a name with the face. I look forward to your blogs and your determination.

  23. That’s great. I started blogging a few years ago because I love writing too. So far, my blog hasn’t caught on yet (I have hardly any readers), even after a few years, but I keep doing it anyway just because I can’t NOT write about stuff. Blogging is awesome.
    .-= merri´s last blog ..My new Chi Flatiron/Straightener =-.

  24. Oh wow! What an incredible blog post! I’m so sorry it took me so long to read it! I hope to be as cool a blogger as you one day. I’m still working on facing those fears, but I’m glad to have you as a Twitter and blogger friend.

    So here goes. Nice to meet you, Kerri. My name isn’t Leaving Fatville. It’s Anda.
    .-= Leaving Fatville´s last blog ..A secret obsession. =-.

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