I am in a terrible mood right now. Terrible. (Oh pizza, how do you taste so good and make me feel so bad?)
I should probably only blog when I am in a post-workout happy state, but who has that ability? I suppose I must blog at times like these, after I spent the weekend poorly eating pizza and cupcakes.
Remember how I spoke about food being my problem? Well, food is only my problem when I am at home.
By saying food is only my problem at home I don’t mean just when I am at home. I mean specifically when I am at the home that I grew up in. When I lived on my own I lost weight. I ate healthy and I was good at controlling my portions and when I ate and what I ate. But I am TERRIBLE at this when I am home.
Living with my mom and little brother again has brought back all the bad habits I had growing up that allowed me to put on so much weight. Everything I did then that was bad for my health I stopped for the four years I lived on my own during college. While other people started being unhealthy I actually started being super healthy. But then I moved back home after college to save money and pay off debt and I seem to have totally forgotten what it was like to eat healthy.
At home I eat at night. I eat when I am bored, which is all the time because I don’t have as much to do these days. I eat in the afternoon like I used to eat a snack after I got home from school. I eat when my little brother pisses me off, which is almost all the time. I eat the same meals that he and my mom eat which include unhealthy fast food all too often.
Our house is set up in a way that encourages these bad habits. Our kitchen is large and open and is the CENTER of our house. I absolutely hate this setup. I have to walk through the kitchen any time I want to go to my room, the bathroom, the living room. Basically any time I want to move around in my house I walk through the kitchen. This makes it incredible hard to not think about food, especially when my mom and brother tend to keep the worst food choices out on the counter so I not only walk through the kitchen but I am forced to see exactly what I do not need to be eating.
(The kitchen at our house is huge! You have to walk through it to get anywhere in the house. I wake up every morning and walk into the kitchen. Eh.)
(I am standing on the side where my room is. To the left is garage and the stairs and to the right is the main computer. In front behind the counter/wall is the living room, my mom’s room and front door.)
I am not trying to blame my problems on my house, or my family, but this combination of factors that exists at home is very hard for me to fight. It was much easier for me when I lived in apartments and dorm rooms that either did not have a kitchen or had a small kitchen off to the side. My life did not involve the kitchen and food so prominently. It was much better for me as I did not have to think about food as often and could better control my eating.
Basically living at home is hard for me. It makes losing weight so difficult. Each time I have moved back home, even if for a month only I have ended up gaining weight. When I first moved back after Austria I gained 30 pounds over a summer. (Ridiculous!) Since moving back after college I have gained weight again. Also ridiculous!
Now I have the task of losing it and figuring out how to live at home a few more months without gaining more weight and without letting food be such a huge focus of my life.