My mind never leaves the subject of body image on the days I attend a body image class. It breaks my heart to see women who are beyond beautiful so dissatisfied with their bodies that it negatively affects their lives. I want to bring them a magic mirror that helps them see how other people view them. I want to break the critical, negative recording that plays in their mind when they look in the mirror. I want to give them a magic mirror that forces them to think only positive thoughts about their bodies.
It also led me to wonder once again, how did I become so comfortable in my skin when my body isn’t one that most would call typically beautiful? To be honest, I don’t know. The process took a few years and is now so ingrained within me that I don’t even know how I changed those negative thoughts to positive ones. The process was an up and down journey of recognizing negative thoughts about my appearance, realizing those thoughts sucked, and replacing them with positive ones. It still is a process now that I instantly switch the negative thoughts if they flutter through my brain.
I think acceptance of my body was the hardest and biggest factor that made the change. Once I accepted that my body was the only one I would ever get I realized I would have to get used to it. Accepting that my body would never be “perfect” unless it was perfect in my own eyes eventually led to the realization that it was perfect for me. Some people might say I have a fat ass or a flabby stomach or short legs (ok, they are hehe), but there opinion will never matter as much as my own. I’m the one living in my body and I know what it can do and how good it feels.
I never got a magic mirror or a specific moment told me that I was beautiful. In fact I don’t think I was ever called beautiful until after I called myself that. I remember the years I spent in high school thinking I was just ugly and fat because that’s what I heard from my brothers. I remember the “pretty face” comments and such, but not once did I get a comment about being beautiful. Fun, funny, interesting… those were the compliments I got. Then I started to change my life by exercising and eating right. I started to feel better about myself. I changed my thinking when I got down and started thinking about myself positively. Once I reached the point where I truly felt beautiful on my own is when I remember the comments starting to turn to pretty, cute, beautiful. In some ways I was my own magic mirror. I just wish I knew how to do that for other people.
Meals:
Not pictured: apple eaten with lunch and late night snack of triscuits and cheese. These things are yummy but I forgot pictures because they are pretty boring to look at. I’m sure you understand. Hehe.
Moves:
1 hour low impact aerobics
30 min yoga
Also, go check out the blog for Green Mountain. It is now at aweightlifted.com and I will be posting there soon too!
Oh Mary, what a beautiful post. thank you for sharing.
Do you know where I can buy one of those magic mirrors?
For me it wasn’t just accepting my body in it’s current state when I was obese, but rather accepting that I was worth the effort it took to get healthier. I hope that makes sense.
One thing I particularly liked about your post was where you said that these bodies are the only ones we get. So to love them, and care for them is vital.
I think I have a better body image now than what I did even 10 years ago. This has really helped me a great deal.
Mary, you have come such a long way. By the way, anyone who says you aren’t beautiful has to be nothing more than a brother. You know, family can be too tough sometimes.
Great post! Yeah, I love my body for what it can do and for how well it has recovered from my ill-treatment of it. x
Wonderful post! And once again we see how the change must start inside, before it starts outside.
How great you loved yourself first, as that’s so important. Love yourself for who you are now, no matter what the scale says — and so glad to see you doing that!
And I love the idea of a magic mirror. Wouldn’t be amazing if we all could have one to use on our friends to show them how we see them — as wonderful, beautiful, brilliant women? How we could change self-esteem around the country, and world!
YOU ARE INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL MARY!!!
beautiful post today! i’ve JUST begun to look at my naked body in the mirror and be OK with what i see. well, more than OK. you’re totally right: this is the only body we get and it’s beautiful!!!
@MB
Hehe, if only they were real! It’s one of those things you have to create for yourself, but there always are people around to help. If you wanna chat email me!
@Diane
I totally get what you mean. And acceptance doesn’t mean complacency. You can accept that your body is your body and love it while still wanting to make it better and healthier.
@Fat[free]me
Yes! That’s one of my favorite things about the body… it recovers from the abuse you put it through. Your body is strong!
@Dineen
Change definitely starts on the inside and that is the hardest place to start!!
@Amanda
That’s great. I think being happy with your body goes in stages and being happy with yourself naked, with nothing but you, is the last step. So good job!
I have a magic funhouse mirror.
I loved this & how you are feeling about yourself! It is such a hard thing.. even for me still! We are on the same wavelength.. I wrote about body image vs. better body today. Keep on this path.. it all sounds like such a great journey!
I read the first paragraph and the name that jumped to my head was Michael Jackson. I always felt so sad for him because I thought that he never loved himself enough to see that he was beautiful the way he was. I wish he’d had wonderful loving people around him to support him and make him believe he looked good the way he was. But if no one in his life could step in and show him that people loved him the way he was, I wish he’d had a magic mirror to make him see himself as beautiful. Part of it is also media — I think he had few famous black men to model himself after and therefore thought he’d be more beautiful if he had more white features. Same with women and weight — we’re conditioned to think model-thin is most desirable and beautiful.
Oh Mirror Mirror on the wall…
@Jody
I loved your post!
@Anon
I loved your comment, thanks for sharing. Michael Jackson is a great example of someone who NEVER loved himself the way he was even though he seemingly had everything anyone could ever want. So sad.
GREAT post, Mary. And just to throw some wood on the fire here (but only a sprig or two – I’ll probably gather my thoughts more in a separate blog post later), it’s not just the chicas who have to sort through this stuff.
Granted, the girls DO have it worse, but us fellas have to work though our self-image, too. I know that for me, being the token big, fat guy has done such a number on my self-image that most days it’s entirely impossible for me to separate who I am from being the big, ugly dude. That fostered a lot of defeatism that I think fed into what lead me to get up to 440 pounds to begin with.
It’s only been recently this summer (somewhat ironically in my first ever forays into the world of barhopping at age 26) that I’ve begun to learn that a lot of assumptions I’ve had about being the big, fat, ugly dude might know be entirely true…..
(BTW, I’m back to blogging: 4xlt.WillPhillips.org)
@Will
Oh, I know guys deal with this too, its just that here at Green Mountain I am only with women and I was thinking specifically of people here. So, yeah, I know its with dudes too. I’d love to hear your thoughts about the subject and I’m glad you are blogging again!
Truly an inspiring post. Whenever I start thinking negatively about my body, I do my best to create objective thoughts. What would I say to me (and what would I see) if I were an outsider. I definitely see the beauty in my friends and family and think they’re crazy for seeing themselves as fat, etc., so why would I allow myself to be so critical of my own body? I also try to counter thoughts of fat thighs or flabby arms with thoughts of thanks, i.e., I’m glad I can walk with these legs, or I’m happy that my body is in good health and there are so many things I can do that others aren’t able to.
Well i heard about mirror therapy from my friend. I think such mirrors are created a feeling in our mind, and gives us inspiration.