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I am still not back on track after the holidays and my vacation.  While I was on that silly vacation I let my guard down and started eating the junk I used to eat.  Since then I have not been able to stop and get back to eating healthy foods.  Once I let go of the healthy eating it floated farther and farther away from my grasp until I am now sitting here realizing that for the 3rd day in a row I ate way over my daily points because most of what I ate was not even worth eating. 

I feel quite miserable.  I know that I feel this way because of the food I have been eating.  My body feels and functions much better when I eat clean.  When I eat healthier less processed foods my body appreciates it.  Since I haven’t been doing that over the last week and a half my body feels tired, sluggish, heavy… everything you don’t want to feel on a daily basis.  And because I feel bad physically I also feel bad mentally. 

Despite feeling so bad it is like I can’t stop myself.  I have been giving into cravings and forgetting everything that I know about making healthy choices.  I will think about eating something healthy then immediately allow the thoughts of junk food to crowd those thoughts out.  The bad choices have won out every time in the last week.  I know that I am not really enjoying this and it is hurting my body, but I don’t know how to stop myself.

So I’ve eaten cake and chips and all things yummily disgusting.  I’ve ignored my salad stuff, veggies, and fruit.  They sit in the fridge unused and going bad because I have abandoned them.   My weight is steadily climbing because of this.  Someone suggested a water weight gain for my last weigh in, but I know its because of this eating problem I have.  I know that my eating has more to do with my weight than anything else. 

My last quote post was: Rule your mind or it will rule you.  I posted that one because it aptly describes my biggest struggle right now.  I am allowing my mind, or some small part of it, to control all my actions contrary to what I really want.  I don’t have control over my mind, my thoughts, my eating.  I am not ruling my mind, but letting it rule me. 

I remember once that someone said people who are fat are just mentally weak.  I am not sure I entirely agree with that statement, but right now it feels like truth.  I am not mentally strong right now.  I am not standing up to the cravings and temptations like I once was but instead am giving in to them and allowing them to control me.  I need to stop.  I need to control my own mind and what I put in my mouth.  I need to climb back on that healthy eating wagon right this minute.