Worst idea I’ve ever had = not exercising during the most stressful two months of my life.
I’m not sure if I should even call it the worst idea since I didn’t plan it. This was not the plan for this time of my life but it’s worked out that way. I’ve been biking and walking but that’s it and it hasn’t been enough.
Lately I’ve been feeling stressed for a lot of different reasons some of which I can’t even talk about. This has been causing me to get headaches almost every day which just makes me feel worse than I already do. For a brief moment I thought something might be really wrong with me but now I’m sure it’s tension/stress headaches.
I’ve been feeling this way, with lots of pent up emotion and stress…. with no release.
Normally my release is exercise but that hasn’t been happening. Instead I’ve been letting things build up without solving the problems (not that I can for some things). I’ve not even been trying to ease the stress or really doing anything good for myself. That isn’t a good thing.
Lately I’ve felt so angry and wanted to hit things for no reason, I’ve felt a little bit hopeless, like I’m stuck in quicksand without a way out just repeating the same mistakes over and over, and I’ve felt very alone. Like I mentioned last month, not exercising or eating very well has made my PMDD worse which has made my life feel worse. Another month has passed without me doing anything about it though and for almost the whole month I’ve felt awful.
I’m going to spend some quality time with my mom this weekend finally. It turns out her tumor was bigger than they thought and she will need chemo in addition to her radiation now. Eh, bad news, good news, bad news. It’s an emotional roller coaster that I’m barely able to handle right now.
I think I need to go for a run or hit a punching bag or something. Probably that last one. Soon.
When it rains it pours. Life throws more at us sometimes than we can handle and our body’s and brains react accordingly. I’m not an expert by any means but I’ve been through a lot of stuff that there seemed to be no end to. All I can tell you is to keep putting one foot in front of the other and eventually it will pass.
Once, I was explaining to a friend how irrationally angry I was at the world. She suggested the Cardio Cure, you know getting your heart rate up, as opposed to a leisurely walk. It was a good suggestion, & found it helped a lot. Cheers, Mary!
Great blog.
Keep up the good work and I am sure you will get to your target.
I often find the times when you do not want to exercise are the times you need it the most.
You have a ridiculously huge amount of stress right now so taking care of yourself is hugely important. Hang in there!
Oh, and magnesium taurate helps a lot with PMDD and stress. It’s not expensive and really works. I’m personally not a big pill taker (including vitamins) but magnesium helps a lot.
You know what?? Sometimes you just have to let some stuff go…whether that’s exercise or whatever…we all know it’s good for us and we should do it and yada, yada, yada but right now you have a LOT going on and it’s ok to give up one thing to make time for other more pressing issues. You will get back to working out and you will rock at it just like you always do…right now, take care of your mom and take care of you…fit in the working out when you can and don’t stress when you can’t.
I’m not stressing that I can’t because I think it’s “bad”… I’m just upset that I don’t have time to exercise because EXERCISE IS HOW I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. Without it I’m more stressed, feel worse, my PMDD is worse, etc. It’s not just something I “should” do, but something I NEED to do to feel better physically and mentally. Without it I’m one step short of a breakdown.
I know this doesn’t make sense to people who don’t like exercise and only do it because they have to, but I really enjoy it. And it is like medicine for me so without it I’m not doing that well. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to figure out a solution but luckily I’m going back to NZ and will soon have more free time!
I hope you don’t think I was poo-pooing you. I myself like to workout at as well (and you’re right…some people don’t get that). Its my “me” time and also my “thinking” time. I just read your last post and I am glad you are making time for YOU to get what YOU need. :)
Regarding chemo: Don’t give in to having a lot of bad expectations about what your mom’s experience will be. A lot of the nasty things we associate with chemo have to do with how people had to go through it in the past. And the long list of possible side effects they give you with each drug are simply possibilities; they don’t all happen to the same person! My sister just finished chemo, and she did remarkably well, living a pretty normal life throughout. She had very little nausea due to the kick-ass anti-nausea meds that are available now. Hang in there, Mary!
Oh that’s great to hear! I think I’m just feeling a little upset because I won’t be around for my mom when she is going through chemo so whether it’s bad or good I won’t be able to help from so far away. but yeah, I can’t fix that so I’m just going to stick with the idea that chemo won’t be so bad for her. :)
thinking about you and here to ECHO what Janet said.
Im seeing first hand how everyone’s chemo experience is vastly different.
I know how it feels like when i feel stress. Like they said Health is wealth..
take care always!