My body is starting to feel more compact. More solid. More capable. More of everything I want it to be.
Except maybe skinny, but honestly I left that idea in the dust about 5 years ago.
I have realistic expectations about my body and what it can do and what it can be. At least, I try. Catch me in some weak moments and I might not be so sure… but for the most part I’m very realistic about things and just want to be healthy and active.
That’s why it makes me sad to sometimes see things like this.
I know this cartoon is supposed to be a funny joke, but it makes me sad.
I know a lot of people who feel like this.. trying so hard to be something they never can be. It’s important to keep realistic expectations about your body!
It’s awesome to try your very best to be the best version of you. We should be doing that! We should always be striving to look/feel/be our best. But sometimes we have to realize that you can’t change everything. You can’t be something you just aren’t meant to be, no matter how much you want it or how hard you work for it. Maybe you want to be a 5’11” model thin woman. If you are 5’2″ and 200 pounds, that isn’t going to happen, no matter how much work you put in. You have to be realistic sometimes.
Do you struggle with realistic expectations?
Today’s Workout
I’m posting my workouts on this workout page, but I figured I could share them on the main part of the blog too. This week is a bit off from my normal routine but it was good anyway.
- Bench Press: 45 – 12, 85 – 5, 5
- Lat Pulldown: 40 – 12, 80 – 9, 9
- Reverse Lat Pulldown: 40 – 12, 80 – 9, 8
- Shoulder Press: 25 – 12, 50 – 6, 5
- Cable Upright Row: 30 – 12, 60 – 9, 8
- Tricep Pushdown: 40 – 12, 70 – 12, 80 – 7
- Cable Bicep Curl: 30 – 12, 60 – 7, 6
I also warmed up on the bike. I had to cut the whole workout a little short so I could stop by the store to pick up some healthy eats for today. I bought a fruit salad with seasonal fruit, baby carrots, organic mixed lettuce, grilled chicken, and black bean and corn salsa. Delicious!
Today at lunch I’ll go for a walk and maybe after work too. Today is an awesome day full of healthy things! Have a great day! :)
This is a great post. When I first started trying to lose weight, I wanted to be skinny. I even named my blog “Beth’s Journey to Thin.” After working really hard and losing a lot of weight, I realized “thin” was never something i’d be, nor something i really WANTED to be. I want to be fit, athletic, and happy. I am a total believer in setting yourself up for success and I think setting realistic expectations is an essential part of that process!
Yay YOU!!!
And you know what? That cartoon makes me sad too because it’s emblematic of the idea that WHO WE ARE is never good enough. Not only will a rhinoceros never be a unicorn, but unicorns don’t even exist!! It’s like all of us thinking that if we work ourselves hard enough, use the right skin care products and makeup, eat the exact right foods, then we’ll look like supermodels…when the fact is, even the supermodels don’t look like supermodels because they’ve been photoshopped and airbrushed! What we see in the magazines doesn’t exist in real life!
I just want to give that rhino a hug and tell him to revel in his rhinoceros-ness!
Totally good point about the unicorn not existing. Airbrushed models and celebrities aren’t even real… yet that’s what we are supposed to be trying to all be? Hmmm.
I saw the Dancewear Solutions ad on your page. I just ordered from them for my daughter. I have been very pleased with them. What is your relationship with them? Do you dance, or do they sell other stuff too?
Oh really? I don’t have a relationship with them at all, really. It was a Google advertisement that rotates with others ads (I don’t have much control over what shows up). I get a small amount of money every time someone clicks on the ad. It probably showed up because I’ve occasionally talked about dancing. I’m not a dancer but I like to dance (especially salsa dancing). Glad it worked out for you!
Oh, I feel like that all the time. My expectations/hopes are not quite in tune with reality. I just looked at all the professional photos from my first half-marathon this past weekend, and immediately my pride in finishing and working so hard went down the drain as the thoughts of “You don’t look like a runner. Your legs look huge. That running skirt is too short. What were you thinking?” took over. It is a constant struggle to overcome the desire to be something we aren’t. Especially when surrounded by skinny running girls with great legs.
Part of me always wants to see instant results fast, even though I also have given up on that happening. I see progress, even as I still see old habits, and it conflicts me because its like jumping rope with cotton candy- it can’t possibly last, and yet somehow it endures.
That cartoon is sad. I think it’s healthy to have inspiration but realistic expectation. All of those people in the 90’s who went out thinking they could get “the Rachel” hairstyle and I’m sure only 20% resembled it because they didn’t have the same face shape or their hair was naturally curly etc.
I try to have realistic expectations especially knowing how much further I have to go to “healthy.” I know my body will never be taut and flat but I never had that to begin with so I don’t feel like I’m missing anything and I’m not willing to undergo surgery to get it. Losing weight will be the easy part (though it doesn’t feel like it right now) and maintaining and sculpting are gonna suck! LOL
I agree with this! I am 5’3″ on a good day and my dreams of being Nikki Taylor were quickly diminished when I realized I wasn’t going to be tall. :) It’s funny how it all works, I think I am 145 lbs right now and I have bigger curves than I didn’t have in high school but I am much more confident. I don’t think it matters what size you are, us girls are always going to be self conscious it’s just learning to love who you are.
I see myself as bigger than I really am! I can’t get the big girl body out of my head even though I lost the weight. No matter I keep doing the healthy life style and being kind to myself. One day I will recognize the thinner me!
Keep up the great work Mary!!!
I think so many of us struggle with unrealistic expectations of ourselves due to the media & advertising all that says to women of all ages. The hardest part is to get the mind working right to accept ourselves. I admit, I still struggle but much better than before! :-)
That graphic originally appeared on a tee shirt over at Threadless… Or so I understand it.
http://www.threadless.com/product/1000/Runnin_Rhino Been around for a while but it’s been co-opted by many.
While it is important to manage expectations… I think that there is no harm in expecting great things of ourselves. It’s a leap of faith to put that kind of trust in self, but we don’t know unless we try. For those of us who had never been thin… very easy to think this is as good as it gets for us or we can’t do better. Being the unicorn turned out to not be unrealistic for me… But it took me years to get out of my own way to find that out…
THANK YOU! I was trying to figure out the original source but none of the sites I saw it on linked to the original source. I hate that it happens like that so much so thanks for sharing the link.
Mary, this is the best blog yet. Love reading your thoughts, the way you express yourself. You will do whatever you set out to – that is obvious to anyone who reads what you are thinking. All these points apply to any challenge in life – and there are so many.
Thank you – for simply being who you are and for letting some of us hear it. (am almost 70 years old and definitely open-minded and caring – thoughtful, aware, and . . . well, just not as impressionable as years ago).
Wow Suzy, that was a very sweet comment. I’m touched, honestly. Thank you so much!
I have to agree with Karen…she said exactly what I thought when I saw the cartoon. Unicorns don’t even exist! The models we see in magazines and the Victorias Secret catalog are so photoshopped and airbrushed that they aren’t even based in reality anymore. Thanks for the reminder Mary–best to keep expectations and goals in check!
Oh my gosh I really love that cartoon. At first it makes me laugh but then if I really think about it, it makes me sad too. I thought what some other people said – unicorns aren’t even real! I try to be realistic and only compare my body to my own. I compare myself to old pictures of myself instead of models and other people.
I don’t really think it is unrealistic for you to become the fabulous unicorn you always wanted to be. I know i will…someday ;).
I’m glad you always show back up. ;)
Sadly I’m never going to be 5’11” and a size zero. So I can’t be that unicorn. ;)
Hi ! I just came across your blog from a comment section on another blog. I love this post and your honesty. I sometimes have unrealistic expectations as well, but for the most part it’s all about staying positive and just keep it going! That cartoon is pretty sad, I don’t find it funny at all. :-(
in my head i’m model tall, i forget that i’m barely 5’1 and only on my tall days!! lol. i dont think i always have realistic expectations about how i am and what i can be like, but i usually just live in my own fantasy world and pretend i’m that way anyway. it works sometimes. but i agree, it does no good to be disapointed all the time, it’s just sometimes hard to put that into reality.
Mary,
I disagree with you on this point. To say that your body will never be the way you want it to be is not true, I believe. If you don’t see any changes happening to your body, then you need to reassess your diet and exercise. Sometimes we end up doing things that increase caloric intake even when they inherently healthy. To say that your body will always be short of you want it to be seems sad to me. Obviously the main goal is to be healthy and happy. But sometimes I get the feeling that you are still not satisfied and you try to uplift yourself with encouraging words. And I know this because I do the very same. But no goal is unrealistic when it comes to fitness. You just need to reevaluate your diet and exercise and see what you need to do in terms of more weight loss. Good luck to you.
Hi Carmen,
It’s totally cool if you disagree. But honestly I think you missed the point. I’m not saying my body is not going to be the best that it can be. It is and it’s changing even right now. But will it ever be the ideal body shape of a tall bone thin model? NO. Because that’s not my body type. There are different body types and sometimes people try to force their body into being something it just can’t be. I can’t force myself to grow taller and lanky even if I wanted to. Do you understand what I’m saying?
Here’s perhaps a better analogy with body types that my trainer told me. He said I’m never going to be a cypress tree, because I’m an oak tree. But I can be the best darn oak tree ever with work. And that’s the thing. You can’t be something you aren’t meant to be no matter how much you want it. So it’s important to be realistic. I never said you shouldn’t aim for changes or be complacent where you are, but you should be realistic about what you can achieve. Hopefully that makes sense.
I’m actually not really trying to uplift just me but all of you. The majority of my readers keep reading my blog because they are at a place with their body where they aren’t happy, just like you. You can try to push off your own stuff and tell me what I should be doing but I really hope instead you start looking inside yourself at your own life and own journey. That’s really where you need to focus instead.
Good luck!
yes i do understand a bit better what you meant. I do think i took it in a different way than was actually intended by your post. And Mary, of course you should be positive. No matter what challenges, positivity is far better than negativity. And I do think you help people a lot with your positive comments and for that, I am very grateful. I hope that previous comment did not imply otherwise. :)
It didn’t, I just wanted to clarify what I was talking about. There are various body types and sometimes women can get hung up on the fact that they don’t have a different body type – and won’t no matter how hard they work. But yeah, I vote for positivity because there is enough negativity floating around out there already. ;)