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The Inside of a Binge

February 5, 2009 by Mary

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for details.

“The inside of a binge is deep and dark; it is a descent into a world in which every restriction you have placed on yourself is cut loose. The forbidden is obtainable. Nothing matters not friends, not family, not lovers. Nothing matters but food. Lifting, chewing, and swallowing – mechanical frenzied acts, one following the other until a physical limit, usually nausea, is reached. Then comes the sought-after numbness, the daze, the indifference to emotional pain. Like a good drug, food knocks out sensation.

A few years ago, when I was caught in the eye of my worst eating days, I wrote: ‘I feel so insane when I binge, as if there is no reality but the loud pounding voice inside my head screaming for me to eat. At that moment nothing else exists; yet because I am so aware that everything else does in fact exist, the contrast and craziness of what I am doing to myself make the insanity even sharper. I know I am destroying myself, but I can’t stop. I am so driven at that point that no one I know would recognize me. In those moments, the darkness is so pervasive that it is as if I have descended into another realm. When I surface and see that other people are here, that there is actually sunlight and words, that the bougainvillea outside my window is budding with tiny white insides, I feel infinitely relieved – and then even more shattered for having just experienced a thirty-minute frenzy, a dive into hell.”

– Geneen Roth

Check out Geneen Roth’s website.

Filed Under: Emotional Health Tagged With: binge, disordered eating, Emotional Eating, Emotional Health, inside


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Comments

  1. aishchai says

    February 5, 2009 at 6:46 am

    Is that from “when you eat at the refrigerator, pull up a chair”? Geneen Roth changed my life. I mwan it.

    aishchai’s last blog post..Brain mush

  2. MizFit says

    February 5, 2009 at 7:51 am

    and this all so reenforces the line I read (statement. whatever) from OA around thanksgiving that, no matter the calories, if a thanksgiving dinner is eaten with family/friends it IS NOT A BINGE.

    MizFit’s last blog post..If you’ve ever wondered *why* I lift weights…

  3. Kelly Turner says

    February 5, 2009 at 10:37 am

    ah, this brings back memories. all i heard in my head was, “more, more, more! You can still fit more in” I didnt even taste the food anymore. horrible.

    Kelly Turner
    http://www.everygymsnightmare.com

    Kelly Turner’s last blog post..The Biggest Loser- Creating Eating Disorders?

  4. Rob - Former Fat Guy says

    February 5, 2009 at 11:49 am

    Great quote. There are so many reasons for a binge.
    I recently took a poll of my subscribers and getting control over binge eating was one of the primary challenges they face.

    I’ve not bee immune to binges. Mine would normally be emotional or self sabotage, not calorie restriction reasons.

    I’ve never heard of this author. Will be looking into her a bit more

    I advise my clients that when a binge is coming on,
    To oversonsume good foods, high in fat, like nuts

    That way they’re at least getting good nutrients

    Supplementing with glutamine is a great little trick to avoid cravings and binges from the beginning.
    Its affordable and has life extension and immune system benefits as well – so go get your glutamine

  5. erin says

    February 5, 2009 at 12:31 pm

    That is amazing and oh-so accurate. What is it from?

    erin’s last blog post..Picture the Difference

  6. Merry Mary says

    February 5, 2009 at 1:16 pm

    @aishchai

    I’m not sure exactly where its from. I’ve been reading stuff from her online until I have extra money to buy her books. I can see how she could change your life.

    MizFit

    I totally agree with you. Thanksgiving/Christmas are not binges. Not in the least. They are almost the opposite.

    Rob – Former Fat Guy

    Thanks for the great advice, I’ll definitely look into Supplementing with glutamine.

    My reasons are the same as yours: emotional or self sabotage. Its a hard thing to get control of for me.

    You make a good point to binge on healthy foods so at least the damage of overeating is controlled. I’ll keep that in mind.

    erin

    I’m not sure exactly where its from but its from the author Geneen Roth. I’ll add a link to her site in my post.

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