I have a stack of size 14 jeans and pants that I’ve carried around with me for over two years. I call them “The Stack” in my head and I never, ever talk about them. Until now.
It’s almost a shameful secret to admit. When I got down to my lowest weight in college I bought all these size 14 jeans and khakis. I bought them at American Eagle and Eddie Bauer where I used to work and I bought a pair from Banana Republic and few from Old Navy. I was just sooo excited to fit into them at that size. I couldn’t wait to wear them all. I wore maybe two pairs before I moved back home, got depressed again, and gained back 50ish pounds. Needless to say, they haven’t fit me since I first bought them.
But I’ve carried them with me. Despite moving a million times in the past two years (that’s what it feelt like) I’ve taken the stack with me every time. I never unfold them, I never look at them, I never touch them except when I pack them to bring them with me each time I move. I refuse to give them away. I refuse to sell them. I refuse to do anything but keep them until they fit again.
I’m nothing if not persistent.
They went with me to Vermont. They went with me to Orgeon. They crossed the country in my car. They crossed the ocean on a plane. They now live in the bottom shelf of my dresser in New Zealand. These are well traveled pants. They are well traveled pants that still don’t fit me.
But I’m close.
I’m really close to wearing The Stack.
I’ve been stuck in a size 16 for the last year or so as my weight loss stalled. I was almost there last March but not quite. I currently have a pair of stretchy size 14 denim shorts that I can wear, so I sometimes am a 14. But The Stack still doesn’t fit me yet. They aren’t stretchy. They are actual size 14 jeans with no give. They are sill my next “goal pants” to fit into.
Since I stopped weighing myself I’ve noticed that my clothes are getting slightly too big. My size 16 pants are getting ever so slightly looser. Which means I’m ever so slightly closer to wearing The Stack.
I feel so, so close.
Fitting into The Stack has been my secret goal for years now. It’s crazy how much time has passed since I first bought them and wore them. It’s crazy how it’s been a goal for so long and I’ve still not managed to accomplish it. I’ve gone down in shirt sizes, but my lower half refuses to cooperate and fit into the pants. (Seriously body, work with me!) It’s been a goal I’ve not achieved for a very long time, but I know that within the next few months I will achieve it. I will fit into The Stack. You will see photos of me wearing them.
It’s only a matter of time.
I love this!
I love this post for myriad reasons. not only is it fantastically written mary (seriously. I love the stack concept and name)—BUT it was a great reminder to me that we are all different and need what we need and do what we do and act the way we act and it’s OK.
I preach it (hell for me it isnt just FITNESS ISNT ABOUT FITTING IN but *life*) and I own it but even I need reminding every so often.
once upon a time about 15 years ago I could have admonished you and urged you to let go and give away The Stack.
Im older.
Im wiser.
Im closer to ‘getting it’ I think.
I now step back and cheer you on toward complete and utter STACK domination.
ohmigod!!!!! I have a “stack” too. Slightly smaller than yours, but I have 3 pairs of size 10/11 pants & jeans that go everywhere with me. That the size I was when I graduated high school, and since I’ve steadily gained weight since then, I have refused to throw them out. They are my motivation!
We’re very similar in size right now…Although I’m much taller than you! I’m 211lbs, size 14 or 16 (it depends). But back to size 10/11 is my dream!
We can do it. I believe in us. Also, WTG on working out so much!
xxx
My stack is huge, right? It’s ridiculous that I’ve carried that many pairs of pants around with me for so long. My stack is a giant stack, really.
I think my ultimate goal is 10 too. That seems reasonable for me and only a few sizes away. I think anything under that might be crazy talk. ;)
oh the stack. I must admit (shhhhhh) that I have one too. good luck xoxoxo
Apparently a lot of us have stacks!
my stack is mostly side eyeing my sister’s closet so i can steal–err, i mean borrow!!
I’m glad you took “the stack” with you to NZ! You WILL fit into those pants, I can tell. It’s such a good feeling when you get down another size in jeans. :D
This is very cool. I have faith that you will wear that stack!
I have a similar story…not sure how it will go over. I bought a black velvet top once upon a time (via mail order…that will tell you how long ago it was…it was NOT an internet order) and it was too small. I never sent it back because I was convinced that I’d finally lose enough weight and be able to wear it. Well, YEARS went buy and like your stack, this top went wherever I went. And then finally I got it together and lost a lot of weight. And I remembered the top. I put it on…easily. And it was SO out of style! Not to mention, it was itchy! I think I wore it once just because I could, but in the end I got rid of it.
Hehe. Well, my pants aren’t out of style. They are just basic pants. Khackis, blue and brown pants, and jeans. I never got into shredded and crazy washes in jeans so they are all just basic stuff. So no need to worry about it going out of style… which is probably why I hung on to them. I knew that I would still like them when I can fit them. I now that I’m super close I’m really excited because the American Eagle khakis are my favorite pants EVER. I can’t wait!
When was velvet popular again? I honestly have never liked velvet in my life. I know it was popular at some point and I remember people wearing it and I hated it. I think I have something against the texture.
It wasn’t so much the velvet that was the problem, but the style/length of the top. It was boxy and cropped. And the trim or whatever…that’s what was itchy.
Gotcha.
You’ll get there and we’ll all be cheering for you when you do!
You’ll get there Mary, I just know it! At least if their out of style you can put them on and feel awesome then go buy new small jeans. :D
I don’t really think in terms of “out of style.” I’ve never been someone who buys new clothes every year. I liked them then and I like them now. ;)
Long live the domination of the stack! You go Mary! :-)
Haha. I love the phrasing of this. ;) Domination of the stack!
Yes you will get there! I have a stack too – and I am very firmly refusing to get rid of my skinny jeans. I know that I’ll fit in them again. It’s good to have something tangible like that to act as a reminder.
Wow – I’ve never thought about a stack! The last year I have mostly refused to buy clothing, and luckily working from home allows me to get away without having a lot of variety. When I hear some of my friends talking about being a big size 10 some inner part of me cringes, but it is all relative I suppose.
You will make your goal of fitting into the pants, and it will be an awesome day! With the headway you’ve been making and reaffirming your desire to eat healthy and do more triathlons, you’ll be there for sure. :)
By the way – getting dressed up and putting on makeup in the morning has helped me get out my my funk too. Thank you for sharing that idea!
I’m really glad to hear that the get dressed + wear makeup trick worked for you! It’s been really effective for me too. :)
OH MY GOSH! I have the same thing! A similar stack of Size 12s that I really really wish I could wear.. but haven’t for awhile.
We’re close :) … almost … there…
You’ll make it!
If you’re anything Mary, you’re persistent. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time now, so yes, I know that much about you. And that’s to say I know you WILL fit into your stack, and sooner rather than later too. Plus you will have fun getting there too!
I have a FULL WARDROBE of stuff that doesn’t fit anymore, and some that never did fit at all! When I weighed the lowest in 2006 I thought the only way I was going to go was down, so I bought some clothes that were a size too small hoping to get into them *soon*, but yeah, I’m still working to get into the ones that did fit first, and hopefully one day I will get into the ones I’ve never worn. The style thing be damned, I will wear them regardless, I’m not a fashion queen anyways, lol.
Thanks Early. :) I’m going to fit into them and it’s going to be awesome! I figure it should be pretty soon. :)
Haha. Even if the clothes aren’t “in style” when you can fit them I think you should wear them!
What a great post!
It’s so exciting when you can fit into the old clothes. I unfortunately have no old clothes around, I threw them all away as I was gaining because I just couldn’t face it. However since then I have been given clothes and bought clothes to small as goals to aim for and although some of them I wouldn’t even wear anymore I love trying them on and seeing how much looser they are. Scales going down are great but clothes getting looser is so awesome!
I have the same issue my top half has shrunk but my bottom half lags ungracefully behind!
Why can’t we shrink in very nice ways where everything is proportional? Honestly?
Go, you good thing, Mary. I, too, have a stack in the form of a pair of old levis I used to wear 20 years ago and a super cool tank top I bought on a whim in Carnaby St in London. For a long time, I meditated on fitting into those clothes. Then I started getting on with the weight loss job. I was slow and consistent and didn’t go near those clothes until I thought I was really ready. The sting in the tail of this story? I missed the boat; they were way too big for me when I finally tried them on! I reckon you’re getting where you want to go. You’re doing it every day :)
That first sentence made me smile. :)
Aww, that’s too bad that you missed wearing those clothes but in the end that’s even better that you went past them!
I have a suitcase… with some old stuff of mine. We’re talking 15-20 years old. I want to fit into them again. I’ll probably never wear them again, because they’re OLD, but I want to fit into them again. Maybe just to feel that young again…
Love the stack domination idea!
I have a stack like you ( and it seems, everyone! Hehe ) I guess it is about keeping a dream alive, a vision in my head of being that person again who amazed me by looking half-way decent in bottom hugging clothing with no give! Mine aren’t size 14, but an English 20, but gosh it was so good to wear them 50 lbs ago… :(
I also have an aspiration dress, a red silk cheongsam, which I had made many years ago, when I lost a significant amount of weight – almost normal. It’s around an English size 12. That is my Holy Grail. I think, now you have reminded me of it, I’m going to take it out of the closet and hang it where I can see it to inspire me to take my weight loss seriously.
It is soooo about keeping the dream alive. The dream of being that person that we want to be. And I think in the often long, hard slog of weight loss we need a dream like that to keep us going. Even if it turns out that the dream was a sham once we get to it, it’s still worth it because it keeps us going.
I too have a stack! Hard to give away because it holds my ultimate goal and they are nice pants too darn it!
Awesome post! Love the stack! I think we’ve all had those “skinny clothes”. I will say that the year 2009 I lost 30lbs and shopped almost exclusively at thrift stores because I wasn’t paying high $$ for clothes I was gonna wear for a few months and then they be too big. I was determined. This has become a habit now for me, love thrift stores! More than that though even though I haven’t lost weight I continue to shrink sizes! I honestly believe THAT is more a motivator than lbs lost for me and lots of women. I am pretty lean (had body fat tested yesterday) and so weight is not an indicator for me, I’m focused on body composition.
You will be in that stack soon enough!!! Keep up the great progress!
I have a stack too! I actually have a whole side of my walk in closet that is devoted to hand me down clothes in smaller sizes (gotta love Freecycle). On one of the shelves is a huge stack of 12s. I am still in a 14/16 so I’m a ways off yet, but I look at them and know that someday I will be in them.
Congratulations on being so close to your goal! You Can Do This!
Wow, you really hit on a hot topic!
I admit I am a clothes horse, I got this trait from my grandmother who had 3 closets full of clothes when she passed. I currently have 2 closets full (one is where I hold off-season clothes) and many bins of clothing in my basement. I have lost and gained weight for over 26 years. It took me about 18 years after high school/college to get rid of the “stack” of jeans I wore during that time (size 8/10). It was my hope an dream to wear them again. After I had my son, i knew it wouldn’t happen and I sadly parted with them.
After I lost 75 pounds around 2004 I had to buy a whole new wardrobe, which was great, but I had to get rid of all the too big clothes too. Even though being thinner was the BEST, getting rid of the old clothes was very emotional. I remember sitting in the basement surrounded by all my fat clothes and crying. These clothes were my comfort and I loved them, but after I had a good cry I bagged all of them up and took them to our local mission. It was like 14 huge bags full.
Anyway, unfortunately I’ve gained about 50 of this back and am now back in larger clothes that I’ve had to buy, however I have a hopeful “stack” of size 12’s that I will get back to one day and that day will be glorious!
That day WILL be GLORIOUS! :)
I have a “Stack” as well. They are size 16. You can do it!
Mary,
I love “The Stack” as a symbol of your goal perseverence. This healthy living journey can be long and hard. To truly be successsful we have to persist. We might stumble (I know I do). We might “fall off the wagon” for a while. But there are people, like you, who have a tenacity that is admirable. I wish you all the best as you continue your journey and dominate The Stack!
I have a tote full of clothes that I’m keeping until I can fit into them again. Some of them are sort of outdated, but I keep them anyway! For me, my real goal is not a number on a scale but to be able to fit into my “stack”. Keep up the hard work. You can do it!
i love this and very nice post , we wait more :)
I reckon we all have the equivalent of a “stack” … I have a dress I bought quite a few years ago, that nearly fits now … but not quite (and I’ve needed to lose that last 5kg that would make me fit it for over a year now *roll eyes*). At the moment I have a cute pair of black pinstripe pants that I bought without trying on and then found they were too small … they are the ones I try on every week or so, a few weeks back I nearly fit them, now I’m no where near again. Its a continuous battle ;)
Question? How do you find the US sizes compare with NZ? I’m hoping to do some cheap clothes shopping when we are in the US in a couple of months, and just wondered :)
I have to be honest… I have no idea. I haven’t shopped here enough. I haven’t bought any clothes besides workout stuff and that’s not really helpful. Plus in the US it depends on the brand/store. One store you can be a certain size and in another store you can be a completely different size. There is no universal standard in the US so it varies quite a bit. Just make sure you try everything on!! That way it won’t be a problem. And stock up because clothes are so much cheaper there in some stores. ;)
The Stack! That could have been your blog title and would have benn perfect now knowing the back story. I applaud you for keeping this stack with you as you have crossed the globe and made your way to this point where getting to enjoy the stack is oh so close. Look forward to the fashion show of you wearing each item in the stack when you get there. Go gett’em!
I have jeans from size 12 to 24. I just can’t make myself get rid of them. I know I will wear them all soon!
I’ve been sorting through sizes 8-18. It’s crazy how long I’ve waited to fit into some of it. You can see the horror of my closet in my recent confession post (what size). I I was shocked when I could fit into pants that I wore when I was 20 pounds lighter. Amazing what consistent exercise can do to a body. I have faith you will be in that stack very soon. Rock on!
I wish I could give you some of the beautiful 14s I never got a chance to wear. Some still have tags (d’oh)…
All right, my stack of jeans and dresses is the most well travelled, as I brought them to Canada from the Ukraine when I immigrated LOL They were not touched for 5 years, until I finally got serious and lost all muffins on my sides and behind, and now they are worn all the time… And they are in fashion again! :)
I once was on the FLYLADY website, which is a fantastic resource about decluttering your life. And their advice was to get rid of your stack, accept who you are, and love yourself no matter what your size. Then, move to your goal in baby steps, love yourself even more by buying new clothes.
Many people responded positively to this “permission”, but I thought, no way, there must be a better way to lose weight and love yourself while keeping the things you love. Why spend time and money on shopping when you already have the clothes you like?
So, I cooked my way back to leaner me. Tasty low fat recipes do wonders to your shape because you lose weight the healthy way and you eat delicious meals. You can stick to them for years. Try some of them… For example, this sweet potato broccoli soup: http://www.choose-healthy-food.com/sweet-potato-broccoli-soup.html
Best wishes to you, Mary
I will be following your blog
Olga
I totally symphathise! i also have *the Stack*, or in my case, the drawer. This has all my fave misery tees, and beaut dresses, and expensive jeans that i fit perfectly at one stage, and despite my mother’s protestations that i should give them away i am *determined* to fit them again…. i did it once, i can do it again! GO MARY!
Loved this post! I didn’t have a stack, but I did have a pair of brand new, never worn jeans hanging in my closet for 2 1/2 years. When I started losing weight, I would try them on every month or two & try to figure out how many lbs I would have to lose before they would fit. I finally started wearing them in September, they were a little tight. But I didn’t have to lie down to zip them up. I had them on the this week & I noticed that they were actually starting to get too big. What an amazing feeling! But I have 2 more pair of jeans hanging in the closet waiting to take their place. Maybe another 10 lbs. . .