“Diets don’t work because food and weight are the symptoms, not the problems. The focus on weight provides a convenient and culturally reinforced distraction from the reasons why so many people use food when they are not hungry. These reasons are more complex than- and will never be solved with – will-power, counting calories, and exercise. They have to do with neglect, lack of trust, lack of love, sexual abuse, physical abuse, unexpressed rage, grief, being the object of discrimination, protection from getting hurt again. People abuse themselves with food because they don’t know they deserve better. People abuse themselves because they’ve been abused. They become self-loathing, unhappy adults not because they’ve experience trauma but because they’ve repressed it.”
– Geneen Roth, introduction to When Food Is Love.
This felt like the most profound and appropriate thing I could have read today, considering it’s Father’s Day.
Today I started reading When Food Is Love. I didn’t even get past the introduction of the book before I realized I am that person she described. I thought I would be able to succeed in my journey without addressing the hurtful, messy past that caused me to abuse food in the first place. I was wrong. I haven’t been able to fix my symptoms – binge eating, emotional eating, using food for avoidance. Finally I’m now on the path to fix the root of my problems. It’s probably going to hurt and I’m probably going to hate it. But I don’t want to be that person she described anymore. I don’t want my past to have such a strong pull on me anymore.
Welcome to the amazing, inner-world of nondieting. Our eating is a window into a blazing universe!
You are right, it will be hard and it is gonna hurt but it is going to be oh, so worth it. <3
Thanks to you, I’m reading a different Geneen Roth book. So crazy how 70 pages and five days into it, I am seeing things differently. Thank you for sharing your therapy thoughts. You just might push me into doing it too. I’ve been avoiding the messy work it will take for far too many years.
You probably will hate getting over your past but it’s just unavoidable. You have to do it to become the person you want to be:)
Here’s just for you Mary:
The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears. Native American saying.
There might be some crying involve, but the rainbows will come soon enough!
Have a nice read Mary, can’t wait to hear from it!
Thank you.
As I like to say, going there is hard, but it’s not as hard as NOT going there. Big squishy hugs. Just remember, your memories and feelings can not destroy you. Even when it feels like they can.
I love Geneen Roth! I recently read “Women, Food & God” and it was phenomenal.
Hope you’re doing well miss mary. xx
I really need to read that book. I’m glad it’s putting things in perspective for you, Mary :)
I ordered this book because of your earlier post about your first counseling session, and it should be in my hands on Tuesday. I’m excited to read it!
Like others have already said, it’s going to be hard and probably suck at times, but I’m so glad you’re putting yourself first and getting the help you need!
Ahh, for some reason I can’t find your email ANYWHERE! I really want to send you a private message because I want to say something a little more private and personal to you, and may help… (not scary, all will be explained).
What’s your email Mary? If you don’t want to release you can probably see mine…
amerrylife at gmail dot com I don’t publish it on the site because that leads to too much spam. You can use that or send a message through the contact form. ;)
GIRL I ECHO CHRISTIE!!!
so so so worth it.
I am with Miz & Christie too but Mary, so glad you are on your way!
You are well on your way to leaving that girl behind and reaching your full potential minus a little baggage which is way ahead of the game for many! This is an exciting time for you Mary. It won’t be without some tears shed but how worth it they will be!
Long time reader, first time commenter .. ;)
Thanks for that quote – I like it, and I agree with it. It … really speaks to things I’ve dealt with. And yeah, very appropriate for Father’s Day, for me too. I’ve been battling with my own past for a few years now. It does get easier, and it’s worth the dark times fighting it causes… but wading through it sucks. Good luck in your battle!
That really makes a lot of sense. I need to find a copy of this book.
Yes, heal from the past, that is important in anything you do, especially starting a new marriage. How to do that is a journey in itself, but with self love and thought it is possible. I had a lot of emotional hurt in my childhood that I carried with me. It took me to bad boyfriends and abusive situations. When I realized I was deserving of love and respect and could give myself that love and respect then I could move forward. I love myself enough to feed it healthy foods. I don’t know if this is an option where you live, but I joined a CSA which is a farm in my area. I get organic produce once a week in a box. It has changed how I cook and the way I look at food. Getting to the basics of whole foods has given me a love for cooking. I use to hate cooking, I think because I wanted to hate food. The relationship to cooking and food is a huge link for me. Once I was able to really love cooking whole foods I was able to let go of my dependence on food prepared not by me, like fast food or restaurants. It is a huge start in changing my lifestyle the right way. Plus, when you only have whole foods around you, you are less likely to overeat or to eat for the wrong reasons. Diet foods and snack foods have a way of driving your blood sugar which make you feel out of your skin and hungry. It is hard to have self control when your body is raging up and down.
Once Geneen Roth starts speaking to your soul, there is simply no turning back. I remember having to start Women Food & God several times, because the honesty was just too much to bear all at once. It sounds like you’re ready to heal your life. Go for it!
Hi Mary,
I ordered this book because of this post and it just arrived! I can’t wait to read it.
How are you getting on with it?
Angie