I still haven’t gotten back into the full swing of triathlon training. I’m not sure what it is, but I just don’t feel like doing it. I want to exercise – I just don’t want to follow a training plan. While I enjoyed following a plan and building up to the first triathlon, I’m suddenly feeling major internal rebellion toward the idea of following a plan. Just the thought of me doing what it says makes me feel frustrated. I’ve ended up skipping several sessions in favor of other activities.
It’s weird because I love to swim and bike and even those things feel less fun when I have to do it for a certain amount of time on a certain day. I guess it starts to feel like work and I don’t like that. I love to exercise but I don’t love it when it feels like work. I will happily go bike for three hours if I’m having fun and going to a beautiful location. Yet when my plan says I need to bike for an hour I feel resistance toward the idea. Major resistance.
I’m not sure how I’m going to overcome that. It’s all in my head and I’m not sure why that rebellion is there.
Okay, that’s not true, I’ve always been a little rebellious.
Like how I used to do the opposite of everything my parents told me. Like how I called my junior year high school female english teacher “George” in class all year. Like how I wore blue tinted glasses and dyed my hair every color I could get away with to beat the “rules” of what I could do. In high school I was extremely rebellious against authority and tried to do anything I could get away with. Apparently that rebellious nature wasn’t just a high school thing but a life long thing. I don’t like being told what to do.
Following a training plan feels like I’m being told what to do. That makes me want to not listen so I can do my own thing.
Part of it is also that the triathlon training is quite lonely. It’s a solitary sport so I’m doing the training on my own at my speed. I spend almost all my time alone these days anyway, so I have trouble looking forward to exercise sessions where I will be alone for more hours of my day. Loneliness is kicking my butt lately and training sometimes just makes me feel more alone.
I like doing what I want on a given day. I like doing a wider variety than just those three sports. I like to do Zumba and kickboxing. I like to lift heavy weights. I like to do yoga (I’ve really been missing yoga!). I like to play team sports (training for these is way better than training alone). I want to do these things too. Maybe even more than I want to do triathlon stuff right now. I’m not sure if the problem is following a plan or if my love for triathlons didn’t run as deep as I thought. I don’t know.
Whatever the case, I’m still working out. I might not be following a strict plan but I’m still being active. I’m still getting good amounts of exercise in each week. I’m just not sure where this leave me in regards to training, though I am about to go on a bike ride.
Am I crazy for this? Do you ever feel resistant to follow a training plan?