Christmas was an interesting emotional experience for me this year. The day left me feeling unsatisfied and wondering why. I received more gifts than I imagined and the presents I gave went to eager recipients. However, I still felt like it wasn’t good enough.
After contemplating this for a while I have realized lately I am always unsatisfied. Few times have I looked around at what I have, been grateful and wished for nothing more. I always want more.
I think this has a lot to do with my stage in life. I am currently working a slightly crappy job despite having a four year degree. I know that I can and will do better so I refuse to be satisfied with the situation. I know I will be moving on and up soon, so I look forward to the future often forgetting I should be grateful for having a job period.
It annoys me that this inability to be satisfied does not stop with my career. It spills over into every area of life. Take this blog for example. Last night I decided to change the design since the template I had been using messed up and I couldn’t fix it. I have gone through several templates and still don’t have one I like. The one I am using now is okay, but it has a bunch of things I wish weren’t there. I am still unsatisfied and will keep looking for something better. I hope I find it.
I am unsatisfied with my weight too. That part of my overwhelming dissatisfaction is not hard to explain.
I have so many blessings in life yet I still feel unsatisfied with my current position (in most things). I keep looking forward to these imaginary days where everything will be as it should. But then I think about this and realize that being unsatisfied in some areas is not a bad thing. It spurs me to change and become better. It makes me solve problems in my life and find the best solutions (maybe pay someone to re-design the blog, eat better to lose the weight, etc.)
It is only when I am unsatisfied with everything that it becomes a problem. When I can’t look past the things I am unsatisfied with to see all the amazingness in my life – that is when its a problem. So today I am going to take the time to reflect on all the good things in my life and stop trying to fix/change/remove all the things I am unsatisfied with. Today I will just be content with what I have and who I am.