Today I posted about being able to wear a pair of jeans that I’ve owned for years and have never even worn once. It was thrilling to try them on and realize that even though they were a little too tight they were finally wearable. It’s a sign that the things I have been doing lately are paying off.
My awesome friend posted “Non Scale Victory?” as a reply to my initial comments.
While I’ve used the phrase before, it elicited a strong negative response in me this time that I wasn’t expecting.
I didn’t consider wearing those jeans a victory because I don’t consider myself doing battle. I’m not waging war against my fat. I’m not a warrior in the gym fighting my body. In fact, I dislike any warrior related words regarding this area of my life.
I know I’m probably in the minority here and lots of people love this kind of terminology. There are rebellions and warriors and ninjas and beasts in the gym waging war against fat. I get it. However, for me, it just doesn’t fit.
Right now my mind is focused more on self-care. These words and philosophies of a warrior mentality don’t mesh with that focus. I’m not fighting my body – I’m taking care of it. I’m not beating myself to lose weight – I’m exercising to take care of myself so that I feel better and don’t struggle with anxiety.
I’m taking care of myself because I fucking deserve it.
I’m treating myself right because if anyone should, I should.
I don’t want to approach any part of this as a war or battle against myself where they are failures and victories (because failures always come with victories in battle).
It is great to celebrate the highlights and good things that happen. You better believe I’m proud of the hard work I’ve been putting in and wearing those jeans was a highlight of my day that has already been recorded in my gratitude journal. It was an awesome thing!!
Ultimately I just don’t want to use the terminology that puts my mind into a war where I’m on both sides as a winner and loser. Maybe I’ve just been through too much therapy and written too much about wars (the joys of being a history major). These words just don’t appeal to me. It’s semantics and it’s silly, but today it felt like it mattered.
Since I don’t really pay attention to the scale anymore it’s not like I need non-scale victories. I don’t need victories at all. I just need to consistently take care of myself like I deserve. That’s what I’m doing and right now that is all I need.