I wasn’t going to do a weigh in today, but I realize I need to do it just because I need to hold myself accountable. I’m supposed to be holding myself accountable and you guys need to help me out with that.
My last weigh in was April 18. Since then I haven’t weighed in. I’ve just been avoiding the scale because I knew it was up from my previous weight. I knew that the birthday celebrations, the stress eating, the slightly almost depressed eating all added up to a few extra pounds. I wish it wasn’t true, but it is. :(
No video today, but here are the numbers:
Current Weight: 216.3 lbs
Previous Weight: 213.0 lbs
Weight loss: + 3.3 lbs
Weight loss Total: – 34.7 lbs
Starting Weight: 251
I guess I’m a terrible weight loss blogger. I don’t actually seem to be able to lose weight. ;P But I’m still trying. I refuse to regain everything.
I mentioned on twitter a few days ago that I’m tired of weight loss.
It’s true. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of thinking about it. I’m tired of blogging about it. I’m tired of being fat. I’m tired of wanting to be something that I’m not. I’m just so tired of it all. I’m tired of no progress. I’m tired of backward progress. I’m tired of all of it.
I want to be healthy for once in my damn life. I want to not do weigh ins. I want to not need to do weigh ins. I want to not need to track my food.
Since the water is drying up in town and my gym wasn’t affected, tomorrow I’m starting back on my workout every day until July 4th plan. I just want to challenge myself to make it a priority, so I’m going to do it.
I’m tired of the gym, even, but I still like it. I think I’m just tired of everything. Maybe I’m just tired.
But accountability is all I want from this blog and from you, so there it all is.
Losing weight isn’t always about losing. In fact, the most important parts actually are the gains and maintains, because that determines the course you set. You can take the gain and keep going with it, or you can learn whatever it is you need to from it and continue the journey downward.
It does get tiring sometimes thinking about food all the time or thinking about weight loss all the time. There definitely are times where just maintenance is warranted to give your mind (and sometimes your body) a break for a while.
.-= Lori (Finding Radiance)´s last blog ..April Wrap Up =-.
Ditto
Ditto
Ditto
Ditto
Ditto
Ditto,
and Ditto.
.-= Hollie´s last blog ..Eating Disorder? =-.
I think it’s perfectly human to get tired of thinking about it all the time. I know where you’re coming from, and I’ve been there more times than I can count. The key is that you keep going and keep trying to make healthy choices regardless of whether or not your’re tired of it. I know, easier said than done. :)
Good luck moving on with life. And if you stick with it, you WILL get results. It took me about 2 years to lose 90 lbs, one .2 loss at a time. Good luck lady! Oh, and 34.7 lbs. is not anything to shake a stick at, that’s awesome! Remember how far you’ve come when you think you haven’t lost anything.
Hope
.-= Hope @ Hope’s Journey´s last blog ..Ignorance and the Double Chin =-.
What does your diet look like right now Mary? When I’m tired of weight loss I usually try to SIMPLIFY my plan so that I don’t have to think about it too much. Instead of six meals a day, try three. Instead of counting calories at every meal, prepare a bunch of crap ahead of time so that you don’t have to count all the time. Stuff like that.
.-= Tony the Pink Panda´s last blog ..Great Blogging Tips From a Clueless Blogger =-.
<3 *hugs*
you can do it girl. and don't blog about weightloss if you don't want to!
try to focus on other beautiful things that concern happy/healthy living.
give yourself some little projects that will enrich your life and make you focus less on food (and therefore, maybe less comfort eating?). I'm not suggesting that you don't already have projects in your life (the e-book was awesome!), but why not try some new things?
:)
hope you have a great week mary.
plant some vegetables, check out some art in the city, read a great book, have coffee with a friend.
be happy!
.-= amanda´s last blog ..About the new direction =-.
Yup, when I got sick of it I stopped for a few weeks. I just ate maintenance calories and did other stuff. It gets irritating and grates on your nerves after a while, I so get that. You want to poke your eyes out with hot pokers.
I for one would still read if you wanted to talk about lollipops and puppies for awhile.
.-= Rita @ The Giggly Bits´s last blog ..Find your Inner Athlete =-.
Lollipops and puppies! Done. ;)
Awesome! I will write about chocolate bars and kitties.
.-= Rita @ The Giggly Bits´s last blog ..Find your Inner Athlete =-.
I think it’s awesome that you are being honest and holding yourself accountable. Don’t give up! Get back on track and you will reach your ultimate goal…healthy living!
I’m glad to hear that everything is drying up…I can’t even imagine!
.-= Rachael´s last blog ..Shrinking Sundays 3 =-.
Last week I gained 5 pounds on vacation. Getting back into my routine tomorrow and reversing the trend. We’re in it for the long haul.
.-= David´s last blog ..A year ago =-.
You know, I had the brilliant idea to start a weight loss blog, and I even roped two of my friends into doing it with me. Since we started, I have gained six pounds! On January first I reset my ticker, so at least it wouldn’t be going the wrong direction. But, I keep plugging away, and I hope you do too. Personally, I like to read about real people and their real struggles. At this point in my own journey, I’ve actually quit reading some of the weight loss blogs I used to read, because they just made me feel inadequate and WORSE about myself. I appreciate that you share ups and downs both.
.-= Janet´s last blog ..Cook Once, Eat Healthy All Week =-.
I totally know what you mean about reading weight loss blogs. I think you have to be careful not to only read those kinds, which you’re doing. They would always do my head in. Keep going and dig down deep as to why those pounds have creeped back on. Move beyond ‘I am eating too much, or not exercising enough’ to what is causing you to potentially rebel against yourself. Keep going!
.-= Michelle@eatingjourney´s last blog ..Getting Away =-.
I won’t be quitting. If you look back in my archives you will see that I blogged through the entire process of regaining all the weight I lost six years ago. I regained almost all of it within a year (after I graduated college) and blogged it. I was trying to lose weight but was depressed so I just watched the scale rise.
I’ve never been and never will be someone that hides the negatives about this journey. Sometimes it take me a while to face up to it myself, but when I do I’m going to share. Losing weight and finding a healthy lifestyle (all around, not just weight) is hard sometimes. I’ve struggled A LOT with it and I’m pretty open about it (more than I ever thought I would be… but it’s cheap therapy).
I agree on the blogs thing. Lately I’ve stopped reading ALL weight loss related blogs except a few commentes here and only when the title of the post on commentluv catches me eye. Writing a weight loss blog and reading them and compeltely getting sucked into it all was not good for me so I had to stop. I feel bad about not being more involved in the community but at this point in time I have to because I can’t read and not feel bad about my progress. So… yeah.
Yeah I totally know what you mean. For the past 1 1/2 years I didn’t do any weight loss. I just was SICK of it. However, after reading meeting and reading through Christie’s story at honormyhealth I realised that perhaps I could put the crap away and get on with listening to my body. Being in ‘Fight to the Finish’ has been hard at first. It brought up those old patterns for me: wanting to be thin, counting points, thinking I could NEVER actually lose weight, that exercise was TOO much, that I was just tired. For me, it really is the false self. The one that keeps telling me that I can’t. I had to work on shutting down that voice that is telling me that it’s too hard. Yes, Mary, it’s hard. But you know what, it’s not about ending when you’re at X weight. It’s an overall lifestyle that you have to adopt. It’s about listening to your body, trusting your body and moving. It’s not about slaving away for a calorie count or exercise goal. It’s YOUR LIFE.
Hugs, I totally know what you mean. Michelle
.-= Michelle@eatingjourney´s last blog ..Getting Away =-.
Things finally clicked for me with weight loss when I realized that I would ALWAYS have to track my food and that I would ALWAYS have to exercise. Before that realization, I was waiting for the time when I could stop. Now, I’m 2 1/2 years into tracking almost every single day and 1 year into exercising 6 days a week. However, it took me 20 years of frustration to get to that point. I think sometimes we forget that people at “normal” weights do watch what they eat most of the time. For them, it might be a little more automatic, but I don’t know any women who just eat whatever they want, whenever they want to.
With all that said, I do allow myself to have the occasional day of not tracking my food, but I find that these days, tracking is so ingrained that I end up counting in my head all day!
You’ve done a great job with your weight loss and I love your reading your blog, both the successes and the struggles.
hi, I just wanted to drop a comment & leave some words of encouragement!! Just mark a day on the calendar where you’re going to weigh in. Aside from that, take it each day at a time. Don’t stess about weigh ins or about how you’ve been lately, but focus on doing good for the present moment..cuz that’s all any of us can do, right?!?!
Anyway, I’m just getting started on my weight loss issues!! grrr lol so frustrating. I find that blogging & reading blogs & taking baby steps have helped me out tremendously!!
It happens… for the past two weeks I’ve been struggling to plan out my week. Seriously–what is normally a 30minute task has been taking me up tp 2 hours! My recommended solution: fake it til you make it, but also shake things up a bit. Change your workouts, try new recipes, etc. Review your goals, update your strategy and timeline and figure out how to make it fun again.
Its also important to know that you are MORE than your weight loss. Writing a weight loss blog can skew our own perception of identity. We forget those other roles or we feel like a failed dieter because our experience on the scale isn’t matching our online identity.
One thing you’ve always been good about and one of the things I’ve loved about your blog is that you let us know who you are and what you love beyond health and weight loss. Maybe its just time to celebrate those aspects of your life a little more.
.-= tina´s last blog ..Friday WI =-.
Hehe. It’s a good thing I have multiple blogs, because the only time I feel that way is when I have to blog here. I just feel frustrated with it all. Hurray for being spread out across the interwebs with many passions?
I’m in the same boat as you. I haven’t officially weighed in (or even blogged about my weight/eating) since early April. Honestly, losing weight feels great, but you get to a certain point where it just becomes a conversation with yourself about if losing 1/2 a pound is worth NOT eating that burger. Most of the time, if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t feel like it is worth it in that moment. However, as soon as I’ve eaten the burger, I realize that… yeah, it just might have been worth abstaining a little from eating my favorite foods to lose the weight I want/need to lose. It’s really frustrating, and just goes to show how much of this is mental.
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..Welcome to WOW.com! =-.
Ah, you are inside my head! That sounds like the exact conversation/process I always have with myself. In the moment and after the moment are too completely different feelings and I’m so frustrated and tired of that tug and pull.
a) i love your message about accountability and honesty, no matter what you’re feeling or how your weigh loss is going. its really commendable and brave to be real about the fact that it is HARD work and often not fun, and sometimes you just need to take a freaking break and hang out.
b) after reading this blog all i can think is: DITTO and i want to give you a hug.
so. hugs hugs.
and thanks for being so awesome
xox.
It’s great to be accountable!
.-= AndrewENZ´s last blog ..Don’t drink soda? =-.
I hear you! I can’t wait until I don’t HAVE to do any of this!
.-= heifer´s last blog ..Day 3 =-.
dude you go girl. First, know that the blog community supports you! And the accountability thing is great. I am a new blogger with no one reading yet, but this morning the only thing that got me out of bed for a run was knowing that I had posted my goal for the month yesterday. Even if its just for me, the feeling of succeeding at something is really nice.
.-= Courtney (Pancakes & Postcards)´s last blog ..A New Month =-.
and it is ok to be tired some days.
many days.
for me those as the ones where I lean most heavily on focusing that this healthy living is just a moment to moment thing.
choice by choice I get through my day.
.-= Miz´s last blog ..Blog Botox… =-.
Those weigh ins after a gain are the hardest ones to report, but they are also the ones which separate those who are going to succeed from those who may not. Keep you chin up Mary. Make today the best you can.
.-= South Beach Steve´s last blog ..Here Comes the Rain! =-.
Ditto
Ditto
Ditto
Ditto (kinda)
Ditto
Ditto,
and Ditto.
Except, I don’t blog about it much because it just makes me feel worse!
Mary, I was trying to figure out what to write here yesterday & decided to wait & glad I did as my stepdaughter called & wanted to chat about this weight loss stuff & how in one month of giving up on her healthy goals, she is already starting to look like you know what.. meaning she went from working out diligently & eating really good to nothing.
So, for me, my saying is never give up when it comes to my healthy lifestyle.
But as I read you here & you being tired of all the stuff involved, this is what I said to my stepdaughter & most people don’t want to hear it but her goes…
IT S FRIGGIN HARD WORK! You, it is hard & I have worked hard from day one & then as I got older, I had to work harder…. again, all depends on your goals. BUT, it comes down to how much you want it & how much you want to be healthy. We are all different & for some it is easier & for others like me and my stepdaughter & maybe you, we have to work harder. Yup, it sucks but it is life. It does not mean that you can’t enjoy now & then but it just means for some it is harder and again it is hard work for life.
I know I just ruined your day! :-O
.-= Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Pure Physique – Book Review & GIVEAWAY =-.
Haha, comments never ruin my day unless they are unnecessary mean personal attacks. So you haven’t done that.
I just realized this came off meaner than I thought. I did not mean for those caps to “attack” you like I guess it looked like after a second read.. it just meant it is friggin heard! :-) Crap it is hard but I do like the payoff….
Really, you have done some amazing things & enjoyed life more than most.. kudos to you!
.-= Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Pure Physique – Book Review & GIVEAWAY =-.
I know you’re tired of it all… I can hear the discouragement in your voice. I know what that feels like. Just keep going. That’s all you can do. And you will get to that day that you don’t have to think about weight loss every minute of every day. It’s the best thing about being a good weight. Your mind become weightless! It’s so worth the struggle. 35 pounds and dropping! You’re doing phenomenal!
.-= Nancy B. Kennedy´s last blog ..Daniel Greenlees: His ship came in =-.
Kudos to still weighing in. Here’s to hoping your energy returns and rejuvenates the tiredness, my dear.
.-= Sagan´s last blog ..Re-cap of the Thirty Days of Yoga Challenge =-.
Here here to that! Losing weight sucks the BIG one…maintaining is just as hard….why why why?? Don’t give up….its a journey..right??
.-= sian-girlgestrong´s last blog ..Gift Guide: Fit Fashion for Mother’s Day + Giveaway =-.
I’ve been feeling the same way and have been angry and frustrated with all of it and resentful that I have to think about what I put in my mouth and have been doing reactive, sabotaging eating and unhealthy living, and, and, and…..
What I realized when reading your entry and looking at my reaction to your words is that: I went backwards into the old “diet” mentality which has never worked for me. What has worked and actually felt good was the “healthy” mind, body, spirit focus that I learned at Green Mountain. I’ve realized today by reading your frustration that I also started looking at the numbers and not at the whole being and I have to admit that whether the numbers go up or down, when I make unhealthy food, exercise and life choices I do not feel as good in any way as I do when I make healthy choices.
For me, I have to regain my focus and structure my entire day around healthy living and believe that I need to be diligent with my structure as I have not internalized health over unhealth yet. (And for the psychobabble set- perhaps it would be a good idea to see what was going on when I started to go off track and perhaps then address that.)
Good luck and thanks again for your honesty.
I hope this doesn’t come across sounding wrong, but I found it encouraging that you had a bad week. (No, not because of schadenfreude!)
I read weight loss blogs written by people who consistently lose two pounds a week, and I can’t help comparing myself to them and getting discouraged. Knowing that other people struggle sometimes too can actually encourage me to keep going.
.-= The Merry´s last blog ..Time for the mental blinders =-.
Hehe. how wrong of you! Just kidding. I know what you mean because I read a lot of blogs like that. I have trouble reading them anymore which is why I don’t. And worse, I think, are food/healthy living blogs I go to for recipes/ideas where the person says I changed my eating and 40 lbs just dropped off. I want to punch them. But of course I don’t. Every journey is different. It’s just harder for some of us.
You are capable of giggling. I’ve heard it. But I won’t tell anyone that because it’s so unmanly.
And yes some comments are good. I listen to those.
I love you. :)
I don’t think you’re a bad weight loss blogger, I enjoy reading your blog. It motivates me to get up and do something. Even when you have lapses, regain a pound or two or can’t get to the gym for a bit – the fact that you blog about it and get back on the horse afterwards is a good example to the rest of us!
Also have you heard of Francis Kuffell? She wrote a book about losing half her body weight, it’s very interesting. Your post reminded me of her book – probably because I’m mid-way through reading it right now. Any way, it’s called Passing for Thin, check it out if you haven’t already. I find that reading blogs, books, magazines etc helps me to stay on track when I’m having an off day.
Keep up the good work!
x
I’m glad you’re using the blog as accountability and weighing in even if you don’t want to. I think facing the damage is one of the hardest things to do, because that means we have to admit to ourselves everything.
I’ve been yo-yo dieting for the last 3 years, and I never got back to my highest weight, but it took a LOT out of me every time I had to go through this miserable process and sometimes I do hate it, but I try to keep myself distracted with other things. I try to blog about photography, music, things that interest me aside from weight loss. We’re all more than just a number, we’re all more than just our weight. Find something you’re passionate about, maybe it’s a TV show, maybe it’s drawing, maybe it’s make-up, and blog about it. Get your mind away from the weight because you’re not just Mary, who’s losing weight. You’re Mary, who’s moving across the world soon. You’re Mary, who ran one mile. You’re Mary, who’s battling kidney stones. You’re Mary, who’s trying new foods (like kale chips!).
So be that Mary :)
.-= Jess´s last blog ..Weigh-in #13 =-.
I’ve called this weight loss thing a journey for a long time … a journey has set backs, it has parts of it when you stop and rest, other parts when you go really fast. I’m the “bad” WW member who tells other members that if they feel off for a week – go with it, stuff your face, do what you want … its getting back on the road and carrying on that counts. So what if you gain a few pounds over a few weeks? as long as you can hop back on and continue on they will come off and more will come off. Just do it a little step at a time, sometimes it feels right and you’re focussed, sometimes you’re not.
Heck I ran a marathon this week and still put on weight because we were away on holiday and I said stuff it … next week I’ll get back on track :)
Keep with it girl, it really is worth it!
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..The Rotorua Marathon! =-.
I just found this post via Mish. I’m glad you wrote it. It’s exactly how I’ve been feeling and have actually said on my own blog. Even though it’s no help to you at all, It made me feel better to see someone else express my frustration – even if they are half my age :-)
Thanks.
I love how brave you are. I usually just drop off the blogosphere when I’m not “on track.” You rock, dude. *fist bump*
.-= Andrea´s last blog ..That’s it? =-.