I belittle my appearance.
I make excuses.
I blame external forces.
I don’t take responsibility for things.
It’s surprising that I haven’t already gained the weight back.
I’m not trying hard enough.
I’m not giving it my all.
I can’t run without seriously injuring myself.
I haven’t lost a significant amount of weight.
I have a long way to go.
I haven’t done much with weight loss in the past TWO years.
The place that was previously my support system doesn’t feel like that anymore. It just feels like it’s dragging me down, into that place I don’t want to go. Instead of focusing on the positive all I can do is run these thoughts through my mind and wonder why I’m apparently so bad at these things. I obviously have no one else to blame but myself.
I don’t know how to be a blogger who doesn’t read and take to heart every comment, even the backhanded compliments and the downright mean ones (those usually just get deleted, but I still have to read them). Sometimes I’m not sure why I ever became a blogger – I’m too sensitive and can’t take criticism.
I know that everyone reading my blog isn’t going to be my biggest fan. The more followers I get, the more chances there are for people to misunderstand me, to dislike me, to criticize me, to wish and hope that I fail. It’s natural, but I’m not sure it’s something I like. Even if comments like these are made with the intent to “help me” discover some hidden truth, they really just break me down.
It’s not like I’m not aware of things guys. I send a good portion of my day analyzing myself, my actions, my thoughts. I’m pretty self-aware of the positive and negative. But I try to focus on the positive. The things I’m doing right. But here we have a list of everything I do wrong. I know I shouldn’t take it personally, or get defensive, or even care what random people think about me, but I do. Like I said, I’m pretty sensitive.
So I’m going to take a couple days off from this blog.
I hope you all have a great weekend. Do something fun and active. :)
Take all of the time you need, Mary. We love you and will be here for you when you come back.
Much love to you!
.-= Marshmallow´s last blog ..On Your Bike: Spot The Difference =-.
Wow, I could have written this list of “wrongs.” Its hard to be positive all the time… afterall, we’re only human. Enjoy the break from blogging… will be looking forward to your next post. Have a wonderful weekend!
.-= Julie´s last blog ..Let the Faux Single Parenting Begin… Again =-.
You feel and think like many people who have been overweight all of their lives. First of all, you are sensitive because you have been attacked all of your life. You also find comments hurtful because you place validation of yourself in the hands of others because you have been abused and judged all of your life. You are so accustomed to being evaluated and having your value attached to your weight that you take even the random comments of strangers who in no way know you or are equipped to judge you to heart. I know you do this, because I do it, too.
You’re also judging yourself and saying you make “excuses” and aren’t responsible. You are saying these things because that’s part of the judgment others heap on you. There is a difference between a “reason” and an “excuse”. There are reasons you can’t lose weight. They are not “excuses”. People who talk about excuses are only interested in blame because it serves their purpose, which is to elevate themselves at your expense. Accepting their view of you and their judgment only makes losing weight all that much harder for you. You need to understand the reasons you can’t lose weight so that you can start working on getting past them. You don’t need to see them as “excuses” because that just means you embrace the notion that you are weak and irresponsible and therefore powerless.
We, fat people, are very prone to seeking approval of others and substituting their judgment for ours. It’s the first thing we need to work on if we are ever to become whole and strong. It’s hard, but it can be done. Maybe you have to get mad first. Maybe you have to fight back, or maybe you have to grow some Teflon over your sensitivity. I don’t know what will work for you, but it’s something worth exploring.
It’s natural that you judge yourself since you have lived your life feeling that you deserve to be judged. You don’t deserve that, not from others, and not from yourself.
.-= Screaming Fat Girl´s last blog ..It’s because you’re fat =-.
I’m sure you have more fans here than those mean naysayers. I know you know that who you are doesn’t change because of what others say or think, so don’t take these mean comments to heart. Ask yourself why that person wants to attack you; could it be that they need to make themselves feel better? I’d say it’s just a call for attention or help of some sort.
Hope you feel better soon.
.-= Early´s last blog ..Day 2 – The plan =-.
Seeing as I’m supposedly one of the “mean” ones, I just want to point out something. In my comment, I made sure to include a bunch of positive things and things I admired about you. I didn’t want the comment to come off as an attack. The person who agreed with me also did the same. What you’ve done is completely disregarded that and focused on the things I suggested could change.
You have a blog to be accountable. Being accountable means people are going to let you know when they THINK you’re falling off the wagon. Like I said before, it’s up to you to decide whether they are right or wrong – and then move on.
You have a bunch of wonderful readers and a good community. But tell me, are you the sort of person that wants a friend to always tell you you’re right, always be on your side and tell you what you want to hear? If so that’s were the misunderstanding comes from. I obviously don’t see the comments you delete. Maybe you get a lot of really nasty comments. But based on yesterdays post, you had about 72 100% positive comments posted and only 3 that were about 75% positive. Why is that enough to drag you down? Like I said, maybe you get a lot of mean ones that we don’t see and that’s what your comment was about.
I apologise if my comment made you upset. That was not my intent.
Mimi
The undercover vixen
I just wanted to say that I do want friends to tell me when I’m wrong and when they think I’m doing something hurtful to myself or others. But you aren’t a friend. Your first comment to me was about how you thought I would gain back weight/fail. It might have said good things too, but obviously even you could see how that would put me on the defensive. If comments like that had come from someone who regularly comments, who I actually consider a friend on here, then I would have listened to them and considered them a valid point. I’m sorry your comments made me upset too, since they weren’t really worth much. But it’s all good. Moving on. ;)
That’s the thing with blogging. We put it out there and in doing so, have to accept that what comes back at us may be hard to read. Because you really can’t control who reads your blog, nor can you really put everything across like you really want to. Blogs are so personal and we expose ourselves online like we would never do in real life.
Your weight loss thoughts are pretty much like everyone else’s out there :D
Blogging breaks can be a great thing. Maybe it will help you decide if you want to keep blogging or if you want to change anything about what you are doing or the focus.
Enjoy the hiatus!
.-= Lori (Finding Radiance)´s last blog ..Strength training move of the week and worst fast foods. =-.
I’ll never quit blogging. I’ll just have to get used to people who don’t understand me and those that don’t like me. ;)
Those negative thoughts are just your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck. We are naturally afraid of change, good or bad, when you notice those negative thoughts it’s just your minds way of trying to keep you from losing weight. We all go through it, when you can tell your thoughts that they are wrong, that they are just rising out of fear I promise you, amazing things happen. Don’t blame yourself for listening to your limiting thoughts as truth, were only human.
I cannot even begin to fathom anyone wishing and hoping for another to fail. Especially not directed at the gentleness and goodness that so seems to be your lovely, lovely spirit. YOU are doing incredible things for yourself. YOU are on a journey that is being done in the way you need to. YOU are changing and growing and it’s fantastic and wonderful and inspirational and it’s one of the reasons you’re one of the very few weight loss related blogs I still follow on a regular basis. I love that you’re so open and I love that you’re so honest and I most of all love that you’re creating a life and journey that just for for YOU. I also cannot begin to fathom how difficult it must be to take the negative along with the positive on such a scale as you have with your increased number of readers/followers and I really respect you for taking the time you need to center yourself and take care of yourself in the way you need right now:)
<3 stay strong Mary
There are some not so good people. Ignore 'em lovey. We know you rock!
I mean, who goes online and says things like that?! You are: brave, honest, introspective, interesting, funny, inspirational, and unique. Enjoy your weekend, we’ll all be right here, ready for your return : )
xox.
.-= marzipan´s last blog ..what if I succeed? =-.
I very much understand needing to take a break and I applaud you for knowing yourself so well. And I agree with Screaming Fat Girl. Hugs all around :-)
.-= KCLAnderson (Karen)´s last blog ..I Am Not Stuck =-.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Mary I feel like I am in the same sinking boat. I am struggling to keep my head above the water but the waves keep crashing over me. Every morning when I need to get dressed for work I hate myself for having eating crap the night before because I feel fat in my clothes. I know that I am not fat, but my clothes are tight which feed into my disorted body image. I lost 50lbs, however now I can only say I’ve lost 35. Its a scary thought that I might put it all back on. I keep telling myself it’s only 15lbs and its all a result of poor stress coping skills. I know that I need to do to shed the pounds, but it’s just not happening for me right now.
I hope that you know that we are all supportive, and that we have all had our lows at one point or another, and that there are always people feeling the same about themselves and you’re offering them acceptance and positiveity by sharing your experiences and thoughts. I’ve been doing that. Sharing my lows on my blog. I worry that people will stop following because I’ve been so down for the last few months. But people keep coming back.
Try and stay positive. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.
~ M ~
Blogging should be about you. It’s a side-effect that stalkers people like us get to tag along your journey and be motivated & inspired by it. The sad realization is though, that people are still humans and not everyone acts in a respectful way. Frustrating, actually.
Enjoy your time off – and, if you decide to come back, let it be for you, not for anyone else!
Random thought
Reading all the comments, I was struck with a thought. If you use blogging as a way to put your thoughts on paper or journalize an experience and you want no outside intrusions, then make your blog private or invitation only. Better yet, write in a journal. Those are your personal thoughts that anyone snooping around has no right to be commenting on.
Will look forward to seeing you back on here. You have a good thing going.
.-= Mimi´s last undefined ..Response cached until Thu 27 @ 19:16 GMT (Refreshes in 2.61 Hours) =-.
Hi Mary,
I think it’s impossible to have a public blog without some unwarranted advice. I’m curious as to why you delete comments? Is it because they are outright mean? Or is it because you’d prefer not to hear them. I mean, there is a difference between criticism and constructive criticism. Yeah, I’ve gotten advice on my blog that wasn’t particularly helpful but I don’t delete them and I sometimes don’t even feel the need to respond. As bloggers we are opening ourselves to people who don’t even know us, but some of them genuinely care about us. Do you remember when I asked you how if was possible to be aggressive about weight-loss without counting calories? I genuinely wanted to know. One of the bloggers I follow is a young women recovering from anorexia and some weeks ago, people were commenting on her blog saying that she should really be eating more. (she posts photos of her daily eats). Eventually, she made it so that all comments have to be okayed by her before they are publicly posted. And I guess that made sense for her but I wondered why she was blogging if she didn’t seek accountability from her blogger friends. That’s why I blog.
A couple months ago, one of the other bloggers I follow, lost 8 pounds in one week (she always had high losses) and everyone commented with “great loss! great job! etc.” My comment was something like “congrats! but please be mindful of losing more than the 2 pounds that health professionals suggest.” Another blogger, a weight-loss blogger, I mostly stopped reading because the most she eats is 1,000 calories and often less (she does daily food journals) and people commented telling her about starvation mode, etc. Eventually she did a post saying that starvation mode was sensationalized and wasn’t really a valid issue.
I mention all this because people (even me) are always wanting to give their 2 cents, especially when they think they know more or better. I really do care about my blogger friends. Can you use it as a opportunity to strengthen yourself so that you don’t take it personally?
.-= Alexia´s last blog ..fat acceptance. i do? =-.
I’ve only delete a few comments besides spam, and those were downright mean, hurtful, and completely out of line. But I can count those on one hand. So that’s good. ;)
Constructive criticism is fine. I didn’t delete your comment. I answered it. We might have different ideas about weight loss though, so I may not have agreed with it. I’m starting to get the idea that everyone wants to give their two cents but for the most parts their pennies aren’t worth much.
Enjoy your time off. Please know that you truly are an inspiration to me and I really enjoy reading your posts. I think blogging about your personal thoughts opens you up to negative comments from time to time. As Mimi said in her response I would assume that you don’t want a friend that always tells you that always tells you what you want to hear. Assuming you blog is to help yourself (as well as share your journey for others to learn from) I would expect that you will get criticisms from time to time. Some of criticism might be useful and others not so much. The truly negative comments are completely unnecessary and should be deleted. I know it is much easier said than done, but try not to get discouraged. I went through most of my childhood into my teenage years a very very sensitive person and took every negative comment to heart and allowed it to shape me as a person. I wish I had known then what I know now. The past several months have been super difficult for me but you have inspired me to start writing my own blog – http://daisyalive.blogspot.com . I am really not much of a writer, but I find it very cathartic to just sit down and write what is on my mind. Hopefully at one point I will get some followers that I can banter back and forth with. I definitely expect to hear criticisms and negative comments, but I am hoping that any criticism I receive will help me grow as a person and make changes for the better. My advice to you is to delete the unnecessary ridiculous negative comments immediately and don’t give them a second thought, but also take anything constructive and see if it applies to you. Don’t ever let anything that anyone says bring you down. I think that a majority of your readers that make comments are doing it to make a potentially helpful suggestion. Your blog has changed my life Mary and I am really looking forward to your next post. Hang in there!!
.-= Daisy´s last blog ..I’m Just Scattered =-.
People who care will be here when you are ready to come back, hopefully those who don’t, won’t be. Enjoy taking time off, enjoy the long weekend. Have fun and remember you don’t have to answer to anyone but yourself, when you come back maybe take a break from reading the comments and enjoy just writing.
.-= Alison´s last blog ..Rain, Rain Go Away! =-.
I hate harsh comments. They always make me feel like I’m doing something wrong. During my first fitness pledge, someone wrote a nasty comment about how my blog was a pathetic attempt at getting attention, then called me a pig.
I’ve had a few other backhanded comments, but I don’t have as large a readership as you do. dealing with nasty comments all the time must suck.
Internet anonymity is a dangerous thing. I’m looking forward to reading your posts when you come back.
.-= 100 Pounds in a Year´s last blog ..Two Potlucks =-.
OK, just give me their names, I will wear them out, the very idea of someone continueing what you have done so much to overcome. You have to know that the ones that love you far outweigh the ones who would have negative comments. You have to draw strength from us, and stop letting others who have no idea who you are, break your heart again and again.
I would really like to know who gets pleasure out of hurting others and the tongue is a weapon, in this case the typed word is a weapon, all you can do is reach deep down inside yourself and remember that the beautiful person God put there is better than striking back, just leave the dang posts there and let your readers take care of them, we will you know…
More every day, I love my beautiful, strong, amazing daughter.
MOM
Hahaha. Silly Mom. I love you!
I’m a big fan of feeling a feeling until you’re ready to feel something else. I hope whatever has got you bogged down clears away when you’re ready for it to. I want you to know that your posts have been very inspiring to me, and I look forward to your return, when you’re ready.
.-= Lily Fluffbottom´s last blog ..Excited to Participate in the Blog Tour! =-.
sometimes people could take advice from thumper’s mom.
.-= merri´s last blog ..The Dailey Method =-.
Those negative commentors need to say bye and just not comment… Screw them. We will miss you during your blogging break! Don’t take too long!!
.-= The Binge Diary´s last blog ..Step One Assignment =-.
Lillian, DITTO. Mom, DITTO. For everyone else that is supportive of Mary and her being so vunerable and open to us thereby letting us learn, DITTO. For the individuals who feel the need to criticize and help “shape” Mary and hold her accountable, get over yourselves. Mary certainly has a best friend/lover, family and even close friends that she interacts with on a daily basis who can help her on that intimate level. As for her blogging friends? Instead of insisting this is a growth oppurtunity for Mary, use it as a chance to grow for yourself. Look in the mirror…. why is it so imporrtant that you try to control a person whose random thoughts you read on the web? Are you that desperate to ignore the work you need to do in your own life?
Thanks for that comment. I hope people do take it as a chance to grow. I’d like to grow a little myself, maybe in the direction of being less vulnerable. we will see. Thanks for sticking around and supporting me.
That list you just wrote? I could have written much the same thing. As could many of us that are struggling with weight. It’s a hard thing for us to deal with and yet there are lots of people out there who think that we should be able to just buckle down and do it. Screw them. Screw the nasty comments. I’m a new follower but I’ve read enough of what you’ve written on this here blog to know how hard you’ve worked. It’s a long road. I’m glad you’re taking a break…sometimes that’s just what we need.