Today, I decided to start with the first post of a series I started a while ago about why I became obese. The reasons people end up weighing more than they should are all different, but mine are pretty simple and all related to my past disordered ways of eating: emotional eating, compulsive eating, and binge eating. I’m still writing the other posts and they will show up in the near future as a continuation of this series. Emotional eating was the easiest for me to write since I’ve already written quite a lot about being an emotional eater, so here it is.
Why I Became Obese – Emotional Eating
I don’t spend a ton of time writing about how I became obese or the misery attached to that particular condition in my case. I like to focus instead on happier things – the exercise I do and how it makes me feel, what cool things I’m doing with my life, anything that makes me happy. It’s easier to solidify the happy, healthy life I want by blogging about things that make me happy because they reinforce the happy person I am.
But running away from negative feelings and not focusing on myself is part of the reason why I developed disordered eating habits and ended up obese and unhappy in the first place. So occasionally, I have to leave the happy current me and spend some time figuring out what went wrong and why the old me existed. So bare with me on this, and since this will turn into a series on why I became obese, just know I’ve got a lot of issues floating around in my head.
By now you already know that I’m an emotional eater. I’ve written about it before in length and even covered my history of emotional eating that explained a lot of the verbal and emotional abuse that led me to develop the eating habits to cope.
But I feel like I’ve never explained why. I’m not even sure I know why, but I want to write until I figure something out. If you feel like skipping this particular therapy session I seem determined on having, go read something better.
Why am I an emotional eater? A lot of people get teased, or abused, or hurt as a child or young adult. Most of them don’t turn to eating as a solution, but I did. I think in the beginning I did it because if reinforced what I was being teased about. I was being tortured for being “fat” and “an ugly cow” and whatnot, even though I wasn’t ridiculously huge. I might have been overweight but by no means did I deserve a teasing from my brothers for it. But because they teased me about that I turned to food. I guess I felt that if I did make myself fat I would be able to say, so what? I know! … And I eventually did say that. I used to say “I know” all the time. Like they weren’t telling me anything I didn’t know.
Eventually I guess the fact that food actually made me feel better kicked in. I realized that food made me calmer. I could be emotional and crazy and not want to think about all the bad things I had been called or called myself, so I’d focus on food. I’d think about eating and then make the food and then eat it. The whole process calmed me down and made me zone out to the fact that I felt miserable about what is happening. I didn’t necessary feel good about it or because of it, but I felt better. I didn’t have to think about the bad stuff – I just had to think about food. The calming affect of some carbs and sugar was a miracle drug for me as a young teen. I don’t think I realized the damage I was doing to my body, but I knew that eating something else would get me past the bad stuff I felt.
Once I realized this amazing effect of food, I used it whenever I wanted to feel better or escape. If I couldn’t physically escape the situation I know I could emotionally through the process of eating. So I ate, and ate, and ate whenever I was emotional. The funny thing was my emotional eating started as a reaction to feeling sad. But it soon because a reaction to any emotion I felt too strongly.
When I was sad, I ate. This made sense. But soon I ate because I was angry. If I was too angry without knowing what to do I would eat. At times it felt like a punishment to myself as well as the blissful zoning out, and I suppose on some level I felt if I couldn’t punish those who made me angry then I would punish myself. If I became lonely, I would eat. If I didn’t have friends, which for a few years in middle and high school I didn’t, then I ate to feel busy and less lonely. Basically it ended up that any single emotion I felt too much I would smother it with food. Food never made me feel good but it always made me forget the emotion I was trying to escape. And that in turn made me feel better.
With the knowledge that food would make me feel better in any strong emotional situation, I went through high school gaining more and more weight. I’ve learned that emotional eating is one of the hardest problems to break because in a way you will probably always do this. Almost every does it occasionally, which is fine as long as you are not doing it all the time like I was.
But emotional eating wasn’t the only reason I became obese. Not by a long shot. This will be the first post in a series about why I became obese that explains to you (and uncovers to me) the reasons why I gained so much extra weight. It wasn’t just one reason or one way of eating that caused my obesity and I would like to address them all and then eventually go on to explain how I am overcoming/dealing with them.
I can definitely relate to this. I had never really thought about it all that much, but I really didn’t start to overeat and gain weight until things became REALLY bad at home. Every gain since is almost always directly related to a bad event happening or something otherwise stressful going on.
.-= Steve´s last blog ..Status Report (Hindenburg Style): Week 19 =-.
Hey Mary. :-)
Emotional eating is a part of why I’ve packed on the pounds in the last decade or so. I imagine it’s one of the more common reasons we all got fat in the first place. It’s great to know you’re in a better place now so you don’t have to rely on being stuck in that emotional eating hell and can get that seratonin from other means. :-)
–Ron
.-= Ron´s last blog ..Feeling The Pressure =-.
I remember the first time I noticed food was great for stabilizing my mood. I was at Disney World and was in the second grade (I think). My little brother and I had been quarreling and I’m sure we were driving my parents up a wall. My mother decided it was time for dinner. Afterward, I commented on how much better of a mood I was in. My mother explained that eating something made me less cranky.
It’s a little thing, I know, and I’m not claiming that if it hadn’t happened I’d be thin now. Not by a long shot. It was just the first memory I had of eating to calm myself.
Andrew
.-= 100 Pounds in a Year´s last blog ..Little Things – Part 2 =-.
WOW. I can relate to so much of that (which isn’t new), but what really struck a chord with me is this, ” At times it felt like a punishment to myself…”.
That really clicked. I would eat to punish myself. It was a twisted punishment/reward. If I felt bad about myself I would punish & reward myself with food simultaneously.
That really made a light bulb go off in my head.
Looking forward to the rest of this series…
.-= Kimmers´s last blog ..Already?!? =-.
Mary, I like reading posts like this because I can relate. It sucks getting teased as a child. I’m sorry you had to go through that. What I’ve found for myself is that it’s a complex labrynith that I’m not sure I’ll ever uncover, but it feels good peeling off the layers. I look forward to reading more on this series.
.-= Anonymous Fat Girl´s last blog ..Thoughts on gastric bypass =-.
This is a great post, and I can relate to a lot of it. I know that when my step-mother comments on my weight, even today, all I can think about is EATING something to make myself feel better. I wish people would truly understand the ramifications of this sort of comment, to children especially.
In the meantime, I think emotional eating is a great topic. Thanks for sharing your own thoughts and experiences!
.-= Janet´s last blog ..Mandarin Orange Romaine Salad =-.
Great post Mary! Thank you for sharing.
I was never obese but overweight. Food was “the thing” in my house growing up & lots of sweets. It became habit to eat like that but then it was also part of an escape after I started to get fat & kids became mean. You eat to drown out how bad you feel & that makes it worse.
I can’t wait to hear more of your story@
.-= Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Leg/Butt Move; You are Worth It! =-.
Very well written, my friend. Yes, I turned to food for comfort as well. My home life was pretty bad and it was the one thing that I could turn to at the time.
.-= Fattie Fatterton´s last blog ..5 Bad Foods That are Actually Healthy =-.
Emotional eating lead to my being overweight in my youth as well, and I am STILL facing those issues today, even after losing weight. It is TOUGH to have food connected to such a wide range of emotions, but I do believe the relationship can be changed with time and practice :)
.-= Lara (Thinspired)´s last blog ..25 to 25 =-.
One of the things I love about your blog is how honest and open you are about yourself and your emotions. That is the blog I’ve been TRYING to write for at least a week or more before my head got stuffed up with this cold but its something I would like to do more, and it takes a lot of courage to open yourself up to everyone so its awesome that you do.
.-= merri´s last blog ..beth [Flickr] =-.
Emotional eating is such a big part of obesity for so many people. It’s something I’ve struggled with, too. Food as drug can be a tough addiction to break, but doesn’t it feel good to take charge of it? Look forward to reading more.
.-= Chad´s last blog ..Week Without Weighing – Day 2 (Sort Of…) =-.
It is so important to get to the nitty gritty on that stuff. People have this conception that you just “lose the weight” and everything will be fine. But if you don’t address the REASONS why you got that way in the first place, it’ll never be long term. Keep up the great work Mary and hope you had a safe flight home. (We’ll be in your neck o’ the woods in 2 months!)
I just love fooooooood! I think this series would be good for all to hear — it’ll help all of us figure out our own reasons on why we are where we are.
Also, come check out a giveaway on my blog. It’s nothing big but it’s free!
It’s not far-fetched at all to link childhood situations to emotional eating patterns. My parents pretty much felt snacking was evil, and we’d just have to hold out ’til the next meal. So, I’d stay up long after everyone had gone to bed, watch old movies and eat whatever I thought my parents wouldn’t miss. It’s a habit whose pull I feel even today when I have the house to myself.
.-= Nancy B. Kennedy´s last blog ..Faith and "excess avoirdupois" =-.
So many people can relate to this post. Food is used to replace a lot of things we feel are missing from our lives. Love, attention, fufillment, etc. We need to learn how to change our perspective and that can be the hardest journey of all. Thanks so much for sharing your story…you realize how much it helps others in the same boat, don’t you? Safe travels!
I am beginning to think this blogging is more of a therapy than paying doctors outrageous prices to talk to them. You are truly a blessing, and to all the parents out there, there are no easy answers to raising children, they all have different needs and desires, but try to do better than me and look for the signs.
Sorry Mary,
Mom
I’ve also used emotional eating as a crutch for most of my life. And it’s so not about the food, but rather on the “zoning out”. It’s an escape mechanism, pure and simple. I truly believe that we can overcome this, if we are prepared to face life in all its facets, which takes a lot of courage. Good luck!
.-= Hanlie´s last blog ..My weight in perspective =-.
I congratulate you on your honesty, emotional eating can be a vicious circle to get into…you eat because you’re depressed and then you’re depressed because you’ve eaten.
.-= Barry´s last blog ..How To Put The Boot Into Fat =-.
Hey Mary?
if you still keen in emotional eating, please always spare a lot of healthy foods at home, instead of junk foods :)
.-= Jason @ Healthy Weight Loss Plan´s last blog ..Solve Your Weight Loss Issues With Ask A Doctor Online =-.
I hear ya, sister. I find comfort in food whenever I get upset or depressed. It’s a sad cycle one needs to break out of.
I hear you all. I have a bit of you in me…I emotionally eat when I’m sad, mad, tired, hungry, bored, happy, alone.
I binge on Chips, Ice Cream, candy anything that tastes good to me. I like sweet and salty.
I have become obese. I hate every second of it. I went on a diet and lost a lot of weight for my wedding but as soon as i started ‘cheating’ at my all inclusive honeymoon it all went downhill from there.
I packed on about 60-100lbs in about 6 months…totally not healthy at all!
I wanted to do something about it. So I needed a pick me up, a motivation. To drill it into my head. To be there for me, and I came across this book by Melonie Dodaro, “The MindBody FX Lifestyle”. I wanted someone that knew what they were talking about. I love this book because you learn to focus on your ideal weight, you get into that new mindset, and you take control of your bad habits. So far, the emotional eating hasn’t happened, I have lost 6lbs and still on my way to a great start. I don’t think I could have done this without the help in this book. I’ve learned to substitute my portions and in replace of what i ‘crave’ i have something healthy. It’s really worked out, I haven’t binge eaten in a long time and I’m already seeing a change in myself and my skin too.
I feel like I can try and make a difference through what I learned and I would love to pay it forward. I took a picture of myself before and I am going to take an after picture when I’m at my ideal weight just to see exactly what has changed!
So good luck to all of you. I hope my post can give you a little bit of hope!!
.-= Chrissy´s last blog ..ChrissysKorner: Had a great staycationing in vancouver with all the olympic hype! The atmosphere in vancouver is amazing! =-.